[so] You know you´re a Social dom when...

[Stansmith]

I thought not being conscious of what others are doing was an extraverted thing, I never realized that it was a social variant thing. I've been dancing in public (like while shopping ...and I am not a good dancer) ever since I knew how to walk. I'm usually the first person in a group to get up and get food instead of doing that stupid awkward thing where everyone waits until the first person gets up.

How did you conclude that it was an expression of being So-last?

It makes sense. They're always focused on doing their own thing and have a sort of tunnel vision when it comes to that stuff.

 

[Lady_X]

I thought not being conscious of what others are doing was an extraverted thing, I never realized that it was a social variant thing. I've been dancing in public (like while shopping ...and I am not a good dancer) ever since I knew how to walk. I'm usually the first person in a group to get up and get food instead of doing that stupid awkward thing where everyone waits until the first person gets up.

How did you conclude that it was an expression of being So-last?

Haha I dance in the grocery store too!

 

[thoughtlost]

Haha I dance in the grocery store too!

FUCKIN' GOOD! I tend to like it that no one else does so... it doesn't start off that way, though. I just hate repressing my inner desires when they bubble up xD

 

[SpankyMcFly]

Here's one:

Even when you don't get along with someone or break up with someone, you still want to leave things on good terms so everyone can co-exist in the same group.

Good one! I often finding myself trying to turn people who may not like me into ¨neutrals¨. Gotta keep open a line of communication. Who knows they may see the ¨error¨ of their ways

 

[SpankyMcFly]

When you feel discouraged after the group you're with casts a bit of judgment on you.

I find myself searching for the lowest common denominator and work from there.

 

[Honor]

Good one! I often finding myself trying to turn people who may not like me into ¨neutrals¨. Gotta keep open a line of communication. Who knows they may see the ¨error¨ of their ways

Exactly! Or they may become helpful in some other capacity in the future.

 

[Sunny Ghost]

I feel incredibly or subtly self-conscious when doing things like eating in public or even pulling out a book on the subway as if everyone around me is watching me vigilantly as I do it, whereas I'd imagine So-lasts being completely oblivious to this feeling.

I can't relate to anything that anyone has listed except this. Perhaps it's less an SO thing, and more of a self awareness thing. I've known very socially acclimated type to still be oblivious to certain behaviors of their own.

 

[brainheart]

I thought not being conscious of what others are doing was an extraverted thing, I never realized that it was a social variant thing. I've been dancing in public (like while shopping ...and I am not a good dancer) ever since I knew how to walk. I'm usually the first person in a group to get up and get food instead of doing that stupid awkward thing where everyone waits until the first person gets up.

How did you conclude that it was an expression of being So-last?

My social dom husband constantly monitors how what he or anyone else says comes across, and whether it alienates or includes people. I, on the other hand, am completely oblivious about this. Then he will get irritated by what I say, thinking that I'm deliberately separating myself from the group or what have you. But I just don't notice. I have a hard time seeing why honesty is more offensive than sugar-coating things. Sugar coating things drives me nuts.

I know that what I'm saying could be interpreted as Fe vs Fi, but there is no way my husband is anything but an ESFP, so I can't help but conclude it's a social instinct issue. Once I realized this, and that the majority of our disagreements have to do with social instinct concerns, it became obvious that I'm social last.

 

[FDG]

I feel like people are gonna judge the book I'm reading or analyze all of my micro movements.

And? What kind of practical damage does that cause?

 

[Stansmith]

My social dom husband constantly monitors how what he or anyone else says comes across, and whether it alienates or includes people. I, on the other hand, am completely oblivious about this. Then he will get irritated by what I say, thinking that I'm deliberately separating myself from the group or what have you.But I just don't notice. I have a hard time seeing why honesty is more offensive than sugar-coating things. Sugar coating things drives me nuts.

I know that what I'm saying could be interpreted as Fe vs Fi, but there is no way my husband is anything but an ESFP, so I can't help but conclude it's a social instinct issue. Once I realized this, and that the majority of our disagreements have to do with social instinct concerns, it became obvious that I'm social last.

I don't see myself doing that honestly, or even noticing. I'm too concerned with how I look to pay attention to how a friend or significant other does, for better or worse. I only get mad if we're close and you're bringing up my personal business around others (my parents do this ALOT).



I've entertained the idea of bringing a friend into another group a couple of times like a stereotypical So/Sx, but never persistently. I'm content with keeping my 'friends' separate 99% of the time.

 

[Stansmith]

And? What kind of practical damage does that cause?

I'm just very self conscious about how I come off or present myself. I feel like people can just sum me up as a person by looking at me or what I'm doing.

 

[brainheart]

I don't see myself doing that honestly, or even noticing. I'm too concerned with how I look to pay attention to how a friend or significant other does, for better or worse. I only get mad if we're close and you're bringing up my personal business around others (my parents do this ALOT).

Well if you're a 3w4 or 4w3 this makes more sense. Social sixes are focused on the group and being part of it- I am my group. Social fours feel like they are outside of the group and defective because they aren't like the others- I am not the group (but I kind of wish I was). Social threes want to be admired by everyone- I am better than the group (but I'm worthless if the group doesn't admire me).

I've entertained the idea of bringing a friend into another group a couple of times like a stereotypical So/Sx, but never persistently. I'm content with keeping my 'friends' separate 99% of the time.

I think what you do is more stereotypical so/sx. There's the work group, the friends who like this group, the friends who like that group, there's the family group, etc.

 

[FDG]

I'm just very self conscious about how I come off or present myself. I feel like people can just sum me up as a person by looking at me or what I'm doing.

And? What happens when they sum you up, again from a practical point of view? Nothing...

 

[Lady_X]

And? What happens when they sum you up, again from a practical point of view? Nothing...

that's my thought too. like who are they anyway? i never agreed to give someone the power to determine my worth. or decide if what i do is acceptable.

i sooo don't get it!!

 

[tinker683]

When you find sx-doms chasing after you, hands and arms outstretched, wanting to grab and do stuff to you?

Or am I the only one who does this?

 

[Galena]

I'm just very self conscious about how I come off or present myself. I feel like people can just sum me up as a person by looking at me or what I'm doing.

Do you catch yourself summing people up via the details yourself? I do.

 

[thoughtlost]

My social dom husband constantly monitors how what he or anyone else says comes across, and whether it alienates or includes people. I, on the other hand, am completely oblivious about this. Then he will get irritated by what I say, thinking that I'm deliberately separating myself from the group or what have you. But I just don't notice. I have a hard time seeing why honesty is more offensive than sugar-coating things. Sugar coating things drives me nuts.

I know that what I'm saying could be interpreted as Fe vs Fi, but there is no way my husband is anything but an ESFP, so I can't help but conclude it's a social instinct issue. Once I realized this, and that the majority of our disagreements have to do with social instinct concerns, it became obvious that I'm social last.

Interesting... I never intentionally try to make people feel uncomfortable around me, but I am very honest with my awkwardness and the thoughts that are going on inside my head. Any way, I can see how this could confuse people (and have them think it'a an Fe vs. Fi thing when it may not be). It's just that I never saw it as alienating another person (or even a group of people... I never intentionally put myself amongst a group of people). My boss once called me out on my behavior because she was worried about the things I'd say in front of a group and a former coworker of mine tried to tell me that certain things I say make her feel uncomfortable sometimes. ...It just made me angry because it's like she said I can't be honest with myself. =/

Thanks for clearing that up for me!

 

[Stansmith]

Do you catch yourself summing people up via the details yourself? I do.

A little bit. I find I don't tend to put people against the same standards I put myself. I might think someone's a poor dresser, but what does it matter when they're happier, naturally likeable and more well-adjusted than me.

 

[The Great One]

WTF?!! I can literally relate to everything that is being said in this thread. How the fuck can I be social last?

...in a group situation and someone says-does something that alienates several listeners with no solution offered and you feel the urge to mediate or offer an alternative perspective to ease the tension of the group.

Those Sx people have their thread. About time we had ours!

Yeah, I do this, but I thought that this was just Fe's attempt to not offend the group?

When one pauses to consider whether all of the other Social doms will agree with their statement before posting here.

Well I don't care if people agree with what I say, I just don't want to offend them.

When you're in a quiet classroom, the professor hasn't come in yet, and you're sort of wondering why people aren't socializing.

Yeah, I do this. I'm not sure if I do it because I'm just bored and just want to do something though.

Here's one:

Even when you don't get along with someone or break up with someone, you still want to leave things on good terms so everyone can co-exist in the same group.

Yes this is very true for me. For instance I have this ENTP friend and he loves to hang out with INFJ friend of ours. The INFJ friend is very passive aggressive and constantly pisses me off but I stand him strictly for the sake of being able to hang out with the ENTP friend though. I basically just don't want to lose the ENTP friend because of me pissing off the INFJ friend. The ENTP friend is probably my best friend in the whole world.

 

[The Great One]

I thought not being conscious of what others are doing was an extraverted thing, I never realized that it was a social variant thing. I've been dancing in public (like while shopping ...and I am not a good dancer) ever since I knew how to walk. I'm usually the first person in a group to get up and get food instead of doing that stupid awkward thing where everyone waits until the first person gets up.

How did you conclude that it was an expression of being So-last?

Yeah I hate dancing in front of others as well. I feel like I always have an audience wherever I go, and I want my audience to enjoy what I'm doing.