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[sx] Do you like the drama and connection?

fetus

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Mar 22, 2015
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I'm not sx-dominant (I'm so/sx), but I strongly identify with some sx traits.

A question I have for my sx-dominant friends--do you like the drama? The turmoil? The soaring highs and the bottomless lows? The agony? When I was younger and more unhealthy, I'd nudge myself into situations where I knew I'd get hurt just because I liked the intensity of it all. I stared out the window and pretended my life was a movie; I'd even divide it into chapters. When I went through dark and painful times, I would think things like, "This will make fantastic writing material." The things I wrote were super flowery, tortured, ecstatic, etc.

Here's another thing more curious I have to ask you about. Do you experience deep, visceral connections to people? I don't mean in a sexual sense. I mean this rush that you feel--physically feel--around somebody, in a platonic way? Like being so deeply attracted to somebody that you can physically feel a rush through you when you think of them or see them. Caring so deeply for someone, like a friend, that it becomes more than a friendship, but not romantic? Like a special friend. A true, one friend. I don't know. I tried to explaining this concept to my friends who are both sx last, and they had absolutely no idea what I was talking about. My sister, however, who is either sp/sx or sx/sp, understood what I was talking about one hundred percent.

Are these things related to Enneagram? What are your experiences? Do tell.
 

morganelise48

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I'm unsure if I'm an so/sx, or an sx/sp.

However, I understand what you're talking about completely. It happens randomly... more often when I'm drunk haha. But like you said, not in a lustful or 'romantic' way.

Almost like you lust after their being, their thoughts, their intentions, and their true internal beauty.

I've felt this a few times speaking with people I hardly know. I suppose my mood factors greatly with experiencing this.

I wouldn't say it happens to me often, however. But I feel you, lol.
 

violet_crown

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Sx-doms: Tell me about all your sordid life choices. :popc1:

 

Magic Poriferan

^He pronks, too!
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A question I have for my sx-dominant friends--do you like the drama? The turmoil? The soaring highs and the bottomless lows? The agony? When I was younger and more unhealthy, I'd nudge myself into situations where I knew I'd get hurt just because I liked the intensity of it all. I stared out the window and pretended my life was a movie; I'd even divide it into chapters. When I went through dark and painful times, I would think things like, "This will make fantastic writing material." The things I wrote were super flowery, tortured, ecstatic, etc.

Nope.

Here's another thing more curious I have to ask you about. Do you experience deep, visceral connections to people? I don't mean in a sexual sense. I mean this rush that you feel--physically feel--around somebody, in a platonic way? Like being so deeply attracted to somebody that you can physically feel a rush through you when you think of them or see them. Caring so deeply for someone, like a friend, that it becomes more than a friendship, but not romantic? Like a special friend. A true, one friend. I don't know. I tried to explaining this concept to my friends who are both sx last, and they had absolutely no idea what I was talking about. My sister, however, who is either sp/sx or sx/sp, understood what I was talking about one hundred percent.

Sort of.

I have virtually never had what I'd call an emotional meaningful relationship with someone I wouldn't have sex with, so it's hard for me to speak about any separations between those too. But I can say that what you describe sounds like something I've felt, which is different from being sexually attracted to someone, even if I can feel toward someone who I am also sexually attracted to. But perhaps that disqualifies it from what you had in mind.
 

five sounds

MyPeeSmellsLikeCoffee247
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Q1: no. I like intensity but NOT this kind

Q2: yes! That's the kind of intensity I love. Also that kind of feeling with ideas, music, experiences, etc. This pretty much is sx to me.
 

Kullervo

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A question I have for my sx-dominant friends--do you like the drama? The turmoil? The soaring highs and the bottomless lows? The agony? When I was younger and more unhealthy, I'd nudge myself into situations where I knew I'd get hurt just because I liked the intensity of it all. I stared out the window and pretended my life was a movie; I'd even divide it into chapters. When I went through dark and painful times, I would think things like, "This will make fantastic writing material." The things I wrote were super flowery, tortured, ecstatic, etc.

Oh yes, absolutely. I love intensity, I seek it, and nothing is more frustrating than a scene without emotional movement and theatrics. My life is a drama, albeit a frustrating and vacillating one. Maybe this shows in my songwriting, though I would definitely not say my style is "flowery" and gushy. More...mysterious, seductive and heroic, usually with an undercurrent of sexual aggression. Imagine a fuse smouldering away, close to exploding at any moment...then BOOM! I build up tension and like to end with a bang.

Also "sex" has sx in it. Of course.

