Multiple Enneagram Subtypes/Instincts People Watching--What Crosses Your Mind?

[Patrick]

I'm still trying to get a handle on the instinctual variants thing. I know the concept and the definitions, and I've read about the various stackings, but I still can't be sure of my own stacking. (But of course I'm a Six, so I can't be sure of anything, much as I'd love to.)

Anyhow, while reading other threads, I got to thinking about "girl watching" (as in the old song). Of course there's also "guy watching," and the generic term would be "people watching."

My question is, do you do much people watching? And if and when you do, what do you look for or notice? And what kinds of thoughts cross your mind? Explicit sexual thoughts? General "sizing someone up" thoughts? Thoughts of possible friendship or romance? Or what?

Also, do you think your variant stacking has anything to do with that? Do you suppose people with different stackings see and think about different things?

I'm imagining this in the same way as the "walking into a room" analogy that Riso & Hudson used. Their angle was, What's the first thing you notice? The temperature and where the food is (sp)? The cliques or groupings of people (so)? Or individuals you'd like to connect with (sx)?

I notice, for example, that my wife often points to someone in a crowd and says, "She's not well; she needs some nutritional help or physical therapy." Or she'll comment on someone's posture or gait. I'm thinking this might be a sign of leading sp. I myself wouldn't notice those things if she didn't bring them up.

More on what I do notice will follow, if there's any interest in this thread.

 

[Duffy]

I usually don't people watch. I'm much too self involved, unfortunately.

I do, however, tend to notice things that belong to the sx instinct when I walk into a room of new people. Straight away I notice my attraction to certain individuals. There's an underlying desire to connect with this person, even if I don't consciously acknowledge it in my thoughts. I think behavior is influenced as well. Other people begin to feel like nuisance vying for attention of the one. I hate the feeling because I see it as pathetic to compete or feel any sort of competitive energy.

 

[á´…eparted]

I'm constantly people watching. If I am outside, and there are people around (assuming I don't have headphones in and event then I still do), I am watching.

...well that sure doesn't sound creepy. Usually I am watching for how they behave, what they're current state and vibe is, and what they're talking about. I'm essentially trying to get a feel for what they're like and use it to further understand human behavior and how people interact.

 

[Patrick]

I usually don't people watch. I'm much too self involved, unfortunately.

I do, however, tend to notice things that belong to the sx instinct when I walk into a room of new people. Straight away I notice my attraction to certain individuals. There's an underlying desire to connect with this person, even if I don't consciously acknowledge it in my thoughts. I think behavior is influenced as well. Other people begin to feel like nuisance vying for attention of the one. I hate the feeling because I see it as pathetic to compete or feel any sort of competitive energy.

That's interesting to me, because it sounds kinda like what I do. But what makes it seem competitive to you? I'd never have thought of it that way.

I simply focus, almost automatically, on people of interest. Part of it is checking to see if it's someone I know; if it's not, then I immediately ask myself if it's someone I'd like to know. And if the subject is female (and not too young or old or otherwise out of bounds), I wonder if she's someone I might like to know intimately. Makes no difference that I'm an old married guy and nothing's really going to happen; the attraction itself is a bit of a thrill--and more so if my glance is rewarded with a return glance or even a smile.

I also have a knack for knowing people (or believing I do) even before we actually meet. (I've read this is generally so for INFPs.) At first glance, I can usually tell whether the person will like or dislike me, or what approach I'd have to take for us to get along.

At times there's an instant mutual attraction, which I especially like. Most times the other person's thoughts are elsewhere, and I'm just another face in the crowd; and that's OK. Once in a while I get something like a cold glare and "stay away" vibes; and that's mildly shocking and unpleasant at first, but I end up smiling inside and just respecting the person's space, as I would have anyway.

