For the record, I'm a So/Sp/Sx.
How do you experience your own dominant and auxiliary instinct in others?
They seem easy going, pleasant, agreeable. Other instinct combinations can stress me out, create tension and hurdles, or make me feel awkward and uncomfortable, but with So-firsts (especially with So/Sps), I feel (unconsciously) like they steady things, and make interactions easier to deal with and run more smoothly. I feel like they have and give out a similar energy to myself - there's no mismatch in our interactions.
Do you find most kinship with those that share your dominant instinct?
Not especially, because I can feel close with people of any instinct combination, but as I said, it can be calming to be around fellow Social-firsts. However, "calm" may not always be the mood I'm looking for...
...even if their auxiliary is different?
Yeah. I find that the second instinct doesn't have as much impact on the basic everyday interaction style. It takes a back seat, adding flavour to the background. It doesn't seem to rear it's head in obvious ways until that person is under stress or when you become closer and really get to know them.
Do you enjoy those that have your aux as their dominant? Do you admire them, do they irritate you, are they familiar ground?
I can't say they immediately inspire strong feelings in me either way; neither strong attraction or repulsion. They just seem the norm to me. In other words, I'm not the same as them but they make sense to me in the way the average person does - so I guess I would say they are relateable. I suppose I (unconsciously) notice the differences between them and myself, but often it's not dissimilar enough to be really obvious and for me to particularly take note. I certainly like them and enjoy their company. When I think of it, my 2 closest friends are Sp-firsts (but it's not always been so)
I suppose it does bother me sometimes that Sps bitch about being uncomfortable, because often I'm just as uncomfortable, I'm just not complaining about it. OTOH they do appreciate good food, tend to be excellent cooks, and generally are rather wonderful hosts, so they're very handy to have around.
Do you feel safe with those that have your blind spot as their dominant function, or do they look like aliens to you?
They don't seem weird or anything, but I certainly sense the difference. I don't know that I feel safe or unsafe with them; it depends on the person. Sometimes I can feel more safe because I know where I stand with them. Sometimes I feel more unsafe because I fear they will judge, disregard, criticise or make fun of me.
Sx-firsts can be a lot to take; either I really like them or I want to get a mile away from them. When I like them, I find them fun, thrilling even, to be around. I like that they do the things I wouldn't dare do and say the things everyone thinks but everyone is too scared to say - they just cut through the crap, which can be very refreshing. When I don't like them, it's because they're too extreme to deal with: those emotional outbursts, constant demands, inappropriate behaviour, and in-your-face approach. I will say that I often change my position on an individual Sx-first: sometimes they'll drive me away, and then later they'll do something else that will make me really warm to them, and vice-versa. Really for me it's about getting used to them and their ways - becoming a bit more fire-resistant over time through exposure therapy, so to speak.
Do you need to share at least one instinct, in the dom or aux position in order to appreciate the other?
No. I don't think it's as important to be similar in instinct stacking to be able to get along with someone.
Basically, which combination of instincts do you appreciate most in a spouse, a friend, a boss,...
And are they distinctly different? Why so?
It doesn't really matter what my friends are. I've had friends of every combination.
Maybe I'd prefer not to have a Sx boss, because I look to a boss for stability and I'm not always sure what Sx-ers will do (although I've had Sx-second bosses that were pretty erratic too). Also a Sp boss can be a bit too distant and hands off - so maybe I'd prefer the happy median of a So-first one. That's probably getting pretty picky though; I'm sure any kind could be great under the right circumstances.
I'm not sure about spouse. I feel like So/Sx is probably the ideal for me but then I wouldn't rule out any particular stacking. You can't be sure how things will turn out.
