Non SX in relationships

[Sunny Ghost]

What role does romance play in your life? What types of relationships do you enjoy? What do you think of SX dominant types? How are you at opening up?

I am ever so curious.

SXs with SOs and SPs - what differences do you notice or what issues arise? Do you find yourself wanting more out of your partner than what they give?

 

[Sunny Ghost]

This was intended for Instinctual variants thread. D'oh!

 

[Gawain]

Checked over there and didn't see a repeat of this thread, so I'll answer here.

As an Sx/So, I sometimes have this problem. It was actually more common as a kid with my best friends. Best friends for me are like platonic soul-mates. And because kids end up getting best friends through who's available, they weren't always people who could really empathize with me on a deep level. It probably didn't help that I'm such a 4, and being the eccentric kid doesn't exactly make it easy for others to empathize.

As an adult, romance doesn't actually play a huge part in my life. And before your mind goes to the gutter, neither does sex. I realize this makes me a bit odd, Sx or not. But being so busy getting completely immersed in my other activities kinda takes precedence. My best friend (So-dom) and my roommate (Sp-dom) are both like soul-mates to me, even though it's platonic. Then there's a few members of my actual family, who I feel a deep, lasting connection to on a level that surpasses any loyalty I might feel to the family as a social unit. Add to that my closest coworkers, and my mentor in my chosen hobby. (Mentors for me are a special kind of relationship.) Add that all together, and I already feel pretty swamped maintaining all these deep relationships. So it's going to take a very special connection, built up through the course of a normal friendship, for me to feel like it's worth it to actually start a non-platonic serious relationship with someone. And at the point I think it's worth it to enter that relationship, I will already know if they are capable of meeting my needs or not. If not, I probably won't bother to start the relationship in the first place. Currently, I am considering two prospects and seeing how our friendships develop to see if either one has any lasting potential. If so, great! If not, at least I met some great people and made some interesting friends!

 

[á´…eparted]

Never been in a relationship. I've had a brief period in my life where I badly wanted one, but that was a while ago. I don't feel a pining urge for one, even though it would be nice.

The whole this is needlessly complex for me.

 

[Gawain]

Just realized I didn't answer the question as such. lol Sorry! I got excited. So and Sp is not too different, as long as we have _something_ important in common. The more, the better! I find that their ability to empathize is the single most important trait I look for in a friend/confidant/partner/etc. But that's my personal preference. An Sx who is themselves less empathetic might have a different defining trait or set of traits they look for.

 

[Virtual ghost]

What role does romance play in your life?

They are something that I miss at the moment in my life.


What types of relationships do you enjoy?

Close, not too much drama, shared interests for the most part, traveling togather, sharing some friends


What do you think of SX dominant types?

Some are great and really attractive some are annoying. It really depends on the person.


How are you at opening up?

Friendly and honest ?

 

[thoughtlost]

Although it is not in my signature, I am not sx-first. ...so I shall answer

A romantic relationship is not needed nor is it unneeded for me. Therefore, I am not spending hopping from social even to social event solely for the desperate search of a romantic partner. BUT ...I am doing more social things now because if you don't at least meet people, you won't know what might spark your interest or whatever. A relationship is preferred if it sounds nice.

It's good to explore without forcing anything.

OOHH I didn't realize there were questions:

What role does romance play in your life?

It's not huge, compared to other humans on this Earth. I know people who started "dating" (whatever that means) in fourth or fifth grade. I have yet to be in a relationship, but it's not like I have never had any "romantic feelings" ... I think I am just "patient". I am only against relationships/romance when it seems to be cheapened by the simple desire to have someone in your life w/o having a real passion for the particular person you're with (so for examples: You're doing it because the man you're with is an engineer and can provide you with a stable life. Or you're willing to be in an unbalanced relationship where you're just settling when you KNOW you can look for "better". Or maybe you're interested in being in a romantic relationship because you want the cute little family with kids that you take the tennis class twice a week). Not that no one should ever choose to be in a relationship for these reasons and maybe I am not quite right on these reasons ...but for me that would cheapen the experience of having a romantic relationship at the moment. ...so I wait until things "feel" right. Romance and Patience goes hand-in-hand for me, I guess????

...I don't know why I use quotations.


What types of relationships do you enjoy?

Idk. Never been in a serious relationship, but when I look amongst the people who have yet to bore me (because most people bore me) ...they seem to challenge me to some extent. They do/think things different that are not obviously "wrong" or "right" ...and it intrigues me. Unfortunately, though, I am pulled towards difficult people/those who are not easy to figure out/seem slightly unconventional. Sometimes they don't even do things differently ...they just vibe like they are from a different planet and that draws me in.


