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  1. #41
    brainheart
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    Double post

  2. #42
    brainheart
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One View Post
    @brainheart

    But the point here is that you STILL do crave that intimacy with another human being though.
    True. Very much so. But that craving is picky and difficult to satisfy.

    @skylights:

    I didn't understand that Social could be involved in connections/bonding, too, perhaps even more so than Sexual, and that Sexual was more about within than between, more about looking at one another than being with one another - and I definitely still feel a strong degree of relation to the Sexual instinct.
    Yes. My husband is so/sx and he is way more into bonding/connecting than me. I am too distant and very off/on. My intensity is usually turned inward which is difficult for others to see a lot of the time (although I can definitely tell when my 'on' becomes too much for someone, it feels like they close their blinds to block out my overwhelming rays. My on can feel like too much to me too, but if it's happening sometimes it takes awhile for the clouds to move in). I spend a lot of time analyzing our relationship and agonizing over it, although he has no clue, because I withdraw. I feel things extremely strongly, be those feelings positive or negative. Because his so/sx nature is more expansive, there is an openness to him (he seems more constantly 'on'), while I'm more intense bursts then silence.

    As far as 'being with' goes, I think social/sexual likes lots of quality time, while the sx first doesn't need as much time, but they are constantly evaluating/monitoring the energy created (or lacking) when together- the standards are higher, so there is a greater chance of disappointment or elation. It isn't that the sexual first doesn't value being with the other, it's just a different orientation.

  3. #43
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    rape

  4. #44
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    @skylights

    Theoretically - and I see this play out, I think - it should be with anything that can serve as stimulation and provide feelings of risk and reward. Artistic performance, physical engagement, and so on...

    Though perhaps personal relationships tend to be the most stimulating because of how incredibly dynamic and responsive people are, and how much the chemistry of attraction heightens feeling.
    I definitely agree with the bolded.

    @Sanjuro

    That's cool. I still think I am what I say I am, but you go ahead and continue researching. Happy investigating!
    Yeah, I'm just trying to understand the sx variant as accurately and as thoroughly as possible.

    @Webslinger

    I hit on so/sx after claiming sx/so for a while by following @skylights's same journey, who questioned her stacking at about the same time.

    so/sx/sp is believable to me because that's the way my priorities play out when I'm in action.
    I vibe like an so/sx. However, I've noticed the interaction and intensity styles of the so/sx, and I don't fit them at all.

    I've found that the so/sx types tend to have small little clicks that they hang out with. The clicks are generally composed of about 3-10 people. They tend to almost identify themselves through the clicks and tend to share all of their thoughts and feelings with these clicks. To tell the truth, I think that the so/sx variant stacking is almost best personified by the show, "How I Met Your Mother". I think most of the characters in that show are so/sx anyway. The characters in the show go everywhere together with their clicks, constantly hang out with their clicks, and identify themselves through their click. I almost feel like the so/sx people view their clicks as "one-big-happy-family".

    The interesting thing is that I don't relate to the so/sx at all. In fact I believe myself to be an sx dom, and probably sx/sp. Now people on this site constantly tell me things like, "You're just a wanna-be sx dom" and "You only wanna be an sx dom because you think that it mistakenly makes you more sexy or that it means that you have more swag". The truth is that I don't want to be an sx dom, and I kind of hate being an sx dom. Let me give you an example.

    In the spring semester of this college year, I met a girl that I used to talk to all the time in class. The woman was absolutely gorgeous and I had an almost instant connection with her. I damn near felt a concrete bond with the girl that almost couldn't be broken. Whenever I would be around the woman I would get this really hot feeling like I was on fire, but in a good way. The woman made me feel complete, and I never even looked at other women when I was around her. I never told her how I felt about her because I knew she was engaged.

    Anyway, so I didn't see her at all during the summer semester so I assumed that she dropped out. However, yesterday was the beginning of our fall semester and I started back to school that day. I went to the student lounge and there she was sitting in the corner. I thought that I was over the girl, but all she had to do was come up to me again, say my name, then give me a big hug and I was hooked on her again. I instantly felt that instant bond, that chemistry, and that connection with the woman. However, after we chatted for a bit and caught up, I realized how amazing it felt to be around her, and I then went into an instant depression because I knew that she made me feel complete, but yet I could never have her. This was the ultimate in sadness for me. If I see her again, and she wants to talk again, I'm probably gonna just gonna have to tell her how I feel about her. Then, I'm gonna have to tell her that I just can't stand to be around her because it's just too damn painful.

    Now I realize that this doesn't necessarily qualify me as an sx dom, but things like this always happen to me. I can literally fall in love with a woman in just a day or a matter of days and it's a big problem for me. I attach to people in a lightning-fast way, like an sx dom and I hate it. Most people don't attach this way, and I often have to try my damndest to hold back my feelings for them because otherwise I would scare the absolute hell out of most girls. I really wish that I was sx second to tell the truth. If I was sx second, I could attach in a more "normal" way and not terrify so many women, but at the same time I could still reap the benefits of sx. The sx position in the first slot, is just too powerful and I feel that it scares every woman that I ever care about away, except for other sx doms.
    @Stansmith

    I think that @Elfboy has a list of activities that are associated with all of the variants. Please post this Elfboy.

    Anyway the lists shopping under a self pres activity, texting people as a SO activity, hobbies is probably up for grabs, working out is both a SP and SX activity, and hanging out is an SO activity.

  5. #45
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mia. View Post
    That was an actual conversation, yes. I've since come to the realization he's sp/so, though, but close enough. hehe
    See I just don't understand people like that.

