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  1. #11
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    haha elfboy possibly?? come on...no it doesn't.

    i promise you i'm very much sx and don't have this issue either. the thing is... i just rarely look in the mirror... it's just not a focus. i don't worry about it. i have an image of myself in my head and i'm okay with it haha

    probably due to the opposite childhood experience of sanjuro.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  2. #12
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Come on. Me not sexually desirable? How could that possibly happen?
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

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  3. #13
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One View Post
    I haven't really been feeling that sexually desirable lately, and I think it's taking a tole on my mental health. Other sx doms: Do you feel like you are not sexually desirable right now or have you felt this way in the past? Also what did this feel like?
    Since I'm not working...and am just at a point in my life where I don't give a...crap (ha crap - trying to go mild there)...I look so bad. And yet sexuality...or feeling sexually attractive (?)...that is like the only thing in me that has remained unchanged. In fact, I actually like the way people are responding to me more - if that makes any sense.

    Some of the sexiest people alive are pretty damn unattractive because...in the end...it doesn't really have all that much to do with the outer shell. It's something that comes from within.

    You are aging Great One. Each day you are older. And if you continue to maintain that sexual desirability has to do with the outside...I fear you will suffer from ill mental health 'till the day they plop you into the ground. Remain mindful of the outer shell...and do what needs to be done. But develop sexual beauty from the inside out.

  4. #14
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    Since I'm not working...and am just at a point in my life where I don't give a...crap (ha crap - trying to go mild there)...I look so bad. And yet sexuality...or feeling sexually attractive (?)...that is like the only thing in me that has remained unchanged. In fact, I actually like the way people are responding to me more - if that makes any sense.

    Some of the sexiest people alive are pretty damn unattractive because...in the end...it doesn't really have all that much to do with the outer shell. It's something that comes from within.

    You are aging Great One. Each day you are older. And if you continue to maintain that sexual desirability has to do with the outside...I fear you will suffer from ill mental health 'till the day they plop you into the ground. Remain mindful of the outer shell...and do what needs to be done. But develop sexual beauty from the inside out.
    yes ha! love it.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #15
    untitled Chanaynay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    Some of the sexiest people alive are pretty damn unattractive because...in the end...it doesn't really have all that much to do with the outer shell. It's something that comes from within.

    And if you continue to maintain that sexual desirability has to do with the outside...I fear you will suffer from ill mental health 'till the day they plop you into the ground. Remain mindful of the outer shell...and do what needs to be done. But develop sexual beauty from the inside out.
    Would just like to throw in that my feeling of sexually desirability comes from within rather than the outside. So for me it's more of "do I feel appealing today" rather than "do I look appealing today."

    Didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea from my post is all so I felt I should add that. I totally agree with what you said, Starry.

    but looking sexy on the outside is certainly a plus hehe
    7w6 - 2w3 - 8w7 sx/so

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  6. #16
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post
    Would just like to throw in that my feeling of sexually desirability comes from within rather than the outside. So for me it's more of "do I feel appealing today" rather than "do I look appealing today."

    Didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea from my post is all so I felt I should add that. I totally agree with what you said, Starry.

    but looking sexy on the outside is certainly a plus hehe

    I'm glad you wrote this because my response was a response entirely constructed around your response. OMG I'm kidding haha. (I actually didn't even read your response and feel kinda awkward now saying that. From this point forward I will always read your responses.)


    I really have never been one to feel differently - internally with regards to my own sexual attractiveness (?) depending on my clothing or make-up or fuckable hair (?) haha. I have an awareness that doing those kinds of things earned me more attention but definitely not the kind of attention I wanted. I'm am not even kidding you about this. I have been on the road all day long...I have full-on bo right now...my hair is kinda greasy...no make-up...no sleep...and I am wearing my pajama bottoms...and totally wore them into Starbucks...where two people told me I was...well one said...okay two non-creepy, non-plasticy, non-pod-people people gave me genuine compliments. And those are kind of gestures that have meaning for me.

  7. #17
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    Hmm... I've always been sexually desirable, and when I'm making the move on someone who isn't responding as I'd like, I'm usually more puzzled than anything. People are always asking for advice on how to pick up women (not to me, but in general), and I've always just instinctively known that, there are no pickup lines... you just go up and talk to them, and that's it.

    So yeah. When they don't respond well to me walking up and talking to them, I'm usually more puzzled than anything, as there really isn't a reason to reject me unless they know off the bat that we're incompatible or something.

  8. #18
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sanjuro View Post
    Wow. What a great topic. I currently type as sx-dom precisely for the issues I have with this.

    I'll start with the truth: I got put down by my peers a lot as a kid. They told me I was ugly and disgusting and weird. For years. And, I'll be upfront about it...that changed my self-perception, permanently. I wasn't mommy's pretty little girl anymore, I became ugly, disgusting, undesirable. Being a 4w5, that's pretty much become a source of identity for me--one of the ways I'm weird and worse than everyone else. I can't change my thoughts on this matter, even when I want to. I just feel ugly, disgusting, creepy, undesirable, etc.

    And, it's brought out the worst of me. I'm aggressive toward attractive members of my same sex; I spend hours in self-torment about how much I physically suck; the whole "Let's remind ourselves why no one will ever like you..." lecture. It's like my entire identity is pegged around this one hang-up.

    THIS WAS ESPECIALLY BAD IN COLLEGE. All the more so because guys never seemed interested in me. Just further proof of how ugly I was, right? I developed entire self-esteem issues solely around this concern. Like the poster above says, I feel less human. Really and truly. Pathetic (and up till now, a highly guarded secret!) but true.

