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  1. #151
    brainheart
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noll View Post
    I can't relate at all either. I just think Social primarily, Self-preservation secondly, and Sexual thirdly. It's really not that hard and it doesn't mean I'm an aromantic person without passion or longing for intimacy or whatever. Quite the opposite in fact...
    I get that. For example, My husband has to be a so/sx, but he has plenty of self pres going on as well. When he's sick he acts like a self pres dom. And when I get depressed, I definitely see the social four emerge within me. So much stinking shame and self consciousness. Most of the time I'm unaware and indifferent about it, though.

    Do you feel like it rushes into your consciousness/reactions sporadically, or do you feel like the sexual instinct is there all the time?

  2. #152
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    @skylights, what you say makes sense to me. The sexual lasts I know it's more like The Tortoise- slow and steady- while I'm more like The Hare- fits and starts.

    As a sexual first, I'm more about the charge I get from something rather than it being productive or conducive to my life goals. I think it's easy for sexual firsts to get off track because you get swept away by your passions, whatever they are. Obsession, compulsion, addiction- these are sexual issues.
    That makes sense... and following that sx-lasts would be least likely to be swept off course... it seems like Sexual vacuum-packs energy, Social diffuses it, and SP moderates it. Theoretically sx-last would be the least likely to use energy in huge bursts... but actually I don't know if I'm seeing this too much through a sx-infused lens, because the sx-lasts I know definitely also do big bursts of energy when they have to, like getting big projects done or whatever.

    Quote Originally Posted by Concur_Withall View Post
    Feeling insecure when sex is brought up. Not being able to make sexual advances because you get the feeling that it is wrong and you shouldn't be objectifying someone like that for your own enjoyment. Constant frustration without release.

    More generally, not being able to interact well with another person, stemming from some mismatch between self and other. Some kind of obsessive pre-occupation with personal boundaries. I want you, but I know you don't want me, so I'll just go and hide ok. Try and find me if you want to, but I know you won't. I stopped looking long ago.
    This is valuable perspective. Thank you for describing it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sanjuro View Post
    Sure, I wouldn't want to imply that sx-lasts have no passion--I know a soc/sp 5 who would contest that to the very end, and I imagine a lot of 4s wouldn't relate to this much, either. But, the last instinct tends to be back-burnered--meaning you do it, but as you've said, in slower motion. We tend to try to cater to the needs of the first two before getting to the third, but that certainly doesn't mean the third instinct doesn't exist.

    Or at least, that's what the literature on it states. I get most of my ideas from that.
    Yeah, exactly. Like the first two have to be secure before the third can be free to play. Sorry if I misread you, I thought you were saying that sx-lasts have a hard time following their passions. I feel like I'm actually impressed by sx-lasts' ability to keep on the same path so long while I waver. They can stay steadily with something for their lives, it seems. Sx-firsts sometimes seem like they can maintain gung-ho energy for something throughout their life... it seems like often their lives either end in a blaze or in sad burnout.

  3. #153
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    Do you feel like it rushes into your consciousness/reactions sporadically, or do you feel like the sexual instinct is there all the time?
    Sporadically, when I'm with people I 'like' I just shy away, making no contact, not talking at all, regretting it afterwards. This goes on and on and on and on. I'm kind of just a rigid object, I don't have the Sexual-thing that much when I'm actually with people. It takes a long time, too long, years even. I have absolutely no clue how to take part in the social world, how to begin the process.

  4. #154
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    Do you think sexual last types are the least likely to experience the "love at first sight" phenomena? Or any sort of strong intensity or passion towards another human?
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
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  5. #155
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    Do you think sexual last types are the least likely to experience the "love at first sight" phenomena? Or any sort of strong intensity or passion towards another human?
    I have never experienced that, and it's hard for me to believe that anyone does. I don't mean that I doubt that people experience that, it just boggles my mind how it's possible. For me, everyone starts at the same plane, and I gradually like them more and more, based on how we get along.
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  6. #156
    Blind Guardian Haven's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    Do you think sexual last types are the least likely to experience the "love at first sight" phenomena? Or any sort of strong intensity or passion towards another human?
    Less likely and less frequently than others, but it does happen. This leads to more stable relationships though.

    Personally, I think that not all displays of passion are grand, flashy, and romantic. Some passions are very stable and manifest themselves over a long period of time.
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  7. #157
    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Yeah, exactly. Like the first two have to be secure before the third can be free to play. Sorry if I misread you, I thought you were saying that sx-lasts have a hard time following their passions. I feel like I'm actually impressed by sx-lasts' ability to keep on the same path so long while I waver. They can stay steadily with something for their lives, it seems. Sx-firsts sometimes seem like they can maintain gung-ho energy for something throughout their life... it seems like often their lives either end in a blaze or in sad burnout.
    I basically did say that (which is generally what I gleaned from articles about this topic), but I didn't mean sx-lasts are incapable of passion. I think you phrased it better when you said it happens "in slow motion".

    Example, I am a likely sp-last myself...and I understand that having a foundation in life is important, maintaining my health is a top priority, and I really need to think about retirement. I'm not stupid. The problem is getting around to it. Like when I was 18 I said, "You know what? I should start an IRA so that I'm not broke when (if) I get old." And 12 years later, I still haven't gotten around to doing that.

    I know it's important, it's just a matter of priorities. It'll happen one day, I've just got to take care of that other stuff first. I imagine sx-last is the same, but in reverse--it's important to do that sx-stuff, but the first two tend to take priority. So it happens "slower".

    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    Do you think sexual last types are the least likely to experience the "love at first sight" phenomena? Or any sort of strong intensity or passion towards another human?
    That's a good question. I currently type as sx-first, and I am actually very skeptical of "love at first sight" myself (one of the many reasons I typed as sx-last for a long time). To me, that's just sort of a trap for the naive. I believe it's possible to feel a strong attraction to someone, or to hit it off right away, or even to have a "psychic" experience where you "just know" someone will be important in your life, but I do not maintain any sentimental beliefs that love is instantaneous. (This view is based on my knowledge of biochemistry, admittedly).

    My conceptualization of "love" is that it is a bond built over time; instant enthrallment is just that. It doesn't mean I wouldn't follow it (though I've never really experienced true "infatuation" with other living breathing human beings; I tend to feel that's "being controlled", so it takes other forms for me)--it's just that I would be skeptical of my own enthrallment as being significant of something other than my tendency to get really, really excited about things I like.

    I wouldn't claim to speak for sx-lasts.

    I dunno if that helps to answer your question, but I'm not sure that all sx-firsts are die-hard romantics or anything. It's far more nuanced.

  8. #158
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sanjuro View Post
    I basically did say that (which is generally what I gleaned from articles about this topic), but I didn't mean sx-lasts are incapable of passion. I think you phrased it better when you said it happens "in slow motion".
    Ah, I'm sorry, I misunderstood you then.

  9. #159
    brainheart
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    For me, everyone starts at the same plane, and I gradually like them more and more, based on how we get along.
    See, and this boggles my mind.

  10. #160
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    See, and this boggles my mind.
    Really? How come?
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