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Thread: Being so/sx

  1. #1
    came back haunted EJCC's Avatar
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    Default Being so/sx

    There aren't many so/sx folks around here, it seems like. Interested in hearing your experiences of being so/sx. What's it like? How do you experience it? Pros and cons of being that type?
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!
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  2. #2
    came back haunted EJCC's Avatar
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    For me:

    I spread myself thin, socially. I'm friendly with a whole lot of people, and bad at maintaining contact with many of them, but that doesn't keep me from trying. It's a constant struggle to not completely fall off the map with everyone who isn't in my immediate vicinity.

    I'm good at being in small to medium-sized groups. Groups where I can guarantee that I like everybody. I have a hard time being in groups of people where I don't like everybody. When I was younger, I tended to not be a member of any group because I liked to curate my group, only hanging out with the people I liked. The problem was that that wasn't all that sustainable in the long run, because those people had their own groups that they were loyal to -- whereas the only commonality of my group was me.

    Needless to say, all the social-first things are true: I view things in terms of groups, hierarchies, power dynamics. I'm pretty stereotypically social-first in that I follow politics pretty closely, I almost feel like I have a moral obligation to know what's going on in the world, and to help out in any way I can (social-first 1 reporting for duty). And sexual-second... it's tough because as a Te-dom I'm not that touchy-feely, but I resonate a lot with sp-last descriptions (I burn myself out on the regular), and I put a lot of energy into my top two love languages (Acts of Service and Quality Time).
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  3. #3
    fragment Lia_kat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    For me:

    I spread myself thin, socially. I'm friendly with a whole lot of people, and bad at maintaining contact with many of them, but that doesn't keep me from trying. It's a constant struggle to not completely fall off the map with everyone who isn't in my immediate vicinity.

    I'm good at being in small to medium-sized groups. Groups where I can guarantee that I like everybody. I have a hard time being in groups of people where I don't like everybody.
    I relate to all of this. I'm so bad at maintaning contact, especially as an introvert that reveres her solitude. Some extroverted friends of mine have to "nudge" me, otherwise I also fall off the map.. Lol. I guess it's a bit hard for me to maintain a good balance between the sociable, amiable side while also being reserved, quiet and hardly ever going out.

    I'm silly, fun, charming, expressive, humorous. I can also be vocal and blunt if the mood strikes or if I find it appropriate. It's very easy for me to decipher group dynamics and I'm always hyperaware of whether I fit it or not (usually not). At times I tend to get sensitive about not having a group or being left out but it's short-lived and my 4 authenticity / individuality says fxck that and keeps me away from such superficialities.
    "..But my dreaming self refuses to be consoled."- M.Atwood
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  4. #4
    Seal Down Hard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    For me:

    I spread myself thin, socially. I'm friendly with a whole lot of people, and bad at maintaining contact with many of them, but that doesn't keep me from trying. It's a constant struggle to not completely fall off the map with everyone who isn't in my immediate vicinity.

    I'm good at being in small to medium-sized groups. Groups where I can guarantee that I like everybody. I have a hard time being in groups of people where I don't like everybody. When I was younger, I tended to not be a member of any group because I liked to curate my group, only hanging out with the people I liked. The problem was that that wasn't all that sustainable in the long run, because those people had their own groups that they were loyal to -- whereas the only commonality of my group was me.

    Needless to say, all the social-first things are true: I view things in terms of groups, hierarchies, power dynamics. I'm pretty stereotypically social-first in that I follow politics pretty closely, I almost feel like I have a moral obligation to know what's going on in the world, and to help out in any way I can (social-first 1 reporting for duty). And sexual-second... it's tough because as a Te-dom I'm not that touchy-feely, but I resonate a lot with sp-last descriptions (I burn myself out on the regular), and I put a lot of energy into my top two love languages (Acts of Service and Quality Time).
    FWIW I wonder if this is actually so/sx because the bold I compleeeeeetly relate to. Though it might be possible for these things to manifest through different processes mechanisms.
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
    Functions: Fe > Te > Ni > Se > Si > Ti > Fi > Ne
    Enneagram: 1w2 - 3w4 - 6w5 (The Taskmaster) | sp/so
    Socionics: β-E dimer | -
    Big 5: slOaI
    Temperament: Choleric/Melancholic
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    External Perception: Nohari and Johari

  5. #5
    came back haunted EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    FWIW I wonder if this is actually so/sx because the bold I compleeeeeetly relate to. Though it might be possible for these things to manifest through different processes mechanisms.
    I have no idea tbh. My grasp of what's stacking-related, vs. Enneagram/tritype/MBTI-related, is not very firm. Part of why I made this thread in the first place!
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!
    Likes Hard liked this post

  6. #6
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Being so first is counter-type to enneagram 9 (and INFP more loosely) and I feel a lot of push and pull between these energies. In some ways, is the best of both worlds - the so first turns me outward, practically compels me to navigate the social dynamics in any given situation. Fi provides discernment and e9 is the role of peacemaker and I can do so in a pretty friendly and non-threatening way I think. I feel I intuitively sense who's "in" or "out" although discerning the why often takes more time and a bit of sleuthing. Since we've moved numerous times as adults, I am often in the position of being at "square 1" socially, and that's both interesting and challenging. Interesting because getting to know the dynamics of any given place is always engaging and piques my curiosity; challenging because I am both drawn to and simultaneouly repelled by group dynamics. And I can sense where I am on the ladder and am not always content there.

