User Tag List

View Poll Results: Which would you choose?

Voters
21. You may not vote on this poll
  • Super Peaceful, No Drama, but Predictable

    4 19.05%
  • Extreme passion and ecstacy, but sometimes anger, jealousy and shit like that.

    17 80.95%
First 567

Results 61 to 69 of 69

  1. #61
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    5,628

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sanjuro View Post
    Yes. I don't even understand why the fights and drama would even be a problem (in theory), especially if the overall relationship is 90% ecstatic. (Hell, if all my students got 90% on their exams, I'd feel like a god.) "90%" is an absurdly high ecstasy rate.
    ^^ I'm laughing because I pondered this question...not having seen the 90% figure haha.


    I think this is great. I was raised by 9s, and no one ever argued. EVER....

    My parents are both becoming old and ill. They're miserable without realizing it (my mom thinks she's happy, stepdad keeps playing martyr about "getting through life so that he can be reunited with Jesus", which he won't be, because of the psychological atrocities he wrought upon me), and their lives are loveless, empty, and pointless. Losers, just drifting pointlessly through life, unattached to themselves or anything else. They're the ones your mom warned you about. The marriage hasn't fallen apart, but their bonds more or less have. As my sister observes, "We were like 4 unrelated people with nothing in common living together in the same house."

    It won't happen to me.
    Sanjuro...I always get the best feeling from you. I know, when I read one of your posts, that I am reading something entirely pure. That nothing has been muddied or obscured by an image that wishes to be upheld or an unreasonably optimistic, socially appropriate or pessimistic slant. That you're not 'talkin' just because you like listening to the sound of your own voice...but rather there's purpose to everything you express.

    So many times when I go to read a post... all I can see are jumbled words thrown-up on the screen and it will soon occur to me that it's the 'varnish' I can't find my way around. That it's not grammar or sentence structure or typos that cause me confusion but the level of impurity...and so it comes as no surprise that your posts are a breeze for me to read.

    ^^With all of that said... I am amazed in a way that you are who you are...having just read where you came from. I agree with you that the interpersonal/inter-relational style which commits itself to not sweeping issues under the rug for the sake of (false) harmony (leaving each individual subject to building resentments and acts of passive-aggression...all of which will eventually become impossible to address)...is the healthier of the two. But I'm still going to take this opportunity to acknowledge that this is not how things are done in the outside world. In other words, my family is forever bonded...and yet we've all experienced struggles navigating a society that ultimately looks and feels a lot like what you are describing of your family. As I've explained...I can't navigate 'varnish'...which is quite unfortunate when you consider this being the primary substance holding all of society-dom together.

    I should also say that my parents were both unintentionally neglectful of my siblings and I...in spite of the fact we were always around them. It took me years to understand this but... because they were both raised in extended families...I believe they completely missed how much more involved parents must be if raising children in a single family unit in upwardly-mobile-white-suburbia. They were very much into each other...as were my grandparents before them. The only difference is my grandparents could afford to be completely enthralled with each other because there were 20 other relatives around raising my parents.

    My father gave us the world materially and intellectually... My mother kept us on time and scheduled... My siblings...we all knew we were loved... but we were very much on our own emotionally...and left to try and make sense of the world (how to thrive.) Their energy went into each other...so they raised a brood of children that are book-learned, honest and feel comfortable in long-standing relationships...but struggle with everything else. All this to say that I super-suck at problem solving as well...I merely came by this a different way.

    I'm thinking brainheart is getting it right though...

  2. #62
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1w9 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ESI Fi
    Posts
    3,182

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    but I would try just being in the moment with those feelings.

    Experience them, experience what they feel like, communicate with your partner, don't just shy away from them.
    Quote Originally Posted by five sounds View Post
    when heated things come up is to let the emotions happen
    These both sound like really difficult things to do. ^

    I am not sx dom, so this is probably a little off topic.

    But are you saying (as advice in this exact thread) that Fi inferior is supposed to do this in the moment of the fight. (And by fight mean getting loud and emotional at each other. Maybe even in each others faces?)

    I agree with FDG. That would be a deal breaker if I had those kind of fights.

    It feels practically impossible to just experience my emotions in the moment. Impossible. It would take me forever.

    I usually just walk away before anything damaging is said. Then revisit it later when I'm calm. (Mind you, it takes a lot for me to even get into these all out fights. There must have been some extreme build up.)
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

    Freedom isn't free.
    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner
    10w12

  3. #63
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    MBTI
    iNfj
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/sp
    Posts
    4,042

    Default

    I don't think peace and predictability has to come at the expense of great sex. Maybe a little jealousy is fine, but that can be worked out. I don't think I'm Sx dom, just pointing this out.

    And in my experience I don't have great sex with people with whom I have legitimate issues. There was that one guy, but the issues eventually killed the passion.

  4. #64
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    MBTI
    ¥¤
    Enneagram
    3w4 sp/so
    Posts
    1,907

    Default

    Regarding the 90% figure....yes you are in ecstacy BUT...

    The 10% is HELL. Screaming at each other, saying you hate each other, throwing lamps at the wall near them, throwing their shit out the window, tears, "breaking up" (even though you always make up again), etc.
    3w4-9w1-?w6 (nearly headless nick)
    sp/so
    Lawful Evil

    COCKBURN:

    http://sundrytimes.files.wordpress.c...tomic-bomb.jpg


  5. #65
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    MBTI
    ¥¤
    Enneagram
    3w4 sp/so
    Posts
    1,907
    3w4-9w1-?w6 (nearly headless nick)
    sp/so
    Lawful Evil

    COCKBURN:

    http://sundrytimes.files.wordpress.c...tomic-bomb.jpg


  6. #66
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTj
    Posts
    5,908

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Urarienev View Post
    I agree with FDG. That would be a deal breaker if I had those kind of fights.

    It feels practically impossible to just experience my emotions in the moment. Impossible. It would take me forever.

    I usually just walk away before anything damaging is said. Then revisit it later when I'm calm. (Mind you, it takes a lot for me to even get into these all out fights. There must have been some extreme build up.)
    Right, that's what I do with people I care about. Perhaps the solution would be to avoid such "build-up", but we are back to the starting point meaning that no fight would then take place.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  7. #67
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTj
    Posts
    5,908

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    This fight I could take, let's say once or maximum twice in the course of a whole relationship lasting a couple of years. They're not shouting that hard.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  8. #68
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1w9 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ESI Fi
    Posts
    3,182

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Right, that's what I do with people I care about. Perhaps the solution would be to avoid such "build-up", but we are back to the starting point meaning that no fight would then take place.
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    This fight I could take, let's say once or maximum twice in the course of a whole relationship lasting a couple of years. They're not shouting that hard.
    Exactly, to both of these.



    I think I just figured out one of the reasons why I don't do these kind of fights, or will only put up with them on a very, very rare occasion.

    They would be a blow to my optimism. I can't just go around everyday, or every month, having that knocked down. It's what keeps me alive

    The only reason why I can even tolerate the scene from the notebook is cause the fight almost comes fully back around.

    When he says "Well that's what we do, we fight." The tension, for me, lifted a little. And the tension was caused by not knowing where he stood with her. His actions and words did not seem to represent that he wanted her to stay.

    I don't know how people can do those kinda fights. (with people they care about)
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

    Freedom isn't free.
    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner
    10w12

  9. #69
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    8w7
    Posts
    2,319

    Default

    90% ecstasy and 10% drama sounds like the perfect relationship.

Similar Threads

  1. Do you easily get bored in life?
    By kotoshinohaisha in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 02-22-2017, 01:24 AM
  2. [sx] sx-doms: do you overvalue sex in your relationships?
    By psyche in forum Instinctual Subtypes
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 12-23-2014, 07:10 PM
  3. [sx] How do other instinctual types see Sx Dom ?
    By NK258 in forum Instinctual Subtypes
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 03-16-2014, 09:08 PM
  4. [sx] Enneagram sx doms: How do you feel when you aren't sexually desirable?
    By The Great One in forum Instinctual Subtypes
    Replies: 72
    Last Post: 07-30-2013, 02:58 PM
  5. Do you get bored with your own MBTI type?
    By TSDesigner in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 08-06-2009, 05:06 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO