User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 45

  1. #1
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/sp
    Socionics
    ILI Ni
    Posts
    17,743

    Default INTJ and INFJ Relationships

    What do you think about relationships between INFJs and INTJs? The focus of this is really on romantic relationships but it also makes sense to discuss your experience in situations where these two types interact in a significant way – such as friendship, at work, etc.

    When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
    - How compatible do you think these two types are in general?
    - Why are they attracted to each other?
    - How to they compliment each other?
    - How well do they understand each other and why?
    - What are they like together raising children?

    When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
    - What are some of the communication challenges they can have?
    - What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?
    - How can they take each other for granted?
    - What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?

    Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
    - What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?
    - What advice do you have for each of the two types?
    - If you are an INFJ, what advice do you have for the INTJs?
    - If you are an INTJ, what advice would you have for the INFJs?

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

    Tri-type 639
    Likes Xiadais liked this post

  2. #2
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Enneagram
    9w8
    Posts
    3,545

    Default

    What do you think about relationships between INFJs and INTJs? The focus of this is really on romantic relationships but it also makes sense to discuss your experience in situations where these two types interact in a significant way – such as friendship, at work, etc.
    I have never been in a romantic relationship with an INTJ, but as many of you know, I am very close to one in real life. I am a final closed-door student to a retired INTJ Kung Fu Grand Master. Our relationship started out as a student-teacher relationship but evolved over the last few years into a more equalized friendship.

    When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
    One of the first things he ever said to me (he had known me a couple of weeks. He hadn't even taken me on as a student yet.) was, "You impress me. That's not easy to do."

    I think the greatest aspect is the Ni connection. It's like speaking to a "kinsman." We can honestly share without fear that the other one will think we're crazy. We both understand each other's need for autonomy, and for alone time.

    - How compatible do you think these two types are in general?
    Very.

    Why are they attracted to each other?
    I would say a big part of it is the Ni connection. We connect on the Se end too. I mean even our decorating ideas compliment each other.

    How to they compliment each other?
    With us, there is a constant sharing of ideas, theories, etc. since we're both involved in writing and martial arts, it's a match made in heaven. In his writing, he presents a big idea. I help him refine it and make it more palatable to the public. When I'm the one coming up with a big idea, he helps me make it more grounded. I admire his objectivity. He admires my innovation.

    How well do they understand each other and why?
    Again, I think it goes back to the Ni connection, to the need to produce something, the need for alone time, etc. we have a lot in common.
    What are they like together raising children?
    I have no idea. Haha. But he's pretty laid back with his kids.

    What are some of the communication challenges they can have?
    Feelings. He rarely lets his show and I'm not always sure what mine are, so neither of us like emotionally intense situations. He tells me he doesn't have any. I don't believe that. I think he just can't talk about them. The truth is, he probably has stronger ones than I do. Secondary Fe doesn't reflect my true feelings. It only serves to make Ni produce an end product, to make it palatable to the public. Fe allows me to understand how others feel, and even feel it myself, but those may not be MY feelings. Half the time I have no particular feelings at all, at least not initially. I can tell how somebody else feels and identify with them far easier than I can say how I feel about something. He knows how he feels, but other people can't see it. Still, this isn't a disaster, if both parties understand that about each other. In fact, it could be a source of strength.

    What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?
    He has a tendency to debate, not argue, not get heated, just debate. He really likes peace and doesn't enjoy emotional tension, BUT he cannot help himself. When he hears a line of reasoning and he perceives there to be a hole in it, he has to tear it apart. He seems to get high off of presenting a superior argument. For me, that can be a little bit frustrating, because initially, I would think he was devaluing my intelligence. So, I found a way around it...appeal to his Ni (thanks uumlau, for the tip) and it works!

    How can they take each other for granted?
    I'm not sure. Maybe because that has never happened between us. But I can see how it could happen and I imagine it would result in some intense staring.

    What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types
    ? i don't know, and I don't want to find out.

