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  1. #11
    Member Neokortex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Forever View Post
    I also do find that even once extroverts found their niche they just stand in that group not even much more comfortable to allow new individuals in.
    I think even social subtype introverts tend to keep with their group. Ofc, there're always exceptions, maybe IxxPs, even ExxPs are more adventurous, open minded to new people.

    I really think if people were more allowing we'd have a lot less hate crime because everybody could communicate things out and may even get better romantic relationships even.
    Definitely agree. Perhaps our 6 allows us to see that way, community and (and security) orientation.

    I both love and resent Susan Cain's book Quiet because it makes introverts known but it only gives everybody an excuse not to develop a relationship with another. Even some extroverts are mislabeling themselves as introverts as if it's the cool thing to do. They'll still socially isolate real introverts which is downright humiliating to the affected individuals.
    It happens at professions too. The real talents are overshadowed by boisterous, loud, big image guys and people, uh, what can you expect? fall for authority. In tritype terms, I assigned the last in the tritype to have this "wannabe" quality, something the person isn't but fakes being. Wannabe artists getting more attention then the ones spent years training and honing their skills, etc. It's not always gold that which shines.

    I have a catch 22 dilemma when it comes to girls. I approach it's hard and difficult and putting myself for confusion and possibly no relationship if there isn't a yes, and I really don't like being approached by women at least I don't think I'd been approached the way I'd feel comfortable. It really is frustrating.
    That's odd... If you assign yourself a dominant Sx then you wouldn't have, uuh, you would not find it intimidating. Intimate / "one-on-one" subtypes are supposed to crave being approached or that connection made, almost instantly. I have awkward moments rather with social subtypes because they operate on stereotypes and I'm unaware of those patterns that form their expectations on me, i.e. those current standards by which they judge me. Hence the uneasiness. I'm afraid not to ruin it. Whereas with So blind spots there's more direct communication and more tolerance to "blunders." and openness to reevaluate our actions with outside of the box thinking & raw/direct communication.
    Last edited by Neokortex; 11-04-2016 at 07:44 AM.
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  2. #12
    Member Neokortex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maar View Post
    I'm sx/sp, double withdrawn tritype and don't really go outside or do things like normal people, but I still take the effort to reach out to others online. That's also how I spotted and hunted down the man I'm engaged to now. He's the best thing I could ever hope for and I'm the one that initiated it. You gotta put yourself out there if you actually want some results, but of course it's not gonna be easy.

    I don't really experience your problem with calling on the phone. I've never waited for such a stage. Whenever I was attracted, it was an obvious thing to talk with the other person whether irl or on the phone. I just made it happen. No one ever likened me to being clingy or desperate because of that. Maybe you just need to learn to read others better?
    Haha, you mean learn to read others like the double withdrawn "sx/sp"s? I don't know if this is a rule, if I may generalize this but with according to some experiences I think when in the presence of another Sx, there's an immediate awareness of both persons of the other. It's like not letting go of the eye contact, like how your body is positioned, how you keep yourself turned toward the other person already gives away your "thirst."

    I'm still not convinced of these E5 Sx-doms... You spotted him online or spotted him IRL and then tracked him down online? If the latter... did you ask him to be the first with initiating to approach you IRL?

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luv Deluxe View Post
    DD Oookay?

    "As for sexual interests, I've never really had to wait for anything ...."

    What do you mean? Like men answering your calls? Isn't that a basic expectation?? D Or do you refer here to the bar scene with sharks swarming and all?

    "If I like you, I'll communicate whenever I want. Should my forward nature be a turn-off for someone, then it's just as well"

    How many of these man you didn't need to wait for did your forward nature turn off? Men from the bar?

    I am definitely Sx-first, and I don't often wait for the guy to make the first move. This is particularly true if the chemistry has escalated to a point where emotions might actually get involved, or if I'd really quite like to have sex with him. Sometimes I do indeed let the guy make the first move, generally if the situation doesn't matter much to me.
    So... have you ever made the first move?

  4. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by Neokortex View Post
    Haha, you mean learn to read others like the double withdrawn "sx/sp"s? I don't know if this is a rule, if I may generalize this but with according to some experiences I think when in the presence of another Sx, there's an immediate awareness of both persons of the other. It's like not letting go of the eye contact, like how your body is positioned, how you keep yourself turned toward the other person already gives away your "thirst."
    Yeah, that seems to be the gist of it. Sp/sx can do it too, but they will hold back obviously. Anyway I respect the boundaries of people that clearly don't show interest even if I do, so I'm not gonna push them because I wouldn't like that happening to myself. And if they don't match my attraction/chemistry then it would be not good enough for me anyway.

    Quote Originally Posted by Neokortex View Post
    I'm still not convinced of these E5 Sx-doms...
    Don't care if you're not convinced.

