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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    It must be great. Sometimes I wish I could just worry about other things other than relationships. Apart of me always feels like it needs to be with someone, to be able to share who I am totally with someone, or else I don't feel complete. I need a huge amount of intensity, and when I don't get this I get very needy and moody. I get extremely bored too, and boredom leads to depression for me. I'm always focused on people and basically what they can provide, what kind of depth that they could possibly have. I'd make an epic vampire I imagine, lol. It's almost like a lack of intensity in my life and great things between me and individuals is like a lack of blood for a vamp... I just start degenerating and going absolutely crazy, getting more and more and more depressed. It's almost an addiction to find depth to things and to have extremely satisfying experiences.

    I see sx lasts and they seem perfectly content with how their lives are going; and don't seem to really expect much from people. And (ironically, IMO) end up in relationships that they are just fine with seemingly. It seems like sx last is almost demonized by the sx doms, but in reality sx lasts seem to lead very happy lives the most consistently.
    Well your first instinct in the enneagram is usually the one you'll struggle with most in your life, because your related expectations are too high and often impossible to achieve.

    To me, Sx-firsts tend to fall in love quickly and fall out of love just as quickly. Since they're passion-driven and have huge expectations they tend to idealize the people they have strong feelings for, and the return to Earth is often brutal - especially since they're often attracted to people they have little in common with.
    They typically have no problem entering a relationship as they know their game, but they have major issues staying interested in the same person on the long term.
    Sx-lasts on the other hand seem to be more rational when it comes to intimacy. They get fewer relationships, but each has a higher chance of being lifelong.

    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    Yeah, when I was sixteen when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said I wanted to be interesting. Boring traditional method of success is not for me, flea.
    At any age my answer to that has always been "whatever I'm truly interested in, money and fame don't matter at all".
    Due to this I suppose I'm Sx-first but focused more on activities than people.
    If I was a Three or a Four I guess I would answer "interesting" indeed.

  2. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nales View Post
    Well your first instinct in the enneagram is usually the one you'll struggle with most in your life, because your related expectations are too high and often impossible to achieve.

    To me, Sx-firsts tend to fall in love quickly and fall out of love just as quickly. Since they're passion-driven and have huge expectations they tend to idealize the people they have strong feelings for, and the return to Earth is often brutal - especially since they're often attracted to people they have little in common with.
    They typically have no problem entering a relationship as they know their game, but they have major issues staying interested in the same person on the long term.
    Wrong. It may look that way on the outside since we may date more or have more sex (or potentially not, you know that all sx first people aren't highly sexed people, right?) ...but I tend to fall in love hard. I dated the same guy for most of high school, and then later as an adult I was in a six year relationship that only ended because my ex refused to seek counseling for serious problems. It took me a couple of years to even move past it at all. It can take me months to get over a person that I really liked.



    At any age my answer to that has always been "whatever I'm truly interested in, money and fame don't matter at all".
    Due to this I suppose I'm Sx-first but focused more on activities than people.
    If I was a Three or a Four I guess I would answer "interesting" indeed.
    Maybe. I'm a 6.

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    I highly doubt that. I know two "successful" so/sp, and living their lives would totally kill me - so boring. They're also often asking themselves why they can't get a girlfriend - and I know exactly why. Of course, you can't have it all, but I really don't envy them.
    I've seen just the opposite. I've worked with many sx lasts, and whenever the subject of relationships comes up they either seem totally disinterested in the idea, or they just simply don't think about it in my experience. One girl I worked with who was an so/sp sticks out to me in this regard. She told me that she is rarely interested in anyone for relationships, and the two she's been in she just couldn't do it. The intimacy was too much for her, she said she felt like she just didn't belong in relationships; and that she was just happier with working and going to college.

    When I look at it in an objective sense like you do I know that it would suck for me to be any different. But I just wish I could turn it off sometimes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    yeah. When I read the last few days of matches with the online dating thing, I was just, "gaaaa." Lots of great guys, but almost none who gave me any sort of charge when I read what they had written. Boring and then depressing. My Ne "hopefulness" ("What's around the river bend?") is constantly battling with the depth of need of the intimacy/charge desire, which seems too large to ever be satiated ("I'll never find anyone who will be able and willing to go as deep as I need").

