[sx] "Then what does it mean Sx insctint to you??"

[Mal12345]

It's interesting; my friend who is SP/SX is always describing herself the same way, though it isn't true. I think the SX instinct causes her to obsess over whether she is "dull" and blends into the background, things that wouldn't occur to me. Same way a SO-first person is more likely to be anxious in a social situation. And I actually think the SP and SX combo would intensify that, because the person is pulled in two directions at once and their dominant instinct wants to be what their secondary instinct considers "dull".

Do you relate to that at all? Or am I putting words in your mouth? For all I know, you're absolutely right that everyone is indifferent to you– and for all I know it doesn't bother you, as it does my friend.

I'm also not certain if fading to the background is always a SX-last thing. I never identified with that. I can be a little uptight/stodgy (not liking surprises or spontaneity), and might be called "dull" in that way, but I come on very strong and loud. After all, wouldn't a SP/SO be more likely to interact with more people than a SP/SX? And therefore wouldn't the SP/SX be more likely to appear to blend into the background to most people, except those select few they sought out and connected with?

If you're a 9, I have a feeling you should either consider 8 as a strong wing type, or change to 8w9. Because so far you don't come across as a 9. The Sp/So type 8 is most likely to dislike surprises in an effort to maintain control over the environment.

 

[Hazashin]

If you're a 9, I have a feeling you should either consider 8 as a strong wing type, or change to 8w9. Because so far you don't come across as a 9. The Sp/So type 8 is most likely to dislike surprises in an effort to maintain control over the environment.

Unless he/she's a 6.

 

[Such Irony]

It's interesting; my friend who is SP/SX is always describing herself the same way, though it isn't true. I think the SX instinct causes her to obsess over whether she is "dull" and blends into the background, things that wouldn't occur to me. Same way a SO-first person is more likely to be anxious in a social situation. And I actually think the SP and SX combo would intensify that, because the person is pulled in two directions at once and their dominant instinct wants to be what their secondary instinct considers "dull".

Do you relate to that at all? Or am I putting words in your mouth? For all I know, you're absolutely right that everyone is indifferent to you– and for all I know it doesn't bother you, as it does my friend.

I'm also not certain if fading to the background is always a SX-last thing. I never identified with that. I can be a little uptight/stodgy (not liking surprises or spontaneity), and might be called "dull" in that way, but I come on very strong and loud. After all, wouldn't a SP/SO be more likely to interact with more people than a SP/SX? And therefore wouldn't the SP/SX be more likely to appear to blend into the background to most people, except those select few they sought out and connected with?

I think I'm more like the SP/SO in that I don't restrict my interaction to a select few. I interact with lots of people and have acquaintances with many but when it comes to intimacy, I'm only intimate with a select few.

As far as fading into the background goes, there are various reasons for this. I naturally don't put myself out there. I'm in my head most of the time, absorbed in my own thoughts and impressions and it rarely occurs to me to share them with others. As a result people aren't aware of what I'm truly like.

Sometimes I would like to share things about myself but am concerned that the information could somehow be used against me or that someone might make a negative judgement on me based on the information I share. I do have a strong need to be liked by others and that compounds the issue, so oftentimes I only choose to share information that somehow feels safe.

Also if I get too outwardly involved with things, I don't enough of the quiet, alone time I need.

 

[Mal12345]

Unless he/she's a 6.

If you have a quote to that effect I'd like to see it. Mine came from the type 8 sp/so description.

'Self-pres/soc Eights are very self reliant. They are frequently entrepreneurial; the self-preservational instinct combines with the social to make a subtype that is very focused on the external environment. Self-pres/social Eights are the least dramatic of type Eight. They are "no nonsense" types. They can be introverted, especially when the Nine wing is dominant. But, even though they are often quiet, they are very much in control of themselves and their direction in life. On the high side, they make great business owners. They show a sense of fairness and have an instinctual drive to do what needs to be done. They know how to make decisions and aren’t afraid to implement them. Because the sexual instinct is last, they can sometimes be seen as difficult to warm up to. They can be seen as "all business."

'This type has a tendency to see relationships as somehow "getting in the way." While they may desire a close romantic relationship, they don't want it if it is at the expense of their self-pres needs. They can appear Five-like in this way, as they are concerned about the demands a relationship might make on their time.'