    Quote Originally Posted by Neokortex View Post
    You spotted him online or spotted him IRL and then tracked him down online? If the latter... did you ask him to be the first with initiating to approach you IRL?
    Online. I initiated the contact, we became close very immediately. It was obvious after a month that we both wanted a long-term relationship with each other. I bought him a plane ticket to me 6 months later and we met. I didn't ask him to do anything, I just did my thing. It was natural to hug and kiss each other the first time irl, we did it at the same time like our bodies and minds were synchronized. We were too thirsty to not fuck right after we went to my apartment.

  5. #15
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neokortex View Post
    I'm the 27. How old are You? Yupp, although women can and do have strength, strength and the stuff I listed are somehow, by gendered stereotype?, connected to masculine qualities. I've met daring women but they seem to be extremely rare.
    Older than 27.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
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  6. #16
    Step into my office. Luv Deluxe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neokortex View Post
    "As for sexual interests, I've never really had to wait for anything ...."

    What do you mean? Like men answering your calls? Isn't that a basic expectation?? D Or do you refer here to the bar scene with sharks swarming and all?
    Well, like I said, I'm not really a big fan of phone calls. I prefer texting. And when I text someone, I don't pay attention to arbitrary rules like "wait three days!" or "give it time, make him wait after he texts you!" I just talk when I want to, and that seems to generate prompt responses which then turn into interesting conversation and/or flirtation if that's the nature of the beast.

    Your initial post described sensations of desperation, or feeling clingy, and that's specifically what I was responding to more than anything here. I don't relate to those feelings unless I've already forged a strong connection with someone and something's gone wrong.

    If the other party isn't getting back to me within a reasonable time frame, I assume they're either busy or uninterested - so I don't worry about it. I figure it makes sense to listen to your gut, don't apply pressure where it's not necessary, and move on. I've had plenty of friends who have struggled there, done the whole, "Why won't he call/text?!" thing, and I simply can't relate to that. I'm just not the type to wait by the phone, it's not in my nature.

    As far as "basic expectations" go, I don't really have any. I guess I assume that if you want to talk, you will, and if not, you won't - same as me. It's just that the vast majority of the time, I'm right about the perceived chemistry, and my interest is reciprocated.

    Quote Originally Posted by Neokortex
    "If I like you, I'll communicate whenever I want. Should my forward nature be a turn-off for someone, then it's just as well"

    How many of these man you didn't need to wait for did your forward nature turn off? Men from the bar?
    Really hung up on the bar thing, huh? I only meant the bar/club/sharks comment as a possible counterexample to my tendency of making advances first. If I'm at a bar, I'm probably there for my entertainment, maybe to have a few drinks with a friend or catch another friend's band playing. Therefore, I'm not actively looking to scan the crowd and figure out a possible score. If someone approaches me, though - provided there's chemistry present and the guy looks like a suitable candidate - I might follow the thread for an entertaining evening. Few of my actual interests/partners have come from such a place.

    To answer your question though, no, most guys are not turned off by the forwardness. If anything, most of them are pleasantly relieved if a little stunned. However, I've known of some men who are intimidated and put off by such traits. If those men are not attracted to me, I don't care. They're not my type, hence "just as well."

    Quote Originally Posted by Neokortex
    So... have you ever made the first move?
    Yeah, like I said. Need examples? Texting first, inviting someone to hang out, telling a friend I've got feelings for him, initiating the first kiss, initiating sex, giving the guy my number first or asking for his, asking him to be my boyfriend, flirting first, you name it.
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  7. #17
    Senior Member Psyclepath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neokortex View Post
    I think even social subtype introverts tend to keep with their group. Ofc, there're always exceptions, maybe IxxPs, even ExxPs are more adventurous, open minded to new people.



    Definitely agree. Perhaps our 6 allows us to see that way, community and (and security) orientation.



    It happens at professions too. The real talents are overshadowed by boisterous, loud, big image guys and people, uh, what can you expect? fall for authority. In tritype terms, I assigned the last in the tritype to have this "wannabe" quality, something the person isn't but fakes being. Wannabe artists getting more attention then the ones spent years training and honing their skills, etc. It's not always gold that which shines.



    That's odd... If you assign yourself a dominant Sx then you wouldn't have, uuh, you would not find it intimidating. Intimate / "one-on-one" subtypes are supposed to crave being approached or that connection made, almost instantly. I have awkward moments rather with social subtypes because they operate on stereotypes and I'm unaware of those patterns that form their expectations on me, i.e. those current standards by which they judge me. Hence the uneasiness. I'm afraid not to ruin it. Whereas with So blind spots there's more direct communication and more tolerance to "blunders." and openness to reevaluate our actions with outside of the box thinking & raw/direct communication.
    What about an sx-first who was suffering from anxiety or depression?

