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  1. #51
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Warrior Princess View Post
    @Poki and @MDP2525,

    Hi guys, since you are both ISTP's dating ENFP's I had a question.

    I broke up with my ex who is an ISTP 3 weeks ago. We had been dating for 7 months. I am willing to tell the story if need be, but I am at work and right now I am at lunch.
    Monday I texted and told him I missed him and he got right back to me saying he missed me and my smell (the smell part must be a sensor thing). Even when we were in a relationship he never texted me back that quick. I then texted "I will not beg nor will I expect but if you would like to call tomorrow night you welcome too." He immediately responded back with "Okay sweets, sounds good." He did not call, which was fine because I did not expect him to. Well Wednesday I was reflecting on our relationship and what I did wrong, and texted with apology for not trusting him enough. He got back to me 3 hours later and said that was not our issue, but he did not know what was the issue. I then texted "Sweetie I do not want to bother you, so if you want me to leave you alone please just say 'yes please'". He did not respond, we both have I-phones, so it shows me he read the text.

    So after just typing out of my ass , my question is: Could he be keep me as an option while he dates around to find better? I have thought of many other possibilities as us ENFPs are great at, but that one seems most plausible, but I could be incorrect. If you have any questions or other thoughts please feel free to share. And please be blunt I always appreciated that about him. thanks
    Without knowing back story, these exchanges sound like you are talking about one thing and he is thinking another.

    He may have been communicating while you guys dated but I know in the past, when relationships have been complex - I err on not dealing with it if it feels too daunting.

    So that also goes to what @Poki said that he doesn't sound interested enough to do the work. Maybe just interested enough to be around if it isn't too much work on his part.

    ISTP's can be efficient about their energy and in doing so be quite selfish that way.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  2. #52
    Junior Member Warrior Princess's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    Without knowing back story, these exchanges sound like you are talking about one thing and he is thinking another.

    He may have been communicating while you guys dated but I know in the past, when relationships have been complex - I err on not dealing with it if it feels too daunting.

    So that also goes to what @Poki said that he doesn't sound interested enough to do the work. Maybe just interested enough to be around if it isn't too much work on his part.

    ISTP's can be efficient about their energy and in doing so be quite selfish that way.
    Wow thank you so much, your explanation clicked, it rings very true. In fact I texted him just a few minutes ago and said I will leave him alone and bye, since I can see he is uninterested. He texted me right back and said "Sorrrrry suuuupppeerr busy " So I can clearly see he is interested enough as long as I am willing to put all the work into it.

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Warrior Princess View Post
    Wow thank you so much, your explanation clicked, it rings very true. In fact I texted him just a few minutes ago and said I will leave him alone and bye, since I can see he is uninterested. He texted me right back and said "Sorrrrry suuuupppeerr busy " So I can clearly see he is interested enough as long as I am willing to put all the work into it.
    How busy is he really? What's normal for him? Why did you break up? Need story
    Im out, its been fun

  4. #54
    Junior Member Warrior Princess's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poki View Post
    How busy is he really? What's normal for him? Why did you break up? Need story
    Yes totally will give you guys the story when I get home. I so appreciate your advise and interest in the story.

  5. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Warrior Princess View Post
    Yes totally will give you guys the story when I get home. I so appreciate your advise and interest in the story.
    Np, reminds me of a thread about an INTJ doing something similiar. I am super crazy busy...so may not respond quickly later...lol. Couldn't help myself
    Im out, its been fun

  6. #56
    Junior Member Warrior Princess's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poki View Post
    Np, reminds me of a thread about an INTJ doing something similiar. I am super crazy busy...so may not respond quickly later...lol. Couldn't help myself
    Haha love that you did that!

    okay want to tag @MDP2525 in case she would like the back story as well.

