User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 77

  1. #1
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/sp
    Socionics
    ILI Ni
    Posts
    17,904

    Default ENFP and ISTP Relationships

    What do you think about relationships between ENFPs and ISTPs? The focus of this is really on romantic relationships but it also makes sense to discuss your experience in situations where these two types interact in a significant way – such as friendship, at work, etc.

    When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
    - How compatible do you think these two types are in general?
    - Why are they attracted to each other?
    - How to they compliment each other?
    - How well do they understand each other and why?
    - What are they like together raising children?

    When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
    - What are some of the communication challenges they can have?
    - What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?
    - How can they take each other for granted?
    - What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?

    Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
    - What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?
    - What advice do you have for each of the two types?
    - If you are an ENFP, what advice do you have for the ISTPs?
    - If you are an ISTP, what advice do you have for the ENFPs?

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

    Tri-type 639

  2. #2
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/sp
    Posts
    5,536

    Default

    I have been in a relationship with an ENFP for two years. I will give you my personal experience.

    Attraction: I was attracted to his insane charisma, warmth and humor. He is a genuinely good person. That is a rare find.

    We are mirror images of each other. It is hard to describe and we are very different people even upon the outside looking in. But internally we have a similar core where we have the same ideas of how people should be treated with fairness. We are each other's best friends absolutely.

    We each have lives independent of each other and are very comfortable with that. There is no jealousy or possessiveness with each other and we each encourage each other to be happy and do what we would like to do. There is very much a free spirit in each of us.



    Problem areas: The main problem is the rose-colored glasses ENFP wears. That's not a problem in itself, it is with how that manifests in the dynamic.

    ENFP can be very sensitive to disharmony. They generally do not like to deal with unpleasant situations. The ISTP views conflict as just part of life. The way this problem manifests, at least in my relationship, is if I have been in prolonged stressful situations he has picked up on that stress and distanced himself from me because he takes on my stress personally. It becomes extremely counterproductive.

    This leads me to feel very unsupported and alone and as if I am carrying the heavy weight for both of us. I'm supporting him in his troubling times and I'm getting myself through my own.

    I'm sure he would say that I am a little cold and unfeeling at times. I think ENFPs have difficulty seeing how ISTP's show love. What they don't realize is just how profoundly we do feel.

    Another potential negative in this relationship is what the ISTP would view as ENFP "manipulation". This is extremely hard to describe. I know it will come out strange but it is worth mentioning.

    ENFP may project things onto the ISTP which are not accurate. In doing so, the ENFP acts on their assumptions as fact. The actions that ensue (from the assumptions) can confuse the ISTP and we sense something is not making sense but can't figure it out. It puts the ISTP in a defensive position. To the ISTP, this can feel like the ENFP is being inauthentic toward us and we react with mistrust or anger.

    Basically, assumptions are bad in this dynamic (on both ends) and can snowball easily. Again, communication is key.

    Saying all that, this is my most fulfilling relationship I have been in. Tremendous area of growth for both parties. In fact, I do think I have become a better person with him in my life. I learn a lot about people from him.
    ~luck favors the ready~


    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance

  3. #3
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Enneagram
    827 sp/so
    Posts
    20,131

    Default

    I had a fling with someone of that type... it ended when I learned that he was married

    we never ran out of things to talk about because we both were interested in almost everything and the sex was good

    he always wanted to pry into my personal self though and I didn't like that... there's a barrier where one's self begins and the rest of the world stops and he didn't seem to realize that he was included in that category as well... EVERYONE is included in that category. he overshared himself by my standards as well... except for the one point that I'd have been happy to hear earlier (i.e. "I'm married")

    on the bright side, as has been said, he didn't interfere with my life in any way and I stayed out of his... he wasn't jealous, which was good because I'm NOT a fan of jealousy

    overall, I have nothing against people of ANY personality type, but I do resent getting dragged into that situation
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    STP
    Posts
    10,501

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    I have been in a relationship with an ENFP for two years. I will give you my personal experience.

    Attraction: I was attracted to his insane charisma, warmth and humor. He is a genuinely good person. That is a rare find.

    We are mirror images of each other. It is hard to describe and we are very different people even upon the outside looking in. But internally we have a similar core where we have the same ideas of how people should be treated with fairness. We are each other's best friends absolutely.

    We each have lives independent of each other and are very comfortable with that. There is no jealousy or possessiveness with each other and we each encourage each other to be happy and do what we would like to do. There is very much a free spirit in each of us.



    Problem areas: The main problem is the rose-colored glasses ENFP wears. That's not a problem in itself, it is with how that manifests in the dynamic.