  8. #18
    Member Neokortex's Avatar
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    He's the best thing I could ever hope for and I'm the one that initiated it. (...) I just made it happen.
    I dunno if it's just me but whenever I read some women relate their online "hunt," it always turns out successful, like having your pizza delivered in order. D Isn't there an Enneagram 3 perhaps behind that double withdrawnness (compensating for an E5?) to make it sound like a clean sweep?
    You gotta put yourself out there if you actually want some results, but of course it's not gonna be easy.
    But do tell me. How that chemistry worked out online. If you had the fortune to be so complementary that you've never misunderstood him through online texting (or skype). Was it his shared picture or his thought expressed in writings that got your attention?
    Quote Originally Posted by Maar View Post
    Online. I initiated the contact, we became close very immediately. It was obvious after a month that we both wanted a long-term relationship with each other. I bought him a plane ticket to me 6 months later and we met. I didn't ask him to do anything, I just did my thing. It was natural to hug and kiss each other the first time irl, we did it at the same time like our bodies and minds were synchronized. We were too thirsty to not fuck right after we went to my apartment.
    That's also how I spotted and hunted down the man I'm engaged to now.
    Isn't that a bit hyperbolized? What was your 'pickup line?' Was it like "I saw what you wrote and wanna comment" or "I've found the 'Send PM' button under your avatar and thought I might as well hunt you down?"
    Are you an NT-type btw? You come off as very pragmatic, as if emotions and idealism weren't in the way at all, to muddle it all.
    Yea, lack of idealism, that you knew what was coming and wasn't much picky about it, accepted the unforeseen instead of blaming it on the limitations of online dating, which would mean blaming yourself for being withdrawn? But anyhow, no relationship is perfect so I guess with perseverance, tolerance you guys may pull through the realities just right.
    Whenever I was attracted, it was an obvious thing to talk with the other person whether irl or on the phone. I just made it happen. No one ever likened me to being clingy or desperate because of that.
    What do you mean by the last sentence?

  9. #19

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    Quote Originally Posted by Neokortex View Post
    I dunno if it's just me but whenever I read some women relate their online "hunt," it always turns out successful, like having your pizza delivered in order. D Isn't there an Enneagram 3 perhaps behind that double withdrawnness (compensating for an E5?) to make it sound like a clean sweep?
    I think it is a general trait shared by sx-doms since we like to show off our ability to get into relationships, it shows that we're attractive/desirable.

    Quote Originally Posted by Neokortex View Post
    But do tell me. How that chemistry worked out online. If you had the fortune to be so complementary that you've never misunderstood him through online texting (or skype). Was it his shared picture or his thought expressed in writings that got your attention?
    Obviously we had arguments, but we were able to easily get over them thanks to our strong chemistry. There are no relationships without misunderstandings in this world, lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by Neokortex View Post
    Isn't that a bit hyperbolized? What was your 'pickup line?' Was it like "I saw what you wrote and wanna comment" or "I've found the 'Send PM' button under your avatar and thought I might as well hunt you down?"
    I don't have pickup lines, I never plan what I'll say. There was a chat I was added to. I'm not gonna go into details but it was pretty much for broken and sad people. I noticed him some time after and saw a picture of him. I've added him to contacts and started talking with him about life, what we do daily etc. It escalated quickly from there because we shared together some painful life circumstances.

    Quote Originally Posted by Neokortex View Post
    Are you an NT-type btw? You come off as very pragmatic, as if emotions and idealism weren't in the way at all, to muddle it all.
    Yea, lack of idealism, that you knew what was coming and wasn't much picky about it, accepted the unforeseen instead of blaming it on the limitations of online dating, which would mean blaming yourself for being withdrawn? But anyhow, no relationship is perfect so I guess with perseverance, tolerance you guys may pull through the realities just right.
    I'm an ISTP. The energy pull was too strong, so I wasn't able to stop myself. This is just how sx works. No matter what's the risk, it's uncontrollable when it's already started.

    What do you mean by the last sentence?
    No one ever called me clingy when I was trying to get closer to individuals I was attracted to.

  10. #20
    Member Neokortex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chickpea View Post
    idk, i find making people chase me more empowering than being the one doing the chasing. but i haven't dated for over 5 years so i don't even know anymore.
    An Sx-first out of juice? U okay? D

    Quote Originally Posted by Psyclepath View Post
    What about an sx-first who was suffering from anxiety or depression?
    A couple of things from here to clarify Sx-first.

    ~ broadcasting, charisma, display (pouring out the energy) / think of animals doing the dance/spread/strut to attract the other gender

    - do this by bragging about my physical abilities. As having a mid-range Sx/Sp 1, that is part of the gut sphere, I tend not only be flashy/dominating intellectually but also competitive when it comes to physical exercise, such as dance (that now I'm back from). I managed to get the attention of an Sp/Sx seeming girl (dreamy eyes, lazy look, disinterested attitude to what's going on, present but not part of the crowd) at the dance by doing my 'feats.' Nobody else seemed to care to notice. But I don't display anything by dressing, I guess that's more of an image (heart) type of thing.

    ~ presence is the only source of choice. without presence we have no choice but to keep running the same ego programs. presence brings the gift and capacity to do something different
    ~ "edge" - exploration, pushing the envelope, risk. can involve aggression (the energy of hunting)

    - I'm told a LOT that the things I do or say appear to be unheard of, it strikes them very new, which at the same time makes them suspicious.

    and from here:


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