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  1. #41
    Honeyed Water thoughtlost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One View Post
    Yeah I hate dancing in front of others as well. I feel like I always have an audience wherever I go, and I want my audience to enjoy what I'm doing.
    ...Well, I "feel" the audience too, but I seriously can't help it. I love love love to dance no matter where I am. I love the way my body feels when I am dancing. It's a pretty addictive feeling. I seriously could care less if you don't like my dancing as long as I am comfortable with it. ...Well I mean, I try to care, but I seriously seriously cannot help it and then I give up caring.

  2. #42
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thoughtlost View Post
    ...Well, I "feel" the audience too, but I seriously can't help it. I love love love to dance no matter where I am. I love the way my body feels when I am dancing. It's a pretty addictive feeling. I seriously could care less if you don't like my dancing as long as I am comfortable with it. ...Well I mean, I try to care, but I seriously seriously cannot help it and then I give up caring.
    Well if I could learn to dance well, then I would love the audience though.

  3. #43
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    For me, the way I experience feeling "seen" is just being very aware that I am seen.

    Sometimes it does manifest as being too anxious about judgment to act. On one of my earliest dates with my boyfriend, I was so nervous about eating messily in front of him that I barely ate at all. Ironically, he took that as me not liking the food or the restaurant, which was not true at all - I wanted to shove that chicken sandwich in my face! But I was so, so nervous of him seeing me be sloppy, and I have always had body image issues, so I shy very far from doing anything people might perceive as gluttonous.

    But other times, it manifests as purposefully being the one to break convention. Not long ago, my mom and I were waiting outside a fancy restaurant for the rest of our party to arrive. It was packed indoors and out, and there was nowhere left to sit. We'd been travelling for days and were both exhausted. She asked me if she thought it'd be all right if we sat on the curb, and I said absolutely. Just for reference, she - sp/so - was more hesitant than me. That could be attributed to any number of factors - her being FJ, her being 2w1, her being of an older and more conservative generation, etc. Regardless, I plopped right on down. The way I saw it, they didn't have any other seating, it was outside the establishment, and we chose a place that was out of everyone's way. It might have been unconventional, but it certainly wasn't hurting anyone, and if anyone was really upset about it, there are a lot more productive things they could be doing with that energy. I was very aware of what we were doing and how others might perceive it, but I also made the judgment call that it wasn't a "bad" action to take. And yes, I would have done it if I were alone, too.

    Even though I'm a Social 6, which is supposedly a sort of stuffy type, I'm still a little quirky and I own it. I generally dress how I feel like dressing, based on what I find aesthetic and what feels comfortable. I don't really like sitting on chairs unless they're big and squishy - for whatever reason I find standard sitting position fairly uncomfortable - and I seek out ledges and clean floor spaces and wide enough seats to sit cross-legged when I can. I don't think I've danced at the grocery store lately, but I used to twirl down all the aisles when I was little, I always get a kid's cookie, and I do tend to strike up informal games of hide-and-seek with my shopping partner.

    My point being, I don't think the variants necessarily force or repress behavior so much as they create higher levels of awareness of how your actions will impact a certain sphere, so you may be more or less likely to act because you understand the consequences of those actions more or less fully.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One
    Well I don't care if people agree with what I say, I just don't want to offend them.
    For me, in this thread, I don't want to post something that's not actually related to being a Social dom, so I try to do a quick analysis of whether or not the vast majority of Social dominants would agree with that statement. I do think that sort of scanning of everyone else is a Social-related habit!

    More saliently, I don't always need people to agree with me, but I do always want them to be able to understand what I'm saying. I alter my communication from pure self-expression to tailored language because I don't feel like there is any point in outward expression (besides catharsis, I suppose) if it's not able to be received by my intended audience.

    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart
    My social dom husband constantly monitors how what he or anyone else says comes across, and whether it alienates or includes people. [...] Then he will get irritated by what I say, thinking that I'm deliberately separating myself from the group or what have you. [...] I have a hard time seeing why honesty is more offensive than sugar-coating things. Sugar coating things drives me nuts.

    I know that what I'm saying could be interpreted as Fe vs Fi, but there is no way my husband is anything but an ESFP, so I can't help but conclude it's a social instinct issue. Once I realized this, and that the majority of our disagreements have to do with social instinct concerns, it became obvious that I'm social last.
    Ah, yes, I do this too. I actually didn't realize that some other people didn't do this until maybe a year or two ago. It's very natural to me. I think I'm a little hypersensitive because of 6 thought pattern tendencies (ie, constantly trying to prevent future problems), but I too have struggled some with monitoring the communication of my boyfriend and my mom especially, because sometimes one or the other side will say something that comes off poorly to the other, but I realize that it's not meant like that. The funny thing is how alike they are!

    Anyway, I actually love blunt people - I wouldn't say I'm for sugar-coating - I think I put a lot of thought into trying to understand the "cultures" of the parties in question, in terms of what is seen as acceptable and what is seen as not okay. I think some people's native "cultures" are very different and then a little smoothing can go far in terms of opening lines of communication.

  4. #44
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    @skylights, @Elfboy, @Lady X

    I have a hunch that people who friend every person they come across on Facebook and remain friends with everyone are SO. (I'm talking about the people who have like 2,000 friends on Facebook.) What say you? True? Sometimes true? Completely off-base?
    RobertCalifornia: TL thinks im black
    RobertCalifornia: shes my homegurl
    Hive: arent you
    SpankyMcfly: wait... you arent?

    thoughtlost: I am not really religious. I just like getting free stuff from churches.

  5. #45
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Honor View Post
    @skylights, @Elfboy, @Lady X

    I have a hunch that people who friend every person they come across on Facebook and remain friends with everyone are SO. (I'm talking about the people who have like 2,000 friends on Facebook.) What say you? True? Sometimes true? Completely off-base?
    Haha seems like it might be plausible.
    Fwiw I totally don't. I'm like who are you!? Oh we went to hs together?? Hmm... Yeah don't care... We weren't even really friends then so nope... Or... You're friends with my sister?? Oh okay... Still nope.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #46
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    Haha seems like it might be plausible.
    Fwiw I totally don't. I'm like who are you!? Oh we went to hs together?? Hmm... Yeah don't care... We weren't even really friends then so nope... Or... You're friends with my sister?? Oh okay... Still nope.
    lol! I can see where you're coming from. I post all kinds of private sentiments on Facebook because it's generally people I know quite well, so I would feel uncomfortable with every person I've ever met intruding to say the least.
    RobertCalifornia: TL thinks im black
    RobertCalifornia: shes my homegurl
    Hive: arent you
    SpankyMcfly: wait... you arent?

    thoughtlost: I am not really religious. I just like getting free stuff from churches.

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by Honor View Post
    @skylights, @Elfboy, @Lady X

    I have a hunch that people who friend every person they come across on Facebook and remain friends with everyone are SO. (I'm talking about the people who have like 2,000 friends on Facebook.) What say you? True? Sometimes true? Completely off-base?
    I've seen people I'd type as sx/so do that, but I couldn't see any social-lasts with that many.

    And I think social-firsts can be the opposite way, too. I'm pretty sure that I'm so/sx, and before I deleted my Facebook, I was really deliberate about friending people because I was worried about potential irl repercussions.

  8. #48
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    @Honor yeah it probably often is. I ran through my FB account and jotted down averages for people whose stackings I felt I had a pretty good feel for... here's what I got:

    so/sp 1,000
    so/sp 900
    so/sp 800
    so/sp 700
    so/sp 500
    so/sp 200

    mean 683
    n 6

    so/sx 1,500
    so/sx 1,400
    so/sx 1,300
    so/sx 1,000
    so/sx 800
    so/sx 700
    so/sx 500*
    so/sx 300

    mean 937
    n 8

    sp/so 800
    sp/so 700
    sp/so 600
    sp/so 500
    sp/so 400
    sp/so 300
    sp/so 200
    sp/so 100

    mean 450
    n 8

    sp/sx 2,500
    sp/sx 500
    sp/sx 300

    mean 1100
    w/o outlier 400
    n 3 ; 2

    sx/sp 500
    sx/sp 400
    sx/sp 100
    sx/sp 100

    mean 275
    n 4

    sx/so 1,400
    sx/so 1,000
    sx/so 700
    sx/so 500
    sx/so 300
    sx/so 100

    mean 667
    n 6


    *me

  9. #49
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    @Honor yeah it probably often is. I ran through my FB account and jotted down averages for people whose stackings I felt I had a pretty good feel for... here's what I got:

    so/sp 1,000
    so/sp 900
    so/sp 800
    so/sp 700
    so/sp 500
    so/sp 200

    mean 683
    n 6

    so/sx 1,500
    so/sx 1,400
    so/sx 1,300
    so/sx 1,000
    so/sx 800
    so/sx 700
    so/sx 500*
    so/sx 300

    mean 937
    n 8

    sp/so 800
    sp/so 700
    sp/so 600
    sp/so 500
    sp/so 400
    sp/so 300
    sp/so 200
    sp/so 100

    mean 450
    n 8

    sp/sx 2,500
    sp/sx 500
    sp/sx 300

    mean 1100
    w/o outlier 400
    n 3 ; 2

    sx/sp 500
    sx/sp 400
    sx/sp 100
    sx/sp 100

    mean 275
    n 4

    sx/so 1,400
    sx/so 1,000
    sx/so 700
    sx/so 500
    sx/so 300
    sx/so 100

    mean 667
    n 6


    *me
    This is great!

    However, I analysed your data and found (t-student) no significant difference between so-doms, sp-doms and sx-doms

  10. #50
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    @Honor yeah it probably often is. I ran through my FB account and jotted down averages for people whose stackings I felt I had a pretty good feel for... here's what I got:

    so/sp 1,000
    so/sp 900
    so/sp 800
    so/sp 700
    so/sp 500
    so/sp 200

    mean 683
    n 6

    so/sx 1,500
    so/sx 1,400
    so/sx 1,300
    so/sx 1,000
    so/sx 800
    so/sx 700
    so/sx 500*
    so/sx 300

    mean 937
    n 8

    sp/so 800
    sp/so 700
    sp/so 600
    sp/so 500
    sp/so 400
    sp/so 300
    sp/so 200
    sp/so 100

    mean 450
    n 8

    sp/sx 2,500
    sp/sx 500
    sp/sx 300

    mean 1100
    w/o outlier 400
    n 3 ; 2

    sx/sp 500
    sx/sp 400
    sx/sp 100
    sx/sp 100

    mean 275
    n 4

    sx/so 1,400
    sx/so 1,000
    sx/so 700
    sx/so 500
    sx/so 300
    sx/so 100

    mean 667
    n 6


    *me
    skylights, you are so awesome! i'm going to do this too
    RobertCalifornia: TL thinks im black
    RobertCalifornia: shes my homegurl
    Hive: arent you
    SpankyMcfly: wait... you arent?

    thoughtlost: I am not really religious. I just like getting free stuff from churches.

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