 

[Hazashin]

If you have a quote to that effect I'd like to see it. Mine came from the type 8 sp/so description.

I was referring to your "don't like surprises" comment. After all, the entire M.O. of a Type 6 is that they are too unsure of themselves to handle the 'unknown'.

 

[Mal12345]

I was referring to your "don't like surprises" comment. After all, the entire M.O. of a Type 6 is that they are too unsure of themselves to handle the 'unknown'.

Surprises are known.

 

[Hazashin]

Surprises are known.

Not beforehand. When I say 6's don't like the unknown, I mean that they prefer things to be predictable. Surprises (real ones, anyway) are unexpected, thus not predictable.

 

[Richardsen]

It's about sex.... Orgies, breed, flesh, stimulous/intensity above everything....
My dick is 100% sure of what i say
(Not joking )
Intimate usually means sex.
The whole emotional volatilness/intensity that is associated with Sx firsters comes after and not always.

Dont generalize

 

[Mal12345]

Not beforehand. When I say 6's don't like the unknown, I mean that they prefer things to be predictable. Surprises (real ones, anyway) are unexpected, thus not predictable.

Counterphobics too? Anyway, I'm not equating the unknown with surprises. People are aware of the unknown, they simply don't know what to expect from it. But a surprise is not "the unknown" because people aren't aware of it (e.g, a surprise birthday party).

Phobic Six example (from real life - I would call it paranoia): he has a phobia for opening a closed door because (get this) somebody on the other side of the door might be waiting to shoot him in the face. That is fear of the unknown. You will say that it's also a surprise, but in fact he expects it to happen every time he opens a door, whereas a surprise is something unexpected. What's unknown is whether or not the paranoid expectation will ever come true.

 

[Hazashin]

Counterphobics too? Anyway, I'm not equating the unknown with surprises. People are aware of the unknown, they simply don't know what to expect from it. But a surprise is not "the unknown" because people aren't aware of it (e.g, a surprise birthday party).

Phobic Six example (from real life - I would call it paranoia): he has a phobia for opening a closed door because (get this) somebody on the other side of the door might be waiting to shoot him in the face. That is fear of the unknown. You will say that it's also a surprise, but in fact he expects it to happen every time he opens a door, whereas a surprise is something unexpected. What's unknown is whether or not the paranoid expectation will ever come true.

I see your point. But, couldn't the dislike of surprises also be characteristic of Type 6? Or am I missing the point entirely?

It's about sex.... Orgies, breed, flesh, stimulous/intensity above everything....
My dick is 100% sure of what i say
(Not joking )
Intimate usually means sex.
The whole emotional volatilness/intensity that is associated with Sx firsters comes after and not always.

Dont generalize

Sounds great!

 

[Mal12345]

I see your point. But, couldn't the dislike of surprises also be characteristic of Type 6? Or am I missing the point entirely?

I guess you could ask some type Sixes, but I think you will get a mixed bag of responses.

 

[Richardsen]

So wait, if you're a socially anxious person, does that mean you're an So type?

No, I've been socially phobic in my childhood and im very sure that im So last.
I think that is often a 6 problem of every stacking and wings. Not always but i think that is quite often.
Specially in the child/teen years

 

[spiderfrommars]

So wait, if you're a socially anxious person, does that mean you're an So type?

No, I didn't mean to imply that this was always the case. But it seems, from what I've seen, that SO-primaries often are socially anxious. They're people who are hyper-conscious of social interactions, which could lead to anxiety, or could lead to them feeling very comfortable socially. That's my understanding, anyway.

If you're a 9, I have a feeling you should either consider 8 as a strong wing type, or change to 8w9. Because so far you don't come across as a 9. The Sp/So type 8 is most likely to dislike surprises in an effort to maintain control over the environment.

Thanks. I definitely consider myself 9w8, and I may be 8w9 after all; I will consider it. There are many aspects of 9 that do not feel quite right to me. Are there any reasons I don't come across as a 9, other than saying I don't like surprises? That description of SP/SO 8 could be me, though I don't see myself as entrepreneurial. I definitely identify with seeing relationships as "getting in the way."

The major reason I decided I could not be an 8 is because the idea of protecting others is foreign to me. I don't see myself as taking people under my wing. I also have never been attracted to the underdog, in fact, quite the opposite. I have trouble sympathizing with people who are shy or find it difficult to speak their mind, assuming that if somebody has something to say, they will say it.

