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  1. #1
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Default INFP and INTP Relationships

    What do you think about relationships between INFPs and INTPs? The focus of this is really on romantic relationships but it also makes sense to discuss your experience in situations where these two types interact in a significant way – such as friendship, at work, etc.

    When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
    - How compatible do you think these two types are in general?
    - Why are they attracted to each other?
    - How to they compliment each other?
    - How well do they understand each other and why?
    - What are they like together raising children?

    When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
    - What are some of the communication challenges they can have?
    - What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?
    - How can they take each other for granted?
    - What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?

    Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
    - What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?
    - What advice do you have for each of the two types?
    - If you are an INFP, what advice do you have for the INTPs?
    - If you are an INTP, what advice would you have for the INFPs?

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  2. #2
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    I'm in one of these! Disclaimer, I can only speak for myself and my marriage- I'm speaking in general terms but I wouldn't necessarily expect these things to apply to all INFP/INTP relationships.

    When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
    - How compatible do you think these two types are in general?


    In general I think these types are pretty compatible. Lots in common, but enough difference to be complementary.

    - Why are they attracted to each other?

    I think in some cases, these people are used to daydreaming (Ne-ing) by themselves, and when they meet another introvert with strong Ne they get really excited about sharing their daydreams with each other.

    - How to they compliment each other?

    "You're looking fine as hell today." If you mean complement, the F/T difference on top of the INP foundation of commonality means that the T partner drives the F partner to be more logical, while the F partner drives the T partner to be more in tune with their emotions and ethics.

    - How well do they understand each other and why?

    They're able to give each other plenty of space, and indulge imagination and daydreaming that other partners might deem frivolous.

    - What are they like together raising children?

    They raise free thinkers/feelers. Lots of theoretical discussion and exploration of ethics with the children as they grow. Children are also raised to understand their own autonomy from early on. Sometimes expecting either parent to be the disciplinarian can be tough. It can also be difficult to get shit done with two INP parents, but there will be a lot of forgiveness for the flakiness of the other parent.

    When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
    - What are some of the communication challenges they can have?


    Both types tend to avoid conflict. Sometimes this can mean the couple doesn't address things that need addressing until one or the other is at the end of their rope. If these resentments grow without being addressed, they can threaten the relationship.

    - What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?

    Besides the aforementioned conflict avoidance, the INFP can sometimes get disappointed in the INTP's tendency to "set it and forget it"- assume that things said once apply until they are taken back, whereas the INFP gives and would like to hear affirmations more regularly. The INTP can see this as neediness. This can be addressed and worked through, but it requires conflict resolution in the absence of an emergency situation, which neither type typically wants to initiate. So this obstacle needs to be anticipated and dealt with, discomfort be damned.

    - How can they take each other for granted?

    If the above situation develops to a place of resentment, the INFP could take the INTP's logical nature and private emotionality for granted and call them "heartless" or a "robot;" the INTP could take the INFP's emotional resonance for granted and call them "oversensitive" or "crazy." That's why the differences/frustrations need to be dealt with proactively, to avoid getting to that place of resentment.

    - What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?

    The normal back-and-forth volley of ideas ceases- they stop engaging with each other on the Ne level and the relationship withers silently. They may still be polite to each other but the "magic" would be gone.

    Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
    - What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?


    Anticipate and be proactive. Talk about things before they become emergencies. Better to put up with minor discomfort in the short term than lose the relationship in the long term.

    - What advice do you have for each of the two types?

    Listen to each other. It can be tempting to think that because you are very similar you don't need to work hard to understand the other, but there are some important differences between you. Remember how you are different, and try to see things from the other's point of view. Recognize when they are speaking to you in their own love language, and appreciate that. Try to speak to them in their love language, and teach them your love language.

    - If you are an INFP, what advice do you have for the INTPs?

    Be gentle, but firm. Expect and encourage autonomy- the INFP may want to lean on you but by encouraging them to stand on their own, you'll make the relationship stronger. But give words of affirmation more often than you think you need to.

    - If you are an INTP, what advice would you have for the INFPs?