    So we met in person in June, we had met on a dating site. We met downtown at a place called sun dance square. We met at around 530 and did not depart until 1 in the morning, it genuinely was the best time of my life and he agreed it was very fun for him as well. We clicked instantly and he wanted to see me the next night so we hung out then as well. On our third date I asked when we were going out again, he said Friday, but did not give me a time or a place to meet. I was okay with that until Friday 530 pm came along and I had not heard from him, so I texted and ask what time and where was I meeting him and did not hear from him well at 730 I contacted a friend and decided to go out with them I texted him that and at 830 he texted and said "oh we can still hang out, there is still time", my issue was he could have communicated that earlier. I don't mind hanging out late but let me know, don't leave me hanging. So I went out with my friend instead and he texts "what am I supposed to do now go home and feel sad", I said that is up to you, but are you going to make it up to me. He said he would take me out the next night, I said okay but please give me a time I can meet him at his house. We went out and after that continued to date, but I look back and notice I was always the once asking when we would hang out, I did not see this as bad back then because I am an extrovert and he is an introvert. I caught him in 3 big lies and called him out on them and of course had an explanation, I made it clear I abhor lying. I told him not matter what be honest with me and I will be willing to work through anything. He also has an obsession with disc golf (Frisbee golf), I asked 4 different times was disc golf more important than me and all 4 times he said yes. Then towards the end of our relationship I asked will I ever come before disc gold he "Candy, don't ask me difficult questions, this early in the morning." I thought okay there my answer, but at the time I was like okay I will try to deal with that. I never had issues with him having that hobby, but he always put it above me. Now I have trust and insecurity issues, because I had a very traumatic childhood and was abused in every way you could think of, which he knew some of the history I told him. So I am by far not perfect and in October I had a miscarriage, and told him, he actually said he thought it was his fault, I took a lot of time to comfort and let him know it was not his fault. Then came the holidays which are hard for me, my aunt died November 2013, then my grandmother who raised me died that December, then the next month in January my mom died. So I with all of that I was a little sensitive, so I allowed a lot of emotional abuse on his end because of where I was emotionally. January is my birthday month and he did not even take me out until 12 days after when I asked him to and he said I was selfish for asking. I felt horrible and thought maybe I was being selfish, but then he kept being rude about it. There were so many other stories. But what made me break up with him was when he kept making excuses not to see me, would not take my calls, nor respond to my texts. So I took his stuff to his house and put it on his door, then texted him I did so, he finally contacted me and told me thanks. I asked did he want it to end he said he thought so, I then asked why did he not man up and end himself, he did not respond.

    There is so much more but I typed a lot already, so I believe that is the gist of it. He is a good guy with some great qualities, but us together seems to be toxic. So after typing this, doing more reflection, and talking with my dad, who is one of the most laid back people and very objective(but he was pissed hearing the story, and told me this man messed with my mind), I realize it is not a good idea in anyway to get back with this man. Now realize you are only my side of the story, so I am sure his side is different. My room mate could not believe he called me pushy, she said I am the most gentle person she knows, I explained to her I did get pushy with him because I felt like I had to be with him. But I hated every minuted of having to be pushy that is not me naturally. Oh since the miscarriage I have had some severe female issues I have to have surgery Tuesday, I actually am taking off tomorrow for my pre-operation appointments. I reminded him, but he has not offered to be there for me, he wants to know how it went but he did not even go with me when I had to go to the hospital after miscarriage, but a close friend from London and one from DC made sure to call me during that time and checked on me several times that day, he did not. I understand I allowed this to happen so it is mainly fault for that reason and for me to have the audacity to want him back, I have lost my mind. I can and should forgive him, but I do not have to have him back in my life.

    Sorry so much, and there was so much I left out. Thanks guys for your advice and letting me vent! My dad already let me have it for allowing myself to be treated like this. He said you used to speak up, what happened? I copped out and sung "Magic man" by Hart, instead of Mama I sung "dad try to understand , try to understand he is magic man" lol. I am glad my dad has the same sense of humor as me.

  7. #57
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    @Warrior Princess i am with your dad. I can tell you going forward and I capitalize due to importance. Not yelling. DO NOT LET ANYONE GUILT TRIP YOU, that is shit and shows a weak ass woah is me asshole that puts himself first. Like I have said to other ENFPs if you have to qualify him as a good guy followed by a ", but" turn and run. Also, don't let anyone put anything before you, especially stupid shit like disc golf. You deserve much better then that just as a person.
    Im out, its been fun

  8. #58
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    @Warrior Princess

    So just based on his response that you went out with your friends when he bailed, "what am I supposed to do feel sad?" comment...

    Straight up douchebag. (That comment had only one point which is to make you feel sorry for him).

    Sounds like you were being honest and he knew your feelings for him and used them to his benefit only.

    Not even going into the miscarriage. I am sorry you dealt with that and are dealing with physical and emotional backlash from it now.

    I learned the hard way that the character of someone with small things is the way they will behave when shit really goes down and based on your third date - his actions were consistent with a lack of character or concern for you up until now.

    There are good people out there of all types and you'll be met more than halfway by them.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  9. #59
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    So we had an argument last night about counter tops. She had to let me know it was an argument...no yelling, etc. To me it was disagreement, discussions, opinions, etc. But I guess technically it was an argument...I don't know. This is how most of our arguments go. We listened to each other, we found a compromise, and we went on our day.
    Im out, its been fun

  10. #60
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poki View Post
    So we had an argument last night about counter tops. She had to let me know it was an argument...no yelling, etc. To me it was disagreement, discussions, opinions, etc. But I guess technically it was an argument...I don't know. This is how most of our arguments go. We listened to each other, we found a compromise, and we went on our day.
    I have quartz (silestone - luna) in mine. Love it but I'm a high end bitch when it comes to materials.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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