instincts, influence: attract/repel
repel= someone who's really needy. i have no problem helping out, but i can't stand the feeling of someone who's drowning and is insisting on bringing you with them.
attract= genuineness, secure with who they are, and a certain sense of "darkness" to their personality (interpret how you will; it can come in a lot of different shades)
biggest issues in relationships
allowing myself to only be attracted to women that are in "need" of something (contradiction, i know). and once they become too much, i just kind of shut off emotionally in the hopes that they'll relax, see that i'm not going anywhere, and hope that they'll address their own issues--hasn't worked out too well yet,
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on the flip side, there seems to be a "fear" of a lack of interest on the partner's side. i haven't been in too many pairings, so i can't tell if it's really just me, or them, or both of us--probably the latter. since i can tell so easily where i stand with another, how they're feeling, and what their boundaries are that day, i just assume everyone is in my head just like i'm "in theirs".
ideal relationship
each person is secure enough with themselves to just exist without seeking attention. we can trust each other, fully. we can sit in silence, or be spontaneous, and neither is missing a cue due to our own understanding of each other, ourselves, and of course, because of the connection we have. hopefully, we could live somewhere away from the city but still close enough to visit it--we would be self-sufficient, only partaking in the world for what we actually need and want, and not for what we've been led to believe we "need and want". we would be partners and companions with a deep emotional link, letting one another be better for it.
strengths and weaknesses
weaknesses= when stressed i'm very emotionally unavailable (i just need my space to unwind); if someone isn't making sense, or expects others to conform to their feelings, i'm pretty critical; i have a problem with casual intimacy--not sure if this is actually a problem or not--it doesn't occur to me, unless it does and i'm not thinking, just doing... i'd rather not do it if it's not genuine, and doing it for the sake of doing it seems like a routine--but that's only looking at it from my perspective and not from that of my partner, so yeah, it is a problem.
strengths= i can always get someone out of something, no matter what it is, the problem is something that can be overcome if they are willing to do their part (and i'm completely willing to lessen "their part" until they can hold more weight); i am actually really sensitive and sweet, very playful, and i love making other people feel better about their outlook on life; i'm really intuitive with other people, and can help them to be more honest with themselves, and from there, to see things differently (this
can be a good thing, but hasn't been lately); loyal to who i'm with, regardless; funny too, although you can't see it here, and am all about making others laugh when they need it.
handling conflict
lol... i'd rather have it out than have everyone involved sulking about and being passive aggressive. sometimes, there just has to be a fight. that doesn't mean that it should be something that is sought out, and it is usually only after having that fight can the couple approach a similar, future situation with a certain calmness, acting on the foundation that came from the initial "fight". things aren't really good or bad, more like they're necessary or unnecessary, based on what could come from it.
but, i'd much rather just sit down and talk it out, with both peoples' honesty.
communication?
depends on the reason. i'd rather have person-to-person, or at least their voice, since texting is kind of annoying.
best= just sitting on the couch, doing nothing, saying whatever comes to mind as we absently watch something on netflix; that's how the best conversations start,
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relevant?
not really, just that everything like this that we take to be our personalities is really just a roadblock to ourselves, and that we should learn to do away with "this is just me"/"but you see, i'm like this because of X, which means that i can only really work this out if person does Y" sort of mentalities because it just lessens ourselves and our own experience--especially in relationships, which can be some of the greatest experiences we are able to have. (not saying this is what's going on, just something "relevant" i wanted to add)
E6, Sx/Sp or Sp/Sx