    I'm not the INTP in my relationship, but I do have some advice for other INFPs: INTPs may seem outwardly unemotional but there is often a well of deep emotion beneath the surface. Respect the INTP's emotional privacy, but expect and encourage them to engage and share their emotions when it concerns the couple. If you can get them to show you their nougaty center, it's a huge privilege and you should take that very seriously. Never use the INTP's emotions against them in conflict, it can wound them deeply.

  3. #3
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I was, hm, "involved" with two INTPs in the past, so I'll play. One was a two year "friendship" and the other I briefly dated, so nothing really serious.


    When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
    - How compatible do you think these two types are in general?
    I think there may be more of a mutual understanding with eachother than some other pairing, but I'd say that of any INxx match. The differences may help keep it from being too dull or predictable (such as can happen with someone of your own type - comfortable, but less spark, maybe).

    - Why are they attracted to each other?
    The mutual Ne-aux-ing and tertiary Si romantic streak. Being Ji-dominant; long-winded debating is a-ok. From personal experience, it's refreshing to talk to someone who processes things somewhat similarly, but with enough differences to be intriguing.

    - How to they compliment each other?
    I don't relate that easily to people, and when I do, I often have to do so emotionally because that's the common ground. Sometimes that feels "put on" for me. Maybe it's Fi channeled into faux-Fe (who knows), but I actually get sick of "feeling topics". With an INTP, I can discuss many other topics, stuff that others may be bored with. There may also be many shared interests and tastes that others don't share.
    Sometimes Ne humor is saying the quick witted thing that is not the nice thing, and it's cool when someone doesn't get all huffy puffy over it. I can be cantankerous, and I appreciate when someone sees the humor in it.
    INTPs are generally truth seekers, and so I think they can appreciate the truth about the human condition that they INFP may have insight into. We may offer another angle on reality that they were not aware of.


    - How well do they understand each other and why?
    I always feel less understood by others than I may feel they understand me, but maybe I'm wrong about that. Anyhow, I can get tired of having to explain my reasoning in nitty gritty detail to them as if they are the sole arbiter of all that is rational and true in the world. That probably triggers my sensitivity, as inferior Te makes you pissy over people making any assumptions about your ability to reason (because we are well aware we don't fit the Te standard). In short, I may not feel respected enough.
    I suppose I could be misunderstanding the INTP in assigning them that attitude.

    Lots of things are readily and mutually understood though, as I noted above.

    - What are they like together raising children?
    No idea.

    When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
    - What are some of the communication challenges?
    I don't like how they claim to be objective when I see massive bias. I find them very sensitive also, but less willing to own up to it. I think each may leave the other on eggshells at times.
    - What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?
    I can feel disrespected and dismissed, when I may be making effort to understand a different perspective and to "question" it in a more diplomatic manner. Frankly, I experience that with most people though.
    I imagine that similar weaknesses related to P mentality can be frustratung at times too, as can both people being very introverted and not encouraging the other to engage with life a bit more. The latter seems an issue with 4s and 5s anyway.
    - How can they take each other for granted?
    The INTP may take for granted that the INFP is an empathetic listener and tend to "dump" on them. The INTP suddenly feels comfortable to open up emotionally, I guess (?); but it can feel one-sided for an INFP, in that we must handle someone else's emo moments but we ourselves cannot have them or we risk our rationality being called into question.
    - What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?
    Lots of arguing over dumb, theoretical stuff, and then a sharp break (from my experience).

    Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
    - What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?
    Some INTPs need a better sense of humor, and by that I don't mean they need to learn to joke more.... I mean that they need to take things less seriously so as to not grill people over their reasoning for every little thing. Perhaps they need to give more benefit of the doubt. They definititey should reciprocate more emotionally, or demand/expect less themselves. I'm very much a "don't dish it out if you can't take it" person, and a related idea is not to ask what you can't give. It's not a black and white rule, just a basic concept for the dynamic to feel balanced to me.
    I know people may think the INFP should be less sensitive, but I don't think we are sensitive in the way they likely imagine. I think we need to be less "understanding" and cut off unhealthy hanger-ons sooner than we might be inclined to. I think it's okay if we demand respect for our "values" though, and if someone cannot genuinely feel that respect, then they are not right for us, IMO.
    - What advice do you have for each of the two types?
    Don't take stuff so seriously. Use Ne for more than a crutch to Ji theoretical navel-gazing.
    - If you are an INFP, what advice do you have for the INTPs?
    I think I already stated most of it.
    Otherwise - try grooming better also (probably more of a male thing).
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  4. #4
    Senior Member great_bay's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=highlander;2427728]What do you think about relationships between INFPs and INTPs? The focus of this is really on romantic relationships but it also makes sense to discuss your experience in situations where these two types interact in a significant way – such as friendship, at work, etc.
    I
    When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
    -- Why are they attracted to each other?
    They share the world the same way. I was always drawn to INFP's because they used Ne like myself.
    How compatible do you think these two types are in general? These two types share Ne and Si functions. They should be able to bond easily. They are attractive to each other in ways to perceived the world.
    - How to they compliment each other?
    They share different first and last functions. The relationship feels like a kindred.
    - How well do they understand each other and why?
    I understand my everything my INFP sister tells me. I never had a conversation whereas I didn't understood what she is saying. They understand my abstract thought.
    - What are they like together raising children?
    INTP's and INFP's are likely to be laidback parents. It's likely that INFP's would play the disciplinary role since they have Te.

    – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
    I never saw challenges beyond our applying our inferior function at each other. I get exhausted at her Fi and I don't like it when they get too emotional and start singing.
    - What are some of the communication challenges they can have?
    I don't acknowledge her viewpoints. I guess she doesn't do the same for me.
    - What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?
    Our conflict have always been with our inferior function. She doesn't know how other feel which makes her do hurtful things. She gets annoyed when I don't do chores and uses Te.
    - How can they take each other for granted?
    They're not likely to appreciate Ne and Si. It's like she can do anything I can do. I might take my sister's sensitivity and warmth for granted. She doesn't appreciate my logical analysis.
    - What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?
    I can see their downfall not having Fe though conversely, they are more sensitive than me. My conflict with INFP sibling has always been our inferior function. I condemned her for not knowing how other feel although I'm not even sensitive myself. I never did chores and I was annoyed when she applied Te at me. I never had any major conflict beyond this. I think INFP's and INTP's are one of the easiest relations to get a long with.

    Sidenote: I don't get the comments saying that INTP's are sensitive deep down. I picked up a science book about a famous bird who can talk. It was obvious to me that the book was created to the SF crowd. Thirty pages in they were talking about how the book made them feel and impacted their lives. I had to skip thirty pages of it because I didn't feel comfortable. I'm not an emotional person. If it sees like a rock than is it a rock as the extroverted sensors would say. I can't be anything else. You should had probably use your introverted sensing and actually see what's in front of you instead thinking of the possibilities.

  5. #5
    Junior Member sustainable artist's Avatar
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    When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
    - How compatible do you think these two types are in general?


    I think it depends on the maturity level of both, and willingness to be open to the idea that the other could legitimately have very different motivations. If the INFP can accept that the INTP is more motivated by the search for knowledge than the search for identity or passion, and the INTP can accept that the INFP doesn't want a rational solution to all their problems, I think they can be very compatible. For me, the INFP, I was actually looking for a partner who was calmer and more logical than myself, as I've dated other emotionally-driven types and know that I'd rather have a different perspective. For my long-time INTP boyfriend, he seems to value my warmth, authenticity, and creativity, and not need an identical thought process to his own.

    - Why are they attracted to each other?

    As others have mentioned, the Ne function in common is a great source of joy for the two types. It's wonderful to be able to bounce ideas and possibilities off a creative, intuitive mind who has a very different take. Both are philosophical types who enjoy spiraling one idea off another, and don't mind jumping around. They're likely to have offbeat, intellectual senses of humor as well, and a love of exploration. Traveling together is wonderful, and neither of us minds loosely planning and then just seeing what's around the next bend.

