User Tag List

First 12345 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 50

  1. #21
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1w9 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ESI Fi
    Posts
    3,182

    Default

    @Cimarron what's you're take?
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

    Freedom isn't free.
    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner
    10w12

  2. #22
    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/sp
    Socionics
    ESI Fi
    Posts
    3,174

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    He probably doesn't even know he does it, truth be told. I'm not saying all sx last people are like this, but I think that this is an extreme in this way and it's affected a lot of people. I've asked sx last people on typology sites and they have admitted to this kind of behavior, but had no clue how destructive it was for others.
    It took me 20 years of life to become conscious of the nature of my own set of unbalanced sx-last habits through the eyes of other types, but when I did, it was one of the darkest self-revelations I've ever experienced. Maybe because of how deep and primal the instincts run, and empathizing with that along the branches of different variants - wait a minute, there are other ways to starve.

    But it also made me understand what compatibility and incompatibility realistically mean. We can and should be considerate of those we care about, try to meet in the middle, be strong for them sometimes, but we also have the right for our needs to be reasonably met. Some friends can't meet them for each other as well as others without violating their instinctual cores.
    4w3 6w5 1w2 sx/sp ISFP

    RLOAX (don't do it)
    Melancholic Hufflepuff
    A lonely island where only what is permitted to move moves, becomes an ideal. Jung

    Kiss Kiss [johari] Bang Bang [nohari]

  3. #23
    Senior Member renaiziphonts's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    MBTI
    INFp
    Enneagram
    9W1 sx
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    103

    Default

    This probably sounds pretty stupid and a little irrational, but I have four friendships that lasted and were meaningful. One of which I have been in a long term relationship with. With each of them I felt an immediate connection. Jon I had met in grade school, I trusted him immediately, and we were best friends. I should add I am heavily antisocial, so that's impressive. With Ben, I met him during middle school, and within the hour we were throwing paper airplanes into an industrial fan. With Nate, I sort of just decided that he was awesome and engaged in stupid dangerous stunts. With Kimberlee, I had began arguing with her over a group project, and a few moments in it struck me how amazing she was. Love at first sight, I guess. Truth be told, I am not sure why I just "know" that these four people were to be friends, but it was an impulsive instantaneous trust and recognition, like I had known them my entire life, and I actually haven't made a real friendship without that. I have come close, but it's not the same.

    So yeah, I have trouble meeting people.

  4. #24
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/so
    Posts
    3,424

    Default

    I feel for all the Sx-doms here saying that trying to build some kind of connection with an Sx-last felt "lonely"; it feels lonely from our side as well. It is depressing to see what you think is a nice bonding experience dismissed with a "That's it? That's all you've got?" kind of emotional response. Because of this, some people have said that it's best for both parties (in terms of finding meaningful relationships) for Sx-doms to stick with other Sx-doms, or at least avoid Sx-lasts. I'm not ready to look at it this way, because of closing off so many people potentially off the bat, but if we want to say that it's statistically bound to work better/worse for such-and-such types (and just be aware of that going into it, I guess), okay, maybe.

    I personally value intimacy a lot, I would say, and yearn for more of it in my life, with potential romance but even with my own best friends, too. Maybe idealize it a little. Except once I actually get it, then it can be kind of intimidating and I may hem-haw a bit. But this lack of connection is not because I don't care about establishing close connections. Part of it is probably not investing in doing something to build those close connections, although I'm not sure how I would. (more Sp-ish than So, here) Maybe my attempts to create intimacy are misguided, flubbed, half-hearted, I don't know, it's hard to say. Maybe the fact that I can't pin it down is part of it, too. Then again, when I do want to really establish intimate connection, I do take some initiative to do so, but again....the Sx-last idea of intimacy is lighter and more "secondhand" than others think of "intimacy", probably. And I wonder if maybe some of it is myself, like being someone who lives in the Amazon, and refuses to move to colder climates but still complains about never seeing snow.

    That's another aspect, is the kind of feeling that I just don't get the "language" that everyone else seems to "know" regarding this realm. Like I missed the memo or the class that all the Sx-ers took. I look around at other people enjoying this "intimacy" and wonder when I'll feel it. Yeah, I'm less in-tune to connections in general. I can't really tell when I have them or when someone else has them, which generally leads me to conclude that this "connection" thing may all be in people's imaginations. Although, maybe not, but who knows?

    So, those are some random thoughts on it.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  5. #25
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    ESFP
    Enneagram
    9w8 sx/sp
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    7,003

    Default

    +
    Quote Originally Posted by Nixie View Post
    It took me 20 years of life to become conscious of the nature of my own set of unbalanced sx-last habits through the eyes of other types, but when I did, it was one of the darkest self-revelations I've ever experienced. Maybe because of how deep and primal the instincts run, and empathizing with that along the branches of different variants - wait a minute, there are other ways to starve.