Of course, this goes a bit against the 9 mindset, too, doesn't it? I bet a lot of these people I don't sympathize with are 9s! I don't struggle stating my preferences, I struggle knowing what they are in the first place. That's what made me decide I was a 9; that I am very out of touch with what I want, both in day-to-day things, and in my life in general. Hm. I'm definitely a combination of the two.

Unless he/she's a 6.

Actually, I just decided/realized that my head fix is 6w5, rather than 5w6, so this may be what's going on. What made me realize it was a description of a variety of counterphobic 6s emphasizing indifference: I don't care, it doesn't affect me. (It was on PersonalityCafe.) So maybe that's what's appearing 8ish here; that sort of blase attitude that's masking a need for a secure environment.

 

[spiderfrommars]

I think I'm more like the SP/SO in that I don't restrict my interaction to a select few. I interact with lots of people and have acquaintances with many but when it comes to intimacy, I'm only intimate with a select few.

As far as fading into the background goes, there are various reasons for this. I naturally don't put myself out there. I'm in my head most of the time, absorbed in my own thoughts and impressions and it rarely occurs to me to share them with others. As a result people aren't aware of what I'm truly like.

Sometimes I would like to share things about myself but am concerned that the information could somehow be used against me or that someone might make a negative judgement on me based on the information I share. I do have a strong need to be liked by others and that compounds the issue, so oftentimes I only choose to share information that somehow feels safe.

Also if I get too outwardly involved with things, I don't enough of the quiet, alone time I need.

Hmm. Interesting. What you say about choosing to share information only with certain people sounds a lot like the way I've seen the SX 5 described, and definitely fits in with 5 in general. SP/SO sounds possible (I relate to being diffuse but only being intimate with certain few), but for the most part SP/SX seems to fit better. I think their descriptions generally talk about them being private and others not being aware of what they are like, too.

Take what I say with a grain of salt, of course. I actually find the instincts the hardest part of the enneagram to understand; in a way I feel that I have none of them while others seem to have them all! And having a particular instinct first can manifest so many different ways.

 

[Mal12345]

Thanks. I definitely consider myself 9w8, and I may be 8w9 after all; I will consider it. There are many aspects of 9 that do not feel quite right to me. Are there any reasons I don't come across as a 9, other than saying I don't like surprises? That description of SP/SO 8 could be me, though I don't see myself as entrepreneurial. I definitely identify with seeing relationships as "getting in the way."

The major reason I decided I could not be an 8 is because the idea of protecting others is foreign to me. I don't see myself as taking people under my wing. I also have never been attracted to the underdog, in fact, quite the opposite. I have trouble sympathizing with people who are shy or find it difficult to speak their mind, assuming that if somebody has something to say, they will say it.

Those are reasons to decide against 6. To me, that entire paragraph sounds like an 8 talking!

Of course, this goes a bit against the 9 mindset, too, doesn't it? I bet a lot of these people I don't sympathize with are 9s! I don't struggle stating my preferences, I struggle knowing what they are in the first place. That's what made me decide I was a 9; that I am very out of touch with what I want, both in day-to-day things, and in my life in general. Hm. I'm definitely a combination of the two.

I would consider 8 as against 9, except as a wing, but then I'm not you.

 

[spiderfrommars]

Those are reasons to decide against 6. To me, that entire paragraph sounds like an 8 talking!

I would consider 8 as against 9, except as a wing, but then I'm not you.

Hmm. I've heard 8s described as protective, but I can definitely see how that's not a necessary trait. And I do agree that a 6 might be more likely to behave in the manner I described. My mindset is basically of "live and let live". And when I think about it, that's ultimately a pretty defensive mindset, that does suggest the 8 idea that the world is essentially hostile.

I've been considering it, and I believe that you're right; I am 8w9 instead of 9w8. After all, I guess that everybody my age struggles with knowing what they truly want in life, and everybody struggles with laziness and lethargy to some extent. Those were the parts of 9 I really identified with, and they could still effect me just from having a wing. I've thought about it more, and I really do have issues about being controlled or submitting to others. I also am very aggressive, and get more aggressive the more I'm upset. So, yeah, I think 8w9 ultimately makes more sense.

Thanks very much for giving me your advice! I really appreciate it.