INTJ and INTJ Relationships

[highlander]

What do you think about relationships between INTJs and INTJs? The focus of this is really on romantic relationships but it also makes sense to discuss your experience in situations where these two types interact in a significant way – such as friendship, at work, etc.

When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
- How compatible do you think these two types are in general?
- Why are they attracted to each other?
- How to they compliment each other?
- How well do they understand each other and why?
- What are they like together raising children?

When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
- What are some of the communication challenges they can have?
- What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?
- How can they take each other for granted?
- What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?

Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
- What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?
- What advice do you have for each of the two types?
- What advice do you have for the INTJs?

 

[gromit]

I have never observed this but I have to imagine it would be one of the most efficient and powerful things ever.

But possibly sad if they ever had kids :-/

 

[Coriolis]

I have never observed this but I have to imagine it would be one of the most efficient and powerful things ever.

But possibly sad if they ever had kids

Why? We would raise them to be efficient and powerful as well.

Actually, INTJ/INTP has some of this quality.

 

[gromit]

Why? We would raise them to be efficient and powerful as well.

Actually, INTJ/INTP has some of this quality.

Oh maybe if they had sensitive feeler kids I guess... it would depend on the two people who are the parents obviously.

 

[greenfairy]

Why? We would raise them to be efficient and powerful as well.

Actually, INTJ/INTP has some of this quality.

I was thinking it could be sad if the two were emotionally repressed and lacked expression of affection for their children. Which could apply to INTJ-INTJ or INTJ-INTP.

 

[Coriolis]

Oh maybe if they had sensitive feeler kids I guess... it would depend on the two people who are the parents obviously.

I was thinking it could be sad if the two were emotionally repressed and lacked expression of affection for their children. Which could apply to INTJ-INTJ or INTJ-INTP.

Do you think these types, especially in these pairings, would therefore make bad parents?

 

[highlander]

Have any of the INTJs here actually been in a relationship with another INTJ? I'm really sort of curious. Most of the comments so far are about the concept of it

 

[gromit]

Do you think these types, especially in these pairings, would therefore make bad parents?

Nope. Or not necessarily.

 

[grey_beard]

Have any of the INTJs here actually been in a relationship with another INTJ? I'm really sort of curious. Most of the comments so far are about the concept of it

My answer is this:

"I too once passed the Dimrill Gate,” said Aragorn quietly; “but though I also came out again, the memory is very evil. I do not wish to enter Moria a second time.”

Strictly speaking, that's not completely true: I'd just have to make absolutely clear about some things I hadn't known to look for back then (first relationship).

 

[highlander]

My answer is this:

"I too once passed the Dimrill Gate,” said Aragorn quietly; “but though I also came out again, the memory is very evil. I do not wish to enter Moria a second time.”

Strictly speaking, that's not completely true: I'd just have to make absolutely clear about some things I hadn't known to look for back then (first relationship).

That would be something very interesting to hear about. I understand how you might not want to talk about it though.

 

[greenfairy]

Do you think these types, especially in these pairings, would therefore make bad parents?

I think it depends on the individuals and whether their children like their parenting style. I felt my INTJ dad was somewhat emotionally distant even though we got along pretty well (although I wouldn't say this has scarred me for life or anything), and my INFP cousin has an INTP and INTJ as parents and she was pretty traumatized by her experience. But other less sensitive and/or emotional types might not mind it at all. And there might be INFX's who don't mind.

 

[GarrotTheThief]

I'd imagine this would be like two people sitting in a room, never moving, and assuming they were check mating each other in a game of 'oops I dropped my pencil' except nothing ever happens except for crickets. All humor aside, this would be a site to see as the two or four eyed monster mind melded you with double int power drive psy blasts.

 

[laterlazer]

Do you think these types, especially in these pairings, would therefore make bad parents?

I think every type can make bad parents for any reason. Generally no one is a perfect parent and a lot of parents are 'doing something wrong'. I don't think there's any one way to be a good parent, and I think everyone tries but may/may not realise that they're still lacking in some areas when it comes to parenting.

