I think though that for much of my life I haven't been the healthiest example. That, and/or the introversion really skews the so-dom-ness, makes me more neurotic about social things, with some of the push-pull mentioned in the OP.
I can 'turn it on' and fit in if I focus. Be more chatty - BUT - in an asking-questions way, getting others to open up/share -- not a divulging-sharing way where I'm doing so.
I think for me the push-pull ties to a)Social anxiety (which, tbh, I think is a huge reason I'm so-dom -- I'm so preoccupied / aware of whether or not I 'fit in' or not) ; b)My simply not feeling I have much in common with a given group of people or whatnot, thus little perceived ability to make any meaningful connections. So I can tend to isolate myself as a result. It's a lifelong challenge/ learning thing. I'm not going to pretend I have a big social group, because I don't, but I do really value / desire the notion of having a group, a sense of community and belonging/ shared interests and values, even if I haven't really ever had one. It's weird. I could probably write more but am not sure what to focus on.
"...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce
I think a difference between extroverted So's and introverted So's is the need to make that initial engagement. I believe an extrovert will want to do so a lot more often than the introvert out of simple boredom? need to share? Whereas an introvert will weigh things out before making the decision to spend so much energy engaging in socializing with a particular group.
i.e. is this group interesting? are they fun? what can I do for them? can I be useful? Perhaps this perspective on my introverted So'ness is a function of my type + So. I dunno but I do wonder...
Here's how it works for me. I LOVE being alone, but if something intrigues me well enough I'll go get involved. When I get involved, I REALLY get involved. I have to be the center of attention for that short time I'm around people. It's a way for me to control what's happening around me and I like putting on a show. When I'm done, I'm really done. I'll go the next three days huddled in my bed reading or drawing. I'm fully capable of interactions with people, I just kind of use it selfishly. Sometimes I like to just sit and play with people to see how they'll respond to what I'm saying or I'll pick their brain. If I feel no connection or I'm uncomfortable, I can't do it. I'll leave. I have to be comfortable.
Originally Posted by NKC
I wonder if other social introverts have the problem where you make friends, only to piss them off by dropping off the face of the earth or only wanting to hang out minus the ways they're accustomed to. (Parties, Bars, etc). Push-pull is an understatement.
I'm a fan of this thread. For sure will be lurking(reading) ^.^
I'm a big flake. I hate being expected to always hang out with people, but then I go from "leave me alone" to "WAZZUPPP?!"
Most of my friends know not to be offended if I don't respond to "whats up" texts or if I don't want to hang out. I try to make sure that they know I care while trying to be left alone as well.
Originally Posted by MacGuffin
ayoitsStepho is becoming someone else. Actually her true self, a rite of passage.