    For my part, I find the aloof dominant Ti function incredibly sexy and powerful, and an INTP's mind can cut through BS like a blade. I deeply dig my partner's ability to rationally overcome sales manipulation, strategically dominate in his career without being a douchebag, and generally have an armada of capabilities he collects for personal satisfaction, like being able to fix his own car, produce useful survival tools on cue, and go through my computer terminal to assess and fix a problem with data packets. I've learned a ton from him and I love that too. He admires my artistic and language abilities, and appreciates my heart and sometimes single-minded devotion to causes like environmentalism (Fi), while not being similarly obsessed.

    - How do they compliment/complement each other?

    I think the INTP enjoys compliments about their capability and knowledge, while the INFP enjoys compliments that relate to their genuineness (basically, something internal that the other person has *seen*).

    In terms of complementing each other, my INTP is much better at handling tough negotiations and problem-solving when the problem requires a lot of abstract systems thinking (Ti). The INFP can be, and I am much better at, planning our social functions and keeping up with day-to-day logistics (Te). Interestingly, because the INTP lacks Te in its top four, they often don't care as much about routine maintenance like cleaning (although they're perfectly capable of doing it when they get around to it). So although it's the INFP's fourth function, I'm much more aware of the need to do these things (though I don't really enjoy them either!).

    I actually find that the INTP is also less socially fraught than the INFP and can reassure an INFP when they're reading too much into a situation. They have a harmonious lean (inferior Fe) but on the whole they don't seem to worry that much about what others think of them (beyond perhaps that they think them competent). I think the INFP projects an aloof air (dominant Fi) but actually does care to some extent what others think -- though more in worrying whether their motives are genuinely understood vs. achieving total harmony (at least, at the expense of authenticity).

    - How well do they understand each other and why?

    Sometimes very well. Sometimes very poorly. Very well when talking about ideas sometimes, but when the conversation ventures into areas of values or perhaps a political debate, things can get hairy if the two types aren't open-minded.

    INFPs aren't typically big fans of prolonged debate. They can enjoy hearing another's perspective, but they recoil at their own values being poked at.

    And INTPs love to debate, dissect ideas and critique -- it's part of their nature, and they actually feel they are doing a disservice by not pointing out when someone else is wrong. Those two values together can be a recipe for disaster when each viewpoint is not clearly understood.

    One thing my INTP partner has wisely incorporated into his knowledge is that emotion is part of reality, and thus he treats it as its own substantive factor in discussions and considerations.

    One thing I had to learn, which has transformed our communications for the better, is that when my INTP says something, he literally means just that. He very rarely insinuates something, and doesn't expect others to imply something without saying it either. For example, he's not insinuating that I'm ignorant for believing something he disagrees with. I used to speak much more in undertones, but I find it very refreshing to have a partner who just says exactly what he means. As he's gotten to know me, he's also been able to learn my undertones, and made me aware of times when I could speak more plainly.

    He's also learned that sometimes I ask something just to get to know him better, rather than to learn some particular aspect of his knowledge, where he used to be puzzled when I asked about his personal experience or why he found something interesting. Often for him it was just "inherently interesting because it was in the world."

    - What are they like together raising children?

    Don't know! I would expect, as one of the posters above mentioned, children who were raised to think for themselves, but probably not the most orderly household outwardly.

    When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
    - What are some of the communication challenges they can have?


    See "how well they understand each other" above.

    - What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?

    I think they all stem from the differing dominant and inferior functions. Some days I really want the INTP to be driven by a soulful passion like myself and want to collaborate artistically. Similarly, I think some days he wants me to be as driven by the pursuit of knowledge. But ultimately, neither of us believe that our partner can be all things to us, and we have other friends to fill those needs. Each of us can also dip a toe into those areas, we just don't stay for as long.

    Another frustration at times is that I strongly value authenticity over harmony (dominant Fi), whereas he, on a more primal level (inferior Fe) actually values harmony in his household, despite the free-thinking dominant Ti. Both of us value honesty, but authenticity at the expense of harmony seems to shake him more than it does me, especially when it's on a personal level, and can occasionally cause a strong burst of emotion (his stressed Fe).

    The INFP's inferior Te can also drive a compulsion to be more orderly in fits and starts, generally when stressed out, and it can be a bit bewildering to my INTP when it's suddenly imperative that I clean up a huge pile of stuff which has been sitting there for months.

