[sx] Sx-last - your view on sx-doms?

[Amargith]

I wonder if the nature of the sx-instinct - that it basically focuses on the other person or on external things - causes discomfort for those that aren't thus inclined. I found that, despite being sp-last, I greatly look up to and value my sp-doms drive, as I too benefit from that, despite being so utterly bad in that stuff, and not prioritizing it myself at all. But I wonder if that is possible for those that are sx-last, with sx-doms, as it essentially demands you part take and would possibly frustrate the sx- dom that you aren't able to keep up. SP is focused on itself so it doesnt need the help of another.


Is my hunch correct, sx-last folks of MBTI? Are we too demanding and too taxing for you to deal with due to this?

 

[Amargith]

Wow..are we lacking in sx last members or something?

 

[Lady_X]

Haha it would seem so. I wonder if its apparent to people even. Do you think it is?

I
Mean I feel like I can tell because we're attuned to others energy in that way but if its not something one looks at would they know?

 

[pinkgraffiti]

[MENTION=5871]Southern Kross[/MENTION]

 

[Avocado]

I wonder if the nature of the sx-instinct - that it basically focuses on the other person or on external things - causes discomfort for those that aren't thus inclined. I found that, despite being sp-last, I greatly look up to and value my sp-doms drive, as I too benefit from that, despite being so utterly bad in that stuff, and not prioritizing it myself at all. But I wonder if that is possible for those that are sx-last, with sx-doms, as it essentially demands you part take and would possibly frustrate the sx- dom that you aren't able to keep up. SP is focused on itself so it doesnt need the help of another.


Is my hunch correct, sx-last folks of MBTI? Are we too demanding and too taxing for you to deal with due to this?

I am Sx-last...

Mostly, we view Sx-dom with a mixture of fear and admiration...
We fear you because of how much you contrast from what is "normal" and admire you because we usually desire the same--yet lack courage...

 

[Southern Kross]

I am Sx-last...

Mostly, we view Sx-dom with a mixture of fear and admiration...
We fear you because of how much you contrast from what is "normal" and admire you because we usually desire the same--yet lack courage...

Pretty much this.

Sx can be overwhelming and disconcerting but as I get older I'm not as bothered by that. I have often admired them but it's only the last few years where I'm more open to being around them. I can really enjoy the fire. I'm certainly not biased against them.

But then I'm a 4, so I like a little bit of drama and passion anyway.

Wow..are we lacking in sx last members or something?

No, but many are still in denial.

 

[Amargith]

I am Sx-last...

Mostly, we view Sx-dom with a mixture of fear and admiration...
We fear you because of how much you contrast from what is "normal" and admire you because we usually desire the same--yet lack courage...

Pretty much this.

Sx can be overwhelming and disconcerting but as I get older I'm not as bothered by that. I have often admired them but it's only the last few years where I'm more open to being around them. I can really enjoy the fire. I'm certainly not biased against them.

But then I'm a 4, so I like a little bit of drama and passion anyway.


No, but many are still in denial.

But does it bother you when an Sx-dom pulls you into the fold, however? Because sx is often about relationships, intense ones with others, it often becomes a dance. I notice that most often look at me like....how do I respond to that??? Even when the sx-dom does a solo performance, it often seems that some of the sx last are...uncomfortable or plain annoyed with it.

I guess what I'm asking next is - since sx is my primary and it is hard to gauge from a distance :

At what point does sx become too obnoxious, annoying and well..unhealthy? When I look at sp-doms, as an sp-last, I sometimes cannot help but smile and even sigh at their obsession with comfort, to the point where they dot Ts and Is that I just never would have fussed over as they are such small obstacles to overcome IF those circumstances even happen at all.

What does that concretely look like from the sx-last pov? When do you consider sx to be a welcome addition in what it does, a valuable contribution - even if you perhaps yourslef wouldnt bother still - and when does it cross over into obsession, where it becomes obnoxious and annoying to you and those people get stuck in their own fears and needs? What does that concretely look like? Any examples you'd like to share?

Iow, I'd love to hear anecdotes, concrete examples and the like on both sides - the good, and the bad.

 

[Southern Kross]

But does it bother you when an Sx-dom pulls you into the fold, however? Because sx is often about relationships, intense ones with others, it often becomes a dance. I notice that most often look at me like....how do I respond to that??? Even when the sx-dom does a solo performance, it often seems that some of the sx last are...uncomfortable or plain annoyed with it.

I guess what I'm asking next is - since sx is my primary and it is hard to gauge from a distance :

At what point does sx become too obnoxious, annoying and well..unhealthy? When I look at sp-doms, as an sp-last, I sometimes cannot help but smile and even sigh at their obsession with comfort, to the point where they dot Ts and Is that I just never would have fussed over as they are such small obstacles to overcome IF those circumstances even happen at all.

What does that concretely look like from the sx-last pov? When do you consider sx to be a welcome addition in what it does, a valuable contribution - even if you perhaps yourslef wouldnt bother still - and when does it cross over into obsession, where it becomes obnoxious and annoying to you and those people get stuck in their own fears and needs? What does that concretely look like? Any examples you'd like to share?

