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  1. #1
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Default INFP and ISTP Relationships

    What do you think about relationships between INFPs and ISTPs? The focus of this is really on romantic relationships but it also makes sense to discuss your experience in situations where these two types interact in a significant way – such as friendship, at work, etc.

    When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
    - How compatible do you think these two types are in general?
    - Why are they attracted to each other?
    - How to they compliment each other?
    - How well do they understand each other and why?
    - What are they like together raising children?

    When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
    - What are some of the communication challenges they can have?
    - What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?
    - How can they take each other for granted?
    - What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?

    Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
    - What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?
    - What advice do you have for each of the two types?
    - If you are an INFP, what advice do you have for the ISTPs?
    - If you are an ISTP, what advice do you have for the INFPs?

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  2. #2
    Junior Member DarkBear's Avatar
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    These types are each others "mystery" types. They have a very hard time understanding the others motivations. A successful relationship will likely be seen as shallow by the INFP, and the ISTP will see the INFP as emotional or reactive, and not understand his or her quest for meaning. But, I was talking about the successful relationship! They will focus on doing things together. On quietly enjoying the subtle things in life -- both types are very observant. INFP of the inner world, and ISTP of the outer world. A true union of these two opposites, could be something great, but accepting the other in their mysterious silence will the way to success.
    INfP / 4w5 sp / bears are playful, bears are grumpy /
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  3. #3
    an abyss of Nothingness Arctic Hysteria's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DarkBear View Post
    They have a very hard time understanding the others motivations.


    A successful relationship will likely be seen as shallow by the INFP, and the ISTP will see the INFP as emotional or reactive, and not understand his or her quest for meaning.


    They will focus on doing things together.


    accepting the other in their mysterious silence will the way to success.




    I need to give @DarkBear many hugs for being so on point.

    I'm in a pretty new relationship with an ISTP. The chemistry is great, we're both open minded, easily bored and adventurous. The INFP in me enjoys his bossiness and dominance. He loves my femininity and insights. We are both adrenalin junkies.

    However, very early on I have already detected potential issues, and these issues can be described generally like DarkBear did.
    I'm far too emotionally and spiritually deep for him. He is far too independent and self-reliant for me to create the kind of bond, connection and mutual understanding that I desire.
    I look for a unique, inseparable, irreplaceable, soulmate kind of partnership. He wants something interesting, exciting, simple, light-hearted. I can be those 4 convenient adjectives and more. But I have the heavier, shadowy, much darker thoughts and feelings in me that are definitely incomprehensible and way too much to handle for him.

    To make this relationship last, I will need to continue being what I was on our first 6 dates: a great banter, easy-going, spontaneous, adventurous, sexy, charming, caring, light-hearted, aloof, busy.
    Truth is, all of these qualities are only among many of my identities. I pick out those identities and put them on as I see the "positive" responses from him. It's not that those things are not me. Just not the entirety of me. And now, slowly, those things have become the only things he'd like to see in me.

    God, if I am going to have to spend the rest of my life with this man, I'll be so tired, from making myself convenient for him. I'll be so tired of trying to soar and fly with him, every . single . time. And if today is the day I decide I just want to stay on the ground, he'd not be around, he'd fly alone.
    I think we would end up resenting one another, for him leaving me alone with my thoughts and feelings, and for me holding him back from all of the exciting callings.
    .
    | | | If it is god who makes man, this is the devil finishing touches | | |
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  4. #4
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    I am a more laid back istp. I have to always be doing something, but I don't always have to be out and about. Its just hard to sit still. I workout when I am bored. I can be pulled in to relax as long as I get to get things done that need to be done.

    I really enjoy infps, there emotional rollercoaster I enjoy as well. I don't have that rollercoaster is I love to see it in others as long as its sincere and not just a "I am just trying to get a rise". Infps have that sincerity that I enjoy. With Infp I dated i wasn't as romantic as she wanted, but I was also more friends then a relationship. I just never did feel it, though sex was good and very frequent. She was sexually attacking me every chance she got, no complaints here. We started out as friends and she wanted to see where things went so we tried.

    We are very much different, I don't understand her motivations. I had to rely on trust which she never let me down. That's what built up the trust in the first place. It only lasted a couple months as I didn't see it going anywhere, not because of type, but the person. Staying in it made me feel trapped from spreading my wings with someone else so I ended it.

