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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Sometimes the "take it day by day" types of people leave me with the impression that if any difficulty ever arises, then they are out; as if, the history or larger context doesn't mean anything at all, and neither does the person (just what you "get" from them).
    ...
    The way ISTPs are described sounds fickle, and frankly, a bit shallow and self-serving, although I don't necessarily see them that way in person.
    If you are a close friend or someone even closer then you can expect a great deal of loyalty from an ISTP. The just what you "get" from them is totally in contrast with the "rules" of an ISTP. Fairness is a fundamental principle followed by ISTPs, it can work against or for you depending on how you handle the relationship.
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  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I don't think your typical INFP is a long-term planner either, but I don't think most of is view commitment as planning.

    I don't like to commit to many long-term things because I want to stay open to different possibilites as they emerge. I don't like to be limited, and I like when life surprises me. INFPs are rarely ever control freaks, for that reason. We share the IxxP attitude of focusing on refining our inner model as a sort of compass and then being ready to improvise and adapt as needed to the external, dynamic world.

    When I think about the future, I think about my internal self...what I would like to feel. This usually means being aligned with big concepts also, such as experiencing creativity, autonomy, spirituality, intimacy, etc. I am very open to the many ways these things can manifest. My idea of them is constantly being refined, as well. But I also realize some commitment is involved for the development of higher goals, even if there is openness to how they are realized. What I usually just want to see is that someone is not going to confine me too much, that we both can grow, but also that there is some stability and tie in the shared feeling.

    So an issue for me (and likely most INFPs) with relationships is loyalty. I know things change, but I want to feel that someone will not take off the moment something gets difficult, which is inevitable in life. I am a whole, complex him with flaws, weaknesses, bad moods, bad days, bad weeks, etc. I don't want to have to be a cardboard cutout, a Stepford wife, a Geisha-bot, etc. I am willing to accept the whole of someone else also. Of course, the good should outweigh the bad.

    Sometimes the "take it day by day" types of people leave me with the impression that if any difficulty ever arises, then they are out; as if, the history or larger context doesn't mean anything at all, and neither does the person (just what you "get" from them). It seems there is no loyalty there, to me. To me, the pleasant times are not static, but neither are the difficult ones. I cannot define things by a moment then, but instead, a larger, continuous dynamic.

    If someone cannot see the big picture, then I am left feeling on eggshells, and then a real intimacy is never going to happen. I also cannot call that love, which I do not think is so fickle or so selfish.

    So, I think it is reasonable for people to desire commitment, as a kind of pledge in good faith, so that there is enough security to be vulnerable and cultivate intimacy. I dont think that means life is planned out far into the future.

    The way ISTPs are described sounds fickle, and frankly, a bit shallow and self-serving, although I don't necessarily see them that way in person.
    The whole when the going gets tough, the tough get going thing. You have to look at a person and do they make big deals out of little things or do they make things work. I know personally I am always looking for what works best...and I don't mean logically best with blinders on toward one thing. I look at the people involved, the tasks, the goals, anterior wants, etc. And look at the big picture of things. By doing this i can usually resolve most situations such without them even getting tough. This alone reduces the overall negative tension in relationships and creates a very solid stable base which is one of the most important things in a relationship. Aside from that I am actually very stable and I personally don't have a fear of boredom or getting stuck where I am. I am good at enjoying where I am and making the best of it and not get restless. Don't get me wrong, I do get bored. But I build things, I go for a drive, I go out and about, I learn something new, I hang out with friends. Fickle would be the last word used to describe me. Rock would probably be the first word someone would use to describe me...among kind, caring, perceptive, etc. Thought the fears and emotions in the ISTP descriptions only match my extreme side, not my everyday side. Maybe i a just good at controlling my life so I don't hit my extreme sides much.

    I have had a stepford girlfriend. She handed me the remote when I got home from work and she cooked, cleaned, etc. I usually put it down, and went to the kitchen to chat and help. Though she wouldn't let me help much, so I usually just sat at the nook and helped with little things as we chatted. Like rolling asparagus with bacon, etc. I went nuts being bored and would roam the house looking for things to do. She had a certain view of a relationship, I should be king and her my servant. I can't do that, went stir crazy. I did enjoy it, but still went stir crazy.
    Im out, its been fun
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  3. #33
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    Hi, I've been married to an istp (male) for 10 years this December, with 4 years dating before that. When we were dating, I would take everything, the seeming shift in personality, the not initiating and the need for lots of space very personally. Those were the crazy years. Lots of avoiding conflict and feeling dejected sprinkled with times of real connection. I was young and in love with the good parts, I didn't want to stir the pot too. We stuck it out and got married, for me it was based on the gut feeling that he was a good man and I felt like I could trust him and I was head over heels in love with the guy (still am It hasn't been perfect but we're very compatible now that we've ironed out the differences. I've learned to talk about feelings in a less emotional way that he responds to very well and if I need affirmation and affection, I've learned to be vocal about it too. He's learned to come closer to me as well emotionally and he really tries to understand my way of thinking and being. It's work and I suppose it may be easier with someone more intuitive but that would take work too. I've also grown as a person bc of the differences. I've learned to be more direct, tuned into being more logical and in the here and now( although with three kids, you have to be lol) and less day dreamy... Although I can't (and don't want to) shut that off entirely. So, it can work for the long haul. I think if I were with another type, esp someone I could read very well, I would get bored. He's still mysterious to me after all these years and it's sexy. I think a balanced infp/istp relationship is very compatible.
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