    ENFP can be very sensitive to disharmony. They generally do not like to deal with unpleasant situations. The ISTP views conflict as just part of life. The way this problem manifests, at least in my relationship, is if I have been in prolonged stressful situations he has picked up on that stress and distanced himself from me because he takes on my stress personally. It becomes extremely counterproductive.

    This leads me to feel very unsupported and alone and as if I am carrying the heavy weight for both of us. I'm supporting him in his troubling times and I'm getting myself through my own.

    I'm sure he would say that I am a little cold and unfeeling at times. I think ENFPs have difficulty seeing how ISTP's show love. What they don't realize is just how profoundly we do feel.

    Another potential negative in this relationship is what the ISTP would view as ENFP "manipulation". This is extremely hard to describe. I know it will come out strange but it is worth mentioning.

    ENFP may project things onto the ISTP which are not accurate. In doing so, the ENFP acts on their assumptions as fact. The actions that ensue (from the assumptions) can confuse the ISTP and we sense something is not making sense but can't figure it out. It puts the ISTP in a defensive position. To the ISTP, this can feel like the ENFP is being inauthentic toward us and we react with mistrust or anger.

    Basically, assumptions are bad in this dynamic (on both ends) and can snowball easily. Again, communication is key.

    Saying all that, this is my most fulfilling relationship I have been in. Tremendous area of growth for both parties. In fact, I do think I have become a better person with him in my life. I learn a lot about people from him.
    In a relationship with an Enfp as well and all of this rings true. Will respond a bit more, don't feel like responding in length on phone.

    To sum it up, there are some things in life I still want from a partner that this enfp hasnt provided, not that they wont ever, but we will see. Its not related to type though. All in all we get together very good.
    Im out, its been fun

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    STP
    Posts
    10,501

    Default

    I am currently in a relationship with an ENFP, been going on for the last 2 years also.

    Our personalities mesh really good. We get along awesomely and I am the only person she can not only stand to be around 24/7, but wants to be around 24/7. Our arguments don't go beyond a heated debate and are very short lived. Neither of us like arguing and one usually bends willingly. We are very different, but strangely very much alike.

    She has a very playful, happy, bubbly personality. That goes along with my conservative, think before I jump, laid back personality. This blend works perfectly because when I am on the fence she pushes me over in the right direction and I keep her from falling the wrong direction when she is on the fence. My think before you leap has lead her to trust my opinion and my judgement of things. This works out well because I love to push limits, I just don't do it stupidly.

    Our communication is really hit or miss when it comes to talking about things. She doesn't like it, but I accuse her a lot of her talking out of her ass. Its like she says what seems like a good idea and has convinced herself its the truth because of it. I have caught her in a lot of lies, but they are not really intentional lies if that makes sense. She is very shallow in her initial responses and leads me to believe that she really doesn't know who or what she likes. Despite the hit or miss communication we get along very well as the above I mentioned isn't really a big deal to me. We talk and text a lot, we both enjoy each others conversations very much even with the hit or miss. It ends up being more like, our communication works out very well because we can handle the hit or miss without anything blowing out of proportion. I hear a lot of people complain about N vs S communication. I can see the issues, but it doesn't really hinder the communication, it just takes slightly more effort. We are very much alike so its not a "who we are", its strictly how we talk about things. We say the same things in different ways. I can be a very blunt when it comes to people. Its not judgemental, but laying things out exactly as they are.

    The issues I have revolves mostly around her defense mechanism, it seems very cold and distanced. It makes me become very defensive to the point where I have a wall up constantly. It happened a lot at first which built the wall, but not much anymore. But when I build walls they are solid and it doesn't come down easy. I on the other hand have destroyed every wall she has built up before she really knew me. Its breaking through those walls which is why I now have walls. I don't know if its E vs I, but her walls are all encompassing, as in, this is how people are. My walls are very personal, I build a wall with kinda like facial recognition. Its for a specific person. There was a lot of pushing away at first and I don't do well with that, I build walls.

    I agree with the assumptions that ENFPs project things on me. It leads me to believe that she really doesn't know me all that well or listen. Its comes back to more talking out of her ass as when I disagree she agrees with me and can see exactly why I say what I am saying. Its more like she has this idea in her head and things morph towards it despite reality. I frequently have to bring her into reality.

    The one strange thing is that even though she is an E and I am an I, I have to teach her about people. This is due to her upbringing, I am slowly morphing how she sees people because she likes how I view things. They are very blunt and have a ton of truth to them. They are based on reality, not feelings, rose colored glasses, self-manipulation, etc. I see the world for what it is and I navigate according to it. The truth hurts, but no pain, no gain. She appreciates this very much because I see both sides to everything, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am a VERY strong middle brain person.

