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Thread: ISFP and ESFJ Relationships

  1. #1
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    Default ISFP and ESFJ Relationships

    What do you think about relationships between ISFPs and ESFJs? The focus of this is really on romantic relationships but it also makes sense to discuss your experience in situations where these two types interact in a significant way – such as friendship, at work, etc.

    When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
    - How compatible do you think these two types are in general?
    - Why are they attracted to each other?
    - How to they compliment each other?
    - How well do they understand each other and why?
    - What are they like together raising children?

    When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
    - What are some of the communication challenges they can have?
    - What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?
    - How can they take each other for granted?
    - What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?

    Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
    - What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?
    - What advice do you have for each of the two types?
    - If you are an ISFP, what advice do you have for the ESFJs?
    - If you are an ESFJ, what advice would you have for the ISFPs?

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  2. #2
    Junior Member Array
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    Nov 2009


    My mother (ISFP) and sister (ESFJ) fall into this category - so as there have been no other contributors I will try to add something.

    My sister is quite... moody, shall we say, so how the two get along is often dependent on her mood at the time. When cheerful, the two get along quite well - they will chat forever, love going out for lunches to gossip and have a lot of shared interests, like food and shopping.

    However in general interactions, the ESFJ has a certain, hmm, certainty that she's right all of the time, so will frequently steamroll over the ISFP, interfere in her cooking, says outright judgemental things like 'you're doing it wrong." or "you're not allowed to eat that, you're on a diet". The ISFP is fairly easygoing, and accommodating (living with an ESTJ husband you'd have to be), but I can tell sometimes the harsh words directed at her are hurtful. The ISFP doesn't often stand up for herself, she doesn't think it's worth the effort, but when she does they can clash loudly.

    For example, at a family dinner, the only time she'd been over that week, the rest of us were being boisterous and she was grumpy, so we were told 'ugh I can't stand you guys'. The ISFP will then vent to me later, going 'Did she seriously say she can't stand her family? Gee, sorry we invited you around."

    But then I think this is more an example of an immature ESFJ, who has a tendency to push herself quite hard in social interactions and things she has on each day, to the point when she sees her family she is more often than not exhausted and snappy.

    But as I said, when they are in a good mood they get along quite well, and even despite all of the above these two do talk quite regularly, they have a lot in common and being an IP/EJ combination are also different enough to keep things interesting, so I imagine that a more mature ESFJ would in fact be quite compatible with an ISFP.

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