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Thread: ENFP and ESTP Relationships

  1. #1
    Administrator Array highlander's Avatar
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    Dec 2009
    6w5 sx/sp
    ILI Ni

    Default ENFP and ESTP Relationships

    What do you think about relationships between ENFPs and ESTPs? The focus of this is really on romantic relationships but it also makes sense to discuss your experience in situations where these two types interact in a significant way – such as friendship, at work, etc.

    When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
    - How compatible do you think these two types are in general?
    - Why are they attracted to each other?
    - How to they compliment each other?
    - How well do they understand each other and why?
    - What are they like together raising children?

    When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
    - What are some of the communication challenges they can have?
    - What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?
    - How can they take each other for granted?
    - What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?

    Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
    - What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?
    - What advice do you have for each of the two types?
    - If you are an ENFP, what advice do you have for the ESTPs?
    - If you are an ESTP, what advice would you have for the ENFPs?

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  2. #2
    under a groove Array Chanaynay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    7w6 sx/so


    I have two best friends who are ESTPs - one is 7w8 and one is 6w7 (and obviously more on the counterphobic end of the spectrum). I also get along with @Halla74 a lot on here who I'm tagging in case he ever decides to come back and see this thread - I wanna know what he has to say about my kin.

    There can be a lot of initial attraction and compatibility between ENFPs and ESTPs. Generally, they're both fun-loving and enthusiastic and can feed off of each other's quick and excitable communication style. The ENFP can provide an empathetic ear and supportive side to the relationship, while the ESTP can offer solutions/assistance and stay on-the-go. Neither type wants to be bogged down by responsibilities and dull aspects of life, so with enough compromise and balance they can have a lot of fun and keep the spark alive. Might require a bit more of an effort of the ENFP's part for this - while ESTPs tend to have a "do it and get it over with" approach, the ENFP can get easily overwhelmed and put things off. If the ENFP isn't careful they might unintentionally push their responsibilities onto the ESTP. I can recall a few times where both of my friends scolded me for making them feel like my mom haha. ENFPs have a lot of mental energy going on so probably the best solution for this is to try to make a conscious effort to stop overthinking and just go for it.

    A lot of misunderstandings can occur. The ESTP might have a hard time understanding the ENFP's inner values and meanings. I remember once my 7w8 friend asked me why I didn't want to smoke weed. I told her it was because my grandmother had died from lung cancer and I promised her I would never smoke. She was confused and a little frustrated, saying "but weed and cigarettes are completely different!" When I told her it was the concept of smoking that would make me feel like I'd be betraying the promise I made, she still didn't understand, explained that weed and cigarettes have different effects on the body, and just let it go afterward. It requires some patience on the ESTP's end to understand the meaning/significance the ENFP puts out into the world.

    OTOH, it takes some discipline on the ENFP's side to not read too far into what the ESTP is saying. Typically ESTPs communicate in a pretty straightforward manner, so the ENFP seeing possible meanings or missing the point of what they're saying can be very aggravating for them. Both of the ESTPs I know have snapped at me for this and for an ENFP this can hurt deeply for a while so it's best to avoid this by sticking with what is actually being said.

    Overall, the biggest potential threat to the relationship is communication. But like any couple the kinks can be worked out through patience and maturity. This particular couple seems like a lot of fun, and the spark probably has a smaller chance of fading between them. I'm guessing the child of an ENFP and ESTP will learn early on to be independent and get things done themselves. They might be overwhelmed by the amount of extroversion and withdraw more because of this or they could stay on the go just like their parents. I'm guessing ESTP will probably end up being more of the authority figure.
    7w6 - 2w3 - 8w7 sx/so

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