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  1. #31
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    @AntiheroComplex

    Sometimes I don't even chase. It just happens...like in the long story I vomited above, regarding how I got into trouble with my type 1 sp/so friend this week over a guy she'd liked for two months.

    If I do chase, it's sort of unconscious, a side effect of repeatedly putting myself in fun or exciting situations that may or may not lead elsewhere. Maybe I do, a little. I don't think I chase for love, though, it'd be for the high. (Maybe I would chase for "love" if my experiences with it had been better? Something about that idea still makes me feel yucky, though.)

    Nonetheless, I can't argue with anything else in your paragraph. It's pretty much bang-on.
    Well if this high and excitement is not from love then what else could it be from? What causes all of this excitement that you have?

    Perhaps it could be phrased like this: all sx-doms seek to bond intensely with someone or something other than themselves, but not all who seek intense bonds are sx-dom. Something like that, maybe?
    I agree that sx doms need to bond intensely with someone. I have heard that the intense bond can also be with just "something" but I'm not sure I believe it. In fact, I am still investigating that right now. If this is true though, I believe that it's extremely rare.

  2. #32
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    @brainheart

    For the 4w5 and the 5w4, all of these issues are combined. A sexual four feels their dominant instinctual flaws acutely and hopes their ideal someone will seek them out, while a sexual five thinks that if they know more about their sexual instinctual urges they will then be able to partake in them, but those urges/ the needs of the love interest can also feel overwhelming.

    If you'd like a personal example, a fellow 4w5 sx/sp friend and I talk about how we are oversensitive to sexual feeling. Sometimes it can make for the most divine of sacred experiences, but usually it plays out as feeling like the needs of our lovers are too much and that their caresses feel exploitive and dangerous. We have both wondered if we were sexually violated when we were younger but blocked it out of our minds, but we also both know we weren't, that it's just how our neuroticisms operate. Fours and fives are both avoidant* types as well. So there is a lot of withdrawing and avoiding, even in sexual doms.
    But the point here is that you STILL do crave that intimacy with another human being though.
    @Sanjuro

    Come on, man. Your research on this board is only one *limited* set of responses, not necessarily representative of the larger population, and many people may actually be mistyped.

    Anyway, now you're talking about "getting close to people"--I assume you mean in an emotional or psychological way--but you started out telling me I wasn't a sx-first because you don't seem to think I have enough sex/limerence--and hopefully we can both agree that the sx instinct revolves around a lot more than sex.

    So...you're just gonna have to hit me with a better argument. I currently see no reason to move off my current stacking.
    Ok so I'm starting to believe that my initial theory that people that don't like sex are sx last was wrong. Everyone likes sex. However, the fact that you still don't crave intimacy in general kind of makes me think that you're sexual last, but I could be wrong. I'm now doing a more thorough investigation into the variants.

  3. #33
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AntiheroComplex View Post
    If you originally typed yourself as sx-dom, how did you come to change your mind about it? What made you realize or feel as though you're so-dom instead? I think that would make a very interesting/enlightening contribution to the conversation.
    Well, @Starry on here was the first one to really point it out to me and say, no, I don't think that's right, and she said it in a way that I could relate to. If she sees this and has some extra time to write then I'd welcome her thoughts on why she knew I wasn't sx/so. I would love to post part of her PM to me, I'll have to ask her for permission first - but I think I'd be all right to paraphrase that basically she observed that I tend to pull in archetypes and universals into relating in the intimate realm, but basically that I tend to start with the big realm and move from there into the intimate one, and that's not really sx energy. I had attributed that previously to Ne, but she made some other really good related points, and that made me start exploring and wondering.

    Since I was as young as I can remember, I was searching for the perfect something to "complete" me, I have experienced strong limerence and heartache, and tend to feel very deep bonds with things, so for those reasons I really thought I was sx/so, first prioritizing the connections then prioritizing the group. It was in part a misunderstanding of definition - I didn't understand that Social could be involved in connections/bonding, too, perhaps even more so than Sexual, and that Sexual was more about within than between, more about looking at one another than being with one another - and I definitely still feel a strong degree of relation to the Sexual instinct.

    Regardless, at one point, I read this REALLY excellent entry on the variants. What got me was the very, very bottom post - "Posted by DigitalCrash – 09 Apr 2008 : 2:56:06 PM" - where the instincts were likened to forms of energy - sx/chemical, so/mechanical, and sp/potential. I'm not really much one to associate with "mechanical" anything - it conjures images of wrenches and me staring confused at large engines - but it was this:

    Therefore, the social type focuses on society as a whole, and… well… social problems. That is – your job, your school, whether you have homework to do, whether you don’t have homework to do, how well are you doing in life, how well are other people doing in life, how well are you doing in life compared to how other people are doing in life, your role, etc.

    It compells you to desire to interact with others, and focus on the interactions between you and others, as well as the interaction between you and… things even. It’s a thought that’s very… gear-like. Very… mechanic.

    There’s always movement. They are aware of also the interactions between others and others, and others and the environment as well as themselves and others and themselves and the environment. It’s being aware of interactions in general. How everything interacts with each other. That’s what makes it very gear-like. One gear affects another, and their aware of how they can harm and help this whole entire process (of interacting with others and stuff).

