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Thread: INTP and ISFJ Relationships

  1. #11
    darkened dreams Array labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
    4 sx/sp
    INFp None


    Quote Originally Posted by dog View Post
    your quote about ISFJs living out an unfulfilled life nails it i (ex?) wife spent 20 years loyally accomadating my naive Nish ideas (which always failed AND made our marriage even one step worse). so she separated last year. i then learned mbti (too late). and mbti has just become another one of my N things to her. seems over to me. .
    This is a very honest, thoughtful post. Very cool of you. The best any of us can do it be honest about the pain we have faced and our own shortcomings as people. It's okay to be human, but it is the defensive behaviors of denial and anger that are the most destructive in relationships.
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  2. #12
    Ƙιηg σf Lσνє Lινє Array Yamato Nadeshiko's Avatar
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    Dec 2014
    694 so/sx


    I'm answering in a platonic relationship context.

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
    - How compatible do you think these two types are in general?
    - Why are they attracted to each other?
    - How to they compliment each other?
    - How well do they understand each other and why?
    - What are they like together raising children?
    - Really, really does depend on the two individuals, their maturity levels, etc. I think any combinations of any types could get along depending on how someone is as a person, and not as a type.
    - No idea. I'm not drawn towards INTPs any more than I am any other type, but when I do get along with INTPs, its because we know how to get along. Usually this is through humor.
    - I like to bounce ideas off of INTPs. I trust them to tell me if it's good or not.
    - I only know one INTP, my sister, and she has the tendency to make assumptions about me that she internally decides are true without ever testing whether they are or not. And I don't understand her all that well either, because she doesn't talk to me about anything.
    - I don't know.

    When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
    - What are some of the communication challenges they can have?
    - What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?
    - How can they take each other for granted?
    - What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?
    - For the one that I do know: doesn't listen. Assumes she knows what I'm going to say before I say it and interprets it wrong. Refuses to compromise.
    - Miscommunication.
    - The INTP that I know takes 50000% for granted all the crap that I do. I clean the counter, and within an hour she stacks cans and dishes all over it, then gets pissed and defensive when I get pissed. I'm not sure what I take for granted from her, you'd have to ask her.
    - It's absolutely horrid. Don't go there. Avoid bad ISFJ/INTP dynamic at all costs. If you can't make it work then get out fast.

    Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
    - What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?
    - What advice do you have for each of the two types?
    - If you are an ISFJ, what advice would you have for the INTPs?
    INTP needs to learn that ISFJ can't read minds. ISFJ needs to draw clearer boundaries so that INTP knows what to expect ahead of time.


    This really sounds rather negative because it's based off of mostly bad interactions I've had based on the only one INTP that I know irl. But that isn't to say that ISFJs and INTPs can't have a really good thing going on. I think the important thing here is COMMUNICATION. Both parties need to be extremely clear about what they want/expect/mean/etc. They can't read each others' minds, and both usually have expectations for the other that they just sort of "naturally expect" them to follow without really telling them so, and then when they don't (because neither are mind-readers!) then both of them get butthurt.

    I'm looking forward to the day I can meet a real-life INTP who I get along with a lot more than my sister. Forum INTPs here are rather nice and I like them.
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  3. #13
    Senior Member Array EliaBlack's Avatar
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    Dec 2015
    6w5 sp/sx


    Quote Originally Posted by riva View Post
    ISFJ women are god's gift to man. She's the ideal type for any type. Just don't let that 'I' grow into an 'E' which would eventually happen .

    It would be better though if the ISFJ is an SX last. She would suffer quite a bit otherwise.
    ISFJ is supposedly the ideal match for an ESTP. This is probably why you feel that way. Also types don't change, so an 'I' can't ever turn into an 'E'.
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  4. #14
    Senior Member Array riva's Avatar
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    Jun 2014


    Quote Originally Posted by EliaBlack View Post
    ISFJ is supposedly the ideal match for an ESTP. This is probably why you feel that way. Also types don't change, so an 'I' can't ever turn into an 'E'.
    There is nothing in this universe that doesn't change. There is nothing in this universe that has no biginning or end. So by that logic we could assume that under certain circumstances one's personality type (inluding mbti type) can also change .

    If i am not mistaken jung himself said that personlity types could change.

    Anyway i not talkimg about mbti chamge. I am talking about growrh. When people mature second third fourth etc functions develop. So an isfj could cme off slightly more extroverted as they mature.


    Certain types are naturally good at certain tasks more so than other types. It doesn't mean others can't work/think hard and be good at these tasks they are not naturlly good at to levels that are second to none.

    Ixfj are naturally bot feminine and warm. Something not many men can complain about. Infjs kinda have bery high standards and expectations in a partner. Isfj not so much.

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