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  1. #1
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    Default An educational guide to surviving so territory

    I've noticed that there are some things that us so-last types aren't always aware of.

    I was wondering if there were perhaps some general "so dos and don'ts?"

    And or this could be a thread in which to ask whether something is socially appropriate or not, etc.

    I'll provide more specific questions/examples shortly.
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

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    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
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  2. #2
    Dream without Hesitation Dreamer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Urarienev View Post
    I've noticed that there are some things that us so-last types aren't always aware of.

    I was wondering if there were perhaps some general "so dos and don'ts?"

    And or this could be a thread in which to ask whether something is socially appropriate or not, etc.

    I'll provide more specific questions shortly.
    Ohh this should be an interesting thread! Perhaps I can help out here. I feel I'm pretty clued into the social scene and all the norms/expectations, but whether I actually act on them is entirety different. I recognize that they are there nonetheless.
    The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams
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    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    Alright, a couple things I've noticed. Also feel free to chime in if you don't think what i'm saying is related to so-ness.

    Some "Don'ts" that I've noticed or things that I'd like feedback on:


    1) Don't ask too personal of questions. Especially not too soon.

    -Personally, I don't know how long this takes. And i'm not sure how to get to know someone if I don't ask them personal things haha. So what's the rule? Wait until they bring it up?


    2)
    If you're in a group don't break off into separate conversations?

    -I have found this to be very strange, but I've actually been nudged to stop doing this before.


    3) this one's silly But when, if ever is it a good time to friend request your extp cable guy?



    @Enthusiastic_Dreamer That's it for now
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

    Freedom isn't free.
    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner
    10w12

  4. #4
    Fabula rasa Kas's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Urarienev View Post
    Alright, a couple things I've noticed. Also feel free to chime in if you don't think what i'm saying is related to so-ness.

    Some "Don'ts" that I've noticed or things that I'd like feedback on:


    1) Don't ask too personal of questions. Especially not too soon.

    -Personally, I don't know how long this takes. And i'm not sure how to get to know someone if I don't ask them personal things haha. So what's the rule? Wait until they bring it up?
    I relate to the first one.

    You can wait until they start talking about this and then asked them questions, because you were already invited to do so. Or you can ask them questions before, but with no insisting and letting them change the subject if they’re not comfortable talking about it yet; or changing subject yourself when you see they are not comfortable talking about this. They will respect you for the consideration, trust you more and become more willing to talk with you about what they find private(because I guess it's subjective).

    There isn’t any particular time, I just like when someone getting to know me respects my personal space too. And it’s important to me that I can trust them and that they keep what say to themselves when they asked about something private.

    There are exceptions too. I remember being shot with questions just after I met someone and it was a very interested conversation; I also have a friend who asks a personal questions all the time and he used to do so since I met him. But in his case it’s different, because he is very open himself. Maybe that could help? I think it’s easier to share something meaningful about yourself with someone who shared something meaningful with you. That it can breaks some boundaries in more subtle way.


    2)
    If you're in a group don't break off into separate conversations?

    -I have found this to be very strange, but I've actually been nudged to stop doing this before.
    About second I don’t mind when the group gets divided and parts are talking separately, when the group is big it’s natural. But I don’t like when two people start to talk about something others don’t get without explaining, whisper with each other or keep making some signs, jokes that others don’t understand… Because then why they met the others in first place. I understand they can have subjects they prefer only to discuss alone… But when I meet someone I haven’t seen a long time, it’s a good friend of mine and we plan to meet with other people, I just plan to meet them earlier alone, talk about with them individually and then meet others.

    3) this one's silly But when, if ever is it a good time to friend request your extp cable guy?
    You don't mean literally cable guy, or do you? Playing not-native-speaker card.
    “The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes." A.C. Doyle


  5. #5
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Urarienev View Post
    I've noticed that there are some things that us so-last types aren't always aware of.

    I was wondering if there were perhaps some general "so dos and don'ts?"


    As it was already said So instinct is more of a awareness than following.


    For me the list looks like this:


    Don't roll over a person if you don't really have to. (it gives bad rep.)
    Start with softer topic and then see if a person can follow. If yes go to the next level.
    Ask yourself who is in charge of all this. (pretty much always someone is)
    Ask yourself to who you should pass on the the info you have.
    Ask yourself is x even legal ?
    Your look matters.
    Don't open your cards too much or too often.
    Makes sure that important people know or notice you, since you can use them as leverage for your ideas or support gaining.
    In the case you don't know who they are ... try to figure out that.
    Make propositions to the groups of people.
    Don't make promises you will probably not keep.
    Know what and when something will make certain people "vulnerable" or how to play the system into your advantage.
    Speak freely when you know you are right. Most people are actually submissive in the case that someone has obviously better argument.


    As long as you keep these in mind you should be generally ok.
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  6. #6
    Dream without Hesitation Dreamer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Virtual ghost View Post
    As it was already said So instinct is more of a awareness than following.


    For me the list looks like this:


    Don't roll over a person if you don't really have to. (it gives bad rep.)
    Start with softer topic and then see if a person can follow. If yes go to the next level.
    Ask yourself who is in charge of all this. (pretty much always someone is)
    Ask yourself to who you should pass on the the info you have.
    Ask yourself is x even legal ?
    Your look matters.
    Don't open your cards too much or too often.
    Makes sure that important people know or notice you, since you can use them as leverage for your ideas or support gaining.
    In the case you don't know who they are ... try to figure out that.
    Make propositions to the groups of people.
    Don't make promises you will probably not keep.
    Know what and when something will make certain people "vulnerable" or how to play the system into your advantage.
    Speak freely when you know you are right. Most people are actually submissive in the case that someone has obviously better argument.


    As long as you keep these in mind you should be generally ok.
    Just out of curiosity, do you always have these sorts of "rules" in mind when interacting, or do you tend to just go with the flow and intuitively know how to read an environment? I ask because much of what you said are things I relate to as knowing, but it's never really all that conscious for me. I sort of feel out the room, talk to who I need to talk to, and figure people out. Most of that is just out of genuine curiosity for people but it's true, some people help your status more than others and knowing where people stand is vitally important if you want to get anywhere. It's all a game really... That's how it feels for me.

    But just because I see the game for what it is, hardly means I actually play the game. I tend to just see it from the sidelines and laugh to myself inside at the whole social dance.
    The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams
    -Eleanor Roosevelt
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  7. #7
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Enthusiastic_Dreamer View Post
    Just out of curiosity, do you always have these sorts of "rules" in mind when interacting, or do you tend to just go with the flow and intuitively know how to read an environment? I ask because much of what you said are things I relate to as knowing, but it's never really all that conscious for me. I sort of feel out the room, talk to who I need to talk to, and figure people out. Most of that is just out of genuine curiosity for people but it's true, some people help your status more than others and knowing where people stand is vitally important if you want to get anywhere. It's all a game really... That's how it feels for me.

    But just because I see the game for what it is, hardly means I actually play the game. I tend to just see it from the sidelines and laugh to myself inside at the whole social dance.

    That depends on how important is the issue at hand and how much I care about it. I am aware of these things quite often but sometimes I don't want to play along ... especially if I don't want to get closer to some people. For me So instict is more about "getting most out of it" than following every rule for the sake of following the rules.

  8. #8
    Dream without Hesitation Dreamer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Virtual ghost View Post
    That depends on how important is the issue at hand and how much I care about it. I am aware of these things quite often but sometimes I don't want to play along ... especially if I don't want to get closer to some people. For me So instict is more about "getting most out of it" than following every rule for the sake of following the rules.
    Right, right. Agreed. It's funny because a lot of these social "rules" if we shall call them that, are so painfully obvious to me and I'm sure they are to you or any other So dom, that I just assumed everyone knew these things as well. Then, you get that socially awkward person that doesn't know what they're doing, and I then just tend to think, ok, do they KNOW they're being horribly awkward or is there some motive behind this ruse?
    The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams
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  9. #9
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Enthusiastic_Dreamer View Post
    Right, right. Agreed. It's funny because a lot of these social "rules" if we shall call them that, are so painfully obvious to me and I'm sure they are to you or any other So dom, that I just assumed everyone knew these things as well. Then, you get that socially awkward person that doesn't know what they're doing, and I then just tend to think, ok, do they KNOW they're being horribly awkward or is there some motive behind this ruse?

    In that case just presume that the person is socially clumsy or they are trying to get the attention. Even I go for shock strategy sometimes in order to impress or impact.


    However I generally skip the protocol/emotional part of So instintict and focus more on more practical/Te things: is water polluted, holes in justice systems, economy, politics (real politics not daily politics), debating/spreading information ... etc. This is what really interest me.

  10. #10
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Virtual ghost View Post
    As it was already said So instinct is more of a awareness than following.


    For me the list looks like this:


    Don't roll over a person if you don't really have to. (it gives bad rep.)
    Start with softer topic and then see if a person can follow. If yes go to the next level.
    Ask yourself who is in charge of all this. (pretty much always someone is)
    Ask yourself to who you should pass on the the info you have.
    Ask yourself is x even legal ?
    Your look matters.
    Don't open your cards too much or too often.
    Makes sure that important people know or notice you, since you can use them as leverage for your ideas or support gaining.
    In the case you don't know who they are ... try to figure out that.
    Make propositions to the groups of people.
    Don't make promises you will probably not keep.
    Know what and when something will make certain people "vulnerable" or how to play the system into your advantage.
    Speak freely when you know you are right. Most people are actually submissive in the case that someone has obviously better argument.


    As long as you keep these in mind you should be generally ok.
    You make it sound so easy haha. I think that I understand why I lack these kinds of things though now that I've read that. I just simply do not care about a lot of the things on that list for example.

    Do these things energize you? Because just thinking about applying them to real life, I can see it would drain me quickly. I'm not sure how to strike a balance there.
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

    Freedom isn't free.
    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner
    10w12

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