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  1. #31
    Member RoadPaveMent's Avatar
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    Awesome list. One thing different for me, though, is passion for things I care about. I'm submissive and timid in person but people have told me that are totally shocked at my aggression in writing / online. They don't realize how opinionated I am. Their first impression of me is but then they get to know me and I'm more like . My coping style is passive-aggressive, not passive.
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  2. #32
    Member RoadPaveMent's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LeaT View Post
    Haha, I relate to this a lot too. There's a certain level of flattery in having people being so upset by your existence that you can't help but to like it.
    Lol, that's funny!

    I'm always quite angry or guilt-tripped when someone dislikes me...
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  3. #33
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    - You're unaware of all of your social failures until they begin to impede meeting your sp & sx drives (uh oh... I have no network to find work or a lover!). You didn't even know you were on the outside looking in....
    This seems like a commonality in blind spots, in general -- based on how this thread is going so far. You go about your business with your first and second instincts, and only when you realize how crucial it is, do you include your third instinct -- and when you do, you include it minimally. You might also resent it a bit, because your value system almost ranks fulfilling those needs as a flaw.

    In my case, for example, being Sp-last -- I mentioned earlier in the thread that sp needs tend to be an afterthought for me, but I didn't mention the fact that I tend to feel like a weakling if I have to fulfill them. I expect myself to be like the Energizer bunny, going and going without any need for maintenance -- an object in motion staying in motion, eternally. And it pisses me off when I end up needing maintenance. Why the hell would I need maintenance?? Can't I just tough out these last few miles and then fix myself up later? (Naturally, the idea of preventative maintenance is even less on my radar; and because of the "tough it out" mentality, people sometimes annoy me when they try preventative maintenance, or putting sp needs before others in a similarly obvious way.)

    I'm guessing my MBTI comes into play here. :/ But my general point still stands, I think.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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  4. #34
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Anyhow, so last for me means:

    - You're unaware of all of your social failures until they begin to impede meeting your sp & sx drives (uh oh... I have no network to find work or a lover!). You didn't even know you were on the outside looking in....

    - You don't care about who is dating who or whatever dynamics are happening between people in a group. You don't even really understand these dynamics; it all looks silly to you. Often, you're oblivious to it all. You may only pick up on intimate dynamics between you & someone else.

    - You'd rather be excited by someone than comfortable with them. Being comfortable in a group is especially dull & tedious. You either want to be alone & detached or enraptured by someone. Moderating your responses to be palatable is a challenge, a chore, & something you're not great at. If you're sp-dom, then you choose detachment a lot & seem to talk "at" people.

    - You have trouble seeing the value of "reputation", have little to no awareness of your own rep, and don't put much stock in acknowledging others' reps (taking people at face value, sometimes to your detriment). Popularity means almost nothing to you.

    - You're unaware of status & don't put stock in it, so any material sp related interests are very personal & about meeting individual needs

    - Your home is set up to be comfortable to yourself, not company...you don't think in terms of "entertaining"

    - You're unaware of your own influence on a group, and you may inadvertently be seen as a rebel force or a leader or an expert (because you unwittingly send out some signal that you're willing/able to do it).

    - You're a loner, and it's not just because of shyness...

    - You've never been a part of any clique or social circle & you've never cared to be.

    - You can be widely known & active in a community of sorts, but not be a part of any circles within it. You're always on the fringe, keeping people at arm's length without even meaning to. Your purpose for being in a group is never to become a "part" of it

    - You're neither suspicious nor trusting of people. You tend to respond to them according to how interesting they are to you & how interesting you are to them.

    - You may blur lines when it comes to social/cultural categories, without being aware of it having any significance or offense to some people

    - You're hot or cold, with little inbetween. You tend to talk at people in a disconnected way or magnetize & become magnetized, but casual, friendly interaction is hard.

    - You refuse to get "involved" because you can't see the point of it

    - It's almost impossible to snub you because you neither care nor even really notice

    - You may assume people do/don't like you more than they do because you don't notice or understand signs of approval/disapproval. You may assume "invisibleness" too.

    - You have to be careful not to always be a voice of dissent. You often fail to grasp the bonding processes people use to form social connections, so you don't jump on the "consensus bandwagon". You unwittingly make yourself an opposing force, someone for people to band against (this was a hard lesson in elementary school; I quickly withdrew once I experienced its effects)

    Most of this is summed up as a lack of awareness of social dynamics, and then sometimes not caring even when aware because of a devaluing of its benefits. Also, comfort is not in "belonging", but in being an individual, as people relations are seen as something to excite & stir things up.
    I could have written most of this myself - it describes my experience of SO-last quite well. Comfort does lie in being an individual, but also in knowing I am able to provide for my own needs (perhaps result of e5 plus SP-first). The only exception is regarding reputation, especially in a professional sense. I appreciate the value of maintaining an impeccable professional reputation, as it makes it easier for me to get the resources I need to be successful. This is all a means to an end, though, and is easy to do since it is a natural by-product of the competency most 5s pursue.