 

[Gizmo]

I personally believe that It would take an INTJ to truly understand another INTJ. People assume that we are complicated and mysterious people due to all of the rubbish stereotypes, but we are actually simple minded heart felt people who don't like to play on emotions when trying to understand and make a sense of things. Obviously this is always happing, as in the analytical/thinking process never stops. It's like our mind is an engine that never ceases to reciprocate. However before I fly off subject, but we understand children's emotions rather well. At family functions I prefer to sorta babysit all of the little ones. They have a taste for adventure, are typically uncorrupted emotionally, and the ask a lot of questions that I have the answer to. I've never been in a relationship, so I can't help you there. However I hope I have dished out some adequate insight as to how INTJ's may typically respond to one another, and their children.

 

[violet_crown]

Have any of the INTJs here actually been in a relationship with another INTJ? I'm really sort of curious. Most of the comments so far are about the concept of it

Ive dated another ENTJ. It was awesome except when it wasnt.

 

[aanule]

Ive dated another ENTJ. It was awesome except when it wasnt.

Oh, good lord... How did you not kill each other??? I nearly killed my ENTJ ex and I'm the most mild mannered, agreeable ENFP imaginable.

 

[Gizmo]

Ive dated another ENTJ. It was awesome except when it wasnt.

Although INTJ and ENTJ are considered sister types A.K.A. the trail blayzers... They can be similar and also very different... In relationship terms it is pointless to compare the two because their social, and emotional contrast are very different.

 

[Edgar]

Have any of the INTJs here actually been in a relationship with another INTJ? I'm really sort of curious. Most of the comments so far are about the concept of it

I can't even stay friends with other INTJs. Bunch of uptight asocial assholes.

 

[violet_crown]

Oh, good lord... How did you not kill each other??? I nearly killed my ENTJ ex and I'm the most mild mannered, agreeable ENFP imaginable.

Mm. I'm thinking this question may have been somewhat rhetorical, but I'll answer it like it wasn't lol.

The relationship was definitely combustible at times, but I think the factors that made it such were more to do with the fact that he was poly and I wasn't really cut out to be someone's secondary. Neither of us really expected to become as invested in the relationship as we did. There were a lot of situations that presented themselves early on with us--above and beyond considerations of the basic complexity of nonmonogamy--that forced us to either choose each other or to keep moving, and for reasons that sort of defied both of us we always made the choice to stay together. Which sounds like the noble choice, but we mostly just used it as opportunity to further devastate the other. There's kind of an odd unconscious innocence to ENTJs. I think it was just hard for either of us to accept that someone you loved so intensely could be so bad for you. To accept that, no matter how differently you did it this time, how many more rules you made for yourself and them, and how much harder you tried to abide by them, your involvement with this individual would cause you nothing but misery and disappointment. (Which, ironically, is how I feel most people feel about romantic entanglements with ENTJs anyways, but I digress lol.)

Either way, the only reason both of us lived through being involved with the other is a peculiar but shared talent for survival generally, and also probably spite lol.

Also, romantic entanglements with ENFPs have ALWAYS been a mistake for everyone involved. I feel it always becomes this conflict where there's this, like, unspoken test from the ENFP. And I KNOW what they want me to do, but I act like I don't. This is in part because performing that sort of emotional vulnerability and openness in the deliberate way they seem to be looking for in order to feel loved/validated/whatever makes me feel like I'm going to die of death. It just shuts me down and makes me resentful of the person. It's like, "We have a cool thing right now. Why do you have to fuck up that thing by getting MORE out of me than what I'm already anteing up freely? Fuck you. You get nothing now."

Now, I'm beyond cognizant of the fact that this is the position of an emotionally immature jackass. Typically, the thing that the ENFP is looking for is in fact something that a normal person would be happy to give to them in that moment, but because ENTJs are basically terrible humans who should be dated by no one, we do not. We also get a somewhat perverse delight out of shutting down a person like the ENFP who is typically used to being irresistible.

