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INTJ and INFJ Relationships

Z Buck McFate

Pepperidge Farm remembers.
Joined
Aug 25, 2009
Messages
6,048
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Beware though. INFJs can be swayed by public (external social) opinion so loyalty isn't their highest priority.

And we're always leaving the toilet seats up - even the females. We do it on purpose.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,230
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
That is what I believe is typical for INTJ; especially acts of service for showing you care. Not that I'm an expert, but this is very descriptive of INTJ from my experience and research.

So question for you, [MENTION=9811]Coriolis[/MENTION], do you think words of affection or verbal expression of feelings in any manner are relatively pointless? Perhaps not pointless, but difficult for you to express because you don't feel they are a genuine form of expression? If not, could you describe your thoughts on the subject?

Not to single you out, any INTJ can answer this, I'm just curious in your case because you do follow the love language that I believe is more representative of INTJs (and certainly the one in my life).
First, my apologies for the delay in replying.

I think the answer to this depends much on the other person. If I know my partner's love languages involve words of affection, I can recognize them as expressions of love even though they are not my "native tongue", much as one can learn to understand a foreign language. You are correct that I find it much harder to express that way myself, for two reasons. First, I believe that talk is cheap, and actions speak louder than words. If someone expresses affection verbally but their actions don't support that, I will discount the words and go by their actions. If their actions do indicate they care about me, the words become unnecessary, but I don't mind if the other person offers them anyway. I follow this principle in my own behavior, showing my partner I care about him through actions, starting with making time for him in my life. Second, I find verbal expression of feelings vague and imprecise. I don't tell people I love them, for example, because I'm not sure what that even means. To make matters worse, it seems to mean different things to different people,

The big exception to discounting words is feedback. I do like getting feedback from my partner, whether positive or negative, because that lets me know whether I'm doing things he likes or dislikes, or if there is something I could be doing to make the relationship better. This can overlap with expressions of feeling, e.g. if he says when I do [action] it makes him feel [good/bad feeling].
 
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