    My autonomy sense also battles with it. Last night when I was walking, I felt like I kept orbiting around and around -- feeling completely alone in the world because there was no way I think I can ever meet someone who can connect with me to the depth I desire, yet then saying, "Why do I need anyone? I'm free to do what I want, I can take care of myself, I don't 'need' anyone to survive, I'll be fine," and then ten seconds later feeling alone in the universe again and finding it almost unendurable, and then back around AGAIN... and AGAIN... and AGAIN. Makes my head spin sometimes.

    I wish I was satisfied with less. The craving only seems to bring disappointment. I'm not sure why people can't find SOME kind of lover/partner, it seems pretty easy if you just put yourself out there and have some level of social skills; it's simply that I'm not happy at all in relationships that are not very far from surface. That's why many of the guy profiles were excruciating for me to read; they're much more focused on tangible, physical measures of success and seem content with that.
    Oh my god so much this. I relate to every word. I'll hop on OkCupid and see quiver matches who are supposedly an 80% match and I'm thinking "Wow, what an uninteresting person!" I feel the same about relationships too. It just seems so easy to get into one for a lot of people, but then I realize what these are based off of and it just pisses me off even more at the subject.

    As for the bolded paragraph... welcome to my daily life!

    I could write a book about how much I relate to this lol. But I'll spare you...

    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    I confess sx-firsts do seem wound a little too tightly to me and appear easily stressed. I'm more go with the flow and will just shrug my shoulders at things that other people get rather worked up over. I think this projects the sort of serenity that you are talking about; however it can be a superficial kind. It's important to me not to make waves and let the inner turbulence surface too much, so I will usually smile and be pleasant even when I'm feeling upset or uneasy. However, this can also work to subdue the inner emotions a fair amount (eg. feigning that I'm coping can make it easier to cope). Even so, I would say we can seem happier than we really are - only instead of a desperate longing for the things I desire, I experience more of a lingering emptiness that I wish to fill.
    I always was curious if sx lasts perceived the same thing that I did, as they do seem to have some void inside of them. Some of them don't really seem to want to fill it at all.

    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    So... what. You worry about belonging/status/the community instead or your financial situation/job/health? You think people who worry about these things are more content? It's just a different hang up, that's all.
    Absolutely not actually... Being sx/sp I'm both concerned with relationships AND my own personal safety. I'm actually not concerned with community and status at all, lol, but wanting to belong is a universal 9 desire so I relate to that one. But yeah it does seem to be a different hang up overall. It's just a weird one, since a lot of the stuff that they worry about is just another part of my life but not really as important. Self pres is great and all but not really something to get obsessed over and make number one IMO.

    I don't demonize those with sx last, I just have difficulty finding a way to interact, or stuff that we have in common. I like feeling something strong when I interact with someone; if I don't feel that, I withdraw or move on. But I know what you mean. I get disenchanted and if I don't have something to light me up, I get pretty blah and depressed, too. I need to get out my current malaise, but the trick is how do I do that without chucking the good as well as the bad?


    Quote Originally Posted by Nales View Post
    Well your first instinct in the enneagram is usually the one you'll struggle with most in your life, because your related expectations are too high and often impossible to achieve.
    I can see that, makes sense.

    To me, Sx-firsts tend to fall in love quickly and fall out of love just as quickly. Since they're passion-driven and have huge expectations they tend to idealize the people they have strong feelings for, and the return to Earth is often brutal - especially since they're often attracted to people they have little in common with.
    They typically have no problem entering a relationship as they know their game, but they have major issues staying interested in the same person on the long term.
    A lesson for me has been learning the difference between infatuation and love. Most of the things you're saying may apply more to sx/so, but with the sp being second I want to be safe and maintain a sense of autonomy, and I'm usually on the lookout for people who would prevent these things despite whatever other parts I'm attracted to about them. I'm always trying to measure relationships up to what I truly want versus what's practical, and both must line up for me. The process is a bit different for me...

