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  1. #11
    Junior Member
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    Oct 2015
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    I am married (very happily) to an INTP. Although he is really INTP/J to be completely transparent. His fundamental nature is INTP, I believe, but he has no problem upping the J to get where he wants to go.

    When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
    - How compatible do you think these two types are in general?
    In general, I wouldn't say that these two types are automatically compatible. I think he potential compatibility is excellent, but there needs to be work and adjustment on both sides.

    - Why are they attracted to each other?
    We were attracted to each other because we both live in our own worlds a good amount of the time. We both appreciate that about each other. We are both homebodies, and we love to be together-together (watching movies, cooking) and together-separate (sitting in the same room each working on projects independently).
    - How to they compliment each other?
    I think the classic F-T difference is a great compliment, at least in my marriage. I am not 100% F and my husband is not 100% T, and I think that helps. Even though my instinct is F, he can pull me out of that when need be, and I appreciate it a lot. Similarly, when he is being an insensitive D and that needs some adjustment, he is able to get in touch with his own F at my prodding.
    - How well do they understand each other and why?
    We understand each other beautifully.
    - What are they like together raising children?
    Don't have any yet, but looking forward to it.

    When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
    - What are some of the communication challenges they can have?
    Biggest challenge for us is what I suppose is an F-T challenge. It manifests for us like this: When under stress, I want to be around friends and family and comfort myself in this way. I want to escape through enjoyable activities. My husband doesn't put much weight on feeling better when things are tough. He just wants to make the most rational decision possible. So, if there is anything that might go wrong under some kind of crunch period, he doesn't want to plan anything or spend any unnecessary money. I am not irresponsible with those things, but I am more likely to take a risk to "feel better" after a vacation with family etc. This challenge has come up many times for us.
    - What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?
    See above
    - How can they take each other for granted?
    I actually do not feel that we do this.
    - What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?
    I think the big thing that could go wrong is that an F-T clash could devolve into a stalemate.

    Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
    - What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?
    - What advice do you have for each of the two types?
    The INFP needs to learn to delay gratification. The INTP needs to not invalidate the "irrational" feelings of the INFP and try to convince the INFP to not have said feelings. INTP needs to let INFP express themselves fully without judging whether or not feelings are "valid."

    That's my take! I would say that in order for this to work, but people need to be in good emotional shape. If either person is immature, I don't think it would work. But as mentioned above, we are very happy. I can't imagine being with anyone else.
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  2. #12
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by myrealitie View Post
    My husband doesn't put much weight on feeling better when things are tough. He just wants to make the most rational decision possible.
    Guilty.

    The INTP needs to not invalidate the "irrational" feelings of the INFP and try to convince the INFP to not have said feelings. INTP needs to let INFP express themselves fully without judging whether or not feelings are "valid."
    SUPER GUILTY.

    Although you can substitute "feelings of the INFP" with "Feelings of anybody" and it's still true.

    I struggle with this a lot, the idea of a valid feeling. I will say that I fully understand and can accept that any feeling can be felt in any scenario and be valid...but I do think the existence of that feeling and the expression of that feeling are two different things. I have found that when a feeling from a partner is "expressed" my unconscious instinct is to do something about it. Is this Fe? I don't know. As an introverted, cerebral, e5 individual the only reason I express ANYTHING is because this information needs to get out, and processed or understood by someone/something else. So when this feeling comes in to my awareness, it must be handled and it even starts to feel like a "demand" if the other person doesn't seem to be able to soothe themselves enough. And it's still taking me a while to understand that it's not a demand, it's just an expression and maybe that person just needs a hug instead of solution.

    My usual response is Lucille-esque in the midst of what, to me, looks like an episode.

    MFW a wild Feeling appears:


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