    I don't know if this is true for all INFPs/INTPs, but we've discovered that I am actually the more emotionally independent one, because my Fi seems to be a bit more self-sufficient, whereas his Fe gives him a periodic "need to be needed" by his partner (which may be surprising given that they are a T type). I don't feel that need, but at the same time I want him to feel needed, and it can be frustrating to figure out what makes him feel this, having never felt it myself.

    - How can they take each other for granted?

    Sometimes I take his extreme competence for granted, and the way he's always willing to share his time with me. I ask him for help quite a bit, yet am pretty protective of my own time. He can at times take my creative expressions and gifts to him for granted, as well as how I arrange some of our logistics and bring fun new activities into our lives

    - What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?

    Both can get pretty caught up in their own headspaces. If things are stressful (for example, two hectic careers), it can actually be difficult for them to find time for themselves, let alone each other. And of course, their living situation (and possibly diet) goes to hell during these times too As introverts, both need to be careful of not burning out, both for themselves and the relationship. The more stressful things are, the more they start to resort to their "natural" forms of communication, which means INTP gets more logical and perhaps short, and INFP gets more emotional and deeply passionate/sensitive, and patience wears thinner for both in adjusting their styles.

    Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
    - What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?


    I recommend a hearty dose of patience and an open mind. Sometimes too, each type doesn't even realize there is another way of communicating besides their own. I found reading about MBTI, and particularly about INTP and INFP conversational styles in numerous contexts, then sharing it with my partner to see what was true for him, and confirming what was true for me, to be enormously helpful. Also, don't expect to just "solve" it in one go. It will take many many times of stepping on each other's toes before you start to remember and use the lessons you've learned. You can't just unlearn a lifetime of autopilot

    I noticed that for me there were certain charged words that had implications for me that they did not hold for him, and for him, it often was more important that I not use a particular tone of voice which signified something to him that it didn't for me. Once we identified those, we could point them out, and then walk away to calm down, or offer a hug in silence. One thing we've fortunately never really had was the idea that the other person was being malicious or intentionally hurtful, and so that knowledge also helps us to take a step back and find out what's really happening.

    - What advice do you have for each of the two types?
    - If you are an INFP, what advice do you have for the INTPs?!


    Know this: that the INFP's mind is more open than it initially appears. They hold closely/protectively to their values and may be unwilling to venture opinions about things they know nothing about. But given the details and space to think about and investigate things without pressure to change, they can alter those views… and can become even more impassioned about them than you! That being said, it's probably best to look for an INFP who shares a good number of values with you to start, as these are a critical part of who they are, and you can't expect to change them *too* much

    Recognize that this type often makes indirect communications, and doesn't even realize that those are not understood. Be patient and if you really want to communicate with them, teach them how to communicate more directly with you, while at the same time trying to understand their more common indirect statements.

    If they say something and you don't know why they said that, ask them. For example, on the simplest level, sometimes I ask my INTP, "Have you had dinner yet?" The implication is that I want to have dinner with him -- and I wasn't even aware there was another interpretation or phrasing. In the old days, he would interpret it very literally, answer "No," and go back to whatever he was doing, and I felt confused and stonewalled. Later, he realized I asked for a particular reason, and would ask "Why do you ask?" or "Have you?" And I more often began to ask, "What shall we do about dinner?" or "Are you free for dinner?"

    Help out with the chores without being asked. So nice.

    Learn the difference between when the INFP is asking you to help them solve a problem, or just wants to share something… it's an important distinction, and can mean the difference between a good connection and an argument.

    Do respect them as intelligent, perceptive people, and give them space when their emotions are in full swing -- when they're in full passion mode is not a good time to disagree If you respect their values, acknowledge their points, and communicate that you care about them, they will calm down and listen to differing views.

    Never call INFPs over-sensitive… trust me, we already know we're sensitive. Admire them for who they are inside -- being called beautiful with reference to physicality was never a big compliment to me… but creative, sharp, bold, passionate? Hell yes!

    Continue to share your unique gifts with INFPs, and take our minds places they ain't never been before

    - If you are an INTP, what advice would you have for the INFPs?