    But it also made me understand what compatibility and incompatibility realistically mean. We can and should be considerate of those we care about, try to meet in the middle, be strong for them sometimes, but we also have the right for our needs to be reasonably met. Some friends can't meet them for each other as well as others without violating their instinctual cores.
    Yeah, precisely! It has been a struggle to learn about how the social instinct affects me. It was like the biggest burden in the world to bear when I realized the consequences.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    I feel for all the Sx-doms here saying that trying to build some kind of connection with an Sx-last felt "lonely"; it feels lonely from our side as well. It is depressing to see what you think is a nice bonding experience dismissed with a "That's it? That's all you've got?" kind of emotional response. Because of this, some people have said that it's best for both parties (in terms of finding meaningful relationships) for Sx-doms to stick with other Sx-doms, or at least avoid Sx-lasts. I'm not ready to look at it this way, because of closing off so many people potentially off the bat, but if we want to say that it's statistically bound to work better/worse for such-and-such types (and just be aware of that going into it, I guess), okay, maybe.
    Have you ever actually encountered the bolded outside of the internet?

    I personally value intimacy a lot, I would say, and yearn for more of it in my life, with potential romance but even with my own best friends, too. Maybe idealize it a little. Except once I actually get it, then it can be kind of intimidating and I may hem-haw a bit. But this lack of connection is not because I don't care about establishing close connections. Part of it is probably not investing in doing something to build those close connections, although I'm not sure how I would. (more Sp-ish than So, here)
    Yeah I've found that it's best to ease things in with the non sx dom types. It's for certain doable, but some people's interaction styles can definitely put others' off.

    That's another aspect, is the kind of feeling that I just don't get the "language" that everyone else seems to "know" regarding this realm. Like I missed the memo or the class that all the Sx-ers took. I look around at other people enjoying this "intimacy" and wonder when I'll feel it. Yeah, I'm less in-tune to connections in general. I can't really tell when I have them or when someone else has them, which generally leads me to conclude that this "connection" thing may all be in people's imaginations. Although, maybe not, but who knows?
    I think sx when used in the vein of people kinda stems from the willingness and openness of personal information. With the soc or sp instinct supporting it, is where this gets guided socially (more toward a select few individuals, or toward a lot of people who have somewhat similar values). The "language" I think is just the general personal tone, it's kind of "inviting" for other people to share. And creating that atmosphere that makes it feel okay to be more personal by someone being personal first to initiate.

    On the other hand, sx seems to also really be about "desire" and adding more to this sense of being "personal" if that makes sense. Which is why sx doms are more likely to engage in activities or associate with people who are more personal in some way, whether it's an activity that bolsters some sense of self or is just right for what they want. Or if it's a person who is really open or who really meshes well with the person's own interaction style of sharing.

    Hope this makes some sense. Thanks for sharing, Cim!
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  6. #26
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    2,879

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    I feel for all the Sx-doms here saying that trying to build some kind of connection with an Sx-last felt "lonely"; it feels lonely from our side as well. It is depressing to see what you think is a nice bonding experience dismissed with a "That's it? That's all you've got?" kind of emotional response. Because of this, some people have said that it's best for both parties (in terms of finding meaningful relationships) for Sx-doms to stick with other Sx-doms, or at least avoid Sx-lasts. I'm not ready to look at it this way, because of closing off so many people potentially off the bat, but if we want to say that it's statistically bound to work better/worse for such-and-such types (and just be aware of that going into it, I guess), okay, maybe.

    I personally value intimacy a lot, I would say, and yearn for more of it in my life, with potential romance but even with my own best friends, too.
    More random thoughts...

    Yeah...it is kinda tempting to throw in the towel. I admit that I've thought, "A so-dom? Not again...oh, hell no!"

    Sorry about that! I admit that at times, it felt deliberate (I can't speak for sx-doms but I'm pretty close to it) and it felt like the stereotype of male/female sex--man has a relatively easy time reaching orgasm...woman does not and is being asked, "Was it good for you?" NO-- IT WAS NOT GODDAMMIT!!! YOU CALL THAT INTIMACY??!!

    Okay...I'll stop. I know it's not deliberate. I have no idea what to do. Surely there must be a way to get the porridge just right but I don't know what that could be.

    I have noticed that so-doms tend to like a low, steady kind of intimacy/warmth from friends. It feels diluted to me. The two so/sp that I spoke of seem to pretty much direct the same "amount" all the time...no warmer, no colder. Sorry...having trouble putting this into words here. One is steady/warm/cottony/comfy kind of warmth (think teddy bear stuffed animal) and the other isn't warm at all...just this...oh hell, he just ain't warm period but I wouldn't call him cold or lacking feelings. He's passionate but it has been changed somehow...could be because he's 4w5.

    *sigh*

    I value intimacy a great deal, too, but I will get "full". I go on binges, gorge and then I want to slowly digest the experience. Alone in my comfortable nest.