I'm quiet, aloof, and introverted--and also happily married and not looking for anyone--so I almost never actually approach anyone or try to strike up a conversation. But I can't help but notice people and imagine relationships, as outlined above. Anytime I actually do get into a conversation with someone, I reel all my thoughts and imaginings back in and am simply as respectful, friendly, and balanced as I can be. I get along well with most people, though my shyness shows.

So, what I'm wondering is whether this has anything to do with the instinctive variants--the sx variant in particular.

 

[Kas]

It depends. Sometimes I just switch off and get lost in thoughts.

When I observe people I like to guess who they are, what are they interested in, what they are like. It's sometimes possible to make many observations during 30 minutes in bus
It's like a game I used to play since childhood.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

people watching is a great hobby of mine. I can't not observe people.

 

[Patrick]

When I observe people I like to guess who they are, what are they interested in, what they are like. It's sometimes possible to make many observations during 30 minutes in bus
It's like a game I used to play since childhood.

That sounds like it would be typical of people with a so/sx stacking. In contrast, I find I can't get interested in guessing such things about people (nor would I be any good at it if I tried). My attention is always mainly on how, in a best-case situation, I would get along in a relationship with the person I'm looking at. The moment I decide I wouldn't want to connect with that person, my attention goes elsewhere--starts looking for someone I would want to connect with.

Things like the person's social status, career, hobbies, interests, etc. never even cross my mind. Even when I'm getting to know someone, I'm apt to forget to ask about those things (or forget to pay attention to the answers if I do ask out of politeness). I'm more interested in where the person's heart is at.

 

[EJCC]

To preface this: I'm so/sx.

If I people-watch, it's accidental, and it's because either

1) the people in question are doing something that catches my eye or ear, or
2) I'm not terribly immersed in whatever I'm thinking about, or listening to on my headphones.

If the latter is the case, my eye tends to drift from person to person -- or group to group, if people are clearly together. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like if I was stuck with the people around me for a long period, and we had to work together, and our backstories revealed themselves over time -- a la "Twelve Angry Men" or "LOST" or something similar. (This happens to me regularly on public transport en route to work.) Sometimes I wonder what a person's reasoning is for doing whatever it is they're doing, that I find interesting, e.g. wearing unusual clothing. Sometimes I admire good looking guys, wondering how attractive their girlfriends or boyfriends are relative to me, or people I know.

 

[senza tema]

I people watch to the extent that I'm sensitive to beauty and interest. If I find someone attractive or something about their appearance is interesting, I'll do a double take and stare unabashedly.

I blithely ignore nearly everyone else.

 

[Opal]

I watch for social dynamics, posture, aesthetic style, mood and expressiveness, and purpose for being wherever they are. The longer it takes to understand, the longer my eyes stick.

 

[HongDou]

I actually don't people watch much in the judgey sense except for when my friends do it so I just join in. I actually don't notice much other than whether they have a nice style or not and whether they seem friendly or not.

In social situations I just look for whoever I'd like to get to know more. I don't really pay attention to group dynamics or social power a lot. Food and temperature usually fly over my head too. I don't like to interrupt a group that seems to be interacting though unless I know we're all unfamiliar with each other. So yeah I mostly look for whoever looks fun to talk to and could offer an exciting conversation.

Sometimes I think sexual thoughts, like I'm just like "wow I forget how we're all animals and we all get naked and have sex! I wonder what that person is like having sex or what these people would be like together" Or "yeah I'd ride that guy and we'd have a good time." Around that time I get paranoid people can read my thoughts or I'm actually talking when I think. I like to imagine myself in relationships with random people too, what our wedding would be like, etc. I scan for people's personalities a lot and try to figure out what kind of person they are (this is more on a neutral level).

I look for whether it looks like people are judging me or not too. When I get in that mode my thoughts are pretty bitchy.

 

[cascadeco]

Well, I'm in a front-and-center customer service role now where I see hundreds of people a day, and interact with almost that many, so my 'people-watching' is going to be pretty keyed in on peoples' behaviors, attitudes, how they choose to interact with me and others. It's amazing how 'raw' people are when interacting with a person in a coffee shop.... you see the real them, and a lot of times it isn't pretty, lol. So I always start speculating on how they got there, why they're unhappy or act entitled (not that it's a huge % that are that way, but it's a definite %), what sort of childhood they had, project into what job they have, what they were probably like growing up and how they were raised that got them to how and where they are today. I often go back to childhood in my thoughts.... look at a person, what they're doing, life they have, and try to figure out who they would have been in my junior high school class. Things like that.

(Edit: I also want to add I see a lot of families and interactions between parents and children, and sometimes THAT isn't pretty, which is why I now contemplate the adults' childhoods and the impact nurture has on children and who they become as adults)

I'm almost positive I'm an so/sp

 

[Patrick]

Sometimes I think sexual thoughts, like I'm just like "wow I forget how we're all animals and we all get naked and have sex! I wonder what that person is like having sex or what these people would be like together" Or "yeah I'd ride that guy and we'd have a good time."

Interesting. Sounds like that might be "sx last" alright. But somehow it also sounds like "sp first."

In contrast, I think along those lines all the time, but almost never in such an explicitly carnal way. That is, I think of romance (which will presumably include sex) rather than sex itself (which might or might not include romance).

Around that time I get paranoid people can read my thoughts or I'm actually talking when I think.

LOL. I do that sometimes too. Or I'll wonder if, when I make eye contact with someone, my look reveals too much.

I like to imagine myself in relationships with random people too, what our wedding would be like, etc.

The first part of that is what I do all the time, but the second part sounds alien to me. I "feel the connection" with the person I'm looking at and can easily and instantly inwardly experience what a relationship--even an intimate one--would be like in general. But I don't picture social scenarios at all. If I did, I'd pick a scenario where we two are stranded on a desert island. For me, the social factor is a spoiler; if I think of it at all, it distracts me from where I want to keep my focus.

I scan for people's personalities a lot and try to figure out what kind of person they are (this is more on a neutral level).

I do, but I don't. I instantly pick up a person's "vibes" and feel I know just what they're like. So for me, there's nothing to "figure out."

I look for whether it looks like people are judging me or not too. When I get in that mode my thoughts are pretty bitchy.

I just assume anyone who notices me is judging me--assessing my "vibes" just as I'm assessing theirs. All I care about is whether their judgment is favorable or unfavorable. If the person shoots me a bright glance (or, better yet, a smile), my heart goes pitter-pat, and a spurt of joy shoots through me, making me happy. But if I get a sharp, critical glance or a cold glare, or a frown, then my heart sinks and I feel a little hurt and rejected.

 

[Patrick]

I always start speculating on how they got there, why they're unhappy or act entitled (not that it's a huge % that are that way, but it's a definite %), what sort of childhood they had, project into what job they have, what they were probably like growing up and how they were raised that got them to how and where they are today. I often go back to childhood in my thoughts.... look at a person, what they're doing, life they have, and try to figure out who they would have been in my junior high school class. Things like that.

(Edit: I also want to add I see a lot of families and interactions between parents and children, and sometimes THAT isn't pretty, which is why I now contemplate the adults' childhoods and the impact nurture has on children and who they become as adults)

I'm almost positive I'm an so/sp

That does sound like "so" to me--looking for or thinking about all those social connections and where the individual fits. It helps confirm that my stacking is most likely "so last," because I almost never think about such things. I couldn't care less about someone's social network or background; in my mind, each individual is isolated from the whole social/community network--just a unique Soul with a mind and body. I focus entirely on the individual characteristics and never stop to think about anything or anyone that might be connected to the person. Even if a couple is walking hand-in-hand in front of me, I'll mentally separate them and focus on one at a time (usually on the woman, since I'm a straight guy); I don't think or care about their relationship, much less any other connections they may have.

 

[cascadeco]

That does sound like "so" to me--looking for or thinking about all those social connections and where the individual fits. It helps confirm that my stacking is most likely "so last," because I almost never think about such things. I couldn't care less about someone's social network or background; in my mind, each individual is isolated from the whole social/community network--just a unique Soul with a mind and body. I focus entirely on the individual characteristics and never stop to think about anything or anyone that might be connected to the person.

Interesting. For me, while 'social network' ties into how and who the individuals are interacting with, I don't think I am actually viewing things in those terms - I'm not particularly interested in, or my motivation isn't figuring out a persons' social standing (though I see why it seems that way). For me, I do see people as individuals, in fact I'm mostly looking into why THEY are the way they are, but I don't see individuals as isolated blobs, because we all interact with each other every day, and we all build relationships. I'm equally interested in how people are when they are with others, as how we interact with other people, and how we treat other people, says just as much about who we are as individuals as how we are when we're alone, in our own minds. (btw this is obviously just my own perspective, not trying to push it on anyone else if it comes across that way)

 

[Patrick]

Interesting. For me, while 'social network' ties into how and who the individuals are interacting with, I don't think I am actually viewing things in those terms - I'm not particularly interested in, or my motivation isn't figuring out a persons' social standing (though I see why it seems that way). For me, I do see people as individuals, in fact I'm mostly looking into why THEY are the way they are, but I don't see individuals as isolated blobs, because we all interact with each other every day, and we all build relationships. I'm equally interested in how people are when they are with others, as how we interact with other people, and how we treat other people, says just as much about who we are as individuals as how we are when we're alone, in our own minds. (btw this is obviously just my own perspective, not trying to push it on anyone else if it comes across that way)

Well, an enneagram Four--and especially an SP Four--will certainly be huge on individuality. But I still think your "so" instinctive variant shows up in what you're saying too.

Also, it sounds like your preference for Sensing makes you much more aware of actual observations than I am. I tend to jump right into imagining possibilities, so I'm apt to miss (or turn a blind eye to) details of the person's actual appearance or behavior. I sort of pick up a set of "vibes" and go from there into whatever vague fantasy I want to create.

Come to think of it, I guess it's not that important to me who the person actually is, since I'm not going to strike up a conversation or make any real connection. I'm just looking. So all that matters is my impression of the person's appearance and "vibe" and how that fits with what I like in a relationship.

 

[ceecee]

Observing people is one of my favorite things.

 

[Fidelia]

I like observing people. It never really occurred to me that other people would look for different things than me while observing though. Interesting...

I probably am most similar to Kas' description. I like trying to guess things about people. I don't really care about social standing, but like to guess people's relationships to the people they are interacting or not interacting with, what motivates them, why they are doing what they do, what they might be like, what they might order, etc. I would have zero interest in their health or how they stand or walk, except in relation to what clues it might offer for whatever I'm trying to guess about. And yes, I'm so/sx.

I don't find that many people overwhelmingly attractive. I notice attractiveness, but it would be rare for me to have thoughts of sex about someone that I wasn't well acquainted with or who was just nice-looking or mildly appealing.

I think one of the funnest people-watching scenarios is having a person to people watch with, who is as enthusiastic about guessing about the people and who enjoys observing character too. I was a busker as an extra job in university, and I think that observing people and coming away with funny stories about what I saw, or what ended up in my violin case and re-counting events to other people was one of the highlights of the job. I enjoyed seeing if I could figure out what kind of music specific to a certain person could get someone to stop and listen, or if I could target one person in the group with subtle eye contact and get them to come back. I think that that is probably what I enjoy most about Jane Austen's writing. She would have been great fun to go out people-watching with.

 

[Patrick]

I like trying to guess things about people. I don't really care about social standing, but like to guess people's relationships to the people they are interacting or not interacting with, what motivates them, why they are doing what they do, what they might be like, what they might order, etc. I would have zero interest in their health or how they stand or walk, except in relation to what clues it might offer for whatever I'm trying to guess about. And yes, I'm so/sx.

I don't find that many people overwhelmingly attractive. I notice attractiveness, but it would be rare for me to have thoughts of sex about someone that I wasn't well acquainted with or who was just nice-looking or mildly appealing.

I'm starting to wonder if that's a gender-related thing. I remember a line from a stand-up comedian (I forget his name): "If you women knew what we men were thinking, you'd never stop slapping us."

But I still think there's an instinctive-variant thing going on too. A good female friend of mine has a habit of always sizing up people and couples when we're out anywhere. Once, after observing a middle-aged couple just once, she said, "Those two are having an affair." I couldn't tell anything about them; they could've been married, for all I knew, or they might have been coworkers having coffee together. But my friend pried (indirectly, by talking with the coffee-shop owner who knew the pair), and it turned out she was spot on. If anybody has a "social" variant, it's that friend of mine.

As to finding people attractive, I guess I find about a third to half the women I see attractive--at least at first glance. My mind seems to put a positive spin on everyone, so my first glance can be deceiving (and ultimately I am very picky). Still, there's never any shortage of good-looking women within my view. Not for very long. And I've been happily married for twenty-eight years and am 100 percent faithful, so I'm not looking for anyone; just looking at them.

I think the sx variant looks for something other than just attractiveness, though. It basically picks out interesting people--people I think it might be fascinating, in some way, to get to know. I notice that with all people, I guess. This morning I overheard a guy at the pastry shop chatting with the (good-looking young) cashier, and his voice and mannerisms turned me off--made me glad I didn't know him so I didn't have to talk with him; he seemed good-natured but boring. Come to think of it, the young woman at the cash register was a little like him; though she was pretty, her personality instantly struck me as bland even though I was seeing her for the first time.

Yet, another worker in that pastry shop--a young woman who's above average in looks--fascinates me. I've seen her there many times, but we've never exchanged more than a couple words. She exudes keep-your-distance vibes; she's polite and efficient, but she looks cold most of the time. To me she's like a rose with a lot of thorns, and that's intriguing. I think she might be an interesting person to get to know.

Maybe that's what the sx variant does--puts my attention on possible connections, of any kind, with individual others, and zeroes in on the most interesting or potentially intense ones. It doesn't have to have anything to do with sex, but it might if the gender and other factors are lined up right.

 

[HongDou]

In contrast, I think along those lines all the time, but almost never in such an explicitly carnal way. That is, I think of romance (which will presumably include sex) rather than sex itself (which might or might not include romance).

Mm, well I think about romance too. Is there anyone who really doesn't?

The first part of that is what I do all the time, but the second part sounds alien to me. I "feel the connection" with the person I'm looking at and can easily and instantly inwardly experience what a relationship--even an intimate one--would be like in general.But I don't picture social scenarios at all. If I did, I'd pick a scenario where we two are stranded on a desert island. For me, the social factor is a spoiler; if I think of it at all, it distracts me from where I want to keep my focus.

Well given instincts are about preferences rather than abilities, I could see this. I just naturally assume the "connection" you're talking about is already gonna be there - I mean if I wanna settle down with someone who actually managed to keep me around for long enough then obviously that connection has to be there. Meanwhile I think the social stuff is fun. I want to imagine all the fun stuff we'll do together! Go to carnivals, honeymoon in Bora Bora, etc. Yeah I like to daydream about boyfriends, but I see it as that the "connection" is a necessary part for romance to work so I'd rather fantasize about someone who I have that connection with who I can ALSO have fun experiences with. But then again being able to have fun experiences with me is kind of a requirement for me to be interested in you so it's kind of a paradox. Although for me I can't imagine what the connection would be like, I'd have to feel it for myself.

I do, but I don't. I instantly pick up a person's "vibes" and feel I know just what they're like. So for me, there's nothing to "figure out."

Hah, I'm more unassuming people I guess. I can be a poor judge of character because I'm bad at sorting out who the good people who and who the bad ones are. The bad ones end up hurting me behind my back usually.