    If you are an INFJ, what advice do you have for the INTJs?
    If your INFJ is anything like me, she wants to know that you trust her enough to always be honest with her. She needs to know that you think she's efficient, that she's dependable, that you value her intelligence and opinions. If she does a task for you let her know that you appreciate how hard she worked on it, because she will work hard. She will make it as nearly perfect as she possibly can. She will literally make personal sacrifices to please you, because that's what NiFe does when a person is vitally important to her.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14
    Likes Opal, grey_beard, Cellmold, Litsnob, Xiadais liked this post

  3. #3
    Senior Member Rambling's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sx/sp
    Socionics
    ILI Ni
    Posts
    401

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ene View Post

    Feelings. He rarely lets his show and I'm not always sure what mine are, so neither of us like emotionally intense situations. He tells me he doesn't have any. I don't believe that. I think he just can't talk about them. The truth is, he probably has stronger ones than I do. Secondary Fe doesn't reflect my true feelings. It only serves to make Ni produce an end product, to make it palatable to the public. Fe allows me to understand how others feel, and even feel it myself, but those may not be MY feelings. Half the time I have no particular feelings at all, at least not initially. I can tell how somebody else feels and identify with them far easier than I can say how I feel about something. He knows how he feels, but other people can't see it. Still, this isn't a disaster, if both parties understand that about each other. In fact, it could be a source of strength.

    If your INFJ is anything like me, she wants to know that you trust her enough to always be honest with her. She needs to know that you think she's efficient, that she's dependable, that you value her intelligence and opinions. If she does a task for you let her know that you appreciate how hard she worked on it, because she will work hard. She will make it as nearly perfect as she possibly can. She will literally make personal sacrifices to please you, because that's what NiFe does when a person is vitally important to her.
    The bolded is exactly what I always thought the difference between Fe and Fi was. Beautifully put. Thank you.

    And for the last paragraph, that's not just a quality of Ni Fe, you know. Lots of types of people care and make personal sacrifices for others.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Enneagram
    9w8
    Posts
    3,545

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rambling View Post
    The bolded is exactly what I always thought the difference between Fe and Fi was. Beautifully put. Thank you.

    And for the last paragraph, that's not just a quality of Ni Fe, you know. Lots of types of people care and make personal sacrifices for others.
    Thank you! And yes, you're right about the last paragraph. I've seen this in many people of all types, too, but I guess, at the moment I wrote this, I was just looking at it through a personal lens.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14
    Likes Rambling liked this post

  5. #5
    Senior Member Rambling's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sx/sp
    Socionics
    ILI Ni
    Posts
    401

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ene View Post
    Thank you! And yes, you're right about the last paragraph. I've seen this in many people of all types, too, but I guess, at the moment I wrote this, I was just looking at it through a personal lens.
    In many ways I'd like your last paragraph to be true of me, too...but I couldn't have verbalised it. The Ni is in common between you and me, but the Fe / Fi difference shows up here...

    And if someone *did* say all that kind of thing to me, I'd be watching something else altogether when it came to interpreting it... Maybe it's about an authenticity behind the words...it would have to match up with everything else I knew of you...it's difficult to explain it.

    But then, I have this vague idea that INFJ and INTJ don't get along easily...I don't know many / any INFJs in real life...but I do know two *very* talkative ENFJs...
    Likes Ene liked this post

  6. #6
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Enneagram
    9w8
    Posts
    3,545

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rambling View Post
    In many ways I'd like your last paragraph to be true of me, too...but I couldn't have verbalised it. The Ni is in common between you and me, but the Fe / Fi difference shows up here...

    And if someone *did* say all that kind of thing to me, I'd be watching something else altogether when it came to interpreting it... Maybe it's about an authenticity behind the words...it would have to match up with everything else I knew of you...it's difficult to explain it.

    But then, I have this vague idea that INFJ and INTJ don't get along easily...I don't know many / any INFJs in real life...but I do know two *very* talkative ENFJs...
    Regarding the bolded: Of course, it woulld. That only makes sense, but since you don't know me, you have no real measurement, no record by which to authenticate. That's the trouble with talking to a complete stranger...online, no less.

    I think, regarding getting along, that it would have to completely depend on the functional balance and maturity levels of the individuals, but maybe that can be said of all types, too.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

  7. #7
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    JINX
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    5,653

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    What do you think about relationships between INFJs and INTJs? The focus of this is really on romantic relationships but it also makes sense to discuss your experience in situations where these two types interact in a significant way – such as friendship, at work, etc.

    When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
    - How compatible do you think these two types are in general?
    - Why are they attracted to each other?
    - How to they compliment each other?
    - How well do they understand each other and why?
    - What are they like together raising children?

