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  1. #1
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    Default Enneagram sx doms: How do you feel when you aren't sexually desirable?

    I haven't really been feeling that sexually desirable lately, and I think it's taking a tole on my mental health. Other sx doms: Do you feel like you are not sexually desirable right now or have you felt this way in the past? Also what did this feel like?

  2. #2
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One View Post
    I haven't really been feeling that sexually desirable lately, and I think it's taking a tole on my mental health. Other sx doms: Do you feel like you are not sexually desirable right now or have you felt this way in the past? Also what did this feel like?
    FUCKING TERRIBLE!

    no seriously, I can't stand it. I won't even leave the house until my hair is done and I look presentable (fuckable)
    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
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  3. #3
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    FUCKING TERRIBLE!

    no seriously, I can't stand it. I won't even leave the house until my hair is done and I look presentable (fuckable)
    Well again I have this stupid gagging problem that prevents me from doing heavy exercise, and I also have hypoglycemia which makes me have to eat more so it's not good for maintaining an attractive weight. Not being attractive due to these conditions is really doing a number on my psyche.

  4. #4
    untitled Chanaynay's Avatar
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    I do feel sexually desirable atm, so no problems in that department. In the past, though, not feeling desirable felt like someone put handcuffs on me (not in the good way) and told me how to spend my day. I love seducing and feeling attractive - I feel unfulfilled if I didn't get to do either of those things. If I didn't take part in some sort of seduction by the end of the day it feels like a big waste. I don't know how to describe it tbh other than, like Elfboy said, "FUCKING TERRIBLE!" Flirting, catching someone's eye, just give me something to get excitement from. And if I can't look appealing then it basically stops me from doing that which basically makes my day become a huge bore. More than that, it's like I've been removed from my natural state of being. If I can't do what gives me pleasure, then what's the point?

    I also get random bursts of sadness from not having a boyfriend (usually when I'm alone and reflecting). Not feeling desirable certainly can contribute to that. I just want to be in love with someone who loves me back, is that too much to ask?? Okay, I should stop writing now before I get more upset. At least I can flirt with this INTP guy to get me through the summer.
    7w6 - 2w3 - 8w7 sx/so


  5. #5
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    I'm not an sx-dom but I identify with the OP. Not feeling sexually attractive is honestly quite debilitating for me. At its worst, it can make me feel less human. Then there are days when I look at myself in the mirror and go "Damn, I'm hot" and that feels really good.

    I identify a lot with the 6-sx urge for 'strength and beauty' even though I'm not a 6.

    And I envy people who have more charisma than me and wish I had their spark. I guess I also envy people who have learned how not to give a shit but at the same time I don't think I'd want to be like them.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    Wow. What a great topic. I currently type as sx-dom precisely for the issues I have with this.

    I'll start with the truth: I got put down by my peers a lot as a kid. They told me I was ugly and disgusting and weird. For years. And, I'll be upfront about it...that changed my self-perception, permanently. I wasn't mommy's pretty little girl anymore, I became ugly, disgusting, undesirable. Being a 4w5, that's pretty much become a source of identity for me--one of the ways I'm weird and worse than everyone else. I can't change my thoughts on this matter, even when I want to. I just feel ugly, disgusting, creepy, undesirable, etc.

    And, it's brought out the worst of me. I'm aggressive toward attractive members of my same sex; I spend hours in self-torment about how much I physically suck; the whole "Let's remind ourselves why no one will ever like you..." lecture. It's like my entire identity is pegged around this one hang-up.

    THIS WAS ESPECIALLY BAD IN COLLEGE. All the more so because guys never seemed interested in me. Just further proof of how ugly I was, right? I developed entire self-esteem issues solely around this concern. Like the poster above says, I feel less human. Really and truly. Pathetic (and up till now, a highly guarded secret!) but true.

    Anyway, I can't go around whining about it forever (actually, I've never been able to talk about this to anyone), so mostly, I've just been highly rejecting. "Who needs that crap?" "Oh, you're worried about your physical appearance, are you? You vain little batshit." "I don't need ANYONE. I'm not DESPERATE." That sort of thing. Everyone thinks I'm asexual IRL because I've taken such a cold stance towards these issues. I typed as sx-last for a long time till I realized I've just got a neurotic anti-manifestation of it in terms of desirability.

    I've never even been able to articulate this to myself till I found out about it, actually. I doubt I could say it out loud, but telling random strangers on an internet forum is ok, right?

    So, to the OP, I can sympathise anyway. It does take a toll on your mental health, as pathetic as that sounds for me to say that. Good luck!

  7. #7
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    FUCKING TERRIBLE!

    no seriously, I can't stand it. I won't even leave the house until my hair is done and I look presentable (fuckable)
    i thought you were a virgin?

    anyways, i don't have this problem. do i lose membership?

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkgraffiti View Post
    i thought you were a virgin?

    anyways, i don't have this problem. do i lose membership?
    No, I just think you're not insecure. Which is cool too, lol.

    And look, I'm not even in the club. I don't think this may actually have too much to do with instinctual variants.

  9. #9
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkgraffiti View Post
    i thought you were a virgin?
    nope. had plenty of experience over the last year
    even if I hadn't, that would make it worse, not better.

    anyways, i don't have this problem. do i lose membership?
    possibly, but it's not enough to completely rule you out
    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
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    Sunburst!
    "You are a gay version of Gambit" Speed Gavroche
    "I wish that I could be affected by any hate, but I can't, cuz I just get affected by the bank" Chamillionaire

  10. #10
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    nope. had plenty of experience over the last year
    even if I hadn't, that would make it worse, not better.
    lololol pleased to know

    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    possibly, but it's not enough to completely rule you out
    that was more sarcastic than anything else...

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