    I'm not an INTP, but I'll pass on some tips to fellow INFPs from 10 years of knowing my INTP -- don't be intimidated by the INTP. They tend to be smart as hell, yes, and to enjoy debate (but they aren't competitive about it, they're just trying to achieve greater knowledge, even if they come across as confident and all-knowing). They are also genuine, kind, free-spirited, and more open to loving and being loved than you might initially think. I've come across a lot of INFPs who only seem to consider other feeler types, and I will say this about the INTP: they're worth it.

    Don't interpret their calmness as a sign that they are robotic -- indeed, they have honed this calm with careful control. When they show their emotions, they can be forceful and surprising. If they do, you can surmise they're stressed, pissed off, or deeply touched. Whatever you do, don't take advantage of this vulnerability. They are perhaps the classic stoic type with a squishy center. You don't get to it easily, so don't take it for granted.

    Take them at face value, and try to let go of any implications you think they're making (or at least become aware of, and then literally state, those assumptions so they can directly respond to them). There's almost nothing that irritates an INTP more than to have their words twisted, as they always choose them carefully and precisely. By that same token, do not belittle their care for the details (whether that be for a topic or for a task at hand), as for them the details make up the truth.

    Appreciate them for their abilities, and be patient with their desire to help through critique. Make it gently clear when you are and are not open to this. Show them affection -- they may not initially seem like they care, but they do! Don't expect them to join you on every crusade But if they know it's important, they will be willing to cheer you from the sidelines!

    Check out what's happening in the world generally from time to time, whether in the world of business, internationally, or governmentally -- most INFPs I know do not naturally seek out political articles or world issues aside from their pet causes. But many INTPs do, and your mutual dialogues about interpretations on such issues can be rich and satisfying. I swear you will also surprise and delight them with your perspective. This can stimulate the INTP in the way that pondering and talking about our personal values does for INFPs

    Don't be afraid to bring them into activities they might not otherwise try, and be open to their latest obsessions too. That's one of the beauties of this relationship… each of you will always be trying out something new, whether it's a new language, coding, an instrument, or something else entirely.
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  6. #6
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    I have nothing to add here, but INTP/INFP sounds adorable. Also, this thread is a lot less unruly than some of the other ones haha.
    And so long as you haven’t experienced this: to die and so to grow,
    you are only a troubled guest on the dark earth
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    I'm an INFP in a relationship with an INTP and I'd like to say, it's great! But (there's always a but), it took us a while to get to this point. You have to work at an INTP / INFP relationship... more on that in the question/answer part

    When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
    - How compatible do you think these two types are in general?


    I would say that these two types are not automatically compatible. There's a little bit of work involved (or a lot, depending on how mature you are). In a nutshell: INTPs seem cold to INFPs and can leave INFPs feeling lonely. INFPs seem emotional and illogical to INTPs and need to learn to respond to things in a more logical manner.

    - Why are they attracted to each other?

    In my case, I was sick of meeting immature boys who liked to drink and make very UNinteresting conversation with me. My husband gave off an aura of calm and just being an all-around "good guy". He wasn't afraid to do his own thing and go against the flow. A man who knows what he wants and doesn't cave in to social pressure is pretty attractive. Also, he is a smart guy, definitely something I was looking for.

    Today I would say his most attractive feature is that he is a 100% good guy and I know he will always be by my side. I know he could spend a night in a hotel room with Scarlett Johansson and nothing would happen... because he's that kind of guy.

    Why was he attracted to me? I don't know much about this... INTPs don't like to share much... I know he once told me that he was first attracted to me because I seemed very calm and sweet (he had just broken up with a rather difficult person). Today I know he enjoys having me around because of my childish enjoyment of life. I make life a little bit more fun for him.



    - How to they complement each other?

    INTPs can really teach INFPs to treat matters in a more logical manner. Once you accept their way of seeing the world, you can learn a lot from it. INFPs can hopefully help INTPs to understand people/emotions better. Perhaps even be more in touch with their own emotions? (This last part has yet to happen)


    - How well do they understand each other and why?