    When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
    - What are some of the communication challenges they can have?
    - What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?
    - How can they take each other for granted?
    - What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?

    Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
    - What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?
    - What advice do you have for each of the two types?
    - If you are an INFJ, what advice do you have for the INTJs?
    - If you are an INTJ, what advice would you have for the INFJs?

    I've wanted to answer this for awhile, but it'd take hours to even attempt to put into words why a relationship I'm in works, or why it does not.

    The one thing I can say directly related to types, perhaps, is that I am fiercely (read: stubborn as hell) independent. I need to be able to work out things myself, DO them myself, my own way, much of the time, in order to feel like I accomplished something. For an INTJ, Acts of Service appears to be a fairly prominent love language. He wants make your life easier (read: efficient, read: make sense). Combine that drive with a directive personality, and my knee-jerk response will be that he thinks I can't handle my own shit, doesn't understand (read: value/accept) me, or worse, is actively trying to control me. This is not the case, at all, however. My knee-jerk rejection of this assistance can almost seem like a rejection of my partner's love or concern for me. It can become this ugly chain reaction. If you let it.

    We all have our own little hang ups that can be set off, regardless of type. It's inescapably human.
    And so is learning how to take a step back, away from yourself.

    Ultimately, the biggest obstacles in any relationship are faith/trust, patience, and communication. Every person operates from their own plane of existence, their personal history shapes their perspective, their world. It colors how we see. Live. Love. Sharing your mind as openly as possible, is probably the most basic building block in any relationship. Without that connection, you may not be able to progress, work together, maintain mutual understanding, and grow.

    All these little lists of why something works, or why it doesn't.. It all comes down to this. Faith in the fact that this person loves you, wants the best for you, even if you have starkly contrasting views, or ways of handling day to day necessities. Acceptance and the drive to understand is key. And sometimes, acceptance in the face of totally not understanding is absolutely vital.

    Edit: also vital: relationship greatly hinges upon whether or not my partner loves- or at least tolerates- cats.
    Last edited by Lexicon; 10-26-2015 at 03:20 AM. Reason: Because cats
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.
    Likes Opal, chubber, Codex, cascadeco, Eilonwy and 1 others liked this post

  8. #8
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/sp
    Socionics
    ILI Ni
    Posts
    17,743

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post
    The one thing I can say directly related to types, perhaps, is that I am fiercely (read: stubborn as hell) independent. I need to be able to work out things myself, DO them myself, my own way, much of the time, in order to feel like I accomplished something. For an INTJ, Acts of Service appears to be a fairly prominent love language. He wants make your life easier (read: efficient, read: make sense). Combine that drive with a directive personality, and my knee-jerk response will be that he thinks I can't handle my own shit, doesn't understand (read: value/accept) me, or worse, is actively trying to control me. This is not the case, at all, however. My knee-jerk rejection of this assistance can almost seem like a rejection of my partner's love or concern for me. It can become this ugly chain reaction. If you let it.
    My languages are words of affirmation and physical affection. We should do some kind of survey to look at the correlation. It might be interesting.

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

    Tri-type 639

  9. #9
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    JINX
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    5,653

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    My languages are words of affirmation and physical affection. We should do some kind of survey to look at the correlation. It might be interesting.
    I feel like love languages play a huge role in how couples communicate their affection or build their expectations for one another, sometimes without even realizing it. I feel as though it may play an even more significant role in compatibility than MBTI typing, but there are a ton of factors in relationship compatibility. I do think it'd be interesting to explore any correlations, nonetheless.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Posts
    350

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    My languages are words of affirmation and physical affection. We should do some kind of survey to look at the correlation. It might be interesting.
    Same.

    I don't know about INTJs because I never been close to one, but I find many of the SJs I've known are way into Acts of Service as their love language. In hindsight, this was actually a big reason for the tension between my parents and I.

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFJ] ENFJ and INFJ Relationships - How to Love Them
    By copperfish17 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 137
    Last Post: 10-27-2015, 03:31 AM
  2. [MBTItm] ENTJ and INFJ Relationships
    By chegra in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 63
    Last Post: 11-09-2011, 06:40 PM
  3. How to distinguish INTJ and INFJ
    By Lotr246 in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 122
    Last Post: 04-30-2010, 11:09 PM
  4. Differences between INTJ and INFJ
    By Amalie in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 04-20-2010, 09:45 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO