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  1. #1
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    Default Sx-doms and Limerence

    Quote Originally Posted by Wikipedia
    Limerence is an involuntary state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one's feelings reciprocated....
    More recently, limerence has been defined in relation to obsessive compulsive disorder as “an involuntary interpersonal state that involves intrusive, obsessive, and compulsive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are contingent on perceived emotional reciprocation from the object of interest”. Limerence has also been defined in terms of the potentially inspirational effects and the relationship to attachment theory, which is not exclusively sexual, as being "an involuntary potentially inspiring state of adoration and attachment to a limerent object involving intrusive and obsessive thoughts, feelings and behaviors from euphoria to despair, contingent on perceived emotional reciprocation”.


    Fellow sx-doms, what is your experience with limerence? What do you associate with it? Are there certain factors in an attraction which trigger limerence in you? If so, what are they? How long do the feelings usually last for you?
    And so long as you haven’t experienced this: to die and so to grow,
    you are only a troubled guest on the dark earth

  2. #2
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    I've experienced it 3 times. I associate it with disappointment. I'm at something of a loss as to what makes me feel it for someone. With no input from the object of my feelings, it usually takes several months to go away. In my experience, no matter how long it has been since contact, any input from that person again will reignite it, though it won't usually take months to fade away at that point.
    Go to sleep, iguana.


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    Live and let live will just amount to might makes right

  3. #3
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    This is pretty much how I know I like somebody. If there's none of this, then they're not on my radar. Most of my so far single life is trying to cope with very strong, unreciprocated feelings.

    The factors, besides general attraction are mostly me identifying the person as somebody that I feel that I can trust, then it's on. There doesn't seem to be a time limit on how long the feelings last, they're there as long as there is possibility of return. And the feelings themselves lend to imagining such possibilities when they don't exist.

    Personally, I think of them as illusory. It doesn't really make them less powerful, but the recognition is a step in seeing the situation objectively. I think. I mostly end up being completely distrustful of myself.

  4. #4
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    duplicate

  5. #5
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    I definitely have irrational probably exaggerated fixations on people. I just feel connections that I feel desperate to express and act on. They often do come back after long times of not seeing a person too. Like @Qlip said, that's basically how all of my attractions and romantic interests begin. It's definitely about a perceived connection to me though. Like it can't be ignored because we're obviously like on the same team or riding the same wave or something.

    It can happen to me in a friendship way too though. I'll feel a connection with a person and feel like it would be a disservice to the universe and to both of us not to pursue a friendship. I think it's part of me wanting to know people deeply and intimately. The stronger the connection feels, the stronger that desire becomes.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  6. #6
    Ginkgo
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    It's taken a lot of emotional maturity to transcend on a case by case basis; my head thinks that limerence is selfish and I've thought that for a few years now. However, before I reached adulthood, I would wait for absurd amounts of time in order to see if those feelings would ever be reciprocated, all the while hoping that someone else would conform to my desires. A couple of times, I was even successful, but not in the long term. If you're experiencing limerance, then your feelings will likely never be synchronized with your actions enough for there to be a sufficient "click" required for an ideal relationship. I'm no expert, so feel free to disagree.

  7. #7
    Vaguely Precise Seymour's Avatar
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    I feel like I'm addicted to infatuation/limerence in some ways. I like the intensity, the pleasant distraction, and the impetus to bridge my tendency towards protective isolation.

    I'm fine having a harmless, unreciprocated work infatuation that's never acted on (although it takes a certain kind of emotional self-management), or a kind of "romantic friendship" or whatever. But it does seem like I find myself looking for infatuation when I'm not infatuated. It's not something I'm proud of, but the pattern was undeniable once I started looking for it.

    Conversely, though, I've gotten much better at not feeding infatuation when it's not enjoyable or productive, and it does eventually attenuate without attention.

  8. #8
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    It sucks for me. I will attach onto a person automatically and will not want to let them go. My sense of chemistry with a person is so automatic that I almost have no control over whom I attract and whom I repel. I always know if I am experiencing limerance when I sit down and talk to a person for 5 minutes and feel like after just this small period of time, I feel like I have known them my whole life. I also feel like I want to run away with them. It's some really wierd Disney ass shit.

  9. #9
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind-Up Rex View Post
    Fellow sx-doms, what is your experience with limerence? What do you associate with it? Are there certain factors in an attraction which trigger limerence in you? If so, what are they? How long do the feelings usually last for you?
    Interesting thread idea. I hadn't considered that this could be a thing of sorts. I think I sort of wish it would just crawl into the SP basement and hide behind the casks of amontillado for a few more centuries.

    I associate it with the fact that it is rare for me to find people that I really connect with, and so when I do it's like a magical jello kingdom bursting in my mouth and my hair is sunshine and we're walking on air and possibly a hippopotamus erupts from a cake wearing a hat.

    I find that the older I get, the more my SP function has developed to try and balance the SX dom out. Instead of just careening off of the proverbial edge without any plan, I now equip a bungee cord.

    The feelings can last for as long as I allow them to do so if they are within parameters that can be controlled. Sometimes they can't and I just have to ride it all out. I find that I both like this feeling and despise it. It's sort of fun and magical at first but then if I start getting an inkling of *gasp* needing that person around I want to run screaming from the leeches of need.

    Eventually an equilibrium is achieved and all is well in the Puppet Kingdom of Monoply.

  10. #10
    Stansmith
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    Sometimes. I'm passive about it though.

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