    Sx-lasts on the other hand seem to be more rational when it comes to intimacy. They get fewer relationships, but each has a higher chance of being lifelong.
    While this sounds true in theory I think it can go either way. Some of them seem like the 40 year old virgin types, while some of them seem to almost always be in relationships (yet they are based off of on the surface traits). Maybe more of an NT thing you're describing?
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  4. #54
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    I don't think Sx correlates with 'relationship want'.

    Isn't it just a rough yard stick for a degree of struggle and friction in all areas of life?

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    Quote Originally Posted by exact View Post
    I don't think Sx correlates with 'relationship want'.

    Isn't it just a rough yard stick for a degree of struggle and friction in all areas of life?
    No, it's not about struggle or friction. It's about being an intense person and needing intimacy.

    That doesn't necessarily equal relationship want, but yes sx types tend to have a very strong relationship to intimacy, emotional intimacy of course, and that can and does include sex, even if their intense attitude toward sex is choosing to be celibate, they'll take it pretty seriously.

    The key element in Sexual types is an intense drive for stimulation and a constant awareness of the "chemistry" between themselves and others. Sexual types are immediately aware of the attraction, or lack thereof, between themselves and other people. Further, while the basis of this instinct is related to sexuality, it is not necessarily about people engaging in the sexual act. There are many people that we are excited to be around for reasons of personal chemistry that we have no intention of "getting involved with." Nonetheless, we might be aware that we feel stimulated in certain people's company and less so in others. The sexual type is constantly moving toward that sense of intense stimulation and juicy energy in their relationships and in their activities. They are the most "energized" of the three instinctual types, and tend to be more aggressive, competitive, charged, and emotionally intense than the Self-Pres or Social types. Sexual types need to have intense energetic charge in their primary relationships or else they remain unsatisfied. They enjoy being intensely involved—even merged—with others, and can become disenchanted with partners who are unable to meet their need for intense energetic union. Losing yourself in a "fusion" of being is the ideal here, and Sexual types are always looking for this state with others and with stimulating objects in their world.

  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    No, it's not about struggle or friction. It's about being an intense person and needing intimacy.

    That doesn't necessarily equal relationship want, but yes sx types tend to have a very strong relationship to intimacy, emotional intimacy of course, and that can and does include sex, even if their intense attitude toward sex is choosing to be celibate, they'll take it pretty seriously.
    Fascinating, tell me more.

    Perhaps I was more focused on how they describe it be 'attraction focused'.

    Sx being focused on people who energize them regardless of the negative energy or positive.

    I imagine that those with Sx last would be avoidant of this type of catalysis.

  7. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by exact View Post
    Fascinating, tell me more.

    Perhaps I was more focused on how they describe it be 'attraction focused'.

    Sx being focused on people who energize them regardless of the negative energy or positive.

    I imagine that those with Sx last would be avoidant of this type of catalysis.
    Yes, exactly. The focusing on someone who energizes you negatively can lead to sx first people seeming vaguely threatening rather than charismatic, for example. A person who throws a lot of vibes who is looking for someone else to throw vibes back at them.

    Though I've seen some sx first types talk about how they throw their energy sometimes into an activity or interest that they're extremely passionate about, and yes, I have done this before, become temporarily obsessively interested in something not involving immediately relating one-on-one to another person.

    Yeah I guess to the sx last the person would just be like "y u do this?" kind of thinking about the sx first.

  8. #58
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    I always was curious if sx lasts perceived the same thing that I did, as they do seem to have some void inside of them. Some of them don't really seem to want to fill it at all.
    I think this depends on enneatype and whether it adds a degree of intensity or not. My Dad is a sx-last and is one of those sorts, but then he's a 9 and is totally fine with his serene existence (and I imagine a sx 9 would be different). I'm a 4 on the other hand, and I need something more from life - I need fulfilment.

