[sp] Are sp doms the least likely to cheat?

[Stansmith]

I could see So/Sp being the type to keep women around as 'status symbols', like all those gangsters in Martin Scorsese movies.

I'm sorry I can't remember, what variant do you identify as?

Probably an introverted/reserved So/Sx. It seems like a more accurate description for me than Sp/Sx - I'm aware of the social world, but I filter out the things that aren't relevant to me. The fact that I don't pay attention to general societal trends (media, politics, gossip, etc.) is a conscious choice on my part.

 

[skylights]

Probably an introverted/reserved So/Sx. It seems like a more accurate description for me than Sp/Sx - I'm aware of the social world, but I filter out the things that aren't relevant to me. The fact that I don't pay attention to general societal trends (media, politics, gossip, etc.) is a conscious choice on my part.

Makes sense to me.

I don't pay much attention to trends either, FWIW. The closest I come is Google-imaging Kate Middleton every once in a while because I really like her style.

But back to Sp-doms and cheating... someone said something before about it would feel like cheating on oneself. I can see that. When I think of the sp-doms I know, I think for the most part if they cheated, it'd be like shooting themselves in the foot, since they work hard to establish a comfortable "nest" and romantic partner is part of that.

I do know an Sp-dom who cheated, but he knew the relationship was falling apart, so I guess he felt like it just didn't matter anyway. And he knew she was cheating on him, too. The only reason they didn't break up immediately was because they were long distance.

 

[chubber]

Makes sense to me.

I don't pay much attention to trends either, FWIW. The closest I come is Google-imaging Kate Middleton every once in a while because I really like her style.

But back to Sp-doms and cheating... someone said something before about it would feel like cheating on oneself. I can see that. When I think of the sp-doms I know, I think for the most part if they cheated, it'd be like shooting themselves in the foot, since they work hard to establish a comfortable "nest" and romantic partner is part of that.

I do know an Sp-dom who cheated, but he knew the relationship was falling apart, so I guess he felt like it just didn't matter anyway. And he knew she was cheating on him, too. The only reason they didn't break up immediately was because they were long distance.

Is long distance the new word for internet relationships?

 

[Chad of the OttomanEmpire]

Let's be fair to people of all instincts here--what they do is THEIR moral responsibility. Correlating the instincts with the likelihood to cheat would basically absolve cheaters of that responsibility--"I couldn't control myself dear, I'm sexual-first!". I believe that each and every one of us is capable of exercising restraint. Actually, I'd say cheating happens for general human reasons not covered by the instincts.

So no, I don't think being sx-first predisposes you to be a "cheater". It does predispose you to obsessions, desirability issues, and experimentation, but none of those things necessarily have to be sexual in nature. Again, I think sx-doms are as capable of fidelity as the next person if they so choose to be. The same would go for the other instincts, of course.

 

[Evo]

Let's be fair to people of all instincts here--what they do is THEIR moral responsibility. Correlating the instincts with the likelihood to cheat would basically absolve cheaters of that responsibility--"I couldn't control myself dear, I'm sexual-first!". I believe that each and every one of us is capable of exercising restraint. Actually, I'd say cheating happens for general human reasons not covered by the instincts.

So no, I don't think being sx-first predisposes you to be a "cheater". It does predispose you to obsessions, desirability issues, and experimentation, but none of those things necessarily have to be sexual in nature. Again, I think sx-doms are as capable of fidelity as the next person if they so choose to be. The same would go for the other instincts, of course.

This is interesting cause I really thought that "experimentation" and "restlessness" related with sx doms. That's why I figured it could play a factor.

I actually thought instincts out of all the typings, would make the most sense.

Maybe it's cause I really experience the influence of my instincts. It actually does feel out of my control....

hmmm....

Like I literally can't force myself to go against my sp instinct. I think it would break me.

 

[chubber]

This is interesting cause I really thought that "experimentation" and "restlessness" related with sx doms. That's why I figured it could play a factor.

I actually thought instincts out of all the typings, would make the most sense.

Maybe it's cause I really experience the influence of my instincts. It actually does feel out of my control....

hmmm....

Like I literally can't force myself to go against my sp instinct. I think it would break me.

Mine is simply cemented.

 

[Evo]

Mine is simply cemented.

Does that mean that you can sometimes make conscious decisions to hold it back. Or not at all?

 

[chubber]

Does that mean that you can sometimes make conscious decisions to hold it back. Or not at all?

Well I guess through the years, it was a conscience decision I made back then and it just became habit. As in, layer upon layer, cementing it. So I think I could break out of it, if I wanted to, but something would have to change, I guess.

Like [MENTION=18576]Sanjuro[/MENTION] mentioned. It is still up to the individual to make that conscience effort. There must be some other (external) influences at play to cause it to happen, if it does. It can't be as simple as, oh it's your instinct, you're a write-off.

 

[Halla74]

And that being said, are sx doms the most likely to cheat?

With so doms falling somewhere in the middle?

The primary motives for infidelity in any "normal" LTR are typically:

(1) For Men: Opportunity for novelty
(2) For Women: Feelings that her male partner is not emotionally present and/or supportive in her life.

Of course, (1) can be the primary motive of a woman seeking variety, and (2) above can be the motive of a committed but lonely man also.
Infidelity is not a relationship phenomena that has a causative/predictive relationship with any given individual's Enneagram instinctual variant.
This has far much more to do with overall relationship dynamics, and the individual psychological health of each partner in the relationship.



