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Thread: Blindspots: Last Instincts

  1. #11
    Post Human Post Array Qlip's Avatar
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    What is your neglected instinct?

    My oh so neglected instinct is Social.

    How do you see this play out in your life? What do you neglect, miss out on, or fail to do because of it?

    As well as being So last, I'm Sp first, and one of my main focuses in life is being self-sufficient and capable. So these things that I do know other people have that I don't, like networks of people to rely on, benefits from regular social engagements, the impulse to be socially attractive are things that really go over my head to nearly the magnitude that I don't feel like I'm missing out on much.

    How might this cause issues and negatively affect relationships with people in your life?

    I'm generally very happy to connect with people solely on my Sx, general magnetism and location. When these aren't available I'm happy to to think fondly of people I like, but not really reach out otherwise. I only really reach out to people who are in what I think of my "inner-circle" composed of really just a few people, it's not a secret club, I just don't have much capacity for juggling social engagements and communication. Friends have in the past felt that I am cold because of this.

    If you've tried to be more attentive to your last instinct, do you think it has helped you to grow?

    I've made small forays in the past of going to move events and widening my social circles. I mostly found it overwhelming and unrewarding.
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  2. #12
    mod love baby... Array Lady_X's Avatar
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    i'm pretty sure my ex husband was so first so i dont think it ever occured to me that i sucked at it till we split haha
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
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  3. #13
    4x9 Array cascadeco's Avatar
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    I don't feel like so-dom and sx last manifests the same in e4 as some of the other types, as I can relate to a fair amount of sx stuff and I don't act the way a lot of so-doms 'should' act. Too, introversion plays into that. But probably the clearest thing I can say for being sx last is my cautiousness and perhaps even fear, on some level, of being super close to someone in maybe the way sx doms desire, though I am still highly selective in my friends and have a very small circle. Also maybe the fact that I don't think I'm very good at 'immersing' myself in someone else, nor do I really know that I desire that? I love sparks and in the moment connections, but I'm not really interested in being consumed by someone or one thing entirely. This can cause issues in intimate relationships, depending on the person, if the person doesn't think I'm 'sharing' enough, or things like that.

    @OP I hope this gives you an idea; it would be more difficult for me to answer in the way you presented the questions, as I haven't spent much time dissecting my life in terms of instincts.
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  4. #14
    Sugar Hiccup Array OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    @small.wonder I type as sp first and can relate a lot to that. The sp 4 is not security oriented. Rather, they can be somewhat impulsive and risk-taking. The most defining feature is that they "endure" quietly suffering as if they will get rewarded for it (stronger connection to 1). So there is more guarding of one's feelings.

    Anyhow.... I relate pretty well to all three of the subtypes for 4s, but in general, the social instinct seems to be my blindspot.


    What is your neglected instinct?
    Social

    How do you see this play out in your life? What do you neglect, miss out on, or fail to do because of it?
    I am obvlious to things like reputation or my niche in any kind of group.
    I have never had a desire to belong to a social group. I don't grasp group dynamics well, and a lot of it looks like a farce I don't want to be a part of.

    It has greatly affected the areas I care about (ie work and relationships) because of my failure to network or make good first impressions. That is the whole reason I finally conceded to give this area of life some attention.

    How might this cause issues and negatively affect relationships with people in your life?
    I fail at being socially impressive or making good first impressions, which can obviously turn people off to me. I don't know how to maneuver socially because I don't fully understand the dynamics, not until it hits me in the face that I am starting to be outcast or something like that.

    This may make me lose out on job or romantic opportunities, which is why I started to care. When younger, I think I was a lone wolf and outcast myself because I truly didn't care.

    Friends and family get frustrated with me when I get shy or withdraw, because they forget that I took a long time to warm up with them. They want everyone to see the somewhat insightful, witty, empathetic friend they have, but instead I come across as chilly or blank.

    New acquaintances often think I am snobby, and they can spread this view to others, sort of pushing me to the fringes of any group. I admit I feel resentment at those readily embraced who seem sort of dull and bland, and it especially puzzles me when they aren't necessarily making over others either (I understand why those people are liked...).

    Cooperating with a group also gives me this constant sense of sacrificing myself, and I have to fight the urge to just run away and start anew somewhere else, where I imagine I can be more of myself. Belonging has never been something I longed for. I always found the idea of "joining" to be a chore with little reward. The shallowness of it all feels draining. Interactions tire but don't really feed you emotionally or intellectually.

    Isolation makes me feel free, that I have no pressure to meet certain expectations or fit into some mold. Of course, isolation is lonely. I tend to just desire a few intimates in my life.

    I also generally feel like an alien and like everyone is in on a secret but me.

    If you've tried to be more attentive to your last instinct, do you think it has helped you to grow?
    Yes, I have tried and yes, it has helped me a lot.
    I got involved with a volunteer group via my religion years ago and now this social circle is quite central to my life. It has become a sort of lifeline to reality for me, as I withdraw into isolation easily, although it was not something I had ever dreamed of before. All of my complaints about groups still stand. It sometimes feels like an excercise in masochism every day.