  7. #27
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/so
    Posts
    3,424

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    Have you ever actually encountered the bolded outside of the internet?
    I would say I've seen it several times. It's usually more the emotional atmosphere or chain-of-events that can be summed up as an implied "That's it?", not a verbal, out-loud question. Not that I'm blaming people, rather it probably has to do a little with both sides not getting through to each other.

    And to Redbone and BlackCat, not sure if you were addressing it to me or the OP or just your experiences, but I'm Sp-dom. Meanwhile the OP was discussing an So-dom acquaintance, so carry on.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  8. #28
    Blind Guardian Haven's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    MBTI
    ESFJ
    Enneagram
    2w3 so/sp
    Socionics
    ESFj Ti
    Posts
    1,076

    Default

    We all have a basic need to connect with others, it's a matter of priorities. Intimacy is something I keep putting off and putting off in favor of building a stable social network. I don't think I need/experience it less than anyone else. Maybe I just value it less and don't quite recognize what it is or isn't and I'm like the guy at the poetry jam saying it's so deep when I have no idea what's going on, but I've neglected my intimate side so much that anything resembling intimacy feels overwhelming so I'm just going to take a break now because that was just too much at once. So I'm just an intimacy lightweight I guess.
    {The Diplomat}
    Slytherpuff
    s|L|OAx
    Meow.

  9. #29
    So she did. small.wonder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/so
    Posts
    976

    Default

    This thread is a great read so far, mostly because I never thought about it (or saw it) the way some of you have described-- very, very helpful.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nixie View Post
    It took me 20 years of life to become conscious of the nature of my own set of unbalanced sx-last habits through the eyes of other types, but when I did, it was one of the darkest self-revelations I've ever experienced. Maybe because of how deep and primal the instincts run, and empathizing with that along the branches of different variants - wait a minute, there are other ways to starve.

    But it also made me understand what compatibility and incompatibility realistically mean. We can and should be considerate of those we care about, try to meet in the middle, be strong for them sometimes, but we also have the right for our needs to be reasonably met. Some friends can't meet them for each other as well as others without violating their instinctual cores.
    + a million. Learning more about the other instincts (and what their cravings are for) is so helpful. That said, the bolded has been unfortunately true for me in certain cases. I was close friends with a Sp/So 2w1 for several years and always left frustrated and feeling held at arms length. I cared a lot about her, but rarely felt let in-- when I was it was very few and far between, but good. The truth though is that relationships loose value for me if they are not regularly emotionally intimate, if I'm not involved in their life (and they in mine) on a weekly basis. My relationship with the aforementioned friend eventually deteriorated in part because I'd voiced my frustrations a number of times, and all she could really do was shrug and apologize. I still see her from time to time and in passing, but it just didn't nourish either of us.

    I think I need to meditate more on how my Sp-last mannerisms manifest negatively.
    Find my Enneagram writing here. Also, I'd love for you to take my six question Enneagram surveyEnneagram survey!✨

  10. #30
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sp/so
    Socionics
    ENFP Ne
    Posts
    3,265

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Redbone View Post
    More random thoughts...

    Yeah...it is kinda tempting to throw in the towel. I admit that I've thought, "A so-dom? Not again...oh, hell no!"

    Sorry about that! I admit that at times, it felt deliberate (I can't speak for sx-doms but I'm pretty close to it) and it felt like the stereotype of male/female sex--man has a relatively easy time reaching orgasm...woman does not and is being asked, "Was it good for you?" NO-- IT WAS NOT GODDAMMIT!!! YOU CALL THAT INTIMACY??!!

    Okay...I'll stop. I know it's not deliberate. I have no idea what to do. Surely there must be a way to get the porridge just right but I don't know what that could be.

    I have noticed that so-doms tend to like a low, steady kind of intimacy/warmth from friends. It feels diluted to me. The two so/sp that I spoke of seem to pretty much direct the same "amount" all the time...no warmer, no colder. Sorry...having trouble putting this into words here. One is steady/warm/cottony/comfy kind of warmth (think teddy bear stuffed animal) and the other isn't warm at all...just this...oh hell, he just ain't warm period but I wouldn't call him cold or lacking feelings. He's passionate but it has been changed somehow...could be because he's 4w5.

    *sigh*

    I value intimacy a great deal, too, but I will get "full". I go on binges, gorge and then I want to slowly digest the experience. Alone in my comfortable nest.
    That sounds about right…
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

Similar Threads

  1. what is your type and which type do you feel most compatible with (relationship-wise)
    By Othon in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 03-20-2014, 08:33 PM
  2. Do you see the problem with typing others? Is it worth it?
    By Chancelade in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 36
    Last Post: 01-23-2014, 07:37 PM
  3. Your Name: Do you feel the connection?
    By figsfiggyfigs in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 50
    Last Post: 06-27-2011, 12:28 PM
  4. How often do you feel that life is passing next to you?
    By Virtual ghost in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 06-24-2009, 09:42 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO