User Tag List

12311 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 156

  1. #1
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/sp
    Socionics
    ILI Ni
    Posts
    17,889

    Default INTJ and INFP Relationships

    What do you think about relationships between INFPs and INTJs? The focus of this is really on romantic relationships but it also makes sense to discuss your experience in situations where these two types interact in a significant way – such as friendship, at work, etc.

    When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
    - How compatible do you think these two types are in general?
    - Why are they attracted to each other?
    - How to they compliment each other?
    - How well do they understand each other and why?
    - What are they like together raising children?

    When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
    - What are some of the communication challenges they can have?
    - What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?
    - How can they take each other for granted?
    - What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?

    Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
    - What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?
    - What advice do you have for each of the two types?
    - If you are an INFP, what advice do you have for the INTJs?
    - If you are an INTJ, what advice would you have for the INFPs?

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

    Tri-type 639

  2. #2
    Member nonchalant's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    MBTI
    INXX
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp
    Socionics
    xxxx Ne
    Posts
    60

    Default

    I think that INFPs can get along really well with INTJs as long as both aren't too shy. Someone has to initiate. Both INFPs and INTJs are shy and both types can take awhile to observe each other and not making a move.
    Likes BluRoses, Enygmatic, Rune liked this post

  3. #3
    The Typing Tabby grey_beard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    1,504

    Default

    I think the lack of traffic on this thread is an ironic indication of exactly what happens in INFP-INTJ relationships: each one is too reluctant in sending positive signals and too tentative in interpreting the other's positive signals.

    Results (as in this thread): crickets
    "Love never needs time. But friendship always needs time. More and more and more time, up to long past midnight." -- The Crime of Captain Gahagan

    Please comment on my johari / nohari pages.
    Likes BluRoses, SpankyMcFly, Enygmatic, Rune liked this post

  4. #4
    Member nonchalant's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    MBTI
    INXX
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp
    Socionics
    xxxx Ne
    Posts
    60

    Default

    I think that both types are too reluctant to reveal themselves or put themselves out there.

    And both types don't like small talks.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Alea_iacta_est's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Socionics
    ILI
    Posts
    1,838

    Default

    Beneficiary-Benefactor relations, asymmetric. ILI <- EII.

    EII lacks ILI's suggestive element, and thus source of stimulation. In fact, the EII has the ILI's suggestive element as their vulnerable element, meaning that not only does the EII lack , but also it attempts to actively avoid it. Thus, ILI can find EII under-stimulating and devoid of what they are looking for.

    EII, contrarily, is drawn to the ILI's use of , as is the EII's own suggestive element. The EII might go out of their way to associate with the ILI for their . In return, the EII seeks to help the ILI's use of its mobilizing element, , since this is the EII's area of competency and lead element. Surprisingly, however, the ILI will often become annoyed with the EII's approach to stimulating the ILI's , as the EII is built for being overly helpful and pampering to suggestives such as their dual, the LSE. As the Mobilizing Element is often inflated, i.e. believed by the ILI to be an element the ILI is more competent with than it actually is, the ILI needs to feel some independence with , and doesn't want help constantly nor in the same overly-caring way as would be liked by Suggestives (EII feels exactly the same way about ). Thus, the ILI can become annoyed with the EII's idea of helping its , which the ILI would much rather prefer in the domain of , something the EII definitely cannot provide.

    On the plus side, however, they both operate in the Intuitive sphere and can find common interests, albeit that one is in the Intuitive-Logical sphere and the other is in the Intuitive-Ethical sphere.

    EII plays the ILI's role when engaging with a SEI in beneficiary-benefactor relations.
    Likes BluRoses liked this post

  6. #6
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    7,661

    Default

    Yeah, I think it's just a matter of getting it off the ground. I briefly dated an INTJ years ago, and like three weeks would pass without contact and neither of us seemed to notice. That doesn't bode well for developing a connection. I imagine this pairing happens when the two are thrown in company and can develop rapport and then transition into dating more "naturally".

    My experiences with INxx types is that INTJs and INFPs are the worst at initiating and establishing consistent contact right away, but INTPs and INFJs are surprisingly not bad at it, provided they deem you a good bet. So when you have both an INTJ and INFP, then neither naturally takes up the role of initiating.

    All that said, I knew an INTJ man + INFP woman couple who were really well-matched and quite enviable to all onlookers (and this despite her being decades older than him). He pursued her, but I think it was after knowing her for sometime already. I think the challenges were some stereotypical J/P conflicts and the fact that she was more of a homebody, and neither was inclined to engage much with any social sphere, although he had a greater desire to, leaving her feeling left out. But that's pretty minor in the grand scheme of compatibility.