    Also I don't feel like that void is innate; it's not like it's inherently a part of me or that it overwhelms me. I perceive it as a niggling feeling; something that can and will be overcome in the right circumstances.
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  9. #59
    Secret Sex Freak Hazashin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    It must be great. Sometimes I wish I could just worry about other things other than relationships. Apart of me always feels like it needs to be with someone, to be able to share who I am totally with someone, or else I don't feel complete. I need a huge amount of intensity, and when I don't get this I get very needy and moody. I get extremely bored too, and boredom leads to depression for me. I'm always focused on people and basically what they can provide, what kind of depth that they could possibly have. I'd make an epic vampire I imagine, lol. It's almost like a lack of intensity in my life and great things between me and individuals is like a lack of blood for a vamp... I just start degenerating and going absolutely crazy, getting more and more and more depressed. It's almost an addiction to find depth to things and to have extremely satisfying experiences.

    I see sx lasts and they seem perfectly content with how their lives are going; and don't seem to really expect much from people. And (ironically, IMO) end up in relationships that they are just fine with seemingly. It seems like sx last is almost demonized by the sx doms, but in reality sx lasts seem to lead very happy lives the most consistently.
    I relate to all of this very much, except for saying that being Sx-last would be great.

    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    I don't demonize those with sx last, I just have difficulty finding a way to interact, or stuff that we have in common. I like feeling something strong when I interact with someone; if I don't feel that, I withdraw or move on.
    I feel like I'm the same way. But would you honestly say you get a strong feeling of interacting with me, though? Or am I not intense enough?

    Quote Originally Posted by Nales View Post
    Well your first instinct in the enneagram is usually the one you'll struggle with most in your life, because your related expectations are too high and often impossible to achieve.
    Yeah, this is one of the reasons what leads me to believe that I am Sx-first. I struggle in the relationship department, and it's mostly because I'm so self-conscious about that area of myself.

    To me, Sx-firsts tend to fall in love quickly and fall out of love just as quickly. Since they're passion-driven and have huge expectations they tend to idealize the people they have strong feelings for, and the return to Earth is often brutal - especially since they're often attracted to people they have little in common with.
    They typically have no problem entering a relationship as they know their game, but they have major issues staying interested in the same person on the long term.
    Sx-lasts on the other hand seem to be more rational when it comes to intimacy. They get fewer relationships, but each has a higher chance of being lifelong.
    I don't think all Sx-firsts are like this.

    Like Marm says here:

    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    Wrong. It may look that way on the outside since we may date more or have more sex (or potentially not, you know that all sx first people aren't highly sexed people, right?) ...but I tend to fall in love hard. I dated the same guy for most of high school, and then later as an adult I was in a six year relationship that only ended because my ex refused to seek counseling for serious problems. It took me a couple of years to even move past it at all. It can take me months to get over a person that I really liked.
    And what BlackCat says here:

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    Absolutely not actually... Being sx/sp I'm both concerned with relationships AND my own personal safety. I'm actually not concerned with community and status at all, lol, but wanting to belong is a universal 9 desire so I relate to that one. But yeah it does seem to be a different hang up overall. It's just a weird one, since a lot of the stuff that they worry about is just another part of my life but not really as important. Self pres is great and all but not really something to get obsessed over and make number one IMO.
    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    I've seen just the opposite. I've worked with many sx lasts, and whenever the subject of relationships comes up they either seem totally disinterested in the idea, or they just simply don't think about it in my experience. One girl I worked with who was an so/sp sticks out to me in this regard. She told me that she is rarely interested in anyone for relationships, and the two she's been in she just couldn't do it. The intimacy was too much for her, she said she felt like she just didn't belong in relationships; and that she was just happier with working and going to college.
    Oh wow, that is SO boring! How can people live like that?!?

    Also, @Marmie Dearest, would you say that I'm Sx-dom?
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    I think there's a possibility you're a sexual 9, especially from what Sir Elfboy said about you.

    I don't know that I see you as a sx dom 6 at all.

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