What do you think of SX dominant types?

Sometimes they disgruntle me because they'll strongly say things that are clearly stupid and 100000000000000% won't budge, but when they don't say something absolutely stupid (by my standards) I like them a lot. But it's not always black and white. I like them and want to attack them all at the same time. But a large chunk of that has nothing to do with them ...just me being combative.

How are you at opening up?

idk. bad. I don't really open up. I guess I expect people to mind read at a certain level (I don't mean to). But I am bad at spelling things out.

 

[miss fortune]

6 1/2 years in an sp/sp relationship so far

in a way we're more like two cats living under the same roof... both very independent and we pursue our own interests... we can spend an evening perfectly content sitting on opposite ends of the couch doing different things and only occasionally exchanging words. There are many things that I do not know about him still and there are many things that he doesn't know about me and that just gives more to learn over the years... like a gift that keeps on giving. Independent decisions are made before being revealed often, though if they will affect both of our lives they will be brought up before anything is finalized. there is plenty of love, but it's expressed by respect for one another's need for privacy and continuing support for one another. And of course physically

in a relationship I need my own space to be myself and have my own life... a partner who thinks that a majority of time should be spent doing the exact same thing is smothering to me. I enjoy spending time together, but it doesn't need to be spent doing the same thing at all... play your game or read your book and I'll read mine and we'll just enjoy the fact that we're near each other, occasionally reaching over to stroke a leg or push a strand of hair back. we travel together and when one of us appears somewhere the other tends to accompany them as their guest, but even when at our destination we tend to branch out before coming back together to leave together, going home to share the same bed.

don't think that you'll learn my secrets and don't think that I want to share all of my interests. a girl's gotta keep a bit of mystery after all

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

What role does romance play in your life? What types of relationships do you enjoy? What do you think of SX dominant types? How are you at opening up?

I am ever so curious.

SXs with SOs and SPs - what differences do you notice or what issues arise? Do you find yourself wanting more out of your partner than what they give?

Romance...or abstinence....or bisexuality.....or exhibitionism....or making love with several persons, I have tried them all !


I have noticed I can't be with a so or sp subtype unless he (well I am not dating girls anymore for now !) has a sx as a second preference.

I am sure about this as I am concerned, I had many breaks up when the partner did not communicate enough with me, generally preferred to eat than to make love,

in a word was not close to me in the way I'd like him to be. So yes, issues arise pretty fast indeed !

I think a sx partner can understand instinctively that you need independence in the outside world as much as in your own head, but, whatever, that complicity is

very important to create and make evolve instead of letting the relationship go with the flow, and here we go, let's sleep on our laurels !


I am actually dating a sx subtype but...apparently I have a very strong sx which makes me hard-to-please



What I think of SX sub (I mean subtype, not submissive hè !) ?

We are a bit more narcissist and hard-to-please. We need to feel yaaa !

Opening-up : curious, open-minded and honest.

 

[Also]

What role does romance play in your life?

Romance is such a foreign concept to me.

What types of relationships do you enjoy?

The kind that are A-OK with my poor communication skills.

What do you think of SX dominant types?

Needy? Not the pathetic kind of needy either. I'm talking about the in-your-face, demanding, intolerant kind. It's such a bad image but I don't have a lot of success with people who need so much from me. I fail to deliver a lot of the time so the image is painted in somber hues.

How are you at opening up?

Horrible. I rarely initiate hang outs, I very rarely text back, don't try calling either. I've gotten quite good at manipulating personal questions as well. I would rather be forced to listen to Taylor Swift and have hot liquids thrown on me than to open up about anything.

 

[SD45T-2]

What role does romance play in your life?

Zero, I guess. I mean I think about it a lot, but nothing has ever actually happened.

What types of relationships do you enjoy?

n/a

What do you think of SX dominant types?

I suppose some of them are alright.

How are you at opening up?

Usually with occasional (clumsy) exceptions.

 

[mintleaf]

What role does romance play in your life?

so far I've never gotten past the very very beginning of any romantic situation. I'm not hugely uncomfortable showing interest, flirting, etc. (one-on-one) but past the 2nd or 3rd time I see someone I get nervous or change my mind and revert back into myself.

What types of relationships do you enjoy?

n/a (I'm 20, so I guess this isn't extremely unusual)

What do you think of SX dominant types?

some can be too much and can make me feel boring but there's a lot of variety within the SX bunch. I can't think of anyone in my life who's definitely an SX dom, off the top of my head, but there are probably some I've clicked with. I think I tend to like SX 9s, 6s, and 3s especially.