    I would say that we understand each other... sometimes. We both enjoy analyzing certain things (MBTI, marketing campaigns, business ideas...). However, I like to analyze emotions, relationships and people a whole lot more than him and I mostly have to keep my thoughts to myself because they bore him. He also doesn't always understand psycological things the same way I do (dealing with trauma/personal issues, personality disorders, seeing things from another person's point of view, etc).

    In our case we both have a pretty similar outlook on religion and morality which helps, because if we ever did have to argue about that kind of thing, odds are it would be difficult (mainly for an INFP since some issues are really core issues for us).

    Main issue: INTPs look at things from a logical point of view, wheareas an INFP might (usually does) let emotions influence decisions.

    - What are they like together raising children?

    No idea...

    When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
    - What are some of the communication challenges they can have?


    As I mentioned, INTP thinks logically, INFP lets emotions taint their decisions or reactions. For example, I sometimes misinterpret his statements of fact ("XX needs to get done") as personal accusations, when really, he just wants to point something out to me. I think he is insinuating something when really he is just being logical and saying what he thinks.

    INTPs just looove to give advice too (one of their best assets), but as an INFP woman, a lot of times I just need to vent and get my feelings validated. This drives my husband nuts (but this is a pretty common gender communication issue to be honest).

    I'm sure there are other issues too, but those are the first that come to mind...


    - What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?

    INTPs are driven absolutely crazy by INFPs "irrational arguments".
    INFPs can feel really lonely/unloved if INTPs don't make a conscious effort to show their emotions/love. Partly because they don't show their emotions through words or actions but also because INTPs like to be very independent and an INFP may need/want more time with them.

    - How can they take each other for granted?

    Not sure... possibly if an INFP just assumes that the INTP is a good faithful guy and stops making an effort to make the relationship fun and interesting.

    For an INTP it could be if he takes advantage of the fact that the INFP likes to help people/be nice/do stuff for people (could even be around the home... getting the INFP to do stuff for him)

    - What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?

    See "biggest frustrations"

    Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
    - What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?

    For the INFP - try not to argue about things or bring up touchy topics when you are emotional. Think about it calmly, come back when you are calm and he is in a quiet, good mood (and not doing anything like watching a good show, writing an email, etc)


    - What advice do you have for each of the two types?
    Study each other's personality profiles. A lot. Maybe even go to a couples counselor (preventative measure. Haven't done this but I think it's a great idea)

    I always say to focus on the other's POSITIVE traits. Remind yourself of them constantly, and also when you are mad at them.

    I also would advise INFPs to not nag INTPs too much. Learn to let some things go (will this be important in 6 months? a year?). Learn to bring things up calmly, at the right time, without accusing them. Give INTPs lots of independence and remember that if they are doing something else or you don't see them as often as you would like, that's ok. They will love you even more for giving them their space.

    - If you are an INFP, what advice do you have for the INTPs?

    For the INTP - try not to give advice (unless solicited) when the INFP is venting. Learn how your partner expresses/receives love so you can do that for them (number one thing! If you give an INFP love, everything else will work so much more smoothly).

    But mostly, learn to show love to your partner in ways they understand. You can even ask them directly what you can do (I'm sure they've already thought about it a lot)
    Last edited by caro9caro; 08-09-2015 at 01:36 AM.
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  8. #8
    Senior Member MyCupOfTea's Avatar
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    ^ What you wrote is so true! I can totally relate.
    Likes caro9caro liked this post

  9. #9
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    In my experience, NPs usually seemed too similiar to be compatible. They dont have high enough sensory and were very spacy.
    I am extremely quiet, an outcast, and conflict-avoidant. But I also have strengths too, that I can forgive you all because you are unique and special. I kill with kindness, hating violence and social conflicts. People always bully me into actually talking, but I can't. Just be your true self and know your strengths and weaknesses. Some weaknesses we cannot change, but work on your strengths, forgive, and accept that.

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    When thing go bad. The passive aggresiveness of INTP causes him to create really mean memes and send them to GF. Know an INTP that changed his GF wallpaper on phone to "your a dumb fuck" because he knew she didnt know how to change it...lol. nothing to do with INFP, but it's hard because you wanna laugh so hard and yet feel bad for other person.
    Im out, its been fun
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