    I can see the Socionics theory of lack of Se in an INFP leaving an INTJ frustrated, but I don't think all INFPs are the kind of homebodies this particular INFP woman was. I also don't think looking to a partner to bolster your weak points is that healthy....that's something to work on yourself, IMO.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe
    Likes BluRoses, SpankyMcFly liked this post

  7. #7
    Senior Member Entropic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9 sx/so
    Socionics
    ILI Ni
    Posts
    1,199

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I also don't think looking to a partner to bolster your weak points is that healthy....that's something to work on yourself, IMO.
    It's very easy to say that when you haven't been there and actually experienced how much it helps you to develop. Can you do it on your own? Probably. Will the results be good? No. I don't understand this bullshit of do it yourself. If you are really bad at something and receive zero input on how to improve and you are so bad you don't know how to improve you won't improve outside the scope of already occurring self development. This is why you see undualized people so much. The difference is stark between those that are dualized and those that aren't. We end up with duals because we unconsciously recognize that they satisfy us and make us feel good. That's how it works.

    I was waiting for the day you and I would meet.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Youtuber | The Typologist Blog | Redditor | Message me!

  8. #8
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    937 so/sx
    Posts
    6,226

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Alea_iacta_est View Post
    EII, contrarily, is drawn to the ILI's use of , as is the EII's own suggestive element. The EII might go out of their way to associate with the ILI for their .
    Yes, I agree with that.

    In return, the EII seeks to help the ILI's use of its mobilizing element, , since this is the EII's area of competency and lead element. Surprisingly, however, the ILI will often become annoyed with the EII's approach to stimulating the ILI's , as the EII is built for being overly helpful and pampering to suggestives such as their dual, the LSE.
    I agree with this too.

    As the Mobilizing Element is often inflated, i.e. believed by the ILI to be an element the ILI is more competent with than it actually is, the ILI needs to feel some independence with , and doesn't want help constantly nor in the same overly-caring way as would be liked by Suggestives (EII feels exactly the same way about ). Thus, the ILI can become annoyed with the EII's idea of helping its , which the ILI would much rather prefer in the domain of , something the EII definitely cannot provide.
    But here's a question: I know I suck at Si and have no over-inflated sense of competency, so why does an INTJ think they're competent with Fi? I experience this with ISTJ and INTJ both.

    I have a lot to offer them but the only way I can do so is in what I feel is a more chastising or parental way, a directive way, and that's not my preference. Like a child, they take umbrage when flaws in reasoning are pointed out, or when exemplifying inconsistency of virtue. So how does one improve that dynamic?
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  9. #9
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    intp
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx
    Posts
    7,823

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I also don't think looking to a partner to bolster your weak points is that healthy....that's something to work on yourself, IMO.
    I agree 99%. Its good to develop your weak points in yourself instead of looking for someone who would compensate your weaknesses. However after you have for example developed your Te instead of looking for INTJ who would use his Te for you. Then you can look for INTJ who ofc naturally prefers Te > Fi, that is if thats something that still attracts you. But the sole reason for looking for opposite shouldnt be to compensate your own weakness, but that doesent mean that you shouldnt still be attracted to it for other reasons.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

    Read

  10. #10
    Senior Member Entropic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9 sx/so
    Socionics
    ILI Ni
    Posts
    1,199

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    I agree 99%. Its good to develop your weak points in yourself instead of looking for someone who would compensate your weaknesses. However after you have for example developed your Te instead of looking for INTJ who would use his Te for you. Then you can look for INTJ who ofc naturally prefers Te > Fi, that is if thats something that still attracts you. But the sole reason for looking for opposite shouldnt be to compensate your own weakness, but that doesent mean that you shouldnt still be attracted to it for other reasons.
    lol, so by this token it's also bad to have a teacher or a mentor who will help you oversee your development of a skill when learning something new? We know that tutoring > self-practice and the steeper the learning curve, the faster we learn. The point of the dual isn't to cover up for one's own weaknesses without one ever doing something about it on one's own, but the point of the dual is that they provide a safe environment where they encourage you to use your weaker functions in a way that feels comfortable for you, by themselves setting an example of how one uses them in a sophisticated manner. Just like a teacher or a mentor does, in other words.

    I feel like none of you actually understand or get duality in this regard. Duals actually correct you, they show you when you do wrong or bad and then they provide how you do it better. They aren't carrying you around like babies. It's the very other way around. When you engage with your dual they will dominate you where you are weak and you will force to submit to them and take in what they have to say. Over time, you will begin to develop the same sophisticated awareness they do though of course, never the same as your dual.

    I was waiting for the day you and I would meet.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Youtuber | The Typologist Blog | Redditor | Message me!
    Likes IndyGhost liked this post

Similar Threads

  1. INTJ and INFJ Relationships
    By highlander in forum Intertype Relations
    Replies: 44
    Last Post: 09-13-2017, 08:57 PM
  2. [INTJ] INTJ and INTP Relationship
    By Jetta in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 08-19-2017, 02:50 PM
  3. [MBTItm] ESTJ and INFP Relationship?
    By TheEmeraldCanopy in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 01-13-2016, 12:24 AM
  4. [ENFP] ENFP and INFP relationship
    By Lotr246 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 04-29-2013, 03:35 PM
  5. [MBTItm] ISTP and INFP relationship
    By cooliogirly1000 in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 10-31-2009, 01:58 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO