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  1. #21
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    In theory, she would have the healthy sx and I would have the unhealthy sx. It seems to work fine. She helps to moderate my intensity and is more calm.
    right yeah...that's my experience with my bf. he's sp/sx so interesting to me how all this plays out. i'm entertaining myself by analyzing all of this atm so thanks!
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  2. #22
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    how your instincts influence who and what attracts and repels you.
    I'd prefer someone with some sort of sp. Someone with sp last might be too much for me to handle and I might end up feeling drained. You know, we need a nice quiet home and lots of books and, well, a solid financial plan for the future. And we need, like, five real-life friends max.

    And what would you say your biggest issues in relationships have been?
    INFP's sx/sp-ness clashing with my sp/sx. He's like, relationship first, screw the rest. I'm like, if we are going to starve to death in the future should we not think about that first?

    what would you describe as your ideal relationship?
    Stable, slightly boring jobs for both of us. Nice quiet home. Loads and loads of cuddle time, and books and teas and talking until two in the morning about random things, and occasionally we'll go hiking

    what are your strengths? Weaknesses?
    Wow, that's hard. I think I'm easily stressed out by change, and I need to be able to come up with a plan to handle it before I can relax and enjoy the ride.

    how do you handle conflict?
    I need to talk about it in extreme detail and sort it out once and for all. I cannot stand conflicts, especially 'murky' conflicts where I don't know what the issue really is.

    How do you prefer to communicate?
    Talk it out (hopefully) in a non-confrontational manner to clear up misunderstandings. It is very important to me not to be secretly angry at each other. I actually like preemptive positive communication (e.g. "I love how you did that", or "Can you do this? It will help me so much!", etc.) so the other person will know what you like without it having to escalate into a conflict.

    4w5 sp/sx EII

  3. #23
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I'm so/sx/sp

    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    So... I'm curious about how your instincts influence who and what attracts and repels you.
    I think I have always had a tendency to like take chargey, confident acting kinds of people who are gregarious and well-connected, curious and accomplished. People who are pretty self-motivated. I'm attracted to EXXJ types who are able to communicate quite directly and speak their thoughts in the moment and have a lot of drive, but those same qualities can be trying to me later.

    And what would you say your biggest issues in relationships have been? Not vocal enough about things that are bothering me until I see a pattern emerging. Falling into a relationship with someone that doesn't want the same things in life through spending too much time together and an attraction developing, then not wanting to move forward in good conscience, but finding it difficult to retrace steps and move back. Appearing to be pretty go with the flowy and then surprising the other person when I dig my heels in about something. Picking people who appear very confident, but are whistling in the dark and have trouble being vulnerable enough to resolve conflict or build emotional intimacy. Trying to adapt too much to accommodate the other person.

    what would you describe as your ideal relationship? One where we both have a philosophical foundation in common, where we challenge each other to be the best version of ourselves, and where we have some kind of shared mission that we can accomplish better together than alone. Space for us to be separate people with freedom to attend to the obligations that matter to us, while still having enough shared things to not lose touch with one another. Emotionally intimate and physically warm. One where we appreciate and enjoy each other's families and we like each other's friends.

    what are your strengths? Weaknesses? Strengths - able to see things from multiple standpoints, quite adaptable, not hasty in making judgements, generous with heartfelt appreciation, transparent, contented, inexpensive tastes, pretty happy overall. Weaknesses - undisciplined in some areas, bad with details, high expectations, sensitive to how criticism is delivered, over-analyze things - especially when there is insufficient info for me to know how to proceed, need to know all is well before I can give space, dislike of disappointing to the point of finding it difficult to be honest sometimes.

    how do you handle conflict? I prefer to deal with it head on and get it resolved. I may not talk about it right away, because I want to be sure that I am seeing things accurately and I want to get a handle on the situation and consider the options before bothering someone else with it. Sometimes I have a bad tendency to do most of the adjusting myself (because I hate making other people feel bad or obligating them to change if I can do it), then resenting it when things pile up, or when the other person doesn't seem to notice or reciprocate. That is not good and I'm making efforts to change how I go about dealing with that. I'm not afraid of conflict, although I will avoid unproductive conflict like the plague.

    How do you prefer to communicate? Ideally - in person. Although sometimes I don't trust myself to say some things without getting emotional, and so I write them, but it usually turns out better if I can hash it out verbally, as long as the other person doesn't get angry or discount my POV if I can't remain unemotional about it. I need to be able to talk about things, or else the pressure builds to an unbearable level or else I just have to start walling pieces of myself off so I am not in a constant state of unresolvable/undiscussed conflict that eats away at me. I want to be close to whomever I'm with.

    anything else relevant you want to add.

    Please and thank you.
    .

    I don't think I'd do well with an sp first just because I think that I wouldn't understand their needs that well. I would find it hard to deal with someone who found having people in our home an imposition, or who were overly concerned with what seemed to me like unimportant details (even if they aren't to the person!).

  4. #24
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    please put your enneagram stacking in your post for me! i should add to op maybe?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #25
    Step into my office. Luv Deluxe's Avatar
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    So... I'm curious about how your instincts influence who and what attracts and repels you.
    I'm sx/sp, pretty certain that I'm sp over so. Blazing sx, though.

    It's probably worth nothing that, in addition to being social-last, the Enneagram type I relate to the absolute least is 2. I don't get their motivations at all, and consequently, for an sx, I think I seem a lot more distant in relationships. Less smothering, less nurturing, not even remotely driven to merge and start a family, stuff like that. I feel unsettled when people talk about finding soul mates to "complete" them.

    With that in mind, I believe that my sx manifests primarily with activities and interests moreso than people (although it still does, just...not in the romantic ways more often described). I don't just like things, I fall head over heels for them. I turn activities into a way of life; interests become my identity. Strip them away, and I would feel lost, like I wouldn't know who I was. I'm competitive and excitable; I fixate on thrilling new ideas and pursue them like a heat-seeking missile. Naturally, I think I'm attracted to intensity in others while being turned off by traditional approaches.


    And what would you say your biggest issues in relationships have been?
    I fear the natural progression of relationships; I fear the concept of complacency. I feel as though my partner will take me for granted at this stage, that things will become routine, boring, and passionless. That the butterflies will melt away and suddenly, we'll be just another couple with differences and difficulties. I know that things are kinda supposed to evolve like that, that those problems are supposed to be overcome, and that we're supposed to feel closer as a couple than ever before. Yet, I often struggle with feelings of asphyxiation and I find them very frightening. One could suggest that I have commitment issues to some degree.

    I crave excitement and intensity, all the time, and I know that this is an unrealistic want...but I can't seem to stop it. Although I will not cheat, I tend to involuntarily develop Wandering Eye Syndrome when I (subconsciously) feel starved of stimulation.

    I think it would help if I learned to process what it means when a boyfriend says "I love you," but unfortunately, I still haven't felt the weight of those words. This is probably linked to some rather nasty trust issues and the emotional baggage of yesteryear. I can't bring myself to believe that any significant other is being sincere or really thinking about what he's saying when he suggests that he loves me.

    I think I might be a wounded romantic, deep down.


    What would you describe as your ideal relationship?
    Best friends who fuck.

    Playful, fun, and always engaging. Complementing personalities with mutual understanding. I'd love someone who reminds me strongly of myself, but with enough dissimilarities that we're able to learn from each other and feel intrigued. Dull moments are few and far between. Intense bonding through new experiences. Lots of sex, touch, physical closeness.

    Ideally, there'd be a sort of irresistible, magnetic pull toward each other, an organic emotional chemistry that cannot be ignored.


    What are your strengths? Weaknesses?
    On the plus side, I'm very open and honest. I'm great with words and I'd like to consider myself skilled in communication. I'm aware of my emotions, even if they're unpleasant, and nowadays I'm able to keep them from inciting conflict with others - most of the time.

    On the not-so-plus side, I'm not quite as talented at checking my actions. As long as I'm not throwing any of my morals under the bus, I'm pretty much up for anything. This may frighten people who don't feel safe with that kind of suggestibility.


    How do you handle conflict?
    I either avoid it completely (I don't like negativity, especially if it's ultimately no biggie) or tackle it head-on. I can't "sleep on it," though, so if the issue's a serious one, I feel compelled to talk it out. I do my best to keep the mood light, but this is sometimes hard, especially when a partner's emotions are also keyed up. I just prefer to address problems and clear the air whenever possible. I also like to burn off steam by exercising.


    How do you prefer to communicate?
    Directly, openly, honestly. I laugh a lot and aim for a lighthearted atmosphere. My enthusiasm can be contagious, and my expression is often blunt but genuine. In tense situations, I do my best to be respectful and diplomatic while also sticking to my guns and defending myself as necessary. I'm usually better with the written word when things get heavy.


    What type of person attracts you? What type repels you?
    I'm into guys who are driven, passionate about their preoccupations, emotional without being emotionally needy. Playful, smart, good-humored, silly, sexual, spontaneous, quick, hard-working. A little over the top, but nonetheless have their shit together. I don't think I could be with someone who wasn't open to new experiences. Shared interests are always a plus. I also appreciate neatness, and men who exercise and take care of their bodies. Those who are interested and interesting.

    Not so sexy, on the other hand, are guys with minimal ambition/nothing that drives or moves them (there's definitely such a thing as too laid-back). In-it-for-the-money types. Traditional guys who might have problems with my general outlook/life goals. Closed minds. Needy dudes who feel compelled to check in every time you're not together; the kind of person who can't walk to the convenience store without wanting you with him. Routine-oriented people, and those who don't take care of their bodies and spaces.
    AMERICAN TRASH
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    ~ Gryffindor on the streets, Slytherin in the sheets ~

  6. #26
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    So... I'm curious about how your instincts influence who and what attracts and repels you.

    And what would you say your biggest issues in relationships have been?

    what would you describe as your ideal relationship?

    what are your strengths? Weaknesses?

    how do you handle conflict?

    How do you prefer to communicate?

    anything else relevant you want to add.

    Please and thank you.
    This OP bothered me initially because it seems so needlessly scattered, but after considering it, I've decided that being able to answer it altogether and honestly could potentially bring a great deal of self-awareness. Like some inadvertent relationship SWOT analysis or something.

    Anyways. I feel that being an sx/sp makes me crave an all-consuming bond with someone, but makes me very selective about who I'd want it with. Part of that derives from the fact that the part of me that wants to just utterly succumb to a connection with another person is in conflict with the part of me that demands that I be self-sufficient at all time. Acknowledging any sort of emotional need can be difficult; I'm much more inclined to express myself through action than words. For all that I'm emotionally restrained, I'm highly attentive to my partner. I listen to what they want, know how to recognize what they need, and do everything I can to provide it for them. In a way, by making myself more needed than I need is my way of maintaining control of a relationship. It makes it easier for me to walk away because I can always tell myself that I wasn't really getting anything out of it, and I'm better off doing my own thing anyways.

