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  1. #21
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    Feel free to keep posting. Sometimes talking things through helps a person. How long will you put up with this behaviour? In my opinion you have to ask yourself what really matters to you, what important. If he is willing to do what is important then stick it through, if not then don't.
    Im out, its been fun

  2. #22
    an abyss of Nothingness Arctic Hysteria's Avatar
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    When was the last time you two did something new and exciting together?
    When was the last time your relationship was about having fun and not about draining each other out?

    I don't know about your boyfriend but I believe SP folks need stimulations and new experience. Lots of them. They need to be inspired to love you. They cannot be told, asked or nagged to do anything for you. It's tough.
    .
    | | | If it is god who makes man, this is the devil finishing touches | | |
    .

  3. #23
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    I know i'm a little late on this, but my on/off relationship sounds very similar to yours Thinkerbelle. Would be interested to know if you are still with your ISTP? I'm a 27 year old ISFJ female, currently on/off dating with a 31 year old ISTP male. I'm feeling a little frustrated, I have been on and off (it seems) with my ISTP for almost 18 months! It feels like we go 1 step forward and 3 steps back most of the time. I really adore (sorry cringe) this man and he makes me feel amazing when we're together (positive, happy, excited, attractive), I've never experienced such happiness before with any other man when we're together, it's crazy! At the moment (I think it seems that we're off), I can't get him to confirm either way! Would be good to get a perspective from another ISTP on this or someone that's dealt with something similar! Here's the story from the beginning: We work for the same company (but are not based in the same office, so rarely see each other), we live about 1 hour 30 minutes apart. In the beginning I started the conversation and he followed in his own time, we than began on this mad whirlwind romance, constantly texting each other (literally non stop, until early hours of the morning, sometimes 5am and then we'd get up for work!) for around 6 weeks, he'd constantly contact me if i didn't respond and never want to leave to go to sleep and always asked when he could see me) this hasn't ever happened to me and he said he'd never stayed up all night every night talking to anyone ever. After that we still continued to see each other a few times a week and he'd always make the effort, had an amazing sex life. He'd call me his boyfriend and to me that felt confusing because although i loved being with him and speaking to him he didn't feel like a boyfriend (in the way that he hadn't met any of my friends, family etc which i didn't think i was ready for at the time anyway!) About 6 months in, this all changed and he became distant, i'm not sure if he got scared? We went away for a weekend together which I kind of just booked and had to push him to do and we argued quite a bit. He was still calling me his boyfriend etc and did tell me he loved me for the remaining 5 months after this but at this point, he was barely making an effort to see me, we'd see each other once a month and he'd always prioritize friends and occasions over me, which i was never invited too and it was almost a year in and i'd started inviting him to weddings and occasions but he never came! I started to get a little frustrated at this point and ended up loosing it (the difficulty between us is definitely the lack of communication!), he didn't speak to me for a few weeks then eventually came back, although he was even more distant than before, we saw other once the month after the first blow out, my birthday was coming up and he'd known when it was for quite sometime but didn't make any effort to see me around this time and didn't even message me until the evening, so i got really upset and frustrated again and we then stopped speaking for another few weeks, we then spoke again on the phone and it seemed like it was over to me, he was going away and he said we'd stay in contact, he didn't contact me, therefore it felt like it was over. In the last 2 months, we've met once and have been on/off contacting, the last time we met he was acting as if we were together again, calling me 'babe', holding my hand, hugging me, kissing him, buying me dinner. He's told me he's never stopped loving me. We've been speaking every now and again since, but not as much as we used to, he never tells me what he's up to! (which i'm used to now!) but I don't know what all that means? He texted me this weekend asking what I'm up to, I told him and he replies was it a date (he does this regularly) but at the same time won't agree if we're together or not. It's very confusing. We haven't slept together for 5 months, but he always talks about 'how amazing our sex is' What do you think he's thinking? Is he scared as he feels I'm pushing him? He won't tell me. I've told him that it doesn't feel like we're together. I miss seeing him and spending time with him but I also like that I get my own space and life, it's worked out well for me but i just want a bit more from him but maybe that's too much for him? Maybe i pushed him to soon but it would be nice if I could be a bigger part of his life but it doesn't seem as if that's what he wants. I'm not sure whether to move on or whether to keep waiting? But how long do I wait? Would be really good to get some insight into this. (Also something i forgot to mention, not sure if it's important. He'd asked that we keep our relationship private at work, so 18 months on no one at work even knows!) Look forward to hearing some thoughts on this!

  4. #24
    Senior Member Babybop's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThinkerBelle View Post
    Hello everyone. Im new to this forum and just recently discovered my myers briggs personality type. I tried to search for threads or articles about ISFJ and ISTP relationship. I am in a relationship where communication is almost impossible with my bf, we have constant fights and i find it so hard to understand him. I have gone as far as reading books on relationships just to help me understand him and men in general. To a point its just so exhausting that I feel its just not fair that I exhaust all these efforts just to make the relationship work. Im in love with his man and really do wish to spend my life with him. We have been dating for almost 2 years now. I took two tests online and showed im an ISFJ in both tests, this type describes me fairly accurately. I then asked my Bf to take the same test and he's an ISTP. I read that one characteristic of this type is their "lack of long term commitment".

    I still am not that familiar with the different personality types, but would like to gain some insights on this combination. Will an ISTP and ISFJ relationship work out?

    Please help.
    This sounds very similar to my relationship with an ISTP, except I'm an INFP, but I think our types are very similar.
    We fight often, mostly over commitment (he has never seen a successful, lasting relationship) and considerateness vs. sincerity.

    What do you and your boyfriend fight about? Knowing that would be really helpful.
    Previous username: EliaBlack

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