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  1. #1
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Default Enneagram - Instinct combos

    How do you experience your own dominant and auxiliary instinct in others?

    Do you find most kinship with those that share your dominant instinct?

    ...even if their auxiliary is different?

    Do you enjoy those that have your aux as their dominant? Do you admire them, do they irritate you, are they familiar ground?

    Do you feel safe with those that have your blind spot as their dominant function, or do they look like aliens to you?

    Do you need to share at least one instinct, in the dom or aux position in order to appreciate the other?


    Basically, which combination of instincts do you appreciate most in a spouse, a friend, a boss,...
    And are they distinctly different? Why so?
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    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    How do you experience your own dominant and auxiliary instinct in others?

    Do you find most kinship with those that share your dominant instinct?

    ...even if their auxiliary is different?

    Do you enjoy those that have your aux as their dominant? Do you admire them, do they irritate you, are they familiar ground?

    Do you feel safe with those that have your blind spot as their dominant function, or do they look like aliens to you?

    Do you need to share at least one instinct, in the dom or aux position in order to appreciate the other?


    Basically, which combination of instincts do you appreciate most in a spouse, a friend, a boss,...
    And are they distinctly different? Why so?
    It doesn't matter who they are. We shall fight to the death.



    It'd say ppl with 'my aux' as their dominant are common ground, like an over emphasized version of some of my processes.
    I dont know what to think of ppl with my blind spot as their dominant function: not good or bad, just no particular opinion.
    I'm sure it's nice to share at least one instinct, i mean, makes ppl more relatable
    Expression of the post modern paradox : "For the love of god, religions are so full of shit"

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    ... In theory.

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  3. #3
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    For the record, I'm a So/Sp/Sx.

    How do you experience your own dominant and auxiliary instinct in others?
    They seem easy going, pleasant, agreeable. Other instinct combinations can stress me out, create tension and hurdles, or make me feel awkward and uncomfortable, but with So-firsts (especially with So/Sps), I feel (unconsciously) like they steady things, and make interactions easier to deal with and run more smoothly. I feel like they have and give out a similar energy to myself - there's no mismatch in our interactions.

    Do you find most kinship with those that share your dominant instinct?
    Not especially, because I can feel close with people of any instinct combination, but as I said, it can be calming to be around fellow Social-firsts. However, "calm" may not always be the mood I'm looking for...

    ...even if their auxiliary is different?
    Yeah. I find that the second instinct doesn't have as much impact on the basic everyday interaction style. It takes a back seat, adding flavour to the background. It doesn't seem to rear it's head in obvious ways until that person is under stress or when you become closer and really get to know them.

    Do you enjoy those that have your aux as their dominant? Do you admire them, do they irritate you, are they familiar ground?
    I can't say they immediately inspire strong feelings in me either way; neither strong attraction or repulsion. They just seem the norm to me. In other words, I'm not the same as them but they make sense to me in the way the average person does - so I guess I would say they are relateable. I suppose I (unconsciously) notice the differences between them and myself, but often it's not dissimilar enough to be really obvious and for me to particularly take note. I certainly like them and enjoy their company. When I think of it, my 2 closest friends are Sp-firsts (but it's not always been so)

    I suppose it does bother me sometimes that Sps bitch about being uncomfortable, because often I'm just as uncomfortable, I'm just not complaining about it. OTOH they do appreciate good food, tend to be excellent cooks, and generally are rather wonderful hosts, so they're very handy to have around.

    Do you feel safe with those that have your blind spot as their dominant function, or do they look like aliens to you?
    They don't seem weird or anything, but I certainly sense the difference. I don't know that I feel safe or unsafe with them; it depends on the person. Sometimes I can feel more safe because I know where I stand with them. Sometimes I feel more unsafe because I fear they will judge, disregard, criticise or make fun of me.

    Sx-firsts can be a lot to take; either I really like them or I want to get a mile away from them. When I like them, I find them fun, thrilling even, to be around. I like that they do the things I wouldn't dare do and say the things everyone thinks but everyone is too scared to say - they just cut through the crap, which can be very refreshing. When I don't like them, it's because they're too extreme to deal with: those emotional outbursts, constant demands, inappropriate behaviour, and in-your-face approach. I will say that I often change my position on an individual Sx-first: sometimes they'll drive me away, and then later they'll do something else that will make me really warm to them, and vice-versa. Really for me it's about getting used to them and their ways - becoming a bit more fire-resistant over time through exposure therapy, so to speak.

    Do you need to share at least one instinct, in the dom or aux position in order to appreciate the other?
    No. I don't think it's as important to be similar in instinct stacking to be able to get along with someone.

    Basically, which combination of instincts do you appreciate most in a spouse, a friend, a boss,...
    And are they distinctly different? Why so?

    It doesn't really matter what my friends are. I've had friends of every combination.

    Maybe I'd prefer not to have a Sx boss, because I look to a boss for stability and I'm not always sure what Sx-ers will do (although I've had Sx-second bosses that were pretty erratic too). Also a Sp boss can be a bit too distant and hands off - so maybe I'd prefer the happy median of a So-first one. That's probably getting pretty picky though; I'm sure any kind could be great under the right circumstances.

    I'm not sure about spouse. I feel like So/Sx is probably the ideal for me but then I wouldn't rule out any particular stacking. You can't be sure how things will turn out.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

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    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  4. #4
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    How do you experience your own dominant and auxiliary instinct in others?
    I sometimes crave intimacy, but I mostly focus on what can go wrong, so I rarely get out of my comfort zone to go for it. Also, I hate when people have expectations that I didn't anticipate (usually inevitable).

    Do you find most kinship with those that share your dominant instinct?

    ...even if their auxiliary is different?
    I relate to most sp/sx's, but sp/so's are pretty different from me. They always seem perfectly adequate, even whey they aren't. Tend to get along best with sx/sp's.

    Do you enjoy those that have your aux as their dominant? Do you admire them, do they irritate you, are they familiar ground?
    Depends on how intellectually honest they are.

    A sx-dom who is convinced that he/she is morally/intellectually superior to other people is gonna be as annoying as people get. Most people whom I have unfriended/who have unfriended me fall into this category. I'll concede that they can shine when the conditions are good, but are way too volatile.

    An intellectually honest sx-dom is superb. Fun and intellectually stimulant at the same time.

    Do you feel safe with those that have your blind spot as their dominant function, or do they look like aliens to you?


    Do you need to share at least one instinct, in the dom or aux position in order to appreciate the other?
    No.

    Basically, which combination of instincts do you appreciate most in a spouse, a friend, a boss,...
    And are they distinctly different? Why so?
    My best boss ever was an sp/so, which seemed perfect. As parents, not so much. It's easier when I don't have to see them all the time.

    Sx-doms and sp/sx's seem to make the best friends. Not sure about spouse.
    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    Sx-firsts can be a lot to take; either I really like them or I want to get a mile away from them. When I like them, I find them fun, thrilling even, to be around. I like that they do the things I wouldn't dare do and say the things everyone thinks but everyone is too scared to say - they just cut through the crap, which can be very refreshing. When I don't like them, it's because they're too extreme to deal with: those emotional outbursts, constant demands, inappropriate behaviour, and in-your-face approach. I will say that I often change my position on an individual Sx-first: sometimes they'll drive me away, and then later they'll do something else that will make me really warm to them, and vice-versa. Really for me it's about getting used to them and their ways - becoming a bit more fire-resistant over time through exposure therapy, so to speak.
    This all reads exactly like how people respond to me.

    And, considering most people are Sp's or So's, that would make sense.

    The bolded is especially true, and it's fucking frustrating as all hell.

    When I go out, it feels like, no matter what I do, I create a really strong reaction in the scene/area.

    And, I mean, I don't have to be doing anything - just standing there - and it still happens.

    I think it's made worse by the fact that I'm an INTJ, 6w5, 6'2", and a male WASP.

    I stand out cuz of my height, I probably come off as "death glarey", robotic, arrogant, and odd/weird, cuz I'm INTJ, our culture seems to resent and deemed it perfectly acceptable to be prejudiced against white males (especially those seen as finance/corporate/suit-wearing types), and, frankly, the reactions I get do make me a bit fucking paranoid, considering I am an enneagram 6.

    The only solution seems to be truly not giving a fuck, but (and this is what I've been growing into/learning lately, which I did not know/do as much before) doing so without any hate in your heart for the bullshit the world seems to be putting you through (for essentially no reason, other than superficial/shallow value judgments).

    I think I used to use a "fuck the world" mentality to maintain my psychological barriers, but that's an immature stance, and one that seems like it should be relegated to the past, and truly just not giving a fuck seems to be the sensible replacement.

    Unsurprisingly, in my case, that would seem to correlate with integrating towards enneagram 9.

    Anyway, sorry.

    / total tangent

  6. #6
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    And, considering most people are Sp's or So's, that would make sense.
    Really? Do you have stats on this or is this your perception of the instinct make up?

    Based purely on anecdotal experience, I agree; I don't think I come across many Sx-firsts. I was trying to think of some when answering that question and it was hard to come up with many example experiences. Even, many of the ones I could think of were 1s or 8s so they were already pretty intense as it was.

    The bolded is especially true, and it's fucking frustrating as all hell.
    I'm sorry.

    I'm a sensitive and skittish INFP, so it's not easy for me. I really do try though - and not everyone else does. I grew up with a e1 Sx sister who drove me crazy a lot of the time, but then I often found myself trying to protect her from being mocked and disregarded for being too impassioned. So I understand the reactions Sx-firsts get and how tough that can be on them. Besides I'm a 4 and get mocked for being too intense myself at times (granted, it is easier for me to conceal it).
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  7. #7
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    SP/SO/SX here.

    I seem enjoy company the most with SO/SX/SP. Not completely sure why. I guess the SO complements the SP. And sometimes it's good that we don't share the same blind spot. I usually get along well with the so/sp/sx but I seem to enjoy the company of so/sx/sp more. Both types seem socially savvy but I guess with the latter, they don't seem quite as uptight, they seem more relaxed and fun and spontaneous- probably due to more SX and less SP concerns.

    I think for a long term relationship, I would need someone who placed a greater priority on SP concerns. For an LTR, I think I'd most want sp/so, followed by so/sp and then sp/sx.

    SX first types are harder for me relate to, especially sx/so/sp. They are just too damn intense. I can respect and admire these people- especially their energy and passion but as far as having a serious relationship with them, I could see problems. They would be more clingy and would demand too much intimacy too soon.
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