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  1. #11
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    As an so ( if that's what you are)
    What type of person attracts you? What type repels you?
    I am attracted to people who think and feel somewhat similar to me. I would want somebody that was by my side for every task, helping me do what I need. I would be looking for somebody that I could have deep philosophical discussions with on a regular basis and we be mutually energized. I want somebody that I can explore the universe with. I guess my dream would be to be like Doctor Who: Eternally drifting through space and time with somebody. We would solve the great problems of the world together, and we would give each other mutual support. Together we would make legends.

    I guess I would be looking for either an So/Sx 7w6 ENFP Female or So/Sx 7w6 ENTP Female.

    I think that I could actually be an unusually cautious So/Sx rather than a So/Sp.

  2. #12
    Senior Member EntangledLight's Avatar
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    instincts, influence: attract/repel

    repel= someone who's really needy. i have no problem helping out, but i can't stand the feeling of someone who's drowning and is insisting on bringing you with them.
    attract= genuineness, secure with who they are, and a certain sense of "darkness" to their personality (interpret how you will; it can come in a lot of different shades)

    biggest issues in relationships

    allowing myself to only be attracted to women that are in "need" of something (contradiction, i know). and once they become too much, i just kind of shut off emotionally in the hopes that they'll relax, see that i'm not going anywhere, and hope that they'll address their own issues--hasn't worked out too well yet, :P.

    on the flip side, there seems to be a "fear" of a lack of interest on the partner's side. i haven't been in too many pairings, so i can't tell if it's really just me, or them, or both of us--probably the latter. since i can tell so easily where i stand with another, how they're feeling, and what their boundaries are that day, i just assume everyone is in my head just like i'm "in theirs".

    ideal relationship

    each person is secure enough with themselves to just exist without seeking attention. we can trust each other, fully. we can sit in silence, or be spontaneous, and neither is missing a cue due to our own understanding of each other, ourselves, and of course, because of the connection we have. hopefully, we could live somewhere away from the city but still close enough to visit it--we would be self-sufficient, only partaking in the world for what we actually need and want, and not for what we've been led to believe we "need and want". we would be partners and companions with a deep emotional link, letting one another be better for it.

    strengths and weaknesses

    weaknesses= when stressed i'm very emotionally unavailable (i just need my space to unwind); if someone isn't making sense, or expects others to conform to their feelings, i'm pretty critical; i have a problem with casual intimacy--not sure if this is actually a problem or not--it doesn't occur to me, unless it does and i'm not thinking, just doing... i'd rather not do it if it's not genuine, and doing it for the sake of doing it seems like a routine--but that's only looking at it from my perspective and not from that of my partner, so yeah, it is a problem.

    strengths= i can always get someone out of something, no matter what it is, the problem is something that can be overcome if they are willing to do their part (and i'm completely willing to lessen "their part" until they can hold more weight); i am actually really sensitive and sweet, very playful, and i love making other people feel better about their outlook on life; i'm really intuitive with other people, and can help them to be more honest with themselves, and from there, to see things differently (this can be a good thing, but hasn't been lately); loyal to who i'm with, regardless; funny too, although you can't see it here, and am all about making others laugh when they need it.

    handling conflict

    lol... i'd rather have it out than have everyone involved sulking about and being passive aggressive. sometimes, there just has to be a fight. that doesn't mean that it should be something that is sought out, and it is usually only after having that fight can the couple approach a similar, future situation with a certain calmness, acting on the foundation that came from the initial "fight". things aren't really good or bad, more like they're necessary or unnecessary, based on what could come from it.

    but, i'd much rather just sit down and talk it out, with both peoples' honesty.

    communication?

    depends on the reason. i'd rather have person-to-person, or at least their voice, since texting is kind of annoying.

    best= just sitting on the couch, doing nothing, saying whatever comes to mind as we absently watch something on netflix; that's how the best conversations start, :P.

    relevant?

    not really, just that everything like this that we take to be our personalities is really just a roadblock to ourselves, and that we should learn to do away with "this is just me"/"but you see, i'm like this because of X, which means that i can only really work this out if person does Y" sort of mentalities because it just lessens ourselves and our own experience--especially in relationships, which can be some of the greatest experiences we are able to have. (not saying this is what's going on, just something "relevant" i wanted to add)




    E6, Sx/Sp or Sp/Sx

  3. #13
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    Sp/sx

    And what would you say your biggest issues in relationships have been?

    Lack of awareness of my partner's emotional needs. Emotional distance with others. Not giving others emotional feedback to let them know I care. Paralyzing fear of being vulnerable, weak, or helpless.

    what would you describe as your ideal relationship?

    A unique bond but don't live together...we don't even see each other everyday...he/she has their own life and I have mine but that Venn diagram overlap is like nothing else. It's a place where good things happen, a place of intense intimacy (which can be painful but that's okay), a place of encouragement and understanding. We understand that we're...I don't know how to really express it...so much that can't be put in words but is there...a faith, a belief...when we're together it's like the ______ expressed in the poem Gate C22.


    what are your strengths? Weaknesses?

    Strengths...I'm not sure. Committed. Flexible. Not very judgmental. Understanding. Brave. Devoted. Good at seeing the true nature of another. Realistic. Honest.

    Weaknesses...woo. Being honest can be if I let it get out of hand. Moody. Intense. Marked difficulty in expressing or acknowledging own emotional needs. I need a great deal of privacy and space...probably too much for most people to bother to be in a relationship with me. Tendency to display feeling and connection in a feast or famine fashion which often creates an atmosphere of uncertainty and insecurity in the other person.

    I have an ugly side complete with ill-temper and can be kinda mean, too. Push people away because I'm scared of being dependent on them.


    How do you handle conflict?


    Let's get this fixed/aired...whatever it is. I hate sweeping stuff under the rug and pretending everything is fine. I'll plow through whatever unpleasantness to solve things or hear out the other person.

    How do you prefer to communicate?

    Written over spoken. Direct. Truth/what's real over being nice, sparing my feelings. <----- That's a really big deal. Be blunt, goddammit! And tell me what you want...I really want you to be happy with the relationship and if I care, I'll do just about anything for you, but I can't read minds and I really suck at taking hints (and they piss me off anyway).

    anything else relevant you want to add.

    Edit: I've mainly been in relationships with so-doms...it's hard on me and it's very hard on them. I don't relate well/understand their drives very well and it can be intensely frustrating for the both of us. The best connections I've had are with sx and sp-doms.

  4. #14
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    these are so interesting! i really think this is the stuff that contributes so much to compatibility...mbti less so imo

    thanks to everyone who's taken the time to write this stuff out!

    more please!
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #15
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    And what would you say your biggest issues in relationships have been?
    - I'm demanding and expect a lot
    - That sx thing - merging I guess you call it which is unrealistic in a sense
    - Fear of being vulnerable

    what would you describe as your ideal relationship?
    - Soulmate and complete loyalty with high physical attraction and great sex

    what are your strengths? Weaknesses?
    - Strengths: open, honest, communication, persistance
    - Weaknesses: never satisfied - always looking to improve things

    how do you handle conflict?
    - I confront it

    How do you prefer to communicate?
    - Directly

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

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  6. #16
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    And what would you say your biggest issues in relationships have been?
    - I'm demanding and expect a lot
    - That sx thing - merging I guess you call it which is unrealistic in a sense
    - Fear of being vulnerable

    what would you describe as your ideal relationship?
    - Soulmate and complete loyalty with high physical attraction and great sex

    what are your strengths? Weaknesses?
    - Strengths: open, honest, communication, persistance
    - Weaknesses: never satisfied - always looking to improve things

    how do you handle conflict?
    - I confront it

    How do you prefer to communicate?
    - Directly
    thanks for adding an sx perspective in here too...can i ask about the wife? do you know hers?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  7. #17
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    thanks for adding an sx perspective in here too...can i ask about the wife? do you know hers?
    I am guessing she is So/Sx/Sp, but don't really know for sure.

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

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  8. #18
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    I am guessing she is So/Sx/Sp, but don't really know for sure.
    oh okay...but you have a vague feeling that you can connect somewhat on an sx level?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #19
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    So... I'm curious about how your instincts influence who and what attracts and repels you.
    They're everything.

    And what would you say your biggest issues in relationships have been?
    Not sabotaging it. Seriously, though, For a long time I picked relationships that I knew would fail on purpose.. If I knew they would fail I wouldn't get my little heart broken when that happened. I could pretend I was this super tough, awesome person capable of handling anything thrown her way. As a result, currently, my biggest issue is figuring out how to just... be. And let things happen the way they did once long ago.

    what would you describe as your ideal relationship?
    Someone that treats me the way they would want me to treat them--knowing that I am doing the same. Oh, and someone that genuinely is in love with me. Pretty simple.

    what are your strengths? Weaknesses?
    Weaknesses are too vast.. but I'd say my strengths in relationships are being very down to earth (CORNYMUCH?!) as far as understanding and knowing that they aren't going to be perfect.. I think I have extremely realistic expectations from others. Oh, and I am willing to talk about and fix almost anything.

    how do you handle conflict?
    Very well. I mean, maybe not RIGHT away.. but I will address it, and talk about it, and work out the issue. I don't lose my temper nearly as quickly as I used to. Unsure if that is naturally from age or my active efforts are finally helping.

    How do you prefer to communicate?
    In writing, honestly. I'm best at it. But, barring that, in person face to face in private.
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  10. #20
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    oh okay...but you have a vague feeling that you can connect somewhat on an sx level?
    In theory, she would have the healthy sx and I would have the unhealthy sx. It seems to work fine. She helps to moderate my intensity and is more calm.

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

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