Here's another thing more curious I have to ask you about. Do you experience deep, visceral connections to people? I don't mean in a sexual sense. I mean this rush that you feel--physically feel--around somebody, in a platonic way? Like being so deeply attracted to somebody that you can physically feel a rush through you when you think of them or see them. Caring so deeply for someone, like a friend, that it becomes more than a friendship, but not romantic? Like a special friend. A true, one friend. I don't know. I tried to explaining this concept to my friends who are both sx last, and they had absolutely no idea what I was talking about. My sister, however, who is either sp/sx or sx/sp, understood what I was talking about one hundred percent.

I can feel an almost physical, magnetic pull towards people. However, this usually happens when I am feeling a strong attraction and sense of connection to a woman. An emotionally intense atmosphere can be created very quickly - after all many vivid visions of us, and what we are doing, are rushing through my head at once. I can also have these strong attachments to music, along with sounds and general feelings I may pick up from my environment.
 

geedoenfj

The more you know..
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I'm sx/so and yes I can relate to most of what you've mentioned.. I think that's a reasonable explanation for my emotions
 

Virtual ghost

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Are these things related to Enneagram? What are your experiences? Do tell.


I am sx last and nothing of that rings a bell.
But as years go by this behavior attracts me more and more, especially if it is comming from women. Like: I don't have a soul but you can show me yours.
 

pinkgraffiti

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I dont feel Like writing, but yes and yes.

I do feel enthusiastic about many people even if not romantic and have an urge to connect with them. And unfortunately it's common for people to think I'm interested in them sexually when I am just flirting platonically.

About the intensity, it took me a long time to admit it, but yes. Especially when I hear people say they like peace in relationships...that made me realize that I really don't! Peace = boring. I want to connect, and I want the other person to respond to me. Either love or hate but I want to feel that connection. Peace seems like indifference to me, like the person doesn't care about me. But then, at the same time, I really long for peace and stability at the same time. I guess it's a polarizing thing for me.
Hugs, bye.
 

Virtual ghost

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I dont feel Like writing, but yes and yes.

I do feel enthusiastic about many people even if not romantic and have an urge to connect with them. And unfortunately it's common for people to think I'm interested in them sexually when I am just flirting platonically.

About the intensity, it took me a long time to admit it, but yes. Especially when I hear people say they like peace in relationships...that made me realize that I really don't! Peace = boring. I want to connect, and I want the other person to respond to me. Either love or hate but I want to feel that connection. Peace seems like indifference to me, like the person doesn't care about me. But then, at the same time, I really long for peace and stability at the same time. I guess it's a polarizing thing for me.
Hugs, bye.


For many people "flirting platonically" is oxymoron. :wink:
 

kyuuei

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I like other peoples' drama. I don't like it in my own life. Hearing other peoples' dirty laundry is like winning a participation trophy for me. People complain about them, but I like them and they sit and rot on my shelf while I don't go bragging about them elsewhere really. In my own life.. I sometimes start drama, but they really are accidents. I don't intend to start it.. Sometimes I don't care much (like saying what I want to say in a thread, knowing people who are also deeply rooted in their opinions will hate it) which I think can be misconstrued as actively starting shit. But having two dramatic sisters + a life style of drama from their love lives alone.. Yeah, no, I definitely don't start it, and I definitely don't want it in my own.

I do fantasize about other worldly me's... maybe not movie-style where I have the idea of being in a movie, but I do fantasize dumb stuff: I have super powers for some songs, I feel like I can fight 5 guys and win with the power of hate and anger I mean.. Love? Or that I have a new job like being a detective in a high stakes murder crime.
 

Z Buck McFate

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A question I have for my sx-dominant friends--do you like the drama? The turmoil?

I really dislike the occasional drama. I see it more as an unpleasant consequence. Kind of like the way I love Indian food, but I hate the havoc it reeks on my digestive system. Although it's easier to deprive myself of Indian food than it is to deprive myself of an unconscious instinct- sometimes I'll have a very similar phase of aversion afterwards.

Here's another thing more curious I have to ask you about. Do you experience deep, visceral connections to people?

I typically don't think I do- but then when I compare myself to others I know who don't seem to need any kind of connection to others at all, it becomes clear to me that I kinda do. It only seems like a need for deep connection when I compare though.
 

Evo

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About the intensity, it took me a long time to admit it, but yes. Especially when I hear people say they like peace in relationships...that made me realize that I really don't! Peace = boring. I want to connect, and I want the other person to respond to me. Either love or hate but I want to feel that connection. Peace seems like indifference to me, like the person doesn't care about me. But then, at the same time, I really long for peace and stability at the same time. I guess it's a polarizing thing for me.
Hugs, bye.

Why can't you have both feedback and peace? ;)

***

For me, I'd say I definitely try to dull down intensity. My sp gets very overwhelmed by it quickly. I search for intensity in a more "slow burning" sense.

