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View Poll Results: Which would you choose?

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  • Super Peaceful, No Drama, but Predictable

    4 19.05%
  • Extreme passion and ecstacy, but sometimes anger, jealousy and shit like that.

    17 80.95%
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Results 51 to 60 of 69

  1. #51
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Okay, then perhaps I may interpret fighting as something else that's meant in this thread. Anger in a relationship = throwing dishes, calling names, neighbors calling the police, etc.
    Anything else (lower in emotional content) is just a "discussion".
    This occurred to me later as well... I paused and thought "I think FDG is from the old country"... um I just want to say now that my sister and I were debating something...and I might have said "shit" one time but not directed at her haha.

  2. #52
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    "Discussion" (with no negative emotional content) in my home region:



    I can have "discussions" like these once a day with my girlfriend. Now "Fight":



    This is something that would likely end a relationship imho.

    Just to check if we're all on the same wavelenght
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  3. #53
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    "Discussion" (with no negative emotional content) in my home region:



    I can have "discussions" like these once a day with my girlfriend. Now "Fight":



    This is something that would likely end a relationship imho.

    Just to check if we're all on the same wavelenght

    oh god yes FDG haha my sister and I were only having a "discussion." I was thinking of it and one time when I was scheduled to fly out of Rome but had lost my plane ticket...the customer service rep at the airlines ticket counter yelled at me far worse than anything my sister and I did during our argument haha.

    That first video there really *is* a place where I belong...

  4. #54
    brainheart
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    @FDG, if you can still hold a wine glass without spilling it, it's a discussion. If your wine splashes out because you're moving your arms too violently, it's an argument. If you're throwing the wine in the person's face, then breaking the glass on the table and threatening to cut them with it, it's a fight.

    So when I said fight, I didn't mean fight. I meant argue.


    @Starry, the first video... that was a mellow chat in my opinion.

  5. #55
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    @FDG, if you can still hold a wine glass without spilling it, it's a discussion. If your wine splashes out because you're moving your arms too violently, it's an argument. If you're throwing the wine in the person's face, then breaking the glass on the table and threatening to cut them with it, it's a fight.
    Okay, lol, everything's clear now.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  6. #56
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    @Starry, the first video... that was a mellow chat in my opinion.
    Well, I very much agree... and yet at the same time you must understand how brainwashed and confused I am having been raised (primarily) in an area that is still so seeped in its Scandinavian heritage/influence.

    One of my best friends from childhood...a Pisan from Chicago but now living here/in my area... just the other day he said to me "do you notice how no one looks you in the eye here...?" <-And it's so true...and yes, to me it's so weird...but at the same time this has been my understanding of *normal* for...too long really...((FDG...clear out a back bedroom for me I'm moving in.)) I do think...based on the society of where I currently live...my sister and I were in a fight. Based on the understanding of people that have a pulse...a discussion.

    edit: irritating...why does everything post twice? I posted...edited...and then deleted the edited post from the duplicates on accident...and then needed to re-edit. Fun.

  7. #57
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    #1 easily. I'm one of those boring SX last people.
    INtp
    5w6 or 9w1 sp/so/sx, I think
    Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff
    Neutral Good
    LII-Ne




  8. #58
    Just a note... LittleV's Avatar
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    My life already has a lot of passion... and although I'd need it every now and then, love is about overcoming disagreements; caring about the person enough "to take the good with the bad"... forgiving their mistakes, being there for them when they can't even stand themselves. Sure, I could stir things up for fun-time (I'm pretty harmless at the end of the day)... but I'd never do anything that would ultimately be destructive to the relationship if I'd committed and were invested.

    Before my first relationship, I'd probably get bored if there wasn't enough passion. I used to have little 'AIM fights' with an ENTP during high school. He and others were part of our group, and he'd use to conveniently take random messages of mine and post them to his AIM profile to poke fun at me. So, it became sort of like a (friendly) mini-war... in which I'd post our complete conversations to my Xanga to return the favor, and our friends would follow us, haha. He and I had challenged one another to a (physical) spar at the beach and we'd built it up so much for whomever was on my Xanga that a lot of people showed up, lol. (My ESTP dad made me rather tough.) I had seen my ESTP ex around (the ENTP was our mutual friend), but I'd never really talked with him (except for when he'd randomly asked me for some food, lol, so charming...) until that beach 'fight'. He had the advantage of already knowing my humor (it was the only blog I'd ever had). After that... it was all playful, passionate... and even aggressive between us. At the moment... I'm trying to see who could "get" me without too much added help; nonetheless, finding passion within the most mundane of activities is one of the most beautiful things of all.