How are you at opening up?

in general? better as I've gotten older. I can even overshare at times. I recently told some people I'd just met a couple days before the story of my falling out with my oldest friends...but I would never have told them about my deeper motivations for doing what I did or how I really felt about it all. and I stopped talking once I realized they probably weren't that interested and I was getting too emotional.

 

[hjgbujhghg]

Romance doesn't play so important role in my life, there are many things that are far more valuable for me than being romantically involved with someone. When I look for a partner, I care more about the usefulness of the relationship and benefits it can offer to me and to my partner as well.

I usually want my own freedom and comfort, I like when the relationship is not possesive or limiting.

When it comes to sharing my feelings, I am not really good with that. It's probably partly fear that holds me back from being emotionally open, but also it's simply not in my nature to express romantic emotions or interest. It's hard for me to say "I love you" , I think I've never even said it in my life.

To me sx dominant types are too intense and possesive in a relationship, but I have to confess, I think my first boyfriend was 6w7 sx/so and my current is 5w4 sx/so.

 

[Riva]

[MENTION=5871]Southern Kross[/MENTION]

You gotto share yo! Tell us about all those intense conversations you cleverly avoid.

Edit - and [MENTION=6071]Oaky[/MENTION].

 

[Frosty]

I have trouble sustaining relationships, even though I really want to. My issue is that people do come on too strongly to me, and when they do it feels like a forceful invasion that I just don't have the same emotional connection to match. The one guy I briefly saw would say all of these one liners, that I was the light of his life, that he didn't know what he had ever done without me, ect, which wouldn't have been a problem except I knew that he was absolutely sincere. It just made me exceedingly uncomfortable, because it felt like there was some sort of expectation for me to reciprocate- and I never could in any way near genuinely.

 

[evilrubberduckie]

If you come off as boring right off the bat, I will not give anyone the time of day.

Literally meaning all or most of my friends are SX Doms. Sad thing about SX doms. Everyone wants or hates us. There is no "in between"

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

It just made me exceedingly uncomfortable, because it felt like there was some sort of expectation for me to reciprocate- and I never could in any way near genuinely.

If he was expecting some kind of reciprocity, then forget it, he was not being honest.

If he was just being generous and honest, then what do you worry about ? You were not forced to answer him anyway. You have your free will, haven't you ?

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

but I have to confess, I think my first boyfriend was 6w7 sx/so and my current is 5w4 sx/so.

You must say we all are absolutely gorgeous, and Irresistible !

 

[cascadeco]

If you come off as boring right off the bat, I will not give anyone the time of day.

Literally meaning all or most of my friends are SX Doms. Sad thing about SX doms. Everyone wants or hates us. There is no "in between"

Well sure, also if you don't give anyone who comes off as boring right off the bat the time of day, then it's kinda guaranteed people will either love or hate you -- you don't really allow for an 'in between'! haha

---------------

Romance plays an important role, or I have desired it since at least teenage years, even if I have lacked it for much of my life and had long periods without it.

Re types of relationships I enjoy, I don't know how to answer that, other than spending time with people I like and have stuff in common with (which is not that common/doesn't happen often - that sounds so simple but the ingredients that make that happen I think are much more complex), and that's positive for both people. At work I'm fine with more surface-level chitchat and banter, laughing, I don't have to connect deeply, outside of work, I don't really do the acquaintance thing, but nor do I feel I need to have super deep intimate raw conversations with those I consider good friends. Yes we know each other well and will have those convos, but I don't have a need for them to go super deep all the time -- I have just as good of a time, maybe more of a good time, just hanging out, doing activities together, talking about each others' lives and how we're both doing.

Re sx-doms, I don't know, I think I work with a handful, and tbh they're a handful at times. I think sx doms -- at least the ExFx ones -- are ones I tend to not feel I have a whole lot in common with in the beginning, and they can be annoying, but then over time they might grow on me and then I can appreciate them and enjoy their company. sx-doms of the non-ExFx variety, I'm not sure, I'd just describe them as more 'intense' - at least in the limited way I know them / they come across. I don't think any of my closest friends are sx-doms though.

Re opening up, I don't know, I'm probably not great, but I've gotten better I think as I've gotten older. It's not that I am deliberately withholding, because I don't think I am most of the time, it's just a)I'm not one to self disclose, like I think a lot of sx-doms are prone to do (?), and b)My idea of 'connecting' and being open is I think different than that of some, and it just doesn't occur to me to share stuff others might -- or I just don't see a point or need to. (?)