-Halla74

 

[Evo]

It can't be as simple as, oh it's your instinct, you're a write-off.

The primary motives for infidelity in any "normal" LTR are typically:

(1) For Men: Opportunity for novelty
(2) For Women: Feelings that her male partner is not emotionally present and/or supportive in her life.

Of course, (1) can be the primary motive of a woman seeking variety, and (2) above can be the motive of a committed but lonely man also.
Infidelity is not a relationship phenomena that has a causative/predictive relationship with any given individual's Enneagram instinctual variant.
This has far much more to do with overall relationship dynamics, and the individual psychological health of each partner in the relationship.



-Halla74

Yea, I hear you.

I know we're not defined by it or anything.

But it just makes me wonder if it's more difficult for another type, you know?

Like cheating doesn't even go through my mind when I'm with someone.

I just wonder how much it goes through other peoples' minds....and if it's maybe because they have more impulses or something...

 

[Chad of the OttomanEmpire]

This is interesting cause I really thought that "experimentation" and "restlessness" related with sx doms. That's why I figured it could play a factor.

I actually thought instincts out of all the typings, would make the most sense.

Maybe it's cause I really experience the influence of my instincts. It actually does feel out of my control....

hmmm....

Like I literally can't force myself to go against my sp instinct. I think it would break me.

Hmm. Well I feel compelled to do my sx-first stuff and can have difficulty dis-engaging. Nothing else feels important; I MUST continue researching this despite the fact that it's 3 am and I need to go to work in 4 hours.

But experimentation and restlessness do not necessarily have to be sexual in nature. For me, it's where my mental energy and outlook go, rather than any physical desire. I'd think conscience would override a potential compulsion to cheat (if it didn't, there's likely another issues). Usually, though, my instincts aren't focused on things that would create a moral dilemma.

 

[Evo]

I'd think conscience would override a potential compulsion to cheat

I think I agree with you here. It's not that I think we can use our instincts as an excuse.

But I'm more or less wondering, if maybe peoples' instincts give them different impulses.

Which I know those impulses don't have to be followed...

But for me, I don't get many impulses. Wondering if sx or so doms get more?

 

[1487610420]

IDK. Maybe. On the other hand, I feel like sp doms would also be the most likely to keep more than one viable option in hand as long as they could and string people along that way. Or cheat to preserve the emotional upper hand/sense of control.

+1 @bold

 

[OrangeAppled]

From an sp/sx 4 perspective, you generally don't cheat or leave if unhappy in a romantic relationship. You go masochist. You bear it. You endure. You think you do so quietly & patiently, but no. Your resentment & restlessness increasingly seeps through. You become difficult even as you withdraw & drive the other person away. The last straw may lead to viciously turning on them - shred them verbally, empty out a bank account, become punitive (and maybe that is where some sp may cheat), etc. Then you hate that person for awhile because you bore it, you were willing to endure, and they didn't do crap.

So yeah, an sp cheating would be sort of a power play - punishing, humiliating, ending it on your terms. In which case, confession or wanting to get caught would be high.

 

[chubber]

From an sp/sx 4 perspective, you generally don't cheat or leave if unhappy in a romantic relationship. You go masochist. You bear it. You endure. You think you do so quietly & patiently, but no. Your resentment & restlessness increasingly seeps through. You become difficult even as you withdraw & drive the other person away. The last straw may lead to viciously turning on them - shred them verbally, empty out a bank account, become punitive (and maybe that is where some sp may cheat), etc. Then you hate that person for awhile because you bore it, you were willing to endure, and they didn't do crap.

So yeah, an sp cheating would be sort of a power play - punishing, humiliating, ending it on your terms. In which case, confession or wanting to get caught would be high.

Sounds legit.

 

[Tomb1]

the "upstanding citizen" motiff attributed to SP-firsts (especially SP/SO) only means they compartmentalize their dark side...

 

[brainheart]

From an sp/sx 4 perspective, you generally don't cheat or leave if unhappy in a romantic relationship. You go masochist. You bear it. You endure. You think you do so quietly & patiently, but no. Your resentment & restlessness increasingly seeps through. You become difficult even as you withdraw & drive the other person away. The last straw may lead to viciously turning on them - shred them verbally, empty out a bank account, become punitive (and maybe that is where some sp may cheat), etc. Then you hate that person for awhile because you bore it, you were willing to endure, and they didn't do crap.

So yeah, an sp cheating would be sort of a power play - punishing, humiliating, ending it on your terms. In which case, confession or wanting to get caught would be high.

Er... yes. I've done this exactly.

 

[Froody Blue Gem]

Sp-dom here... I find something very repulsive and disturbing about cheating. It is insecurity inducing that someone would not be faithful and would just play around. Not 100% sure if it's a type exclusive thing but in the areas where it is, I admit I am biased based on the experience I have had so take what I say with a grain of salt...

Probably all instinctual sets and subsets are capable of cheating. If I ever found the special person, I would want to be loyal to only them and would deeply hope they would be the same to me. One thing I look for in a person is loyalty and fidelity. I am not sure if it's exclusively an sp-thing. I think sxes are more likely to experiment before settling down which could potentially lead to cheating but once they do find someone, they are very passionate towards that person (notably sx/sps.)

 

[Maou]

I have never cheated, and I am sp/so. If I get interested in someone else, I will break up with my current partner first. Then go be with that other person.

 

[Northern Lights]

I feel like unhealthy 7 sps are the most likely to cheat because of how hedonistic and sybaritic the type is.