    With a different infp I can see it going far, but not this one I dated.
    Im out, its been fun

  5. #5
    libtard SJW chickpea's Avatar
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    i've been hesitant to post in this thread because i don't really feel that my relationship is a representation of what all INFP-ISTP couples are. but i've been with a (probably) ISTP for 3.5 years, lived together for most of that time.

    there was a lot of truth to what was said before, although i wouldn't agree that he's shallow, more like shockingly pragmatic at times? we come to the same conclusions a lot but then when i learn how different his thought process was, i'll think he's a crazy person. basically we both think the other is crazy, but it's usually endearing.
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  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by chickpea View Post
    i've been hesitant to post in this thread because i don't really feel that my relationship is a representation of what all INFP-ISTP couples are. but i've been with a (probably) ISTP for 3.5 years, lived together for most of that time.

    there was a lot of truth to what was said before, although i wouldn't agree that he's shallow, more like shockingly pragmatic at times? we come to the same conclusions a lot but then when i learn how different his thought process was, i'll think he's a crazy person. basically we both think the other is crazy, but it's usually endearing.
    I have been told I am not normal either, glad you posted anyway : ). I agree with the different ways, infp I dated was very religious and I am not, but we seemed to always end up with the same end result, we just travelled different paths to get there also. We were both very strong P so we were both laid back and kinda just took turns which path we took. Never really fought just bickered a little, but not much.
    Im out, its been fun
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  7. #7
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I don't really know the appeal of INFPs to ISTPs?

    An old ISTP friend reconnected with me recently. He was very direct that he has always found me attractive and seems to be intersted in me romantically.

    But honestly, looking at things he likes, it seems he is drawn to some very stereotypical ISTP stuff; i.e. chicks with tattoos, rather plastic looking women, women with these sort of harsh & arrogant attitudes, etc. Pretty much xSTP women .

    I am so opposite of that...I am not plain, but I go for more of a boho or eclectic fashion look and generally appear more soft and sweet (think Alexa Chung or someone like that). I dont have any badass attitude either. I am not into tatoos. I am bookish and spiritual. Etc.

    I find it really bizarre that he seems interested in me. Is this just an opposites thing?

    Any insight from those who have been there?
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  8. #8
    Senior Member great_bay's Avatar
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    INFP and ISTP have all of their shadow functions in reverse order. They appear to be mysterious to each other because they don't understand their view of the world. They're drawn to the mysterious element in each other. I do have a INFP and ISTP relatives. Conversations never go past casual topics such as sports. In my opinion, the relations is only worthwhile if they're members of the same club. Don't bother getting close to each other.
    5w4,4w5,1

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  9. #9
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    But honestly, looking at things he likes, it seems he is drawn to some very stereotypical ISTP stuff; i.e. chicks with tattoos, rather plastic looking women, women with these sort of harsh & arrogant attitudes, etc. Pretty much xSTP women .
    Just a hunch, but perhaps he doesn't see them as being relationship material.

  10. #10
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    I have found INFP's to be constantly in a state of making things better. A relationship, their job, quality of life, etc. I see them as always on a path of self-improvement. I think they need this to be fulfilled.

    Which is fine but if that quality is directed at the ISTP, without their desire for the same thing, then I can see where the relationship might not survive.

    The ISTP takes it as the INFP is never satisfied and the INFP thinks the ISTP is stubborn and close-minded and doesn't want to improve.

    My friend is an INFP and at first I was romantically attracted. I asked them out upon first meeting. Ended up as friends. We do have great conversation, we both are patient and don't rush life. INFP's are coquettish, which can be sexy.


    But here is an example of how different we view things:

    There was a situation where I took care of this INFP when they were in a bad state where the INFP was drunk in a club and I knew that the INFP was going to crash hard in the next 15 min. I could see their face, body language.

    The INFP stated that was when they realized I was a good person (haha) because I didn't take advantage and keep the party going at the INFP's expense and took them home.

    They took that as me being a good person and yes, I was looking out for the INFP. But in my mind, it would be easier if they walked out on their own rather than me carrying them out. Lol. It was a practical decision.

    To the INFP, it was protective and showed loyalty and the INFP was like, "How did you know I was at that point? I didn't even know!" (INFP passed out on the drive home, btw).

    I was flattered at the compliments but felt undeserving of them. Just shrugged and said thanks. It was no problem. I'd do it again.
    -----


    I also think this pairing works best when the parties are friends first. Otherwise, it might be difficult to break down each others walls.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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