This smiley was what I thought of too.
Yeah, I'm the same. I'm pretty crap at these things too. Social doms just aren't the sort of uber-Fe + e3 personalities they're often portrayed as. For me personally it's so much more about the theoretical connections and dynamics themselves, than the specific, individual parts (eg. like remembering people's birthdays), or even skills in the direct, practical application of this knowledge (eg. like being able to charm or influence others). The general descriptions don't have much room for that potential theoretical aspect, although some of the combined type and instinct descriptions do (like the Social 4 being the "social critic", which really clicks with me).I like creating new connections and bonding with people, the feeling of being included and having close friends to make me feel connected, and I do see that as one of my driving forces but the "awareness" that gets discussed is something I either sometimes have or other times completely lack. I forget to check in with others a lot, I really neglect how my actions impact my environment when taking action, and I kind of don't really scan my social environment at all sometimes. It doesn't seem to be something that really burdens my mind or anything, but at the same time I feel a lot more lighter and cordial for sx/so, and I seem to have more healthier attitude towards the sx instinct (at least in my mind anyway) so I'm not sure! I feel like the social instinct needs a lot of clarification haha.
I would say that search for security is a factor in all the instincts, because I see them as addressing factors perceived as being too much in flux and attempting to create stability through them. For the Sexual instinct, for example, is about the need for the security of a strong connection, because Sx-doms feel a sense of fragility in their bonds that they need to overcome. I guess I think of the central drive for the social instinct as some sort of desire for mastery over or reconciliation between interpersonal structures, forces, and dynamics (so that they don't seem so scary, shifting and unpredictable).
To bring this back on topic (and just in case this wasn't clear), I think the point is that there are many Sp and So doms that don't understand their own instinct and end up mistyping as Sx. The point is the problem lies less with the Sexual instinct, and more with the problematic descriptions of Sp and So.