  6. #46
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    @The Great One

    I actually do feel pretty attached to certain girls in the way you describe. And I have trouble with my So-instinct, so I'm never really "in" with the group but can tag along anyway.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Stansmith View Post
    @The Great One

    I actually do feel pretty attached to certain girls in the way you describe. And I have trouble with my So-instinct, so I'm never really "in" with the group but can tag along anyway.
    However the question is, "How long does it take you to get this attached though"?

  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One View Post
    However the question is, "How long does it take you to get this attached though"?
    Relatively quickly. There are just certain types of girls that just sort of do it for me, especially ones with good taste and come off as independent.

    The main difference between me and Sx-firsts is that in a group setting, I'll be focused on the general conversation, while I'm guessing Sx types will be in their little corner with whoever they deem especially interesting. Sometimes I socialize the Sx-way, but I'm more So around people I'm not that close to.

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    @skylights:

    Yes. My husband is so/sx and he is way more into bonding/connecting than me. I am too distant and very off/on. My intensity is usually turned inward which is difficult for others to see a lot of the time (although I can definitely tell when my 'on' becomes too much for someone, it feels like they close their blinds to block out my overwhelming rays. My on can feel like too much to me too, but if it's happening sometimes it takes awhile for the clouds to move in). I spend a lot of time analyzing our relationship and agonizing over it, although he has no clue, because I withdraw. I feel things extremely strongly, be those feelings positive or negative. Because his so/sx nature is more expansive, there is an openness to him (he seems more constantly 'on'), while I'm more intense bursts then silence.

    As far as 'being with' goes, I think social/sexual likes lots of quality time, while the sx first doesn't need as much time, but they are constantly evaluating/monitoring the energy created (or lacking) when together- the standards are higher, so there is a greater chance of disappointment or elation. It isn't that the sexual first doesn't value being with the other, it's just a different orientation.
    Yes, like it's on a different "plane". Like we're measuring two sometimes overlapping but sometimes not sets of variables.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One View Post
    I've found that the so/sx types tend to have small little clicks that they hang out with. The clicks are generally composed of about 3-10 people. They tend to almost identify themselves through the clicks and tend to share all of their thoughts and feelings with these clicks. To tell the truth, I think that the so/sx variant stacking is almost best personified by the show, "How I Met Your Mother". I think most of the characters in that show are so/sx anyway. The characters in the show go everywhere together with their clicks, constantly hang out with their clicks, and identify themselves through their click. I almost feel like the so/sx people view their clicks as "one-big-happy-family".
    This is a good observation. Just personally, I feel like I have a lot of overlapping little "circles" (basically the same thing, but that's how I've always thought of them). One would be my nuclear family... my little group of friends from high school... friends from college in my sorority... friends from college in my dorm... etc. I almost think of it like atoms and their electron clouds - people tend to travel in certain groups, but they also bounce from group to group, and some tend to be mostly independent. I agree that they tend to be 3-10 people. Anything smaller is just a 1-on-1 relationship and anything much larger looses ability to be personal.

    One of the elements of myself I used to believe was telling of sx/so - but is probably more telling of so/sx - is that I feel individual relationships amplified by group functioning. When in a group, I am very aware of how to say or do things to make any individual feel particularly appreciated, and that is very pleasing to me. I love going out socially with my boyfriend in part because I enjoy doting on him in the greater context - a demonstration of how amongst all these people, he is the most important to me. That does not always mean he is the one who most draws my eyes or energy, but there is something soothing and grounding about him that I love to return to. And it is not to the detriment of the group - ideally, all people will have "subgroups" that are best suited to them - if you've ever gone out on a double date before, you should understand what I mean - how you can appreciate that each person has that coupling they're better off in, but you can all enjoy spending time together. It's a very comfortable, probably very Social feeling of knowing your place and reveling in your place, and having everyone else in their place too. The idea is not to pigeonhole but that there is a happy, comfortable, satisfying, fulfilling something for everyone - there is space for everyone if everyone finds their place.

    In any case, to elaborate on identity, I find some degree of identity through those groups, but it's more of a functional identity than it is derived from the group itself. In other words, I see myself in roles as a girlfriend, a mom, a daughter, a sorority sister, a humanitarian, an event organizer, a leader, and so on, and I feel a strong resonance with those roles. It's not so much about the exact people themselves as it is about the nature of the relationships. In many of the groups I associate with, people come and go, but I feel the allegiance to the nebulous idea of the group because of what the group stands for - love, goodness, friendship, fun, generosity, citizenship, etc. Which is not to say that sometimes I don't love the people, and sometimes I love the people more than the group. They're different elements and can't be conflated.

    In other words, I don't think the Social instinct is always about people as much as it is about relationships, and relationships can be important because of the people or they can be important because of the relationship. (Consider a person's chosen job, for example - often certain people gravitate towards certain careers because they are particularly drawn to certain types of roles).

    Anyway the lists shopping under a self pres activity, texting people as a SO activity, hobbies is probably up for grabs, working out is both a SP and SX activity, and hanging out is an SO activity.
    In general, yes, I would agree. At the same time, I think that one can come at an activity for a number of reasons. I understand how shopping could be Social. It's sort of a low-key interaction activity, where you're around a lot of people and can observe trends and flux, but you can to choose where and when to directly interact if you desire to. I assume @Stansmith is talking about more recreational shopping, as opposed to shopping for necessities, which would indeed be more Self-Pres aligned. Along the same vein, you can see working out fulfilling the core desires of any of the variants. It attends to SP taking care of one's body, SX getting energy flowing, and could feasibly attend to SO wanting to be someone who works out, or simply being with/around others while working out.

  10. #50
    Stansmith
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    I work out to increase my attractiveness and shop alot so that I can keep up appearances/always have something different and distinctive to wear. I see it as more of an (expensive) hobby/creative outlet nowadays.

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