[sx] What is it really like to be sexual last?

[mrcockburn]

See, and this boggles my mind.

Really? How come?

 

[brainheart]

Really? How come?

I can't imagine thinking like that. I have strong feelings about people upon the first encounter.

 

[mintleaf]

An individual is not a conversation. A conversation is when you're put within the bounds of a certain type of communication. One that I find difficult and restricting especially if they are personal. Such restrictions are taxing and give a claustrophobic effect. The individual doesn't matter to me in regards to this, and my thoughts regarding him/her is a very different matter. I may find such issues speaking to family members, friends or acquaintances though it does not make me think less of them to wish to have a conversation with me and/or to initiate it. It is well understood that people have different styles of communication and if I were to judge them on it, it'd regard a simplicity of my mind.

Exactly. How do you deal with this?

 

[entropie]

Answer one year later thats true dedication

 

[HollyGolightly]

It's having issues with being out of touch with your sensuality.

You know that someone is Sx-last when you have a hard time to imagine them having sex and see this as a concrete and serious option, when you imagine them having sex it's looks weird and even laughable because it seems completely out of context with theses people.

Intensity and intimacy are treated like a bibelot in a cupboard, somethink wich is separated from your body, that you don't feel the energy deeply implanted in your guts, from this perserpective it seems like an ornament, really marvelous at times, but looks artificial and unnecessary at first.

Me to a T.

 

[The Great One]

Do you think sexual last types are the least likely to experience the "love at first sight" phenomena? Or any sort of strong intensity or passion towards another human?

Yeah it happens at a snails pace for them. I could never see a sx last experiencing those types of intense feelings so quickly.

I have never experienced that, and it's hard for me to believe that anyone does. I don't mean that I doubt that people experience that, it just boggles my mind how it's possible. For me, everyone starts at the same plane, and I gradually like them more and more, based on how we get along.

For me as an sx dom, it doesn't quite work that way. Some people I just have chemistry with right away, and others I just hate with a passion right off the bat. In fact it's very hard for me to be around people that I so strongly hate. This is a problem for me.

Less likely and less frequently than others, but it does happen. This leads to more stable relationships though.

Personally, I think that not all displays of passion are grand, flashy, and romantic. Some passions are very stable and manifest themselves over a long period of time.

See I'm not saying that what you experience isn't passion, but that type of passion doesn't even sound like passion to me. That just sounds bland and overall, just plain boring.

See, and this boggles my mind.

I'm right there with you brother.

 

[valaki]

See I'm not saying that what you experience isn't passion, but that type of passion doesn't even sound like passion to me. That just sounds bland and overall, just plain boring.

+1 lol

Though the love on first sight thing isn't me either, I'm way too realist for that I guess :/

Of course I can be strongly attracted right away but that's not the same thing.

 

[Ozones]

What a load of bullshit. SX has nothing to do with SEX, which I happen to be very good at. SX wants to always be in a relationship. Sex or no sex. They crave emotional iintensity with whoever their with. So and Sp care less.

 

[The Great One]

+1 lol

Though the love on first sight thing isn't me either, I'm way too realist for that I guess :/

Of course I can be strongly attracted right away but that's not the same thing.

Yeah I agree, and it doesn't register with me either.

What a load of bullshit. SX has nothing to do with SEX, which I happen to be very good at. SX wants to always be in a relationship. Sex or no sex. They crave emotional iintensity with whoever their with. So and Sp care less.

That's bullshit, and it totally has to do with sex. They call it the "sexual" variant for a reason. I can't think of a faster way to get close to someone then to have sex with them. I believe that the sx variant is STRONGLY related to sex.

 

[The Great One]

+1 lol

Though the love on first sight thing isn't me either, I'm way too realist for that I guess :/

Of course I can be strongly attracted right away but that's not the same thing.

Yeah I agree, and it doesn't register with me either.

What a load of bullshit. SX has nothing to do with SEX, which I happen to be very good at. SX wants to always be in a relationship. Sex or no sex. They crave emotional iintensity with whoever their with. So and Sp care less.

That's bullshit, and it totally has to do with sex. They call it the "sexual" variant for a reason. I can't think of a faster way to get close to someone then to have sex with them and the sx variant desperately wants to get close to someone as fast as possible. I believe that the sx variant is STRONGLY related to sex.

 

[digesthisickness]

Um, yeahhh, that's not the fastest way to get close to people for everyone.

 

[Avocado]

Yeah I agree, and it doesn't register with me either.



That's bullshit, and it totally has to do with sex. They call it the "sexual" variant for a reason. I can't think of a faster way to get close to someone then to have sex with them and the sx variant desperately wants to get close to someone as fast as possible. I believe that the sx variant is STRONGLY related to sex.

It is about sex, but it is about other things, too.

 

[valaki]

That's bullshit, and it totally has to do with sex. They call it the "sexual" variant for a reason. I can't think of a faster way to get close to someone then to have sex with them. I believe that the sx variant is STRONGLY related to sex.

There is such a thing as sex without feelings of closeness.

 

[Chad of the OttomanEmpire]

Well...here we go again...

That's bullshit, and it totally has to do with sex. They call it the "sexual" variant for a reason. I can't think of a faster way to get close to someone then to have sex with them and the sx variant desperately wants to get close to someone as fast as possible. I believe that the sx variant is STRONGLY related to sex.

[MENTION=20943]Ozones[/MENTION] is partly right. The sexual instinct isn't necessarily about sex. Does it touch on it? Yes. It does. Sx-firsts are notorious for having desirability issues, broadcasting their "plumage", and having sexual hangups when unhealthy. But, that's ONE of MANY associated phenomena.

Sexual firsts are also prone to obsessions, focusing attention on something narrowly till the interest burns out, spirituality and mysticism, having chapters in life that go down in flames, and seeking intensity in all encounters (not just with other human beings, but interests as well).

However, simply having a strong sex drive is NOT indicative of sexual-first, nor is the desire to want to be in a relationship. That's actually indicative of being a normal human being (especially when young), and is part of the reason many people initially mistype--that, and the rubbish about sx-firsts being "glamorous" and "sexy". Non-sexual firsts can definitely be sexy and experience all this relationship-and-sex stuff, so it's not the best measure of the dominant instinct.

 

[digesthisickness]

Well said. Glad you posted. Let's have the sex.

 

[Ginkgo]

Q: What is it really like to be sexual last?

A: It means that Freud will never make a lick of sense to you.

 

[Schadenfreude]

I'm a SP/SO, and asexual. I have zero attraction to human beings (or anything else for that matter). Forging romantic bonds or engaging in intimacy seems more like a waste of time to me. That and I'm a reclusive hermit that fears any form of human interaction. I had to revise this post around 10 or so times before gathering the courage to submit it.

I hope my therapist will count this as fulfilling my social 'obligations' for the day, or at best, the week. Toodles.
I apologize for my rambling. I have a tendency to do so.

 

[the state i am in]

The sexual instinct isn't necessarily about sex. Does it touch on it? Yes. It does. Sx-firsts are notorious for having desirability issues, broadcasting their "plumage", and having sexual hangups when unhealthy. But, that's ONE of MANY associated phenomena.

where you see desirability issues, i see desire issues. there certainly, for me, is a kind of insecurity in this. but in some sense, it's also just effectively communicating how important it is for them. they want to win! so much of there sense of self is riding on it. they need an intense, explosive kind of fusion to transform them and move them on to their next phase. their bonding needs power and not just choice to hold together under their own internal and self-made external pressure.

it often takes a long time to recognize that greatness has little to do with being better than others, with having better than others. and that it is more of a result of being better than what you were. then, the sprinter speed focuses on its own domain rather than taking over that of others. then so can share and layer together and spread out/distribute, and sp can empty and let go and find slowness approaching stillness when needed.