    All in all, the good out way the bad 100 times over. I don't know if I will end up marrying her, but I do always want her in my life and as a very close friend.

    I agree the key is that assumptions are made and communication is very important. Due to how our personalities mesh we seem to always be able to work things out.

    Not sure if this is with all ENFPs, but sex is good and very frequent. I don't believe frequent is a ENFP/ISTP dynamic thing, just an individual thing.
    Im out, its been fun
    Likes MDP2525, labyrinth_perhaps liked this post

  6. #6
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    2,879

    Default

    Oh wow @MDP2525 and @Poki, this is really interesting! Thanks for sharing!

  7. #7
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    729 sx/sp
    Socionics
    IEE Ne
    Posts
    5,634

    Default

    lol @Poki that thing about talking out her ass is cracking me up.

    i think that thing is something that a lot of other types have a hard time understanding. it's something that's caused problems in relationships for me as well. but it's our way of figuring out how we feel about something. to explore multiple sides. that can look like "i really love the X, Y, Z about this, this thing is great!" then "oh but A, B, C kinda sucks, this thing isn't so great." we almost have to put ourselves fully on each side in order to test it out. really the truth probably lies somewhere in the middle. the thing has positive and negative aspects and no GOOD or BAD can really be assigned. ...if that makes sense.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.
    Likes Redbone, Dreamer, MDP2525 liked this post

  8. #8
    ka-POW labyrinth_perhaps's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Socionics
    IEE Ni
    Posts
    237

    Default

    When ever I think of ISTPS I think of modest mouse...who knows why. ISTPs are enjoyable, and I tend to enjoy making up strategies to use subtle shock factor to excite them. I really love amusing ISTPS...not annoying them. I made a thread about my experience seeing an ISTP. my favorite characteristics in the ISTP is their confidence when they're sure of themselves. Or sometimes I really enjoy the drunk ISTP. which is bizarre to say, because they're known for getting a little too cocky drunk. But I see this side in them sober, when they're comfortable. It's not egotistical it's true emotion. I also like just looking at their facial expressions, which creeped out the guy I was seeing. idgaf. I ended things with him because we weren't on the same page intellectually. I'm no genius, but I'm quick when it comes to some things. But I know plenty of ISTPs who are more intellectually advanced than me.
    "I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
    -Oscar Wilde
    Likes MDP2525 liked this post

  9. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    STP
    Posts
    10,501

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by five sounds View Post
    lol @Poki that thing about talking out her ass is cracking me up.

    i think that thing is something that a lot of other types have a hard time understanding. it's something that's caused problems in relationships for me as well. but it's our way of figuring out how we feel about something. to explore multiple sides. that can look like "i really love the X, Y, Z about this, this thing is great!" then "oh but A, B, C kinda sucks, this thing isn't so great." we almost have to put ourselves fully on each side in order to test it out. really the truth probably lies somewhere in the middle. the thing has positive and negative aspects and no GOOD or BAD can really be assigned. ...if that makes sense.
    Makes sense, its compartmentalizing the individual pieces. I weigh the good and bad and assign the whole on a scale. It would be kinda like a pros and cons list except it gets a scale rating instead of picking a side. Of course non of this is actually paper and pencil nor do I put any effort into figuring out my scale. Its just one of those things that's automatic and natural.
    Im out, its been fun
    Likes five sounds liked this post

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    STP
    Posts
    10,501

    Default

    The romantic side is really good. We are both very romantically and sexually open. Willing to try new things.

    We are also in an open relationship. Neither of us are focused on the "open" relationship though nor are we looking for someone to replace each other. Its just more to enhance life if/when things come up. Life is to busy right now to really explore it more then we have. Open both in going outside the relationship sexually or emotionally to a degree or bringing another into it. Pretty much not limiting our life by rules that impede things, while focusing on working towards enjoying life as much as possible.
    Im out, its been fun

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFP] Thoughts on an ENFP and ENxP relationship?
    By liesl16 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 06-23-2016, 01:52 AM
  2. [ENFP] ENFP and ENTP relationship
    By DisneyFanGirl in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 40
    Last Post: 09-19-2013, 05:29 AM
  3. [ENFP] ENFP and INFP relationship
    By Lotr246 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 04-29-2013, 03:35 PM
  4. [INFP] INFP and ISTP relationship
    By cooliogirly1000 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 10-31-2009, 09:10 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO