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  1. #1

    Default sx-doms: do you overvalue sex in your relationships?

    Do you find yourself overfocusing on the quality of your sex and sexual connection, and/or worrying about your (or your partner's) ability to sustain passion over the months or years? Do you tend to get uncomfortable when you go through a period of feeling less sexual?

    As per conversations with sx-doms (and I should note, sx4s in particular) I have become curious about this possible phenomenon....

  2. #2
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Not exactly that...I do worry about whether the passion will remain in the relationship, whether she'll still find me attractive or desire me sexually. If she doesn't anymore...then I'd end things immediately. Been there, done that, don't ever want to go back there again...
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  3. #3
    Senior Member NK258's Avatar
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    Probably. I'm demisexual. To me, sex is a way of expressing affection. I have a high sex drive in a relationship and tend to be sexual as a form of love language. My love language scale was 10: acts of service. Then physical touch and quality time. Then gifts. And words was a whopping 1.

    I think my MBTI and placing meaning on things also plays into it. Being sexual with my partner and vice versa means he loves me and wants to bond with me intimately.

    So maybe considering others are wired different. I guess the answer is yes.
    6w7 Sx/Sp (621 or 612. Same diff :p).

  4. #4
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    I'm demisexual too. And I feel similarly as NK and tinker. I don't focus on sex as much as health of relationship. I want to always be close with my partner. I do worry about complacency and if my partner will still want to share his life with me, himself with me forever. What I fear most is being lonely in my relationship.

    That said, when I feel close with someone my sex drive is higher. So it's more of a related symptom than a core issue. I also hope I'm having sex well into my older years. I imagine being so in love and comfortable with my partner by then that we enjoy it just as much as ever.

    Also I'm totally fine with periods of distance and sexual inactivity. If they last too long I start to become concerned about the health of the relationship.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
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    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
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    I believe I am SX dom, I dont focus on it, its just always at the forefront. Sex will slow down and speed up at times. I have been laughed at because I think its been forever and its been 24 hours or *gasp* 48 hours. I listen to alot of sexual songs and my mind is in the gutter 23/7, maybe 23.5/7. I had a guy tell me I screamed sexual energy or something like that, I just smiled, nodded and changed the subject. I dont worry about things slowing down or stopping, have been there before and I died inside. This is when sex dropped down to between 2-4 times a month. Will never do it again, not really worried. Maybe when I get older my drive will diminish, I dont know, but if it does it does.
    Im out, its been fun

  6. #6
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    By this reasoning, an sp or so type may overvalue physical security/needs or social/familial/friend connections, respectively. But there are many core types who may actually undervalue these, be critical or rejecting of them, or have different issues altogether related to those instincts.

    Taking the instinctual stack literally is a poor interpretation, IMO.

    But carry on with your conversation....
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    By this reasoning, an sp or so type may overvalue physical security/needs or social/familial/friend connections, respectively.
    Yes, but I dont think the OPs worries are correct. I dont think an SP will worry excessively about security, it will be a dominant force in there life...which may even mean they dont really worry about it, its just there.
    Im out, its been fun

  8. #8
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poki View Post
    Yes, but I dont think the OPs worries are correct. I dont think an SP will worry excessively about security, it will be a dominant force in there life...which may even mean they dont really worry about it, its just there.
    Nope and nope.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  9. #9
    Senior Member RedAmazoneFriendZone's Avatar
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    I have sx as a subtype. As I wrote in another thread I used to have many partners.
    I discovered at the age of 24 that I can enjoy some sexual (and intellectual) adventures with some women
    (when I was thinking men to be too disappointing for my happiness, I decided to try something else ! And I just liked it.).
    I've been focused on sex for many years.
    Some years later, sex was just not part of my life FOR A VERY LONG WHILE........


    Now I'm into a relationship with a person who has known me for almost 10 years.
    Intense sex is important, not only for pleasure, it is both a way to explore desires and show affection (I don't express it much another way).

    Yes, I know I can be quite at the opposite of having intense sex (no sex at all until I am fed up). As time goes by I am becoming very selective.
    ALL THAT WE SEE OR SEEM TO BE IS BUT A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM

  10. #10
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by five sounds View Post
    I'm demisexual too. And I feel similarly as NK and tinker. I don't focus on sex as much as health of relationship. I want to always be close with my partner. I do worry about complacency and if my partner will still want to share his life with me, himself with me forever. What I fear most is being lonely in my relationship.

    That said, when I feel close with someone my sex drive is higher. So it's more of a related symptom than a core issue. I also hope I'm having sex well into my older years. I imagine being so in love and comfortable with my partner by then that we enjoy it just as much as ever.

    Also I'm totally fine with periods of distance and sexual inactivity. If they last too long I start to become concerned about the health of the relationship.
    I wonder how much is demisexuality and how much is simply placing sex as an expression of absolute love. I think that we NFs would blur those lines a little.
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