On the outside I seem taciturn and methodical(for an ENFP). But that's not my experience at all, I live in this world of various forces that beckon me to engage with them, like sirens. They call, and a very strong part of me wants to respond. It's that part that I identify with, the part that wants, not the part the denies.
One of the best descriptions of sp/sx I have ever read.
And also because they're so neurotically obsessed about finding the perfect relationship, that they're trying to learn as much about themselves, as well as their most compatible partner, via typology.
Originally Posted by Qlip
I also wonder if sp/sx'ers don't self-mistype as sx-dom. I know I did, I feel like my sp-dom centers around keeping the sx in check, feeling like it's the defining part of me.
I read a thread on here long ago that spoke of how the dominant instinct is the one that is unhealthy and the aux is the one that is healthier. I think that could play into people mistyping themselves. For instance, I typed so close to both SX and SP that I considered SP-dom for awhile. It was only after some research and thinking about that I realized how obviously SX dom I am and that my SP side is simply more mature.
On the other end of the spectrum, there are those who mistype based around an idea they have of who they are versus the reality. In specific regard to the SX function, having it called "sexual" adds auto connotations that don't necessarily need to be there. Although, to be fair, I only encounter that kind of... smolder... in other SX-doms.
I think some people are mistyped, sure. I am particularly skeptical of those who talk about how "into" their sx-firstness they are, and how awesome they are by comparison to the rest of us humble socials and sp's. But I also think there's a response bias here, just like there are for withdrawn types and INxx's.
I think there's also a tendency for the sorts who type as social-last to find some semblance of a social life on the internet. So, lots of sp/sx and sx/sp. Even if those individuals eventually discover soc is higher in their ranking, I'm sure a good majority identify with the social blindspot (myself included, though I'm not sure I am soc-last).
Soc blind spot—It’s hard to concern self with another’s agenda. Don’t want to deal with “their stuff.” Dismissive. Cynicism around idealism—connecting socially will cost me something. Interactions are draining. Fear of being emotionally crippled. Can’t connect with people. You’re “broken.” A self-knowledge of being ungracious. It’s hard to take in the gifts and generosity of others. One doesn’t let oneself try to interact or find out. Projected fear—if I ignore others, they will ignore me. There’s an expectation of humiliation. A desire not to impose self on people in fear of not being wanted, or being klutzy.
The reason I'm here is because I'm bored, I enjoy talking about myself, and I've become obsessively interested in the enneagram. I am eager to push beyond my boundaries and evolve myself, and I wouldn't be surprised if it were the same for the majority of sx-firsts.
It's certainly possible that I'm an Sp/Sx and not the other way around but every description I've read about Sx-doms seem to fit me. I need that connection with people, most especially with my partner, and if I don't have it I feel terribly lonely and lost.
That burning need for a connection is the recurring theme in my life...which makes think I'm an Sx-Dom. I could be wrong of there but that's where I'm at.
"There is no such thing as spare time, no such thing as down time, no such thing as free time, there is only life time. Go."
― Henry Rollins
I think a lot of people don't realize SX-dom means tremendous insecurity in the SX realm.
I got into this ooh I'm a sp/sx thing but I doubt a sp/sx would get as tormented as I do by getting older and thereby less sexually attractive to others. It is depressing the hell out of me, how people now call me 'ma'am' and... I'm starting to feel invisible because I no longer turn heads like I used to. Sexual energy is how I've gotten what I want and if I can't do it that way, what do I do?
@five sounds got the OP right. We get crazy obsessive about stuff, even if it's totally stupid and wrecking our lives.
Originally Posted by lue
Agreed. Also, I don't think I've met a lot of sx first people in the real world, so maybe online is where we try to find some understanding, or some kind of connection?
Totally agree. It's how I managed to meet a fellow INFP 4w5 sx/sp who has become a very good friend and that never would have happened otherwise
I got into this ooh I'm a sp/sx thing but I doubt a sp/sx would get as tormented as I do by getting older and thereby less sexually attractive to others. It is depressing the hell out of me, how people now call me 'ma'am' and...
Ah, I can relate, though I'm not an sx-dom. Just an sfp e4, ha.
Re. sx-doms on the forum, hmm, not sure I have seen an out-of-the-ordinary amount? Maybe it's just me though. I DO think the sx-doms stand out more, and seek that out either consciously or it's just a product of who they are. But I think I've noticed enough so-dom and sp-dom folks on here that it seems pretty even imo. [Though, there's always been a kinda noticeable stigma/more negative stereotype towards sx-last, I've noticed, which I believe historically has resulted in some people maybe mistyping... though, I'm glad to see that it seems that's shifted over the past year or so, there's less of the stigma / misinformation floating about]
"...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce
I'm gonna stick to 4's because this is what I know. In the sx and sp, the goal seems to be more inwardly-focused on finding or expressing something that's buried within them. Either expressing their individuality through suffering (sp), or finding the ideal love (sx), those two are looking to reach out for something to bring into themselves. The so-dom 4, however, is looking to hide their shame and project their flaws outward onto the group rather than identify with them and confront their shame.
From the description of sp-dom 4's, it's almost as if the sp 4's like to forge the final output of their expression in a chamber of molten misery. They horde and collect unique experiences to remind themselves constantly test how special and different they are, how firmly together the threads of their experience hold them because they have suffered to be true to themselves. And anything can at any time pull those threads apart.
Sx-dom 4's from their description seem to be on a quest for ideal love. It is through comparing themselves to an ideal lover that they find the traits they most want in themselves, never mind what traits that person actually embodies. Sx-doms are covetous and envious, always chasing that one thing that they can have that will complete them and make them whole and acceptable inside.
So-dom 4's seem pretty different from the other two subtypes and I think this might be because of the direction their focus takes--they want to project their shame outward, defining and rejecting social norms. They feel ostracized, and rather than looking to an ideal love to complete them (like the 2ishness of the sx-dom), they take on a 1ish perfectionism that they can judge the world against so that they don't need to confront their pain.
I'm a sp/so. I spend a good amount of time putting myself in terrible situations, analyzing how awful everyone is and complaining about it, prescribing some vague ethical solution, and feeling better that I have spared the world having to suffer from these things by suffering through them myself, then reporting back. What was the point of my suffering if no one learns anything from it? There's no way I'm completely pointless and have no meaning. I just need to keep trying to reach people so that I can gift the world with a piece of my hard-earned wisdom. Oh, that thing I said last week? That was about a different situation, completely different context. I was very out of touch with reality until I experienced this experience right here.