    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    This seems like a commonality in blind spots, in general -- based on how this thread is going so far. You go about your business with your first and second instincts, and only when you realize how crucial it is, do you include your third instinct -- and when you do, you include it minimally. You might also resent it a bit, because your value system almost ranks fulfilling those needs as a flaw.
    Exactly. When I have to fall back on SO-type instincts, I feel like a fake, an impostor.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  5. #35
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Such Irony View Post
    Yes, for me this is generally true but I don't think it would be so true for social 1's (or any 1's for that matter)
    Yeah, I don't know that I worded this well enough in universal terms. Js and 1s or 8s etc would not be as relaxed about this. But I think even a Sx-last 1 gives the impression of being a little more chill compared to other ones - even if it's only an external vibe they give off (perhaps concealing a more uneasy interior).

    In some situations, yes. I don't see myself obliging to the point of being a doormat though. That sounds more like enneagram 9. I think my SP variant also keeps it in check too. I think a strong Social variant with weak SP may be more prone to this.
    Maybe not a doormat per se. I was trying to convey that if you lack the Sx compulsion to satisfy your needs and desires, you're going to hang back and go with the flow more. You may go along with things more than you should.

    Sp can make people rather stubborn but if something isn't actively causing significant inconvenience or discomfort, you''ll put up with a certain amount. I know Sp-firsts that are very selfless because they use the function to worry about others being inconvenienced - combine that with as So sense of duty and you can have an obliging person. I also know Sp-firsts can sometimes think they're very demanding but are more flexible than they realise.

    Partly yes/partly no. There are a few interests like personality theory that I'm intensely passionate about and go deep with. In other areas of life, it's more broad. Like with music, for example, if you were to ask me what my top 5 favorite music artists are, I wouldn't even know where to begin answering that question. There's too many of them to name. I guess I like alot of different music but don't really get overly infatuated with any one particular musician or band.

    Similar thing with books. I'm an avid reader but really it ends up being more like a fun diversion for me. I'm not really the sort of person who has books that change my life or anything like that. I read many different authors without being overly obsessed with any particular one.

    However, there's lots of things in life I've never tried. Some things, I'm reluctant to- usually SP or SO overrides it. Too unsafe, too expensive (SP reasons) or don't want to make a fool of myself (SO reasons)
    Oh, I'm the same - this is what I mean. I definitely have things I'm passionate about, but I'm not easily obsessive person - if that makes sense.

    I agree that there are limits to that variety - I think that comes back to what I said about being conservative too. Sx-firsts also like to try things, although perhaps in more risky or adventurous ways.

    Quote Originally Posted by RoadPaveMent View Post
    Awesome list. One thing different for me, though, is passion for things I care about. I'm submissive and timid in person but people have told me that are totally shocked at my aggression in writing / online. They don't realize how opinionated I am. Their first impression of me is but then they get to know me and I'm more like . My coping style is passive-aggressive, not passive.
    Yeah, I think we give out a calm, blithe vibe, and sometimes people take that to mean that there's not much more to us than that. I'm very opinionated and passionate about what I believe but it doesn't really show until I'm really challenged or in a situation where I feel free to express myself.

    I didn't mean to say we aren't passionate people - it's just that we lack that raw, unadulterated intensity of Sx in everyday life. If you watched me and my Sx-first, sister in one of the wild arguments we used to have, you wouldn't be able to tell who was the Sx-user; we would appear to match in intensity levels. But those arguments were unbelievably draining for me, whereas my sister could sustain that level all day if she had to - and I think that is the difference. Perhaps I should say, Sx-lasts are more diffuse and selective in their passions.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  6. #36
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    - You're unaware of all of your social failures until they begin to impede meeting your sp & sx drives (uh oh... I have no network to find work or a lover!). You didn't even know you were on the outside looking in....
    This one is huge for me. It’s especially inconvenient on the work front- I’ve read recently that 70% of jobs available usually go to someone through networking rather than being posted publicly- but it’s a general inconvenience that spreads into practically every corner of life. And that’s exactly what it’s like: I won’t even realize I was on the outside looking in until I need something and I have no idea how to go about getting it.

    -It's almost impossible to snub you because you neither care nor even really notice
    I wouldn’t say it’s almost impossible to snub me or that I don’t care, because I do notice it sometimes and it does sting- but yeah. And on top of that, I’m pretty sure I actually inadvertently snub people all the time myself on account of being oblivious to normal expectations. At least I think my obliviousness comes across as some kind of snub, even though it’s truly obliviousness and not intentional.

    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    When I have to fall back on SO-type instincts, I feel like a fake, an impostor.
    Yes, this is kinda a big problem too. It isn’t even that I necessarily have those thoughts about so dominants (fake, insincere, etc) for being able to gracefully navigate social situations- but when I try to emulate that fluidity myself I feel so completely out of sorts it feels wrong.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  7. #37
    Member EEW's Avatar
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    List in my signature. (so/sp)

    Contras:
    Having an sx as blind spot, is like having an instinct that says: "don't get too close"
    I never kiss my mum or dad goodnight - I can't stand it (for no apparent reason, just because)
    I never let anyone get too close, I rather keep some distance
    I only allow people who I trust very extremly deeply to come close to me.
    I never tell any personal stuff/problems/issues to anyone, except my best friend.
    It is hard to get my trust, but once you have it, it is forever (if you don't do anything unpleasent or whatsoever)
    Once I have a boyfriend (which is a rare case) I kiss/go to bed with him, but nothing too personal. Only when he has proved his loyality to me, then I will get personal.
    I am fun in a group - always the quiet, witty, funny one, but once we're one-on-one I get VERY awkward.
    I give out a very... distant vibe.
    I can get aggressive (but not to such extent that I start smashing things or so) , when I am riled up/irritated.

    Pros:
    I am easygoing
    I never am emotional unstable (even though I got a slight temper)
    I never am stressed
    I am reserved
    People tend to say 'she's a friendly girl' or 'she's nice', they never hate me.
    When I am relaxed I am passive and leisure.

    That was a brief list of my blind spot. I got a few more instances, but I can't sum them up for the moment.
    That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet~~ Shakespeare W.
    Pi is the number of my life, forever and ending.
    Reading is like meeting a new world, or even better: the world that is supposed to be.

    Phlegmatic
    5w6 (60%) OR 7w6(40%) (I get both quite a lot on tests) Chakra: Root, Throat, Third Eye, Crown (open) - Rest (closed)
    Trifix: 5w6, 1w2, 3w2.
    INTP: I(87,5%)N(74%)T(91%)P(56%)
    Ti - Ne
    ENFP/J's

  8. #38
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maybe View Post
    Enneagram theory would claim that people have a blind spot in their instinctual stacking. For instance, if your stack is Sp/Sx, you have a So blind spot.
    I am curious how your blind spot manifests?
    Also, if you know your enneagram, tritype, and/or MBTI, it could be helpful to list those too.
    So blindspot
    - networking makes me very uncomfortable, I have no idea how to do it and it makes me feel queasy
    - I am oblivious to my position within the structure of an organization
    - I have trouble keeping up to date with things/people. people frequent ask me "where have you been?" or "what planet are you from?"

    something that's helped me get somewhat in touch with my blindspot (or at least become aware of it in the external world more) is, oddly enough, watching history documentaries. it's taught me a few tricks for navigating group structures, how to see the impact of how an action will effect different groups of people and how people acting in a unified group can accomplish a task far more quickly and efficiently than a single person.
    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
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    Sunburst!
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  9. #39
    brainheart
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    INFP, 4w5, sp/sx

    Social last for me means:

    Completely dreading going out with people when I'd much rather hang out by myself at home, even if I like some of the people. Alone time is far more desirable to me than people time. I spend typically six hours a day alone, minimum, and those hours are extremely precious to me. The only people I don't mind being around regularly are my offspring, who also happen to be introverts so there's a lot of respecting each other's need for solitude.

    Not understanding why people feel this need to belong or garner the approval of others. I am an image type but often I feel like the only person I am trying to impress is myself.

    Not having a social safety net, but rather a few disjointed friends in different parts of the country/world who have never met each other and probably never will.

    I come from a big family and have no clue how to keep in touch with all of them. I talk to my parents every couple of months and one of my sisters every few months. It's all I can really handle.

    Being the furthest thing from a team player imaginable. Every one close to me loves to point this out, as well as my avoidance of all things social. They think it's hilarious.

    Constantly being confused by my social dom husband's motivations and why he chooses to spend his time the way he does.

    All of my fantasies involve being alone in an ideal location- living on a houseboat alone, living in a camper alone, living in a cabin in the woods alone, turning my storage shed into my own personal hideout space, etc.

    Getting 'little talks' from more socially aware people about how I shouldn't behave a certain way and having no clue why they care.

    Also, my social instinct rears it's malformed, underdeveloped head on occasion. When this happens I begin to wonder if I'm a social dom because my ineptitude troubles me and I find myself focusing on my socially clueless flaws. These phases usually vanish just as quickly as they come because I really can't sustain any interest in it.

  10. #40
    Senior Member Chiharu's Avatar
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    I originally thought I was an sx/sp, but now I think I'm sx/so. I don't plan or organize things well, and I kind of tend to just wing things and hope they work out. I also tend to overshare.
    Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness." ― Kurt Vonnegut

    ENFP. 7w6 – 4w3 – 1w9 sx/so. Aries. Dilettante. Overly anxious optimist.

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