    When they lose someone, they feel that a gear was just lost. They can’t interact with it anymore, and it’s gone. That something’s missing (and they know what it is).

    Sx-firsts, on the other hand, aren’t as aware of the interactions between them and others and the environment, rather… their more aware of the chemistry. So while the so-firsts are more “mechanical”, the sx-firsts are more “chemical”.

    Focusing on sx-first issues involve: Am I close to my gf/bf? Am I close to my family? How much in common do we all have? Do I really like this thing? Am I attracted to it? Is that person attracted to that other person? etc.

    They’re more aware of the bonds and the chemistry between them and people, as well as environment, and other people and other people, as well as other people and the environment. They really like being close to their intimates, and are generally passionate about things.

    Likewise, they fear that those chemical bonds could be broken, and when they are, they are emotionally hurt. They feel literally separated, and ripped away from the other person or object.
    This description totally blew me away with how accurate it was in terms of how I see and feel things, though I've never really likened it to gears before - I see it more like spiderwebs, or ripples, more "soft" and flexible relationships, but a huge interconnection of relationships nonetheless, and I do focus on that more than I focus on the connections between individual points.

    And of course once I made that realization a number of other "ohhhh"s fell into place, like understanding why I never felt very intense while many other sx-doms on the forum were reporting how much they related to that, and why the so/sx energy seemed to describe me better.

    Oh, and that first bit you quoted, about the social instinct and extroversion...that was Sanjuro, actually.
    Sorry, fixed it

    You've made some great points and it's nice to see a social's perspective on this! I think each instinct has a sort of caricature that distorts things on a superficial level. It would be very frustrating to have the gossip rag stereotype. I have a coworker who watches Entertainment Tonight and loves following all of the workplace gossip, but she's terrible at actually reading others and interacting with them in any kind of deep, meaningful, mutually beneficial way. Many would probably mistype her at so-dom, when I would guess she's actually a somewhat unhealthy sp-dom (based on completely different behaviors and her apparent motivations for them).
    Thank you for the compliments and thank you for recognizing that! Yes, it is a misleading stereotype, I think, though I do understand its origin. One of my good friends in college spent tons of money on "gossip magazines", as she called them, and I am fairly certain she was an sx/so, actually; the person I know best now who is most into them is probably an so/sp. So while I don't deny it probably has some association with so, I don't think it's a steady indicator, nor that it has much bearing on anything, really.

    I have met a couple people who fit the picture of sx-dominance, and these have been the precious few whose energies have been in the same ballpark as my own. They are intense people.
    Yes... I can think of a handful in my life... they are INTENSE people. I have an aunt who has very dynamic energy... she bounced in and out of school and has worked a number of high-profile jobs, including personal shopper for Prada and now is a high-end real estate agent in NYC... she's really fashionable, really loud, really energetic, all personality... has been married a number of times, her current husband is probably sp/sx. Then I have coworker who is super intense, the way she looks at you BORES into you, she's really into social activism and calling out corrupt charities... she was married to a man and they had a business together, but they had a very unfriendly breakup. Then my college best friend for a few years, who was a track star and slept around like crazy and partied like crazy and worked out like crazy... she transferred to another school, got a whole bunch of big colorful tattoos, and just got married to her highschool sweetheart, and they drove off in an old stripped sports car.

    This is one of the reasons that I feel alienated from a lot of the ladies I know. The women I wrote about earlier - not in this post, but the previous one - would definitely fall into this somewhat generalized but nonetheless applicable category. They want security, they want to feel loved, they want to be accepted by their peers, they want permanence, they want their big day with the dress and the cake and all that other stuff that is absolutely not on my agenda.
    I fall into that category! I know quite a few girls who do. However, interestingly, it's not as many as I would have suspected. I also know quite a few girls who are interested in marriage but not kids, and some who aren't interested in settling into one steady relationship at all, at least not now if ever.

    I'm thinking the overall situation might be pretty typical for an sx-dom swimming in a pool of socials and self-preservations. Without even trying, the energy focuses itself like some kind of unconscious beast that just barrels into people and interests and situations full-force, slowing down only in afterthought or during a lucky moment of restraint. Consciously seeking sex is one thing, but I think there's a unique element at play when, while not even trying, those intense developments blossom so easily. That's probably a manifestation of sx.
    I think it's also a little "jarring" to those of us who don't operate at that energy level - where you get it from and how you keep it going. It's sort of fascinating.

    IMO, I can understand why your friend would be upset, but to some extent, chemistry is not something that can be controlled, and if it arose automatically between the two of you but not between him and her, then that's not necessarily something that is your fault any more than your eye color.

    I think it's kind of strange on her part that she recognized the lack of compatibility and still tried to get him interested anyway. Not really fair to play "well if I can't have him than no one will"...

    I have to run right now but I intend to be back later with some more thoughts on instinct and relationships.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One
    I agree that sx doms need to bond intensely with someone. I have heard that the intense bond can also be with just "something" but I'm not sure I believe it. In fact, I am still investigating that right now. If this is true though, I believe that it's extremely rare.
    Theoretically - and I see this play out, I think - it should be with anything that can serve as stimulation and provide feelings of risk and reward. Artistic performance, physical engagement, and so on...

