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View Poll Results: So-firsts: what are the dominant instincts of your parents?

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  • Sx-first (both parents)

    0 0%
  • So-first (both parents)

    2 15.38%
  • Sp-first (both parents)

    3 23.08%
  • Sx-first + So-first

    1 7.69%
  • So-first + Sp-first

    5 38.46%
  • Sp-first + Sx-first

    2 15.38%
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Thread: How did we become So-first?

  1. #11
    4x9 Array cascadeco's Avatar
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    Well, like I posted in the sx thread, I think a big part of my so awareness and prioritization was my wanting to do my utmost not to be like my sp/sx mother, who embarrassed me in public or social settings growing up due to her being oblivious to other peoples' body language and social dynamics in general. So I had a strong desire to not be like her. (am not saying I don't have some similar issues, as maybe I do, but I'm saying via observation I saw this stuff unfold) Also, my family was for the most part very socially isolated and closed off, and that always bothered me to a degree, and I felt I was 'stunted' and lacking in those skills and awareness growing up. So via observation and preoccupation with that I think I became a little hyper aware of social stuff and relationships as a result. (fwiw my dad is either an sp/so or so/sp, but, I am of a family of all introverts)

    (Also, some context, there was never a lacking in sp elements, I felt 100% secure on a tangible safety and provision level while growing up. Social element was very much lacking, and to maybe an equal degree, sx intimacy and rawness was lacking, though, social was maybe felt stronger by me)
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  2. #12
    Temporal Mechanic. Array Lexicon's Avatar
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    Not sure why I'm tagged for this thread..

    As an so-last, I'll just lurk, I guess.
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  3. #13
    came back haunted Array EJCC's Avatar
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    Returning to this thread because I've been thinking about my parents' instinctual stackings, and I'm almost positive both parents are social-first. I think my mom is 1w2 so/sx like I am, and I'm almost positive that my dad is 5w6 so/sp. He fits the so/sp "politician" stereotype VERY well, and it explains why he's so comfortable spending so much of his time in inferior-Fe mode -- he can detach and see social situations from a structural perspective, per the Ocean Moonshine description of e5 so/sp.
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  4. #14
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    I am an e1 so/sx. I think that I take after my mother, who is also (I believe) an e1 social first. She is the one in the family that I have always identified most strongly with and wanted to be like. She is more outspoken than I am (ENFJ instead of INFJ) and probably more forcefully determined about some things, but we share a lot of similar traits (to the point that my siblings and nieces and nephews kind of treat us as interchangeable entities). However, I think at least as early as pre-school, I exhibited so first traits. I don't think it came out of childhood wounds, so much as accepting my mother as the model for how to interact.
    Likes EJCC liked this post

  5. #15
    Fabula rasa Array Kas's Avatar
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    No I don't think so. I had plenty opportunities to hang with my peers and to contribute. Maybe I was a bit in the shadow of my sister. She is very charismatic.

    My mother is 1w2 so/sp and my father is 6w5 probably sp/sx, maybe sp/so...
    “The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes." A.C. Doyle



  6. #16
    Diabolical Array Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by small.wonder View Post
    As a So-first individual, do you feel like you were deprived/wounded in your emotional need for social interaction, or the opportunity to contribute socially growing up? What did that experience look like?
    No, quite the opposite...

    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    I don't think woundedness made me social-first. I think my parents' social focus is what made me social-first.
    ^^ That is more accurate for me.

    I believe my mother is So dom, my father is likely a Sp dom, value on Social things were an every day part of my family as pushed by my mother, and the extended community I was in, I was expected to be aware of interconnectedness, etiquette, inclusion, groups etc, being around large groups of familiar people was typical.
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  7. #17
    untitled Array Chanaynay's Avatar
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    *sees @Kas and @Kasper posting next to each other* it's like Pokemon evolution!
    7w6 - 2w3 - 8w7 sx/so

    Likes SpankyMcFly liked this post

  8. #18
    Fabula rasa Array Kas's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post
    *sees @Kas and @Kasper posting next to each other* it's like Pokemon evolution!
    Am I being compared to a pokemon? Hope I will at least have a superpower...


    It may be relevant that my sister ( having completely different temper and personality) is so/sx too and we spent much more time with mother.
    “The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes." A.C. Doyle



  9. #19
    Blind Guardian Array Haven's Avatar
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    My parents are all sp first and growing up they were very selective with who they hung out with and it was usually based on some kind of business/professional relationship. That is, if they even had anyone around in the first place, because their social circles were very small/non-existent. Thus, it was always up to me to reach out and meet people.

    This, plus the fact that we moved around a lot and I never had a stable house life or community life, and I'd always be the outsider, wherever I went.

    So I dunno, was my instinct an adaptation to the complex, constantly shifting, and often hostile social environments I was constantly thrown into?
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  10. #20
    Honeyed Water Array thoughtlost's Avatar
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    I don't want to go to bed quite yet and I was browsing through this thread and something someone said made me see my situation in a more clear way.

    I always felt like the outsider in my family because I think I was the most outwardly social out of the people I regarded as authority figures (so my parents and the older siblings). The extreme authority figure was my father and he was strongly sp (5w6). I think he enforces the energy in the household. Therefore, I think we were expected to be studious, quiet and obedient. My father focuses on doing what you need to do in society to be secure. It was easy for my two sisters to fit the mold, it seemed. However, that's not my natural state although I tried to make myself fit into that mold when I was around them. My older siblings didn't seem to crave being around others and were very subdued when I was in elementary/middle/high school (one of them may be sp/so and the other... idk). We moved around quite often, but compared to my older siblings, I had an easier time making friends and I would prefer to hang out with friends instead of staying home to do my homework. When I was at home, my older siblings would either be sleeping, studying, or just handling more practical issues such as cleaning whereas I would be goofing off on the Internet (I was really into astrology as a kid), reading fictional books, or daydreaming. My goodness, I was such a night owl because I loved staying up late to talk to someone or browse the Internet for interesting things. This isn't to say that I didn't try to be a studious kid like them... I just always had this element of daydreaminess to me that I didn't see in my siblings. If my siblings and I ever attended the same school I would always feel conflicted and embarrassed because I would have to restrain my natural energy because I was so different from the family expectations ...yet I was in my more natural element being away from home. So I didn't know what to do.


    Teachers always thought I was such a quiet and shy thing... but I really am not. I was naturally quite energetic and I expressed myself quite loudly in some ways, but I was just embarrassed by my natural energy and would try to hide it.

    I think that this effects me to this day because I don't at all feel tied to my family. In fact, I go llloooonnnggg periods of time without contacting them. When I say long... I mean even my current roommate suggests that I call them so they know I am alive. We're on good terms, but there is always an aspect of myself that I hide from them because I cannot be my true self around them. I care for them and want what's best for them... but I wish I can break free from them so I can just be myself and I hate that I am genetically tied to them lol.
    You are so arbitrary.

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