And yes I experience deep visceral connections with friends and in intimate relationships (it seems to only happen with sx's though.) Also, I don't usually feel this in the moment with them. I feel it alone, inside. It's less of a shared experience, and more of an experience I've cultivated for myself, by the perception I hold of my relationship with the other person.

With regards to the first question: ime an sx dom would rather experience turmoil than settle. It's not something they seem to choose. It's just the price they pay of being very aware of what their ideal is, and not settling for less. :shrug: I find it kind or admirable actually.
 

Santosha

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I think I'm sx/sp, definitely sx though.

Drama is the fastest way to disengage me. Its always made me very uncomfortable, and seems to play on my trust issues. As a small child I experienced levels of emotional and even physical sensitivity that I don't believe (or at least from my observation didn't see) in most other children. And I've heard this is common for fi doms. So dramatic people, to me, actually seem insensitive in a way. That push/pull conflicted energy vibration is extremely off-putting.

However, intensity and depth in my relationships, is very rewarding. Far beyond physical/sexual connections. So, as to your 2nd question, I think we are on the same page.

I don't have many casual, superficial relations these days. I used to, though. I tend to want a few people in my sphere, but connecting/understanding them on levels we just don't show very easily. That is my nectar. And every so often I will meet a person that, I just intuitively know I could take to those levels..and I'm not sure if I pick that up from the pure physical of them, but more likely fine-tune to a vibration they put off.
 

fetus

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I think I'm sx/sp, definitely sx though.

Drama is the fastest way to disengage me. Its always made me very uncomfortable, and seems to play on my trust issues. As a small child I experienced levels of emotional and even physical sensitivity that I don't believe (or at least from my observation didn't see) in most other children. And I've heard this is common for fi doms. So dramatic people, to me, actually seem insensitive in a way. That push/pull conflicted energy vibration is extremely off-putting.

However, intensity and depth in my relationships, is very rewarding. Far beyond physical/sexual connections. So, as to your 2nd question, I think we are on the same page.

I too was much like that as a small child, actually. The drama part didn't start until middle school and then tapered off by late high school.

And I agree that I never really liked "dramatic" people, in the outward sense. Even in the worst of my drama, it was really all internally-based; I never made a scene of it. That would have embarrassed me. So the people who throw fits, make up lies to get attention, publicly exaggerate and display emotion--never liked 'em either.

I relate to the depth and intensity thing...right on. Generally I prefer positive intensity. I value the people I love and my relationships to them. So as long as none of that is damaged, a little negative stimulation every now and then is fine.
 

ChocolateMoose123

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Here's another thing more curious I have to ask you about. Do you experience deep, visceral connections to people? I don't mean in a sexual sense. I mean this rush that you feel--physically feel--around somebody, in a platonic way? Like being so deeply attracted to somebody that you can physically feel a rush through you when you think of them or see them. Caring so deeply for someone, like a friend, that it becomes more than a friendship, but not romantic? Like a special friend. A true, one friend. I don't know. I tried to explaining this concept to my friends who are both sx last, and they had absolutely no idea what I was talking about. My sister, however, who is either sp/sx or sx/sp, understood what I was talking about one hundred percent.

No to your first question. I would run from that.

Deep, visceral connection - not sexual but platonic. Yes...but.

Yes, I have but it fades quickly. It usually is upon first meeting someone and getting enthralled in conversation or the vibe. But I have come to realize that afterward, I get bored with these people. It's like, 0-60 and we ran out of gas for that one awesome ride. I don't feel compelled to repeat it or care if it happens again.

I know this throws people off because it reads hot and cold. Especially if I see them again and they expect the same from me.

So, yes but my real, deep friendships don't have this quality to them. If they do, we've usually had a sexual relationship, also.
 

Dr Mobius

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I really dislike the occasional drama. I see it more as an unpleasant consequence. Kind of like the way I love Indian food, but I hate the havoc it reeks on my digestive system. Although it's easier to deprive myself of Indian food than it is to deprive myself of an unconscious instinct- sometimes I'll have a very similar phase of aversion afterwards.

I don't know Z Buck I saw you resort to mind control one time; because someone had Chairman Meow as an avatar. That seems pretty dramatic to me.
 

chickpea

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1) yes I make insane horrible life decisions and hang around chaotic people :bye:

2) yes, I either immediately have a strong positive or negative reaction about people or just don't notice them at all
 

Virtual ghost

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I am sx last and nothing of that rings a bell.
But as years go by this behavior attracts me more and more, especially if it is comming from women. Like: I don't have a soul but you can show me yours.


I didn't want to be incorrect but the truth is that Sx-doms can also be some of the most annoying people I know. They may claim that they have a problem with drama but many of them are actually quite attracted to it and grief it creates. From what I have seen most of Sx-doms are masochists of some kind.
 
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