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  1. #31
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    As an Sx-dom, I do get burned out by social situations and by feeling like I have to constantly entertain/stimulate someone else...but once I get that connection with someone, the feeling like we're so close to each other that they're an extension of myself, I don't consume energy anymore. That connection is one of the most powerful and compelling feelings I've ever had in my life
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  2. #32
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    It is possible to have deep intimacy and alone time simultaneously. Sitting in silence with a partner, reading together, feeling a deep connection of mind allows for introverted recharging without feelings of isolation. The hermit buddy is the ideal for the intensely introverted individual who needs to see and be seen as part of their sense of self and their feeling of being present in reality.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  3. #33
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    i'd like to hear more about this. it seems like all the types can do this by overidentifying with sx, so, or sp. how do you think this absence of liking is different for these types?
    I think I kind of touched on it when I mentioned an sx last may go for someone who is compatible in all the sensible ways, but they may not "like" the person in the sx-y way, where there's a strong chemistry that has nothing to do with the person being any logical fit. It's more that the person suits them & their life than evoking any real feeling.

    The sp problem is indifference. I think convenience is probably the culprit when an sp-dom sticks with someone they don't really like, and what got them into it was probably their 2nd instinct. I think they're otherwise more prone to being loners than making a bad match.

    so/sp types frustrate me to no end when it comes to this. i just don't know what to do. i want to break out of defined roles to maximize value between us. not perform the duties of social roles to best meet the expectations of the other and the big Other.
    Yes, I feel like I'm going through the motions with these types sometimes. From a 4 so last perspective, it's unsettling because you feel valued for the role you are in & not for your individual qualities. That hits a 4 nerve... But most of the time I am so blind to the role that I inadvertently break it & it's either repellent or refreshing to whoever is involved.

    e4 so/sp types seem like an anomaly (same with e1 sx-dom or e2 sp-dom) because of this, but that's why you have to view it through the ego fix. I mean, I don't think the e4 so/sp is a traditionalist when it comes to roles. I think they're more likely to invent a dramatic backstory in their minds & create a character for themselves & others to respond to....but still, they're seeking to act & be responded to according to a "role" of sorts. Many so-dom seem to have a knack for picking up on another person's "role", where they fit into a social atmosphere & how they want to be seen, and then responding to them accordingly. That mystifies me!

    i like the dbt language. the what-you-can-control aspect makes sense. sp types seem to be the most grounded in assessing what is a need and what is a want.
    I'm not entirely sure if that's true, or maybe only in a "healthy" individual. Perhaps we usually assess, but we don't necessarily use it as a guide. Sp-dom are the most likely to indulge, IMO. And we can deny "needs" that involve people because, again, they aren't controllable.

    I can find myself admitting I don't need something in the true sense of the word "need", & probably shouldn't indulge because of the possible repercussions, but then I indulge anyway, because I know it will produce the desired emotional/physical effect (a temporary solution). On the other end is the denial - an sp-dom may be very good at denying what they feel they don't need (but probably DO need), IF it gives a sense of control (ie. restrictive eating). The comfort seeking of the sp-dom can look reckless & self-harming sometimes, then, or strict & ascetic.

    For example, my sp-dom grandma (likely e6) is very careful with her budget, knows where very penny goes, but is someone who has a ton of STUFF she never uses. She finds it very easy to justify too. I'm quite sure this stuff just makes her feel secure. It's there if she needs it; the mere presence of it & ability obtain it herself reinforces she is able to care for herself, be in control of her own survival.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  4. #34
    Sweet Ocean Cloud SD45T-2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Many so-dom seem to have a knack for picking up on another person's "role", where they fit into a social atmosphere & how they want to be seen, and then responding to them accordingly. That mystifies me!
    I'm so/sp and I can't relate to that. My guess is that it's more of a so/sx thing.
    1w2-6w5-3w2 so/sp

    "I took one those personality tests. It came back negative." - Dan Mintz

  5. #35
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    I was just reading about social norms, I guess roles can mean expectations about how to behave. Maybe there is something to so/sx that allows for finer understanding of these things, whereas a so/sp might be concerned about other social issues

  6. #36
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    I feel like sx makes a very interesting 3rd alternative to introverted and extraverted, along the lines of small-world-verted. It's like @the state i am in said: a narrowing of focus. We focus on that little Venn center between ourselves and the other. It is both us and them.

  7. #37
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    Introversion isn't inherently about wanting to avoid people (or a person) anyway, it is particularly not about rejecting relationships.

    But also, just finding one person to be with isn't much of a feat of public relations, is it?

    I'm an introvert, when my instinctual stacking score always put intimate (or sexual as you all say) at the top and social at the bottom. My avoidance of social things does hamper my ability to fulfill my intimate goals to an extent. I've come to refer to my socializing as trawling. I go out, drag a big net, sort it and throw away most of what I got. I'm only out there because I'm hoping to find one thing to take back. The process inbetween is a chore.
    Go to sleep, iguana.


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    Live and let live will just amount to might makes right

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