    Anyway, I can't go around whining about it forever (actually, I've never been able to talk about this to anyone), so mostly, I've just been highly rejecting. "Who needs that crap?" "Oh, you're worried about your physical appearance, are you? You vain little batshit." "I don't need ANYONE. I'm not DESPERATE." That sort of thing. Everyone thinks I'm asexual IRL because I've taken such a cold stance towards these issues. I typed as sx-last for a long time till I realized I've just got a neurotic anti-manifestation of it in terms of desirability.

    I've never even been able to articulate this to myself till I found out about it, actually. I doubt I could say it out loud, but telling random strangers on an internet forum is ok, right?

    So, to the OP, I can sympathise anyway. It does take a toll on your mental health, as pathetic as that sounds for me to say that. Good luck!
    This is very relatable to me.... although I was an ugly duckling. I had big glasses & crooked teeth as a kid and was the "smart sister" while my older sister was a Barbie Doll. I was absent-minded & applied my sense of aesthetics to comic strips, not myself. So when I became a rather pretty teen & developed a sense of personal style, even my peers found it hard to reconcile with my arty smart girl persona. So I had social stigma due to a persona, which made me kind of stubborn to "conform" too much, to be pretty in a typical way.

    So I went through the faux asexual thing in HS, where I denied & hid all attraction to others, devaluing my own desires & emotional needs, determined to be above it all, because I really thought no one would have me. But this also was fueled by an elitist attitude that no one could understand me, which was a rejecting of others. I found out later people thought I didn't like them, that they felt rejected by me.... I still struggle with this miscommunication due to my demeanor.

    However, I tend to get annoyed over people being found attractive when they are just cookie-cutter; and I'll lament more "unique" types being overlooked by all those with pedestrian tastes. I can get hung up on a feature being desirable that I don't have. But this extends past my looks into personality as well (qualities that are desirable that I don't have, especially when in favor of strengths I have that I see as "undervalued").

    I actually end up resenting people I deem less attractive or cookie cutter because they STILL manage to find someone, but I generally don't resent the truly good-looking (unless they pair off with someone ugly). This tends to create some weird contradicting cycle of not feeling attractive enough and/or deeming it meaningless to be attractive at all - because if the homely still manage to find love, then looks clearly aren't the issue (this then starts the next phase of feeling some deeper thing is wrong with me). This very cycle is likely what is not attractive about me though; too depressive, self-absorbed, and lacking in confidence. And then whatever concern I have over appearance may be written off as shallow or vain (even as I experience it as "creative").

    Feeling attractive physically but not wanted is more embittering to me, then.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  9. #19
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Note: Not Sx-dom...sorry.
    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    This is very relatable to me.... although I was an ugly duckling. I had big glasses & crooked teeth as a kid and was the "smart sister" while my older sister was a Barbie Doll. I was absent-minded & applied my sense of aesthetics to comic strips, not myself. So when I became a rather pretty teen & developed a sense of personal style, even my peers found it hard to reconcile with my arty smart girl persona. So I had social stigma due to a persona, which made me kind of stubborn to "conform" too much, to be pretty in a typical way.

    ....

    However, I tend to get annoyed over people being found attractive when they are just cookie-cutter; and I'll lament more "unique" types being overlooked by all those with pedestrian tastes. I can get hung up on a feature being desirable that I don't have. But this extends past my looks into personality as well (qualities that are desirable that I don't have, especially when in favor of strengths I have that I see as "undervalued").

    I actually end up resenting people I deem less attractive or cookie cutter because they STILL manage to find someone, but I generally don't resent the truly good-looking (unless they pair off with someone ugly). This tends to create some weird contradicting cycle of not feeling attractive enough and/or deeming it meaningless to be attractive at all - because if the homely still manage to find love, then looks clearly aren't the issue (this then starts the next phase of feeling some deeper thing is wrong with me). This very cycle is likely what is not attractive about me though; too depressive, self-absorbed, and lacking in confidence. And then whatever concern I have over appearance may be written off as shallow or vain (even as I experience it as "creative").

    Feeling attractive physically but not wanted is more embittering to me, then.
    Minus your second paragraph, I relate to this personal evolution of self-image, too. I can't tell how strong of a bearing it has on my sense of "self-worth" as regarding the OP...maybe because of low Sx-variant it's difficult to gauge. It has some effect, but I wouldn't say it's too strong. Now I might feel confident enough about my own attractiveness, but without external "proof" from others also thinking so, it seems to point to other non-physical elements. But I suppose that sounds more So-involved than Sx-involved...

    Which was a good wake-up call, actually, a turn-around from my younger years to realize that I'm not being rejected because of my looks, not directly--and yet at the same time, it's disappointing because the physical appearance is the easier one to change than the internal stuff, much of the "internal stuff" being parts I feel shouldn't /won't change. Result: Concluding to myself that this is a good balance and hopefully it will work out in the long run, while of course thinking a little about personal development.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  10. #20
    Senior Member Vilku's Avatar
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    my usual reaction when i look at the mirror is just awe, i think im the most beautiful human alive.

    but i realize my beauty is entirely tied to my feelings, if i feel feelings i dont like, then it reflects on my face, and then i look at mirror and am heavily disappointed, but i know it will pass.

    looking at mirror reinforces whatever im feeling, if the feelings arent beautiful, then they only get uglier, and the other way same.
    healthiness is all about appreciating other peoples inferior function. its like the sore spot no one ever notices, but we desperately wish they did, and if you focus on doing that, youll have many friends. and also learn to appreciate your own inferior function, others wont find it stupid if you show them how cool it is.

    INTJ 4w3 Sp Sx. (i dont believe in tritype. i do believe in learning traits from others.)

    mistakes happen. expect them, and grow from them. look for them, and avoid them.

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