    Though perhaps personal relationships tend to be the most stimulating because of how incredibly dynamic and responsive people are, and how much the chemistry of attraction heightens feeling.
    Last edited by skylights; 08-26-2013 at 06:54 AM.

  4. #34
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Well, @Starry on here was the first one to really point it out to me and say, no, I don't think that's right, and she said it in a way that I could relate to. If she sees this and has some extra time to write then I'd welcome her thoughts on why she knew I wasn't sx/so.
    I haven't read this thread so I don't know how appropriate my comments are here...but I think the above had more to do with your ability to understand what I was saying as opposed to how I said it haha! When you see an individual's dominant variant being expressed in a very practical way overtime it becomes easy to identify it and discuss. With you it was almost like 'social variant energy' needed to be acknowledged prior to being able to see its more practical application in your daily life. <--that's trickier and it makes perfect sense to me how you could mistake sx for so in this instance. But yah...you have that all-inclusive, expansive, universal energy of the social-dom (blanket energy).

  5. #35
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One View Post
    Everyone likes sex.
    Exactly. SO MANY PEOPLE confuse sx-first with wanting or liking or craving sex. It's not about that.

    Here are little blurbs about 'unheathly' examples of the variants:

    Unhealthy Self-Preservation types eat and sleep poorly or become obsessed with health issues. They often have difficulty handling money and may act out in deliberately self-destructive ways.

    In their imbalanced, unhealthy forms, these types (social) can become profoundly antisocial, detesting people and resenting their society, or having poorly developed social skills.

    In their neurotic forms, this type (sexual) can manifest with a wandering lack of focus, sexual promiscuity and acting out, or just the opposite, in a fearful, dysfunctional attitude toward sex and intimacy. Sexual types, however, will be intense, even about their avoidances.
    Do you see here how outwardly manifested behaviour could make determining a variant difficult?
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  6. #36
    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One View Post
    Ok so I'm starting to believe that my initial theory that people that don't like sex are sx last was wrong. Everyone likes sex. However, the fact that you still don't crave intimacy in general kind of makes me think that you're sexual last, but I could be wrong. I'm now doing a more thorough investigation into the variants.
    That's cool. I still think I am what I say I am, but you go ahead and continue researching. Happy investigating!

  7. #37
    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
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    I hit on so/sx after claiming sx/so for a while by following @skylights's same journey, who questioned her stacking at about the same time.

    so/sx/sp is believable to me because that's the way my priorities play out when I'm in action.
    4w3 6w5 1w2 sx/sp ISFP

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  8. #38
    Step into my office. Luv Deluxe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One View Post
    Well if this high and excitement is not from love then what else could it be from? What causes all of this excitement that you have?
    If love can be synonymous with passion, then yes, it's love. I imagine though that we have mostly been discussing a very specific type of love - that is, the romantic love felt between two people. If we go with a generalized sense of overwhelming passion, that's your answer.

    It feels like a deep, unresolvable craving that comes from within. The type of energy you don't even have to think about. It conjures and fuels itself, unbidden, and there's nothing you can do about it. All you feel is want, and this can be applied with gusto to anything that makes you tick. To everything that makes you tick, honestly.

    This has been my personal experience, anyway.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One
    I agree that sx doms need to bond intensely with someone. I have heard that the intense bond can also be with just "something" but I'm not sure I believe it. In fact, I am still investigating that right now. If this is true though, I believe that it's extremely rare.
    I'm glad you've decided to investigate further. Keep an open mind.

    I like the way I've decided to define it: all sx-doms need to bond intensely with someone or something, but not all who seek intense bonds are sx-dom.

    If all who crave a powerful partnership are governed by the sexual instinct, then almost everybody I've ever known is sx-dominant. My personal opinion is that sex and relationships actually drive everything, be it sports, music, other miscellaneous entertainment, or the little minutiae that flood everyday life. Remove the desire for sex, and you generally remove society's will to live (minus those who truly identify as asexual, celibate, and so on).

    Again, I recognize that this is definitely my opinion. Even so, there has to be something else. Another ingredient. I'm voting for deep, passionate intensity as it appears in one's energy - so hard to describe it, but you'd know it when you see it. Magnetism, competition, escalation, zero to ninety in three seconds flat.

    Show me somebody who craves love but lacks the aforementioned demeanor, and I'll show you somebody who is probably not sx-dom.
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  9. #39
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Webslinger View Post
    I hit on so/sx after claiming sx/so for a while by following @skylights's same journey, who questioned her stacking at about the same time.

    so/sx/sp is believable to me because that's the way my priorities play out when I'm in action.

  10. #40
    Stansmith
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    So activities (for me)

    -Shopping

    -Texting people

    -Hobbies

    -Working out

    -Hanging out

    I can't relate to the whole community service or party-planning type vibe that people give So-firsts. I always feel kind of secluded and "within" myself, and I prefer small groups or one-on-one interaction as a leisure/entertainment-thing.

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