  9. #59
    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    1) Be in a relationship where you NEVER fought, barely even argued, and things were happy but pretty much the same from day to day? Basically zero drama. Good sex.
    Maybe.

    2) Have a classic romance novel/soap opera type relationship where you were both extremely wild about each other, but sometimes have loud, angry fights, drama and an element of instability? Something exactly like from The Notebook.. Say, it's 90% ecstacy but 10% drama. GREAT sex.
    Yes. I don't even understand why the fights and drama would even be a problem (in theory), especially if the overall relationship is 90% ecstatic. (Hell, if all my students got 90% on their exams, I'd feel like a god.) "90%" is an absurdly high ecstasy rate.

    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    How on earth do you have a longtime relationship and not have things you disagree about so strongly that you don't argue? You know, I say this, but I know a sp/so couple and they are like how you say and they both seem to be happy about it. My husband and I are kind of amazed by them. We both agree that it's cool for them, but it's definitely not what we want. It seems reeeallllyyyy boring.

    Like @Starry says, I'm glad my kids see their parents fight. I'm glad that they see us openly express our disagreements, because then they also see us dealing with it/ resolving our issues and making things better because of it. It's an incredibly important life skill to learn, that people can still love each other but get angry and strongly disagree about things at the same time. My parents were like this too and I am super grateful. As my mom said to me, "You may hate that person for a few hours and want to change the locks on the house so they can't ever come back in, but you don't run away. You deal with it and make it better."
    I think this is great. I was raised by 9s, and no one ever argued. EVER. Sometimes my 4-fixed mom would throw a passive-aggressive snit-fit that was too subtle for me to detect, but outright argument, disagreement, or conflict was NEVER expressed.

    If I tried to stir something up, I was generally punished, derided, and accused of starting "drama" rather than acknowledged as bringing legitimate grievances to the table. As a consequence, I've sort of got this absurd feeling that if I so much as snap at someone, I'm going to instantly face ramifications, be rejected, put down, made fun of, etc. I'm not great at resolving my problems either--I tend to throw a ridiculous tantrum, or 99% of the time, storm away and solve absolutely nothing and expect the other person to get "the message" somehow. I certainly don't expect anyone to work with me or forgive me. It's pathetic. I can't even imagine having lived in a household where normal feelings were allowed--You mean other families...fight??? Just one more thing I was deprived of, I guess.

    Thanks for shedding light on an area I had no idea existed. It helps me understand more about why I mistyped for so long.

    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    ^^I'm so glad you said this...
    My parents have been married for decades in a "cockburn 2" relationship. And I can remember so vividly as a child having one of those *omfg my parents are so embarrassing and weird and abnormal compared to every other couple I encounter in my neighborhood, the community, my friends parents, couples on primetime television...* and gathering the confidence to directly question my mother about it.

    And she said to me... "Watch, young Starry, as the years go by... These couples that seem so loving and agreeable... I promise you that long after most of those relationships and marriages have fallen-apart and ended... your father and I will still be going strong." And I'll be damned... she was right.
    My parents are both becoming old and ill. They're miserable without realizing it (my mom thinks she's happy, stepdad keeps playing martyr about "getting through life so that he can be reunited with Jesus", which he won't be, because of the psychological atrocities he wrought upon me), and their lives are loveless, empty, and pointless. Losers, just drifting pointlessly through life, unattached to themselves or anything else. They're the ones your mom warned you about. The marriage hasn't fallen apart, but their bonds more or less have. As my sister observes, "We were like 4 unrelated people with nothing in common living together in the same house."

    It won't happen to me.
    Last edited by Sanjuro; 04-14-2014 at 08:56 AM.

  10. #60
    Blood of the Exile Animal's Avatar
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    I need passion but I need him to be on my side.
    Art is the blood of the Exile
    4w3 6w7 8w9 ~ Sx/Sp ~ ISTP ~ LSI-Se

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