Iow, I'd love to hear anecdotes, concrete examples and the like on both sides - the good, and the bad.

I don't know, I feel like Sx-doms aren't all that interested in me. They aren't often pulling me in. I can remember one case where I was really, seriously bothered by it, but there was a cultural difference as well, which would have significantly contributed to it. I think people that just won't stop digging and pushing, when I'm clearly trying to back off, rather bothers me.

When Sx-doms get out of control and start going over the top, I mostly just sigh, roll my eyes, or laugh it off. I know it's just a overreaction, so I just wait for them to calm down. I do still listen, though. My sister is probably the Sx-dom I know best, and I've always been smoothing things over with others when she loses it over something ever since she was a kid. People often would laugh at how worked up she could get over something, and she hated that - and I really felt her pain at being so dismissed and ridiculed. The thing is in my culture, it's expected that people be pretty laid-back and mellow, so that kind of intensity isn't considered publicly appropriate. This just exacerbates the problems of being Sx.

I guess I also find that she gets very obsessive in her relationships, platonic and romantic. When I say romantic, she's only really had one boyfriend despite being 27, outgoing and attractive. I think she just doesn't feel attracted to most men. That relationship ended pretty horribly too. She was head over heels in love with him. She would have done anything for him. She put up with his personal BS, baggage and insecurities, which manifested in the most childish ways. She even went back to him after he cheated on her. I don't look down on that strength of feeling. You can't help feeling what you do, and she certainly wasn't obnoxious about rubbing it in people's faces. I tried to talk to her before she went back to him (after he cheated) and make her consider her decision carefully. But she didn't even get re-assurances from him that he would change (or even an admission of guilt! - which believe it or not, he never made!), before she took him back. He said he loved her and pleaded with her and that was enough. I'm not saying that she made the wrong decision (with the knowledge she had at the time), but I felt that she set herself up for a fall. She let her strength of feeling dictate the decision. She loved him and that was it. I don't blame her for it - he was an asshole and should never have treated her like that. But I think she didn't make a clear headed decision, and I suppose you see this a lot with Sx-doms.

 

[the state i am in]

my projection based on relationships with so/sp is that they find us, sx types, just really inconsistent. we don't put consistency and reciprocity and social contract above our whims, and at times we don't realize the difference between a whim and something that is true for us in a deeper way. sx is measured in urgency, so our sense of time distorts somewhat, and it can be difficult to balance short-term vs long-term. well-developed sp is what combats this (along with the literal skill of time management, using T to mark, measure, and moderate our attention and allow us to truly be aware of what is happening in both a broad and narrow, targeted sense).

i've found many so/sp types have an attraction/aversion to sx. they can both like being taken over by the desires of another, or they can be incredibly rigid in their boundaries and cut themselves off from the desires of others. sometimes oscillating back and forth in the extreme. they can struggle opening themselves up to others desires because they are at times uncomfortable with and somewhat disconnected from their own. they don't feel their own sx counterbalance. this can breed co-dependence.

i know for me, many of my most positive relationships, romantic and platonic, have been with so/sps. especially when they open up to themselves, feel their feelings, listen to their own desires and wait for and ultimately trust their own truth, truly get in touch with their own point of view, all the service they've often practiced becomes a skill through which they can truly give, something not a lot of people really know how to do. that influence has been one of the best things that i have encountered so far.

i think so/sp gets a bad rap. that the development of this path has so much to offer, even if, like all paths, there are some obstacles that people sometimes get stuck on. i think the book "the art of loving" by erich fromm reminds me of so/sp. anyway, it's true that sx sounds more provocative, but it's also often needlessly exhausting, and often quite wasteful. it's great in that it recognizes potential so profoundly, but acceptance and compassion come from a steadiness, a slow consistent process of digesting one's own experience of the relationship point of view, the so perspective, rather than strictly the motivated, active one. the sp provides objectivity and a willingness to let go of yourself to see things more nakedly, more sparsely.

 

[Azure Flame]

I wouldn't say So/Sp gets a bad rap.

I have no sort of clue what an so/sp is!

 

[garbage]

When taken too far, sx-man is the prosecutor, while the recipient is the dude on the witness stand who gets subjected to all sorts of polarizing, targeted questions (which are actually more like statements); twists of his answers to fit some agenda; and.. well, sheer pressure. J'accuse! As long as one learns to not play along, though, it's not so bad.

 

[Avocado]

When taken too far, sx-man is the prosecutor, while the recipient is the dude on the witness stand who gets subjected to all sorts of polarizing, targeted questions (which are actually more like statements); twists of his answers to fit some agenda; and.. well, sheer pressure. J'accuse! As long as one learns to not play along, though, it's not so bad.

My Sp is still a little underdeveloped...
I try and use it to please my mother, but I am always a little poor when it comes to execution...

 

[Lady_X]

When taken too far, sx-man is the prosecutor, while the recipient is the dude on the witness stand who gets subjected to all sorts of polarizing, targeted questions (which are actually more like statements); twists of his answers to fit some agenda; and.. well, sheer pressure. J'accuse! As long as one learns to not play along, though, it's not so bad.

really? that's new...is this an experience you've had personally? are you sx last?

 

[Avocado]

really? that's new...is this an experience you've had personally? are you sx last?

To Sx last, it generally seems that way...
I wonder if I am really Sp-Aux, at times...
I am horribly inept at chores...
I tend to get distracted and end up being browbeat later...

 

[Stansmith]

I wouldn't say So/Sp gets a bad rap.

I have no sort of clue what an so/sp is!

So/Sp is the grad school student who enjoys having career-related small talk with acquantinces at Starbucks. Kind of a Fe and Si-ish vibe.

 

[garbage]

really? that's new...is this an experience you've had personally? are you sx last?

I've definitely had those sorts of experiences. When it happens, I just kinda walk off the stand, because.. well, fuck being on the stand. I don't know if other sx-doms would even conceive of thinking that way about other sx-doms.

But those are typically fringe cases. For an example of what's closer to the norm--this conversation between the two of us. Here, you're are asking questions out of curiosity, attempting to understand a point of view, rather than asserting some polarized view and jumping to conclusions.

People peg me as sx-last, and I think it fits.

So/Sp is the grad school student who enjoys having career-related small talk with acquantinces at Starbucks. Kind of a Fe and Si-ish vibe.

I can totally see this being true.

 

[Amargith]

I wonder [MENTION=5578]bologna[/MENTION]

Do you experience being sx-last in some kind of way that is deficient? I mean, I know for instance that I suck at sp stuff, and those things do tend to pile up on me, getting in the way of things till I address them. Do you notice somethign similar being sx-last?

 

[FDG]

So/Sp is the grad school student who enjoys having career-related small talk with acquantinces at Starbucks. Kind of a Fe and Si-ish vibe.

Oh gawd I h8 those people with a passion

 

[Coriolis]

I've definitely had those sorts of experiences. When it happens, I just kinda walk off the stand, because.. well, fuck being on the stand. I don't know if other sx-doms would even conceive of thinking that way about other sx-doms.

But those are typically fringe cases. For an example of what's closer to the norm--this conversation between the two of us. Here, you're are asking questions out of curiosity, attempting to understand a point of view, rather than asserting some polarized view and jumping to conclusions.

Interesting. Even as sx-second, I can put people into those situations where I am essentially interrogating them. It is rarely to assert my own polarized view, as you put it, and much more about satisfying curiosity and trying to understand their point of view. Still, it can get very intense and adversarial, especially if they are not giving me the explanations I want, and I allow my frustration to get the better of me. Some people just don't do well trying to explain themselves, or don't see the need. (One thing that impressed me early on about my SO was how willing he was to sit there and engage with it, when he could easily have "walked off the stand".)

 

[garbage]

I wonder [MENTION=5578]bologna[/MENTION]

Do you experience being sx-last in some kind of way that is deficient?

One of my totally sx-dom family members likes to share her life story, complete with TMI, to complete strangers (e.g. sharing her life story to a friend of mine that she'd just met at her wedding). Her relationships are also very dramatic and roller-coastery. It's spelled bad news for her. She's one of those fringe cases.

Meanwhile, I used to have a hard time opening up to those close to me. I'd tended to be very reserved about keeping my world to myself.

So, I chose to learn to do the exact opposite. I open up to those closest to me; and I feel like my (so/sx) wife and I are a (more-than-)complete unit. I've ended up with a habit of being very lax about the boundaries between us--whether about finances or feelings--which is something that I'd never thought I could do. We're all the stronger for it, and that's a good thing.

There have been deficiencies involved, and I kicked the ones that I needed and wanted to. I still don't relate to overly-passionate drives. There's probably some detriment there, but if there is it's not obvious (yet).

Interesting. Even as sx-second, I can put people into those situations where I am essentially interrogating them. It is rarely to assert my own polarized view, as you put it, and much more about satisfying curiosity and trying to understand their point of view. Still, it can get very intense and adversarial, especially if they are not giving me the explanations I want, and I allow my frustration to get the better of me. Some people just don't do well trying to explain themselves, or don't see the need. (One thing that impressed me early on about my SO was how willing he was to sit there and engage with it, when he could easily have "walked off the stand".)

Oh yeah, there's a marked difference between assertive questions (and even statements) as probing and getting to know; and assertive questions as brick-wall, ten-ton hammer assertions. The former is something I actually like matching pound-for-pound in good conversation; the latter is the thing that makes me refuse to play. To engage in that is to talk to the chair sitting next to me--and not in a senile-yet-charming Clint Eastwood sort of way.

The latter? Well, my response can have somewhat of an "'Okaay, mom, I'll totally do the thing that you tell me to do ' and then not do that thing" quality to it.