Sexual firsts are also prone to obsessions, focusing attention on something narrowly till the interest burns out, spirituality and mysticism, having chapters in life that go down in flames, and seeking intensity in all encounters (not just with other human beings, but interests as well).

exactly. some of the self-esteem issues above are from fucking things up and taking stupid risks. maybe not in the so/sx gambleholic sense, but in the, oh shit, i just lost something that was really, really important to me. and some of that is simply because i was so focused on one thing, i could not see anything else. now i feel empty and lost. time to go questing again...

However, simply having a strong sex drive is NOT indicative of sexual-first, nor is the desire to want to be in a relationship. That's actually indicative of being a normal human being (especially when young), and is part of the reason many people initially mistype--that, and the rubbish about sx-firsts being "glamorous" and "sexy". Non-sexual firsts can definitely be sexy and experience all this relationship-and-sex stuff, so it's not the best measure of the dominant instinct.

there is a kind of charisma from knowing what you want. a kind of weird holiness. it demands now. it dilates the moment. it screams now now now until it is drown out by the silent roar of nothing, of eternity. this void, this vacuum, the sense of this is real, even as it is also not necessarily the whole truth. as we often find out later.

 

[Chad of the OttomanEmpire]

where you see desirability issues, i see desire issues. there certainly, for me, is a kind of insecurity in this. but in some sense, it's also just effectively communicating how important it is for them. they want to win! so much of there sense of self is riding on it. they need an intense, explosive kind of fusion to transform them and move them on to their next phase. their bonding needs power and not just choice to hold together under their own internal and self-made external pressure.

it often takes a long time to recognize that greatness has little to do with being better than others, with having better than others. and that it is more of a result of being better than what you were. then, the sprinter speed focuses on its own domain rather than taking over that of others. then so can share and layer together and spread out/distribute, and sp can empty and let go and find slowness approaching stillness when needed.



exactly. some of the self-esteem issues above are from fucking things up and taking stupid risks. maybe not in the so/sx gambleholic sense, but in the, oh shit, i just lost something that was really, really important to me. and some of that is simply because i was so focused on one thing, i could not see anything else. now i feel empty and lost. time to go questing again...



there is a kind of charisma from knowing what you want. a kind of weird holiness. it demands now. it dilates the moment. it screams now now now until it is drown out by the silent roar of nothing, of eternity. this void, this vacuum, the sense of this is real, even as it is also not necessarily the whole truth. as we often find out later.

Great post! So true.

If I could reduce it to just one idea, I'd go for the bolded--your ego rests on your dominant instinct. When your needs here are not being met, you start acting out, getting self-esteem issues, or pressing back against the instinct itself (i.e., become an "anti" type).

I am so glad I learned this, too.

 

[The Great One]

Um, yeahhh, that's not the fastest way to get close to people for everyone.

It is about sex, but it is about other things, too.

There is such a thing as sex without feelings of closeness.

Well...here we go again...



[MENTION=20943]Ozones[/MENTION] is partly right. The sexual instinct isn't necessarily about sex. Does it touch on it? Yes. It does. Sx-firsts are notorious for having desirability issues, broadcasting their "plumage", and having sexual hangups when unhealthy. But, that's ONE of MANY associated phenomena.

Sexual firsts are also prone to obsessions, focusing attention on something narrowly till the interest burns out, spirituality and mysticism, having chapters in life that go down in flames, and seeking intensity in all encounters (not just with other human beings, but interests as well).

However, simply having a strong sex drive is NOT indicative of sexual-first, nor is the desire to want to be in a relationship. That's actually indicative of being a normal human being (especially when young), and is part of the reason many people initially mistype--that, and the rubbish about sx-firsts being "glamorous" and "sexy". Non-sexual firsts can definitely be sexy and experience all this relationship-and-sex stuff, so it's not the best measure of the dominant instinct.

Well at least you all agree that it is definitely correlated. However, I guess that yeah, you can have sex without intensity. Lol, I just don't know how to do so.