    I did make a conscious decision to brace myself and go out into life, and there have been some very sharp growing pains. I would go to social things and then cry all the way home. I grit my teeth through the initial misunderstandings and slander that come from entering a social circle when you have a demeanor like mine. People (in person) are so incredibly suspicious and just hateful towards me at first. When younger, I loved interacting on the internet because I did get a much better response from people and it seemed like you could go deeper faster.

    Regularly, I fantasize about finally meeting some romantic savior and then being able to tell the whole social world to 'eff off. I would trash it all, light a match, and walk away as it's burning. I think I have a very "us against the world" mentality with a partner. It's easy for me to build a little world with one person and not feel a need for ties to others. Of course, I have that need, but I just don't want to deal with it.

    Anyhow it is very sp 4 of me to endure this kind of pain rather privately. The outer impression I tend to give is aloof and disinterested, which seems to make some people want to "teach me a lesson" and "snub me in return". I find it useful to put it out there ASAP that I am shy, to ease misunderstanding.

    As for work, not getting involved socially has always worked well for me. I very much compartmentalize. My "I don't care" attitude is serving me well now that I just go with it. I tried to awkwardly do the proper stuff on job interviews, and now I am just candid and unapologetic. In a way, I embraced NOT having good social instincts, but not avoiding or ignoring the social realm either.
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  5. #15
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    What is your neglected instinct?

    sp apparently?!!!?!?!?

    How do you see this play out in your life? What do you neglect, miss out on, or fail to do because of it?

    Jesus I don't even know. I keep forgetting to eat. I'm extremely bad at managing my resources (especially money, which I spend as soon as I acquire--I don't have a savings, I can't manage finances at all, fuck my life) and tend to over-spend myself (as in, attempt to put out more energy than I'm really capable of, and then completely exhausting myself).

    How might this cause issues and negatively affect relationships with people in your life?

    I have literally no idea!? Someone please tell me!?!?!?!?

    If you've tried to be more attentive to your last instinct, do you think it has helped you to grow?

    "Yeah, there wasn't a lot to do back on the old farm. Just sit back, think about things, and then repress those thoughts immediately..."

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  6. #16
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    I thought of some more sp last stuff.

    I have a health condition I've been dealing with my entire life and I've been notoriously bad about managing it. I was hospitalized for 8 days in 2008 and almost died, which never would have happened if I would just stop being lazy and take care of myself. I'm much better about managing it today and it's not nearly as bad as it was back then, but even then I often forget to take my medicine or simply just don't do it because "eh whatever." As for mental health, I've had issues for many years but didn't start therapy until a few months ago.

    Basically, I really, really suck at taking care of myself. I'm not consciously neglecting myself, I just literally don't think about these things.
    "Yeah, there wasn't a lot to do back on the old farm. Just sit back, think about things, and then repress those thoughts immediately..."

    previously known as 21lux
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  7. #17
    Member Array Psyclepath's Avatar
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    I'm sp/sx or sx/sp.

    When I interact, I express myself very openly. The idea is that I'm seeking to create a Shibboleth of individuals who respect me for my wild ways and individuals who are frightened by me. I seek an authentic existence and I want to know folks by whom I can draw closer. Most people are at least a little bit frightened of me, because I'm so open about myself yet I hide so much. I'm actually seeking to find an individual who wants to break down the thick walls surrounding my heart. I've only ever met one person (possibly two, though we were both very young and I can't be sure) who has done that. It's soon become apparent that our hearts beat in rhythm.

    I know that in some communities, I do not fit. I can see that from the conversations that I am hearing. I'm rather snobbish. In fact, my actual ability to focus on a large community at once is terrible and I'm always seeking a specific individual within it: the one who has created a fascination for me of some description.

    Interestingly, my sp instinct is a little bit all or nothing: when I'm feeling weak I want nothing more than solitude and comfort.

  8. #18
    I am Array Fay's Avatar
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    What is your neglected instinct? sp

    How do you see this play out in your life? What do you neglect, miss out on, or fail to do because of it?
    I am unaware of my enviroment as well as I am unaware of things like financies, house works, physical survival. I often neglet my physical needs and my physical enviroment, pretend it does not exist, or that I simply don't care about such nonsense and if often strikes back in a negative way. I might seem as very naive and irresponsbile person to others.

    How might this cause issues and negatively affect relationships with people in your life?
    A lot of people think I lack the parctical side, that I am too idealistic and head in the clouds. Also I might come across as very impractical and inacable of taking case of myself (which is not true, I just do it differently).

    If you've tried to be more attentive to your last instinct, do you think it has helped you to grow?
    I've tried this and to be honest it feels good. I feel like, if I can overcome the weakest part of my personality, then I can do everything in the whole wide world. I've been watching some friends lately:
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