    Intimacy issues notwithstanding, I suppose what attracts me most to someone is the sense that they've got a steep learning curve to them. I dig the complex ones. I get bored so easily otherwise. I guess it's because I'm a lot of things all at once myself, however much I'd like to pretend that I'm essentially straightforward. I get moody a lot. My biggest needs are to feel accepted and safe. There's probably other things, but those seem to be the ones that come to mind immediately.
    And so long as you haven’t experienced this: to die and so to grow,
    you are only a troubled guest on the dark earth

  7. #27
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    thank you for posting!

    and why was that scattered? i know i often am and i'm okay with that but that doesn't feel that way to me. :/
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #28
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    thank you for posting!

    and why was that scattered? i know i often am and i'm okay with that but that doesn't feel that way to me. :/
    That was my point. There was definite method to it once I stopped and thought about how the questions worked together.
    And so long as you haven’t experienced this: to die and so to grow,
    you are only a troubled guest on the dark earth

  9. #29
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind-Up Rex View Post
    That was my point. There was definite method to it once I stopped and thought about how the questions worked together.
    Oh okay not that it is important was just curious thanks.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  10. #30
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    So... I'm curious about how your instincts influence who and what attracts and repels you.

    And what would you say your biggest issues in relationships have been?

    what would you describe as your ideal relationship?

    what are your strengths? Weaknesses?

    how do you handle conflict?

    How do you prefer to communicate?

    anything else relevant you want to add.

    Please and thank you.

    1) I was recently with an ISFP so/sp 9w8 ( his 8 wing is very strong) for 4 years. He brought out every shadow I have an I think, I had a mini breakdown. Finding out I'm a weak scared person, and thinking I was a rough an tough entj. I put him through hell as well, bottling up emotions and all that junk.

    I'm a 6w7 sp/sx.

    I have now learned that the biggest difference between me and him was he's an so. I got nothin on so doms. I am so opposite. I will probably avoid ever so/sp from now on. There has to be some sx in the first two. I need intimacy. I'm attracted to people that have sp last I guess. If we are going on past relationships. It's like I need them to need me. And then feel like they don't contribute. Similar to what WindUp Rex said.

    People don't know the definition of compromise.

    Also living together. I leave shit around an I need it to stay there or I wont know where to get it next time. So I will tell them that. But then they take it to the extreme and don't pick anything up. In fear I'll rip their head off if they move the important stuff. Ugh.

    2)Our communication styles. The other people have been sensors. I'm way fuckin out there in intuitive land. I need someone that is Ni dom probably. If they are a sensor then they need to be sx dom probably.

    3) Ideal relationship would be with someone that understands me. That means they have to take the time to ask me all the questions I ask them. We can do everything together but don't need to. We can have sex scheduled or not. We can explore areas of the bodies sexually so we get to the point that we know exactly what we like, and can get each other off like a pro lol. We live harmoniously together in our own place. We communicate when there's a problem. At the end of every night I know that no matter what happens they still love me. And I can go anywhere with them, do anything with them and feel comfortable. Comfortable in the sense of be myself, but also comfortable in a secure way that nothing bad's gonna happen. I expect a lot I guess.

    4)Strengths, I have patience for the stuff that counts. Listening and solving problems and promoting happiness, when someone just says...hey we have to slow down this is how I feel. I listen, and I take it seriously. I can pay the bills, do the grocery shopping, all that sp stuffs. I can be very structured and also I don't have to be.

    Weaknesses, I have impatience for the rest. I have a lot of fears, especially fear of abandonment and that no one will take care of me. I secretly want someone to take care of me once in a while and that comes out when I drink alcohol. I am clingy on the inside. In the sense I want to become one with the other person and lose sight of whose hand is whose. But this comes off as needy and clingy. People don't like that.

    5) Meh, as long as I dont' feel like it's the end all fight and that the person's gonna abandon me. Conflict aint nothin but a thang.

    I like to communicate though dammit. Just tell me what you're feeling, I'll listen and take it in objectively, you have to tell me what you want tho....do you need them validated? And then you listen to how I feel and validate my feelings are ok to have and then we can look at the situation objectively and figure out a compromise. I don't mind goin a couple days heated and not talkin if need be, but the sooner the better cause I have a high sex drive.

    6)Pretty much the format is stated above. I guess if I had a choice I'd pick writing. Or sitting next to each other holding hands so I know they're not really mad at me.