Honestly, yall are better off with virtually any other TJ than us, especially those nice INTJs if you can find one. INFPs tend to have a better handle on how to keep us in line, which is what most of us need most of the time lol.

Although INTJ and ENTJ are considered sister types A.K.A. the trail blayzers... They can be similar and also very different... In relationship terms it is pointless to compare the two because their social, and emotional contrast are very different.

Are you implying here that the probability of an INTJ/INTJ partnership working out are different than that of an ENTJ/ENTJ pairing working out? If not the point, that ENTJs and INTJs are pretty dissimilar seems pretty obvious.

If you're pointing to the latter, I feel nonetheless that while the types are on the whole distinct, they're alike enough that there would be overlap in the qualities and dynamics in an Identity relationship that would tend to make either find that sort of relationship to be less than fulfiling.

 

[aanule]

Mm. I'm thinking this question may have been somewhat rhetorical, but I'll answer it like it wasn't lol.

The relationship was definitely combustible at times, but I think the factors that made it such were more to do with the fact that he was poly and I wasn't really cut out to be someone's secondary. Neither of us really expected to become as invested in the relationship as we did. There were a lot of situations that presented themselves early on with us--above and beyond considerations of the basic complexity of nonmonogamy--that forced us to either choose each other or to keep moving, and for reasons that sort of defied both of us we always made the choice to stay together. Which sounds like the noble choice, but we mostly just used it as opportunity to further devastate the other. There's kind of an odd unconscious innocence to ENTJs. I think it was just hard for either of us to accept that someone you loved so intensely could be so bad for you. To accept that, no matter how differently you did it this time, how many more rules you made for yourself and them, and how much harder you tried to abide by them, your involvement with this individual would cause you nothing but misery and disappointment. (Which, ironically, is how I feel most people feel about romantic entanglements with ENTJs anyways, but I digress lol.)

Either way, the only reason both of us lived through being involved with the other is a peculiar but shared talent for survival generally, and also probably spite lol.

Also, romantic entanglements with ENFPs have ALWAYS been a mistake for everyone involved. I feel it always becomes this conflict where there's this, like, unspoken test from the ENFP. And I KNOW what they want me to do, but I act like I don't. This is in part because performing that sort of emotional vulnerability and openness in the deliberate way they seem to be looking for in order to feel loved/validated/whatever makes me feel like I'm going to die of death. It just shuts me down and makes me resentful of the person. It's like, "We have a cool thing right now. Why do you have to fuck up that thing by getting MORE out of me than what I'm already anteing up freely? Fuck you. You get nothing now."

Now, I'm beyond cognizant of the fact that this is the position of an emotionally immature jackass. Typically, the thing that the ENFP is looking for is in fact something that a normal person would be happy to give to them in that moment, but because ENTJs are basically terrible humans who should be dated by no one, we do not. We also get a somewhat perverse delight out of shutting down a person like the ENFP who is typically used to being irresistible.

Honestly, yall are better off with virtually any other TJ than us, especially those nice INTJs if you can find one. INFPs tend to have a better handle on how to keep us in line, which is what most of us need most of the time lol.





Are you implying here that the probability of an INTJ/INTJ partnership working out are different than that of an ENTJ/ENTJ pairing working out? If not the point, that ENTJs and INTJs are pretty dissimilar seems pretty obvious.

If you're pointing to the latter, I feel nonetheless that while the types are on the whole distinct, they're alike enough that there would be overlap in the qualities and dynamics in an Identity relationship that would tend to make either find that sort of relationship to be less than fulfiling.

My ENTJ was very unhealthy, and I think that was the sole cause of our demise (and my want to murder him at times).

I can see despising an ENFP's need for attention and the expectation that you'll find them irresistible. I'm certainly well aware that it can be annoying and over the top, so I try to rein it in.

That said, I'm now in a relationship with an ENFJ and he gives me all the attention I could possibly need... I haven't had to throw out any nets with him, the affection is just ready and waiting. It's refreshing, but not sure about the longevity (though he's quite certain, oops).