    So, in some ways is the worst of both worlds. I actively dislike a lot of what I see as "game-playing" in groups but I am socially attuned to it to such a degree as to being unable to ignore it and am not immune to getting involved in the game. If someone is picked on I feel both a compassion to that person but appreciate why they drive the group crazy, and I can see the group "suicide" of befriending them in particular ways. Sitting on the fence, trying to be accepting without being rejected is not always feasible, and in such cases I tend to withdraw and accept isolation rather than compromise my ideals that everyone has a place. I can tend to burn myself out hard trying to facilitate everyone working together peacefully and in harmony. I can see where the buttons are and sometimes fail to recognize when it's ok to let one be struck.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching
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  7. #7
    You are what you love themightyfetus's Avatar
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    Ahh, so/sx. I actually see how the two instincts developed in that order.

    For me, it all started as a hyper-awareness of social structures, hierarchies, and cliques, and the awareness that I didn't fit in. I remember being very socially aware. I created stages of child development (I know I was like 11 but whatever). I used to sit alone at recess writing down the names of my classmates and drawing color-coded lines and arrows between all of them to indicate their connections. That's where the pain of "outcast" came from (and thus making think I was a 4 for a long time). I had this high awareness of everybody else's relationships, which just made me feel left out and unsatisfied.

    The sexual instinct developed a little later. I think that's around the time I started discovering my 7 wing and my counterphobic side. It's harder for me to really put a finger on this one because it feels more primal. It works in tandem with the social instinct and feels more unconscious. I started becoming overly attached to people to the point where I could even feel it physically. This is where I became more volatile and intense (it's harder to see online, which is why I think I get so/sp every now and then). It's an undercurrent.

    But yeah. I would say that belonging, tolerance, making a difference, and acceptance are huge parts of my life, and think that's due to the social instinct, at least in part. It kind of helps me interact with the world. As a side note, I totally see how my social instinct makes me seem 2-ish and less 6 (because 6 descriptions seem to focus on self-preservational instinct, when in my case it's all about emotional and mental security). The sexual instinct gives me a focus to my social instinct, so I'm especially attached to "my little niche."

    I did not mean to make this all about me. It's just a stream of consciousness.
    Do what your younger self never thought she could do.
    Be who she always dreamed of being.
    Darling, make that little girl proud
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  8. #8
    Senior Member Eskimo2's Avatar
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    Im either this or so/sp.

    And when I determine which I will write more.

    So never.

    I am a 9 though. And social 9s... Well.

    Life is dangerous for me- can easily get swept up.

  9. #9
    Unapologetically Curious Enthusiastic_Dreamer's Avatar
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    I am so glad you made this thread @EJCC! I feel I am most likely so/sx but I also have little knowledge of the instinctual variants let alone Enneagram. I feel I am definitely So first though. But what you described in your original post reminds me much of myself. I tend to prefer to be around a small group of people, a good crowd, but people that I enjoy. I don't like to be around crowds of people just for the hell of it. But when you mentioned making friends easy but maintaining them harder, that truly rang a bell for me. I always just attributed that to being an Ne dom, and getting what I need out of people, then losing interest and moving on. It could be some of that, but I wouldn't be surprised if my instinctual lineup has some influence to the matter as well.
    2w3 3w2 2w3 3w2 2w3 3w2 2w3 3w22w3 3w2 2w3 3w22w3 3w2 2w3 3w2

  10. #10
    Senior Member RedAmazoneFriendZone's Avatar
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    Preservation instinct : To protect oneself from agressions, fight to live or survive, is preoccupied with health problems, desire security, anxious about misery, poverty, food, death.
    Food, security, money. "I am my body/I am afraid not to survive/Am I in security ?/there must be a way to feel immortal".
    VERY CAREFUL OR INTO SELF DESTRUCTION (extremes).

    Social instinct : Society, status, fears loneliness. Relationship with groups of people.
    Tends to like alcohol, use amphetamines, cocaïne if on the bad side/excess
    "I am the groups I belong to, I fear of not belonging, Am I famous/recognised ? I'd get what I miss inside by looking outside"
    VERY SOCIABLE OR ANTISOCIAL (extremes).

    Sexual instinct : Looks for The best mate or several partners. Desires intimacy and power. Libido is sometimes expressed into sublimation,
    sometimes it turns into a spiritual link with God.
    If the person turns bad and goes to the excess : Lsd, mescaline, poppers, ecstasy. _I'm sx I've only tried ginger_
    "I am my relationship to the other. Fears of not being desirable. Am I attractive ? I'd love to become myself and transcend into a link with the other."
    PROMISCUITY OR ABSTINENCE (extremes).


    I'm Sx/sp. So I'll not bring any comment.

    Just something that can push you further in some reflection :
    There are two enneagram schools about subtypes which have different theories.

    The first one (external definition): the dom subtype means the more visible instinct.
    The second one (internal definition) : the dom subtype means that this one must be treated first, even if it isn't the most visible.

    For example : You have a good preservation subtype, social instinct has been hurt in a way, and sexual instinct has been strongly hurt.
    In this case you have : a sexual subtype according to the external definition. A social instinct according to the internal definition.
    ALL THAT WE SEE OR SEEM TO BE IS BUT A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM
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