    If we're not communicating about a conflict then I want face to face.

    Quote Originally Posted by greenfairy View Post
    I'm pretty certain I am either sp/sx or sx/sp. I have that sx desire for intense merging with another person, and that sort of energy attracts me as well. I think I am repelled by someone who likes to distribute their attention more widely than I do; I want someone to be focused on me when we are together. I am attracted by passion as well, and a certain zest for life.

    But sp makes that desire moderated; I am repelled by people who seem extreme in relationships, becoming obsessive or very jealous or very emotional. I want to avoid potentially "crazy" people and drama. A deal breaker for a long term relationship would be someone who lacks a sense of self preservation and doesn't care about their health. I need to share interests in that area because it's a big part of my life, as well as having someone I care about live a long and pleasant life.

    So, so I guess doesn't really factor in except that they should share my consciousness of the well being of the planet and how our decisions (particularly economic) affect people globally.
    The first paragragh I relate to the most.

    Quote Originally Posted by greenfairy View Post
    Oh, didn't answer these.

    My ideal relationship would be to have a perfect soulmate and live happily ever after in hippie fairy bliss. We would build an eco-friendly house, grow our own food, find and grow mushrooms, go to festivals and electronic music events, and go hiking and camping a lot. And merge our energy together with the kundalini energy of the universe.

    If all that doesn't happen, I'll just have lovers with whom I'm happy and share some interests.

    My biggest issues in relationships have been trusting people and being comfortable with being intimate.

    Strengths: I'm fun, passionate, sexy, a genuinely nice person, and completely honest. <-- This can also be a weakness if the other person doesn't like honesty as much as I do. I'm easy to get along with and pretty low maintenance. I'm very intuitive about people's feelings and needs.
    Weaknesses: I have a compulsion to tell my most intimate feelings and insecurities to people. It's something I've recently become aware of, and so will probably moderate a bit in the future. But in relationships I feel insecure about a lot of things and feel like I have to alleviate those fears. Also I over-analyze things all the time and have had a tendency to worry about the future and not live in the moment.

    I handle conflict by figuring out what the issue is, how we both feel about it, what is reasonable, what is feasible, what is normal in the situation, etc. I try to figure out what the problem is and how to solve it, even if it is just in our own psyches (and there is always that component).

    So communication is very important to me. If someone won't communicate or isn't good at it, that's a deal breaker and tends to make me think they don't care about me and the relationship.
    You can add a lot of what you've said here to mine too ! lol I can relate.

    I like that you're so open. It makes me feel like I know you and I'm comfortable with your feedback. I don't think that you should stop telling all people those things...just ppl that will take advantage of you.

    Quote Originally Posted by EntangledLight View Post
    instincts, influence: attract/repel

    repel= someone who's really needy. i have no problem helping out, but i can't stand the feeling of someone who's drowning and is insisting on bringing you with them.
    attract= genuineness, secure with who they are, and a certain sense of "darkness" to their personality (interpret how you will; it can come in a lot of different shades)

    biggest issues in relationships

    allowing myself to only be attracted to women that are in "need" of something (contradiction, i know). and once they become too much, i just kind of shut off emotionally in the hopes that they'll relax, see that i'm not going anywhere, and hope that they'll address their own issues--hasn't worked out too well yet, :P.

    on the flip side, there seems to be a "fear" of a lack of interest on the partner's side. i haven't been in too many pairings, so i can't tell if it's really just me, or them, or both of us--probably the latter. since i can tell so easily where i stand with another, how they're feeling, and what their boundaries are that day, i just assume everyone is in my head just like i'm "in theirs".
    I am the opposite, I assume people are not in my head and I'm definately not in theirs. I would need more feedback.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    these are so interesting! i really think this is the stuff that contributes so much to compatibility...mbti less so imo

    thanks to everyone who's taken the time to write this stuff out!

    more please!
    I think so too
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

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