I think sp-first get accused of this the most. But the idea of having some right to the demand seems so, yes.
Well, Sp-firsts tend to get accused of hiding something but So-firsts seem to give the impression they have nothing going on underneath worth hiding (online anyway, not IRL).
But the energy it takes to respond sometimes is overwhelming.
I know that feeling. But I usually don't want to even hear the 'demand' in the first place - hence why I'm so difficult to get hold of (by phone call, text, email etc). It's too much to stress over.
I suspect this self-preservation aspect is also protecting me from putting out energy where I may not receive anything back, so I make others "prove" it).
The way I've come to see the function stacking is that the first instinct is used as a tool to serve the second. That can manifest in different ways at different times, even with people of the same stacking, but the fundamentals remain the same.
One simplified version of this for me is: I avoid facing social demands as a means of protecting myself. Perhaps you withhold yourself in order to manage your energy investment.
When someone is sx-dom, I think it's like they don't realize how much they are demanding. They just seem aware of what they are putting out, and not considering they are not always reciprocating, but just sucking, or that their giving feels like it has strings attached.
Yes, I think you're right. I've been directly asked questions by Sx-firsts that are touching things that are uncomfortably personal, and it's difficult for me to deal with that. I try to give an answer, which is usually honest yet superficial, but I'm aware is dodging the unrestrained expression they wanted. In some ways it's flattering to have someone actually give a damn, but usually I just feel embarrassed that I'm dodging and hope they take the hint. I don't exactly blame them for asking unless they continue to press the matter - and it does seem that Sx-firsts notice when I'm dodging and love to point out. Then it's like being asked by someone who you're not close with to remove all your clothes so they can take a good look at you, then getting irritated when you politely refuse.
The so type's "giving" feels like it has strings attached too, but not in the luring-in way an sx's does, where they seem to begin to take at a higher rate than they are giving once they've "got you".
I think So-first can inadvertently give off a sense that their basic pleasantries are a prelude to something so much more. Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't, but if there is a closer bond to be created, it takes a lot more/longer to achieve than others expect it will.
though the only time she ever gave voice to that was after much passive aggression, when she ended basically telling me that she resented the "power over her" she'd given me by allowing emotional intimacy. This flabbergasted me because I'd felt manipulated by her...obviously it's a long story, but it was definitely mutually agreed on as not a great thing-- at least not to have as a staple friendship.
Yeah, it's strange how intimacy can feel like a power game, even if it isn't meant as such.
I am sorry you have have had negative experience with Sx first individuals and the way the have framed those with different instincts, though I'm not sure I'm guilty of that personally. I've definitely been frustrated by the disconnect it sometimes causes in relationships, but would never blame that on the other person or who they are.
Don't feel like you have to apologise. I didn't mean it as a play for sympathy. I just wanted to get back to more balanced discussion before everyone continued jumping on the anti-Sx-lasts* bandwagon.
*Not that it was meant as such (ie. this is not an accusation). But being a So-first I am more attuned to the tidal movement of the discourse and where it's shifting to, and that was what I reacted to.
I feel a similar sentiment of being "written off" as a Sx dom too, like I'm just too much for everyone and feeling like I set fire to things, and people just steer clear of me. This is not reality, but it is how I feel sometimes!
Oh, I didn't mean that I think any one stacking has a monopoly on being misunderstood. My sister is a Sx-first and I see the impact that others' rejection, criticism and dismissal has on her. I also see how disappointing her relationships with others tend to be for her - people always let her down.
I think that in reality, both the positives and negatives are shared equally among all the stackings, but online there is a certain discourse that doesn't accept or reflect that reality. I guess it's a bit like how posts about MBTI and JCF recently have had this "evil Fe" underlying attitude. Sure there are issues with Fe but it's no better or worse than any other function. In other words, the level of discussion about the problems with Fe is disproportionate to the degree with which these problems exist IRL (ie. the criticism itself is fair, but the degree of criticism is not). The same goes with Sx-lasts and So-users in particular - to the point that people would rather not type as such (and mistype because of it). Does that make sense?
. And sometimes I just needed to be told, "do it this way" so I had some clarity and didn't have to go through all that shit only for him to try to manipulate me into his viewpoint anyway. He would also come in certain mornings like a pit bull (unlike his usual chirpy, friendly self) and start tearing everything apart - going after my workmate and telling him off about everything he should be doing. All this didn't make the workplace more comfortable and relaxed, it just made it a lot more emotionally fraught. 
